Fic: Meet Me in Smallville: I
Parts: Prologue | I | II | III | IV | V | VI | VII
I
"I know I made a mistake," said Clark. He looked over at Chloe. She was sat on the couch in his barn, pressing her lips together and casting a sympathetic gaze in his direction.
"I know I made a mistake," he said again, more forcefully. He stood up, and walked over to the window. "I'm not sure which part was the mistake, but I know I made one."
"Which part?"
He turned to look at Chloe. She had hitched up her eyebrows, and looked almost comical.
"You know," he said, "getting involved in the first place, falling for her, not telling her the truth, I don't know." He paused for a moment, and then added, "Leaving."
"Well, you didn't -" Chloe paused, and pushed herself up from the couch. "You didn't have a choice," she said.
Clark nodded, almost to himself, and then shook his head. "I had a choice," he said. "I could have told her everything before I left. I owed her an explanation."
"Clark -"
"So I went to see her," he said, cutting across whatever she was about to say. "I went to that bar she hangs out in after work to say, 'Hey, I'm back,' and see if I could salvage, I don't know, friendship." He paused, and swallowed, bowing his head, "I missed that."
When he looked up again, Chloe was making that pained face for him.
He shook his head, "Anyway," he said, "I went to see her, and it was like - it was like she didn't even recognise me. In her eyes: just, blank."
- - -
"Excuse me."
Clark just stared at her. He was stood there, in the middle of the Ace o' Clubs, with his mouth falling open and the world all blurring around him. He had just walked in, spotting Lois at the bar - but just as he had opened his mouth to greet her, not sure what he was going to say, she had slid off her chair and tried to ease past him.
"Excuse me," she said again, with a little more force, glancing at his face. "I'm late."
He looked down, and then back up, and she was gone: nothing but empty space where she had once stood.
The world faded around him.
- - -
Clark pressed his lips together, and frowned. "How could she do that?" he said. "How could she be so cool, like I was nothing to her?"
He went and sat back on the couch, burying his head in his hands.
He heard a long exhalation, and then Chloe say, "Clark,"
She avoided his gaze when he looked up at her, and said, "Look, I wasn't sure whether to tell you this, or..." She pressed her lips together, and went to sit by him again, looking straight ahead.
"After you left," she said, "Lois was - well, she was angry. She went through all of your stuff to throw it out and, I guess you were careless or something, but there were some things that I couldn't just explain away." She paused, and let her eyes flick over to Clark, and then back down into her lap, "Look," she said, "I'm sorry Clark, but I had to tell her everything - she's my cousin. I couldn't just keep lying to her."
"No," Clark said, taking a deep breath and nodding, "that's good. It's good that she knows."
It was. He had wanted to be the one to tell her, but it was good. She deserved it.
"That's not the whole story," said Chloe, and when he met her wide-open eyes he realised that she was coming to the part of the story that she was most apprehensive about. "She was - she was really upset, Clark -"
Her voice started to break, as if she were feeling things now that she hadn't let herself feel for a long time, almost as if something had happened that wasn't real to Chloe until she had had to explain it to somebody else. Clark was in the space between wanting to comfort her, and apprehensively wanting to distance himself from anything she might have done.
"Chloe," he said, trying to keep his voice low and steady, "What happened?"
"She insisted I take her to Jor-El," she said. "I told her about your training, and she just - she said if I didn't take her there she would find it herself, and she would be safer with me. Clark, I had no choice."
The world blurred around Clark. He felt strangely detached.
"When she came back," Chloe's voice came to him like a distant echo, "she didn't remember anything about ..."
"You."
- - -
"Jor-El!"
The Fortress shimmered around him.
"Jor-El!" Clark shouted again, from the bottom of his lungs: from the pit of his stomach, where he kept all his fear and his anger at Lois for doing this.
"Kal-El," came the answer, cool as the crystal pillars around him.
"What did you do to her?" he shouted. His voice echoed around him, reflected off every facet of the crystal and coming back to him fragmented. There was no response. Clark looked around him, and shouted again: "What did you do to Lois Lane? She came here, and now she remembers nothing!"
"Kal-El," said the voice, as if, thought Clark, this explanation could be reasonable: "she did it to herself."
"I don't believe you!" was Clark's immediate response.
"She knew too much about you, Kal-El. She understood that forgetting would be the best course of action, both for you, and for herself."
Clark felt as though he were falling, the world breaking apart around him. Lois really forgot: there was no chance at reconciliation, no chance at friendship. Clark no longer existed in her world. He felt as though he were disappearing.
