Picking up the Pieces, 24: Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas
Title: Picking up the Pieces
Author: exquisite_ugly
Rating/Warnings: M (language, future explicit sex)
Summary: Bella returns to Forks a few years after having married Edward and moving to Alaska. Mistakes and regrets, loneliness and grief, she severs ties and returns to those she truly loves to start over. What will she come home to? AU, A/D/R, M-language/sex
*~*~*
If I could tell the world just one thing/it would be that we're all okay/And not to worry, cause worry is wasteful/and useless in times like these/I won't be made useless/I won't be idle with despair/I'll gather myself around my faith/for the light does the darkness most fear
*~*~*
*Warning: Fluffy Christmas mush ahead. :o)
He was standing at the door, looking in at me as I sat huddled in a miserable ball. My decision was made, though. As right as I knew it was, I couldn't turn to look at him. I knew, even if it was inevitable and our feelings had changed, that he was still hurt.
I continued to stare out the huge bay windows at the unfamiliar forests. There was finally no snow, but I still couldn't even enjoy the outside as much because of my imprisonment.
"So, you're really leaving?" he asked.
I sighed quietly, knowing this was coming.
"Yes, it's long overdue, Edward. I can't live like this anymore. I know you all meant well in trying to protect me, but I need to be home. What you and I had was built on an obsession."
When I finally looked up at him, his expression was cold and removed. "So that's it. What it boils down to is that you never loved me."
"Edward," I said, feeling guilty. "I'm not saying there was never love. In some way, I believe we did love each other, but you said what you are is what draws humans in. And I'm human and I want to remain human. I fell in love with Jake and I apparently never stopped. I shouldn't have rushed through and moved away with you knowing this. If we were destined for each other, truly in love the way two people should be, I wouldn't have fallen for someone else."
He began to move around the bedroom, unable for once in his life to hold still.
"I guess you're right. So go home then," he finally said. His voice was bitter and hurt.
It didn't make me feel good, but there was nothing more for me to say, so I picked up my suitcase and headed downstairs. My life here in Alaska was ending and while I was sorry for getting mixed up with the Cullen's for all our sakes, I couldn't help but feel a sense of elation; a sense of my life finally, really beginning.
I woke with so many aches and pains that I winced as I tried to roll over. Jake was fast asleep next to me, and I desperately needed to get up. "Jake," I whispered. He was usually such a deep sleeper, but he came to as soon as I said his name.
"What's wrong?" he asked groggily.
"I'm sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom," I admitted. "I can't seem to get up, though."
He gently took hold of me and helped me to my feet. I shuffled my way to the bathroom with Jake's hand on my back. When I came back to the bedroom, he helped me back into bed. I yawned, but I wasn't all that tired anymore. Apparently, Jake wasn't either, so he turned to face me.
"I was thinking," he said.
"Uh-oh," I replied.
He rolled his eyes at me and I giggled, wincing slightly at the pain in my chest and ribs.
"I thought you would want to spend Christmas here at home, but maybe we should head to Seabrook for the New Year. I thought it might be nice to get away again, spend some time away from here. We could go down for a couple days, maybe have the pack meet us there for a couple more days to just relax and ring in the New Year together."
I smiled, liking that idea. "That sounds great actually. And… oh, shit… Christmas is like a week away, isn't it?"
Jake laughed at the panicked look I knew was obvious on my face. "It is, honey. I know, everything has been crazy for so long. We've lost track of time."
I nodded absently, my mind already on the upcoming holiday and how pretty much nothing was ready. I could talk Jake into getting a Christmas tree for the apartment when we went home in a couple days, though I planned to get a small one for Charlie because we'd be spending a good portion of Christmas day here with our families.
Jake helped me downstairs and made breakfast for me. I smiled when he eventually placed a plate of bacon and eggs he scrambled in front of me. He was starting to get better at cooking; the eggs were only a little brown this time. "I could get used to this," I said with a little grin.
He smirked.
Just as I finished eating, I heard a knock at the door just as Jake made a face like he smelled something bad. I felt my stomach sink. Jake's eyes met mine and he sighed. "I'll clear out the back and give you some privacy to talk to him."
