[the thin line between life & death]

[faded_poetry]

Sometimes i wonder what have i done for being plagued by an entire string of problems/issues that are not mine. I say not mine, because they're my friends' problems. A couple of days ago C sends me this cryptic pm on facebook going something along the lines of 'I won't be able to do this with you anymore... Please remember me by...' I reply him

Comments

[nepenthes59]

＊＊hugs**

Such an emotionally stressful situation you are placed in >.<

In my observation, depressed people become incredibly self-centered ~ I think it is really difficult to find your way out of that place.

Whenever I would get depressed when I was in the hospital, I would stop & think about all the people who have loved & supported me - I felt I had a duty to repay their support with a fighting spirit. Does you friend ever stop to think about what incredible sadness an easy way out would inflict on his family?

[faded_poetry]

I understand that depressed people can get that way... but i'm not capable of being the one to be put in the position of balance to either save him, through talk or not be able to.

He's now at a state (he says) he can't go home cause home does not welcome him. And i don't know what he did, or why he can't go home. He wouldn't tell me, and therefore i don't know if he feels like he can't go home, or if they have really turned their backs on him. It's a little complicating. He lost his dad's number and it seems like contacting his dad might be the only for him to get settled and then slowly get out of it. but i don't know how to help him do that.

[killingsound]

Shit, I hope your friend makes the right decision and decides to live. Has he considered all the people in his life that care about him, and how much leaving this world would hurt all those people? All the hurt that he's in now would only be amplified in the hearts of his family and close friends. Maybe he really is clinically depressed underneath it all, and nobody knows. But at a time like this he should look to get counselling or something before making a rash decision. Isn't that thought of not existing anymore terrifying? The thought of not mattering, of being worthless and forgettable? Dying so young don't make you brave

[faded_poetry]

Its very very confusing for me mentally. I don't know which step to take. I start calculating the odds and a part of me goes, i'm gonna be the last contact, the last shot, if he doesn't make it. Its my burden to bear. And if he does at least live on, i'm not great enough to shoulder him long enough.

Funny thing is, we were good but never too close before this. Drinking buddies...

And i think i have told him everything you mentioned. But he's too caught up in his own fears and pain to see this. The thought of not existing doesn't faze him, its the thought of the here and now that does. The 'why don't my problems just solve itself now?' 'why don't i see the light now' that is freaking him out.
Its good that he managed to contact me... but its also something very fragile for me to handle. I really hope he doesn't jump. Not only that, i'm starting to hope he sees the issue long-term soon.

[belabellissima]

What a shocking situation to be in! :(( I really hope that someone is able to knock some sense into your friend here, or at least convince him to get some professional help. It's good that he is reaching out to you about this though, he must, on some level, want your help. Although, that does put you under a lot of stress huh... :(

I hope you can find a way to work through this. But don't shoulder all the problems yourself ok~! It must be hard but try to get some rest or I will be very worried for you! *hugs*

[faded_poetry]

Oh hun, i don't know how to put it across... its like i want to and don't want to at the same time. The emotional side of me does really want to help him and all and then there's the logical part that has all these questions. A part of me really isn't able to comprehend this "eruption of self pity" on his side. I never liked people who just mope and do nothing. But a part of me wants to help. It's very conflicting. And its even harder that i can't tell anyone who knows this fella. Because he told me not to tell. It'd be actually good to let it out and share the burden with someone you know, at least for the sake of my sanity.

[cheesin_crazy]

Bloody hell! I know I'm late on this but I have to say this: saying that death is acceptance is fucking bullshit!! He is just trying to convince himself so much that he is not seeing anything else. There are somethings that we must be stubborn and not accept things the way it is. Even if we will always and end up losing, it is better than accepting and be a puppet of life

[faded_poetry]

Hahaha! You are my rational and logical side speaking to me. LOL. I think exactly like that on the rational. I have spent my entire life with that kind of stubborn willful mindset. I think that even if I were to break, i must do it with a certain gusto. I personally wouldn't take the crap life puts in my face lying down.

=( Hahaha, i do believe in God though, (am precisely the kind that has faith in the unknown. lol.) its something personal to me and I wouldn't force that on anyone, so you don't have to be afraid of me. my believe grounds me in many aspects. =p Yeah i've told him that. But sadly he doesn't seem to see the point. I wonder if he's the one who's dying here, or he's really just trying to drive me to my grave. -.-"

[cheesin_crazy]

He's still alive. Good. The longer he is still hanging there, the more level-headed he will become? I hope. He is really exhausting you up. I hope it didn't affect your internship.

I'm not as fiery and gutsy as you. I will usually bottle it in and silently protest. I do believe there is God but I don't believe in the organization called church and yea, the unknown. Book of revelation scares the hell of my childhood.