breaking up is hard, but keeping dark is hateful

[extemporanea]

So, it's been this torrid, ten-year, slightly obsessive romance. It has required enormous amounts of my energy to start a relationship from nothing: woo the other, learn their ways, keep the interest going, make it work. I wouldn't say it's a break-up, precisely, but I'm realising, more and more, that the relationship is not healthy: I'm feeling

Comments

[egadfly]

I can relate. I've been a compulsive volunteer in my time, and as much as one may enjoy and value it, sooner or later one also feels resentful and trapped. The best thing for it is a clean break. You've been doing this sort of thing longer than 10 years (back to early CLAWs at least) and unplugging/rebooting for a while will probably be very healthy.

I don't think the SCA will throw things. If it has any sense at all, it will cry, wish you well, and hope you come back sometime as a friend.

Bubbling Chocolate Tar-pit Death

Now I want that for breakfast...

[anonymous]

I understand, oh, do I understand. I went through this about 2 years ago. I had taken a full-time job out of necessity, which involved a commute of close to 3 hours each day. Two months after I started, I got my first novel contract.

i struggled to keep all the balls in the air for a few months, but eventually I had to accept I couldn't do it all--and, in fact, I couldn't do some of it at all. After a locally run Kingdom event, we went out to dinner with friends who tried to convince me to hold a (admittedly small, but still) Kingdom office.

The next day, I told Ken I had to step back from the SCA entirely. I was unable to do it "just a little bit," I was unable to be happy going to an event and not being a part of the event, not helping out, not volunteering for something (not volunteering for bigger and bigger somethings

[extemporanea]

It's actually a huge relief to know that I'm not the only one who has this compulsive, all-or-nothing approach to things like the SCA. Sometimes I wistfully contemplate what it would be like to simply take part without feeling the need to get stuck into the organisation - as you say, needing to be part of it. It's good to know that a break worked for you.

This new job is making me realise how much of a control freak I actually am, which is really the problem with my whole disfunctional relationship with the SCA. Memo to self, aspect of self Need Work, I really fondly imagined I'd learned to delegate...

[wolverine_nun]

You're right, of course. You're right in everything you say. No throwing. Much sadness.

If we're not to see you though SCA stuff, then we'll need to construct occasions when we *do* see you.

[extemporanea]

I didn't really expect things to be thrown, it just seemed to fit the break-up cliché... :>. You are all my friends, and have always been understanding above and beyond the call of friendship with regards to my messier dysfunctions. And, yes, was thinking exactly the same thing - more dinners! more lunches on campus! more general hanging out! Only not for the next two weeks, on account of madness.

[khoi_boi]

Do what needs doing, take care of mental health first is the rule. No things will be thrown. Know how you feel.

[anonymous]

I also tend to indulge in guilt orgies over having to limit the things I take on, when I can look around and always see half a dozen people who seem to be doing more, working harder, *and looking after small children* (the bastards, they just do it to make the rest of us look bad). But screw it, comparisons are odious. You know how much you can do, or not do, and that's what you have to stick to. V sensible.

Also, where can I get some Bubbling Chocolate Tar-Pit Death?

scroob