After he slipped out the back door, I went to the front door and opened it. Edward stood on the porch. I stepped out carefully, holding onto the doorjamb and tried to hold in the gasp of pain the movement caused. I eased myself down onto the porch chair, wrapping my coat around myself.
"Why were you under the impression I would come back with you?" I finally asked outright, not wanting to draw this out, knowing getting this over as fast as possible was the best for both of us.
He turned to me, his golden eyes confused. "You're my wife."
"Edward, did you not understand what I said when I left Alaska? I wanted to come home, start a new life; a normal life. I don't want to be a vampire nor do I want to associate with them. I just can't do it anymore. I'm in love with Jacob. I have been for a long time. I'm happy with him, and I want to build a life with him."
Edward shifted slightly, finally sitting down as well. "Look, Bella, I know I didn't go about this the right way. I wanted to salvage what might be left, what we didn't damage. I still love you." His voice was soft and pleading.
I felt that familiar pull as who and what he was tried to draw me in. It was much easier to resist now, though, and being firm in what I wanted from life.
"Edward," I said, frustrated. "It was obsession. You know I'm not saying there was no love there at all, but what you are is what drew me in. It was something we rushed into. I was too young to realize what I was getting myself into. You're in love with the idea of having someone for eternity. Please, just stop."
He stared out at the snowy ground, looking lost.
"You need to move on."
"Maybe if you think about it…"
"No!" I exclaimed, angry and upset. After all that had happened, I could taste the salt of my tears as they trickled down my cheeks. "I want a divorce, Edward. I need you out of my life."
He looked livid at first. "Jacob, that… dog…" he growled, but I held up a hand immediately.
"Don't you dare," I said, quietly furious. "Jacob should never have suffered. He was the one that made me stronger, loved me without condition even after I told him I might not be able to have kids because of being with you."
I stared at Edward coldly, trying to drive that point home.
He remained quiet, anger etched into his features. I decided to take the high road and softened my voice though keeping it firm, "I need you to go. If there was ever any real love between us, Edward, you'll let me be with whom I'm meant to be with and leave. Please don't make this harder."
He stood, bitterness etched on his face. Yet despite that, he finally acquiesced. "I'll leave. Regardless of how I feel, I can see there's no changing your mind. Be happy, I guess. I'll send you the papers."
I watched him walk toward his car without a backward glance and all I felt was relief. "Thank you," I murmured, barely a sound escaping. "Be happy yourself."
I knew he'd heard me and I was glad. And then he was gone from my life.
I called Carlisle and thanked him with everything I had. He listened patiently while I bumbled on with my thanks. When I finally slowed down, he said quietly, "I know this goodbye, Bella."
I felt the tears burn behind my eyelids because as much as I wanted a vampire-free life, Carlisle had always had the grace and kindness to help me. I sniffled a little, trying to find my voice.
"I hope you know, no matter how things ended with Edward is Alaska and now, that I don't hate any of you. You've really helped me, and I am so grateful for that. Do I wish my life had gone a different path? Yes, I do, but I can't fully regret knowing you, Alice, Rose, Jasper, Esme, and Emmett. Even Edward in some way."
"I know," he said gently. "Bella, in spite of everything, we do all wish you the best. We'll be leaving again. I very highly doubt we'll speak again, so I truly hope everything works out in the end for you and Jacob."
"Thank you. I feel the same way for all of you. Please say goodbye to everyone for me?"
We hung up, and I stared down at the receiver in my hand and realized that chapter of my life was officially over. Carefully, I brushed the tears away after a few moments and made my way painfully into the house and called out for Jake. I looked out the window, knowing he wasn't too far. His wolf emerged from the woods and he phased back. As he walked toward me, I smiled with relief, watching as the love of my life and my future made his way toward me.
*~*~*
The next week was busy as we got a Christmas tree for my dad's house and one for our apartment. I continued to decorate with Jake's help as my mobility was still not the greatest. I hung strands of garland and set out a few Christmas knick-knacks I had. I did some shopping online and some with Leah in a few stores in Port Angeles.
"How are you feeling?" she asked as we poked around a bookstore. I knew Renee was looking for a particular book, but hadn't bought it.
"Okay," I replied, even though I was feeling kind of tired. "I'm just taking it one day at a time."
She scrutinized me and finally said, "Is there something else? You seem sort of… off."
