interesting article

[fabricdragon]

this article is about self esteem, impossible standards, and  all that

Comments

[miri_me]

To some degree yes - guys thinking about how their behaviour and actions impact on women would be nice. But I honestly hope that he is in the minority in that he became so programmed to only stare at airbrushed models that he realised he was ceasing to appreciate beauty in real women. And the article conflates physical and inner beauty, in its urge to address worth, and that bothers me a little bit.

Self worth is a complex thing. Accepting there's no one "right" way anybody should be is a start, but I doubt it's a complete universal fix

[nancylebov]

I'm currently reading I Thought It Was Me (but it isn't), a book about women and shame, and I think your link oversimplifies the situation, which is that a hideous amount of pressure is coming from all directions. We're in a society where crazed perfectionism is a pervasive problem, and shaming is a public hobby. Something I'm looking at is that the author saying that it would be a mistake to try to shame people out of their habit of shaming. She's probably right, but damn it's tempting. [1]

The book mentioned research on men and shame, even though it's otherwise about women, and the thing that surprised me is that the most stinging attacks are basically about not meeting the standards for one's gender.

Men deciding to be kinder and saner would help a lot, but this is really everyone's problem.

[1] Especially since I just read a discussion of the extent to which people are shamed for skipping to the ends of stories.

[dana3]

My answer to his "how many times" is zero. Goose egg. None, nada, zip.
That makes all the rest of it so much lip-flapping nonsense ...

[miri_me]

I was trying to work out if he meant women called themselves those things, rather than making sweeping statements about all women. Because I know women who do put themselves down, but very few who sweepingly insult womankind!