"No," he said. "Lois wouldn't do that - not to herself, not to me. You did this."
"I gave her an opportunity to live her life without the burden of your secret," said Jor-El. After a moment, he added: "She was very unhappy."
- - -
The light in the loft was fading. It was late in the day. Clark stood upright, resting his hands on the window ledge, looking out into the sky.
Lois had no memory of ever meeting him. He had watched her, from the shadows and the sky, as she went about her day. She had been working at the Daily Planet for three years now, and was making a name for herself as a journalist. She seemed content, OK without him.
She's OK without me.
He had made a decision then to leave her - there was no need to bring any of that pain and confusion back into her life, back into either of their lives. Lois Lane was going to be a famous journalist, and Clark Kent would fade into the background - he would allow himself to be eclipsed by his alter ego, when his alter ego made his debut.
He felt his forehead crease, and put his head in his hands. How could she do this? How could he live his life without her, knowing what they had? How could he live with his memories of their relationship and the way it ended? - seeing her, seeing all the things she left and remembering her? He was moving to Metropolis, he was going to be close by. How could he stay away, stop himself trying to tell her, do the right thing by Lois?
"I can't do this," he said, shaking his head, breathing in deep. I can't do this.
- - -
Clark looked at the crystal in his hand. He gripped it so tight, the ends of his fingers turned white. Did he -? Was this crystal the answer to his questions?
He closed his eyes, and saw Lois in his mind. Swallowing, he nodded. "I want to do it," he said aloud, with resolve. There was no response. "Do you hear me, Jor-El? I want you to erase my memories of Lois." He paused, bowing his head. "I can't go on with them - knowing. I just can't."
He saw himself, as though he were looking from outside his body, step over to the console and place the crystal in it. The image flickered before him, and was surrounded by a column of light. Clark frowned, turning and looking around him.
"What am I &mdash?" he said aloud. His surroundings flickered: the barn one moment, the Fortress the next. Clark looked around him and then up. "Are you already in my head?" he said. "Is this my memory?"
The Fortress started to break apart, pieces of crystal showering down on him from above. He raised his hands above his head, feeling his heart start to race. "I don't -" he said. Glowing white dots floated before him, obscuring his vision. He pressed his knuckles into his eyes, falling to the ground.
Lois.
I
"I know I made a mistake," said Clark. He looked over at Chloe. She was sat on the couch in his barn, pressing her lips together and casting a sympathetic gaze in his direction.
"I know I made a mistake," he said again, more forcefully. He stood up, and walked over to the window. "I'm not sure which part was the mistake, but I know I made one."
"Which part?"
He turned to look at Chloe. She had hitched up her eyebrows, and looked almost comical.
"You know," he said, "getting involved in the first place, falling for her, not telling her the truth, I don't know." He paused for a moment, and then added, "Leaving."
"Well, you didn't -" Chloe paused, and pushed herself up from the couch. "You didn't have a choice," she said.
Clark nodded, almost to himself, and then shook his head. "I had a choice," he said. "I could have told her everything before I left. I owed her an explanation."
"Clark -"
"So I went to see her," he said, cutting across whatever she was about to say. "I went to that bar she hangs out in after work to say, 'Hey, I'm back,' and see if I could salvage, I don't know, friendship." He paused, and swallowed, bowing his head, "I missed that."
When he looked up again, Chloe was making that pained face for him.
He shook his head, "Anyway," he said, "I went to see her, and it was like - it was like she didn't even recognise me. In her eyes: just, blank."
- - -
"Excuse me."
Clark just stared at her. He was stood there, in the middle of the Ace o' Clubs, with his mouth falling open and the world all blurring around him. He had just walked in, spotting Lois at the bar - but just as he had opened his mouth to greet her, not sure what he was going to say, she had slid off her chair and tried to ease past him.
"Excuse me," she said again, with a little more force, glancing at his face. "I'm late."
He looked down, and then back up, and she was gone: nothing but empty space where she had once stood.
The world faded around him.
- - -
Clark pressed his lips together, and frowned. "How could she do that?" he said. "How could she be so cool, like I was nothing to her?"
He went and sat back on the couch, burying his head in his hands.
He heard a long exhalation, and then Chloe say, "Clark,"
She avoided his gaze when he looked up at her, and said, "Look, I wasn't sure whether to tell you this, or..." She pressed her lips together, and went to sit by him again, looking straight ahead.