I bit my lip, but finally said, "My period is late again. I don't know what to feel about it because Jake's right; it's just too soon to bring a child into the mix, but a part of me can't help hoping."
"What are you waiting for, Swan? To pop the kid out, if that's the case?"
I shook my head and laughed. "Okay, I did well enough today with shopping anyway. I guess we can make that our last stop before we get something to eat."
I bought a pregnancy test, worrying my lip between my teeth as I made a stop in the bathroom at the café we were going to eat at. I peed on the stick, trying to breathe slowly and deeply while I waited. When it was time, I glanced down to see the negative results. My disappointment and grief ran deep, but I sucked in a deep breath and went out to Leah.
When I sat down across from her, the waitress delivered our soup and sandwiches. She reached across the table and squeezed my hand, the understanding in her eyes a balm to this wound. "Bella, it's still so soon," she said. "You can't expect Jake's swimmers to slam through just yet and disintegrate that vampire shit."
I laughed weakly; glad she always tried to amuse me during the tough times. "Yeah, you're right," I said. "Just like you need time, too."
I knew my struggle was hers, too. She wasn't trying with her current boyfriend, but I knew she wanted one eventually. I wouldn't let it bog me down, though, so I pushed on the next few days prompting Jake to tell me to slow down and that I wasn't fully healed yet. I had gone back to work in spurts, eliciting sympathy from my co-workers about the "car accident." I was invited out for a drink for the holidays with Chastity and Maggie which I really enjoyed.
Christmas Eve day we were allowed to leave early, so I went home and made a batch of cookies I knew Jake loved; chocolate chip with pecans and peanut butter chips. I made a cranberry sauce salad as well as started a dish of green beans with onions and bacon bits mixed in. When Jake got home from work, he sighed.
"Bella, sit your ass down. You look exhausted. I'll finish the beans and worry about dinner," he said. He walked over to me when I hesitated, so I raised my hands. "Okay, okay, I'll sit down."
I was grateful to do so actually, and I sat at the kitchen table trying not to cringe at the pain still radiating throughout my body. Jake was right; I'd overdone it a bit. He grilled the hamburgers I had gotten fresh from the farmer's market and made the mac 'n cheese he had begun perfecting.
When dinner was over, Jake carried me upstairs along with a bottle of champagne. I laughed softly when he deposited me on the bed. "We're going to watch a movie, drink some champagne, and then listen to some corny Christmas music while exchanging gifts. And you're not going to do a damn thing."
"And thank you for making those cookies," he added softly, kissing me slowly and thoroughly. I smiled against his mouth, happy and perfectly content.
We drank, relaxed, and watched a movie and Jake even gave me a foot rub. My gifts were a book I wanted that he'd ordered and an email confirmation that a cottage was rented and we'd be going to Seabrook for the New Year. The last gift I opened was one he carved; the most beautiful dream-catcher I'd ever seen. It was a smooth, oak wood with an intricate patterned web. Strings of green, yellow, and blue feathers that represented the forest, ocean, and the sun hung from the bottom. They were adorned with beads that represented different aspects of our lives. There was a wolf, a human girl, a leaf, a heart, and a small dove as a symbol of hope.
"I plan to add a baby to it when the time is right," he said kissing my forehead. He knew what had happened a few days ago and his continuing certainty that we'd have a child one way or another helped.
"Jake, this is absolutely beautiful," I said and began to cry. "How on earth did you finish this so quickly? You just finished the school project."
He smiled. "A few nights this past week I just stayed up most of the night carving. That's why I've been so tired. I wanted it to be done in time."
I was still crying when he enfolded me in his arms. I was beyond touched that he made this. I gave him his gifts of new carving tools because I knew whenever he'd done some carving he used Billy's extra ones. There were also tickets to a concert in January we were both interested in. Last, I bit my lip nervously as I handed him a manila folder.
When he opened it, he pulled out a pretty thick sheaf of papers. Confused, he looked at them and began reading. As his eyes widened, I chewed on my lip nervously. This was something I'd been working on in secret here and there since we'd started dating.
"Bells, what…" he started to say in shock.
"Jake, this book I wrote is going to be published," I said hurriedly. "This has been our life, with a few minor omissions of course, but it's all about us. It's about living in Forks, finding my best friend again, loving him with everything I have, and learning how many changes I went through for the better because of him."
