Comments | fabledfigment: Part 1 of 6

fabledfigment

Part 1 of 6

May 11, 2007 14:58

Title: Whoreing
Series: When to pounce?
Author: FabledFigment
Disclaimer: I'm just an obsessed fan. I own nothing.
Rating: NC-17

A whore leads Jayne to reconsider his life. Rayne. Smut. You’ve been bloody well warned.

( Smut. A whore leads Jayne to reconsider his life. Rayne. )

prerayne, jayne, oc

Comments 15

silentpheonix May 14 2007, 07:42:14 UTC

I am intrigued. Please continue. :D

fluties_flake May 14 2007, 11:53:43 UTC

Good start. It'll be nice to see Jayne actually put some thought/work into his pursuit of River.

meahra May 14 2007, 16:11:41 UTC

I think I found a new favorite fic. Please don't leave us in suspense.

duchessofquirk May 14 2007, 16:41:16 UTC

Oh I like this! Jayne is a very intriguing character and I wish we got to see more of his inner workings and personal life during the show. I'm excited to see how he approaches River now. *grin*

Very well written. Don't leave us hanging for too long. I'm anxious to read Chapter 2!

fabledfigment May 14 2007, 17:23:09 UTC

oh, wow, I got comments...
I think I'm hyperventilating. I have to get ready for work now, but I will post when I get home. I promise.
Oh, and I don't have a beta, so sorry if there are distracting flaws. (I re-read it so many times myself that there shouldn't be, but... Oh, crap, I'm gonna be late...)

leslina May 14 2007, 19:57:44 UTC

You have a good eye for grammar and mechanics. I found one error, at least, I think it's an error:

He growled low in his throat. He shouldn’t be wasting time he’d paid for in thinking about loneliness, even if he was too spent harden again so soon.

The preposition 'to' should be between 'spent' and 'harden'.

I gladly offer my services as a beta if you'll have them.

fabledfigment May 15 2007, 05:42:07 UTC

You are quite correct. I fixed it. Thank you.