"After you left," she said, "Lois was - well, she was angry. She went through all of your stuff to throw it out and, I guess you were careless or something, but there were some things that I couldn't just explain away." She paused, and let her eyes flick over to Clark, and then back down into her lap, "Look," she said, "I'm sorry Clark, but I had to tell her everything - she's my cousin. I couldn't just keep lying to her."
"No," Clark said, taking a deep breath and nodding, "that's good. It's good that she knows."
It was. He had wanted to be the one to tell her, but it was good. She deserved it.
"That's not the whole story," said Chloe, and when he met her wide-open eyes he realised that she was coming to the part of the story that she was most apprehensive about. "She was - she was really upset, Clark -"
Her voice started to break, as if she were feeling things now that she hadn't let herself feel for a long time, almost as if something had happened that wasn't real to Chloe until she had had to explain it to somebody else. Clark was in the space between wanting to comfort her, and apprehensively wanting to distance himself from anything she might have done.
"Chloe," he said, trying to keep his voice low and steady, "What happened?"
"She insisted I take her to Jor-El," she said. "I told her about your training, and she just - she said if I didn't take her there she would find it herself, and she would be safer with me. Clark, I had no choice."
The world blurred around Clark. He felt strangely detached.
"When she came back," Chloe's voice came to him like a distant echo, "she didn't remember anything about ..."
"You."
- - -
"Jor-El!"
The Fortress shimmered around him.
"Jor-El!" Clark shouted again, from the bottom of his lungs: from the pit of his stomach, where he kept all his fear and his anger at Lois for doing this.
"Kal-El," came the answer, cool as the crystal pillars around him.
"What did you do to her?" he shouted. His voice echoed around him, reflected off every facet of the crystal and coming back to him fragmented. There was no response. Clark looked around him, and shouted again: "What did you do to Lois Lane? She came here, and now she remembers nothing!"
"Kal-El," said the voice, as if, thought Clark, this explanation could be reasonable: "she did it to herself."
"I don't believe you!" was Clark's immediate response.
"She knew too much about you, Kal-El. She understood that forgetting would be the best course of action, both for you, and for herself."
Clark felt as though he were falling, the world breaking apart around him. Lois really forgot: there was no chance at reconciliation, no chance at friendship. Clark no longer existed in her world. He felt as though he were disappearing.
"No," he said. "Lois wouldn't do that - not to herself, not to me. You did this."
"I gave her an opportunity to live her life without the burden of your secret," said Jor-El. After a moment, he added: "She was very unhappy."
- - -
The light in the loft was fading. It was late in the day. Clark stood upright, resting his hands on the window ledge, looking out into the sky.
Lois had no memory of ever meeting him. He had watched her, from the shadows and the sky, as she went about her day. She had been working at the Daily Planet for three years now, and was making a name for herself as a journalist. She seemed content, OK without him.
She's OK without me.
He had made a decision then to leave her - there was no need to bring any of that pain and confusion back into her life, back into either of their lives. Lois Lane was going to be a famous journalist, and Clark Kent would fade into the background - he would allow himself to be eclipsed by his alter ego, when his alter ego made his debut.
He felt his forehead crease, and put his head in his hands. How could she do this? How could he live his life without her, knowing what they had? How could he live with his memories of their relationship and the way it ended? - seeing her, seeing all the things she left and remembering her? He was moving to Metropolis, he was going to be close by. How could he stay away, stop himself trying to tell her, do the right thing by Lois?
"I can't do this," he said, shaking his head, breathing in deep. I can't do this.
- - -
Clark looked at the crystal in his hand. He gripped it so tight, the ends of his fingers turned white. Did he -? Was this crystal the answer to his questions?
He closed his eyes, and saw Lois in his mind. Swallowing, he nodded. "I want to do it," he said aloud, with resolve. There was no response. "Do you hear me, Jor-El? I want you to erase my memories of Lois." He paused, bowing his head. "I can't go on with them - knowing. I just can't."
He saw himself, as though he were looking from outside his body, step over to the console and place the crystal in it. The image flickered before him, and was surrounded by a column of light. Clark frowned, turning and looking around him.
"What am I &mdash?" he said aloud. His surroundings flickered: the barn one moment, the Fortress the next. Clark looked around him and then up. "Are you already in my head?" he said. "Is this my memory?"
The Fortress started to break apart, pieces of crystal showering down on him from above. He raised his hands above his head, feeling his heart start to race. "I don't -" he said. Glowing white dots floated before him, obscuring his vision. He pressed his knuckles into his eyes, falling to the ground.
Lois.