"This is the manuscript. It's yours as well as the first book when it's done. This is about you and the life and love I have with you. It's our story."
His mouth opened and closed as he stared at it. "Honey," he managed to say, his voice cracking slightly. "I don't even know what to say. This is so damn… perfect. First of all, congratulations and thank you," he said fervently. His eyes were surprisingly wet, too, as he kissed me over and over.
"I can't believe this," he murmured. "I'm so glad we found each other again. Thank you so much."
Our love-making was frenzied yet gentle. He was always ever-aware of me and how I felt. Afterward, we lay in bed, curled around each other. "It's been the perfect Christmas Eve," I said quietly to him.
"It really has been," he said. We drifted off with the soft, muted glow of Christmas lights twinkling outside.
*~*~*
JPOV
Christmas Day was busy and full of food, laughter, and family and friends. Charlie's house was filled to the brim with the pack, my dad, Bella, and Sue. Renee and Phil had even managed to fly in for the holiday and because she wanted to see Bella for herself and make sure she was okay. There was food everywhere; ham, turkey, stuffing, Bella's green beans and cranberry sauce salad, carrots, rolls, and sweet potatoes. There were plenty of pumpkin pies, apple pies, and pecan pies that had already been delivered to La Push where we were all going to convene for the rest of the day so we could spend time with more of the tribe.
The food was fantastic and the wine flowed as everyone chattered excitedly.
When we got to the reservation, there were tables set up at the tribal center so everyone could gather there. More desserts were brought as more people arrived to greet each other. The Christmas tree was glowing and I saw Bella looking over there rather intently. Old Quil had just read a Christmas story to the kids and was still sitting over there by himself. Bella's eyes met mine, and I knew she needed to satisfy something, so I got up and followed her over there.
"Merry Christmas, Old Quil," Bella said with a smile. It always tickled him when everyone called him Old Quil instead of just his name.
"Merry Christmas, Isabella," he said. He reached over and pulled a chair out for her and we sat down with him. "How are you feeling?" he asked.
"Better," she replied. "I'm still tiring out pretty quickly and still have some pain, but it's becoming a little more bearable every day."
"Good, good," he said. "I know you want to ask me something," he added with a small smile.
She laughed. "We did come over just to sit with you, too, but yes, I did have a question."
She took my hand, squeezing it slightly in her nervousness. "Um, I was just wondering… we haven't really talked about it, but I don't understand why I became fully human again. I'm thrilled I did, but with what Aro was saying to me…" She hesitated, swallowing hard. "I'm worried about what could happen in the future, if there's something wrong with me…"
"Bells, he was hitting you where it would hurt the most," I said. I smoothed her hair back, tilting her chin toward me. "You are not abnormal."
Old Quil smiled and said, "Give me your hand."
When she placed her hand in his, he closed his eyes and concentrated. I knew this was important to her, to know and understand, and to feel normal. I couldn't begrudge her that after all we had been through. Old Quil was still silent, concentrating, and after a few more minutes he opened his eyes.
"You are quite special," he said gently. "As I said before, the vampire venom couldn't hurt you because of you're ability to block. It triggered the shield in you when the venom was inside of you; stopping your death and turning. When you were with both vampire and werewolf in the clearing, the combination of the two forced the aspects of each out in the open."
Bella nodded, listening intently.
"It seems the tendencies of both failed you because the fight was nearly over and your human desire to have normalcy was the strongest. It just so happened that the human part of you became so strong it overpowered the two others, which is what made you turn back. And your desire to protect those you loved was what gave you the strength to destroy Aro; that and your genius idea of hanging on to that vampire bullet," he added with a smile.
Old Quil's explanation made a strange kind of sense to me, and I could see the relief in Bella's face.
"From what I've gathered, it sounds like at some point the strongest tendencies in you were wolf-related," he continued. "You belong with the pack, my dear."
Bella leaned back, smiling as she turned toward me. I grinned back at her, pleased to know the wolf was the stronger one of the two and even more pleased that her human side was what eventually overtook both of them in the end. We both stood, noting Old Quil was getting tired.
"I do have something for you because I know of your other worry, of the hope you had a couple days ago," he said a little more seriously. He reached into his satchel and pressed a little leather pouch into Bella's hand. "I can't make any concoctions to help you with pregnancy, but this blend will open your mind to hope and your body to change. Just keep it with you."
Her eyes widened as we both stared down at it; not only because of what this could possibly do, but the fact that he was aware of the incident the other week without having been told by anyone.
"I don't have anything for you…" Bella said, her brow wrinkling in concern.
"I have no need for material possessions," he said quietly. "It's enough to know that this tribe is happy and thriving; that's my gift. It's also my gift to know how incredibly special you are and what you've done for our Alpha."
Bella's chin shook, and I nearly felt teary myself. She leaned down and hugged our wizened and wise healer. "Thank you," she whispered. "For everything you did."
He patted her back and shook my hand. "Remember, both of you, that hope is always stronger than fear." I hugged Bella to me, smiling when all the kids began to squeal with excitement. Snow had begun falling, thus ending our Christmas day.
The following week was busy as we held a celebration in honor of finishing the tribal school. My bosses wanted to hire on the older pack members to help with other projects. We were all thrilled with that notion, and I even got to see Lila again as she came to get the finished project's pictures. Bella handled herself really well, and Lila seemed to be doing great.
"I met someone," she admitted to me. "I'm happy, Jake. And I'm really glad you found the peace you needed."
She gave me a hug before she left, wishing both of us the best in the New Year. Bella looped her arms around my waist. "I'm not saying this just because I ended up with you, but she truly is a really nice person," she said.
I smiled. "Yeah, she was pretty special. I'm glad she's happy."
We celebrated with the crew and their significant other's that night with champagne. Bella found out at work that week as well that her boss wanted to give her an ongoing column instead of filling in for other people. She was ecstatic with the news, plus the news that her publisher was eager over her book had her flying high. It truly was a celebration as we headed to Seabrook for New Year's.
Charlie would bring Billy, Sue, Rachel, and the pack would follow them to stay with us in a couple days, just in time for New Year's Eve. We wanted a couple days to ourselves first. We got the same cottage and got settled for our first night. We got a fire going and curled up on the couch to watch a movie. When it was over, we were both a little sleepy, but decided to go out for a quick stretch and walk to the beach and back.
It was freezing, and I chuckled as Bella burrowed into me. "Thank God you still have so much body heat," she murmured.
I smiled, wrapping my arms around her. "We won't stay out here long. It's starting to snow a little, though, and I thought it would be nice. Plus, I have a surprise for you."
She looked up at me, and I felt uncharacteristically shy. I slid my hand into my back pocket and knelt down in front of her. Her eyes began to widen as I opened my fist and held up the tiny, heart-shaped ring that was my mother's. It had a very tiny stone in the center instead of a diamond. My dad had saved up for so long for it, and he had given it to me when I told him I was thinking of proposing to Bella. It wasn't big, it wasn't overly flashy, and it certainly wasn't extremely expensive. I did have it engraved with our names on the inside band, though, with my dad's approval.
"Bella, will you marry me? I mean, not any time really soon. We've really only been dating for a few months, but I thought it could be a long engagement and I wanted to propose now because I need you to know I want you, us, no matter what happens. I thought being that it's nearly the New Year, this would be the best time to give it to you…"
She knelt down, too, and took my face in her hands.
"Yes," she whispered, interrupting my rambling. "I love you. I'd love to marry you."
"I love you, too," I said pulling her against me.
We broke the news to everyone when they arrived on New Year's Eve. There were toasts and I could see Charlie fighting his emotion as he hugged both of us. "I knew you could both get here," he said.
The pack enveloped us in a massive group hug. When the clock struck midnight, our New Year was rung in with the people that meant the world to me and with the promise of a married, normal life stretching as far as the eye can see with the woman I loved.
Chapter 25: Epilogue
*~*~*
AN: Hope you enjoyed this chapter of (mostly) fluff! I can't seem to avoid Christmas chapters and using Jewel songs from her Christmas albums (one of my all-time favorites). And here's the ring that I used as inspiration: Ring Next chapter is the epilogue… and there will be some AN info in that chapter in regards to what I plan on next. Just to let you know ahead of time to check it out if you're interested. :o)
And I haven't officially posted anything yet, but I will have entries in the Halloween contests on Tricky Raven and Jacob Black 'n Pack, so if you're members, go check out the stories as they come in. Everyone always does a great job! :o)
Author: exquisite_ugly
Rating/Warnings: M (language, future explicit sex)
Summary: Bella returns to Forks a few years after having married Edward and moving to Alaska. Mistakes and regrets, loneliness and grief, she severs ties and returns to those she truly loves to start over. What will she come home to? AU, A/D/R, M-language/sex
*~*~*
If I could tell the world just one thing/it would be that we're all okay/And not to worry, cause worry is wasteful/and useless in times like these/I won't be made useless/I won't be idle with despair/I'll gather myself around my faith/for the light does the darkness most fear
*~*~*
*Warning: Fluffy Christmas mush ahead. :o)
He was standing at the door, looking in at me as I sat huddled in a miserable ball. My decision was made, though. As right as I knew it was, I couldn't turn to look at him. I knew, even if it was inevitable and our feelings had changed, that he was still hurt.
I continued to stare out the huge bay windows at the unfamiliar forests. There was finally no snow, but I still couldn't even enjoy the outside as much because of my imprisonment.
"So, you're really leaving?" he asked.
I sighed quietly, knowing this was coming.
"Yes, it's long overdue, Edward. I can't live like this anymore. I know you all meant well in trying to protect me, but I need to be home. What you and I had was built on an obsession."
When I finally looked up at him, his expression was cold and removed. "So that's it. What it boils down to is that you never loved me."
"Edward," I said, feeling guilty. "I'm not saying there was never love. In some way, I believe we did love each other, but you said what you are is what draws humans in. And I'm human and I want to remain human. I fell in love with Jake and I apparently never stopped. I shouldn't have rushed through and moved away with you knowing this. If we were destined for each other, truly in love the way two people should be, I wouldn't have fallen for someone else."
He began to move around the bedroom, unable for once in his life to hold still.
"I guess you're right. So go home then," he finally said. His voice was bitter and hurt.
It didn't make me feel good, but there was nothing more for me to say, so I picked up my suitcase and headed downstairs. My life here in Alaska was ending and while I was sorry for getting mixed up with the Cullen's for all our sakes, I couldn't help but feel a sense of elation; a sense of my life finally, really beginning.
I woke with so many aches and pains that I winced as I tried to roll over. Jake was fast asleep next to me, and I desperately needed to get up. "Jake," I whispered. He was usually such a deep sleeper, but he came to as soon as I said his name.
"What's wrong?" he asked groggily.
"I'm sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom," I admitted. "I can't seem to get up, though."
He gently took hold of me and helped me to my feet. I shuffled my way to the bathroom with Jake's hand on my back. When I came back to the bedroom, he helped me back into bed. I yawned, but I wasn't all that tired anymore. Apparently, Jake wasn't either, so he turned to face me.
"I was thinking," he said.
"Uh-oh," I replied.
He rolled his eyes at me and I giggled, wincing slightly at the pain in my chest and ribs.
"I thought you would want to spend Christmas here at home, but maybe we should head to Seabrook for the New Year. I thought it might be nice to get away again, spend some time away from here. We could go down for a couple days, maybe have the pack meet us there for a couple more days to just relax and ring in the New Year together."
I smiled, liking that idea. "That sounds great actually. And… oh, shit… Christmas is like a week away, isn't it?"
Jake laughed at the panicked look I knew was obvious on my face. "It is, honey. I know, everything has been crazy for so long. We've lost track of time."
I nodded absently, my mind already on the upcoming holiday and how pretty much nothing was ready. I could talk Jake into getting a Christmas tree for the apartment when we went home in a couple days, though I planned to get a small one for Charlie because we'd be spending a good portion of Christmas day here with our families.
Jake helped me downstairs and made breakfast for me. I smiled when he eventually placed a plate of bacon and eggs he scrambled in front of me. He was starting to get better at cooking; the eggs were only a little brown this time. "I could get used to this," I said with a little grin.
He smirked.
Just as I finished eating, I heard a knock at the door just as Jake made a face like he smelled something bad. I felt my stomach sink. Jake's eyes met mine and he sighed. "I'll clear out the back and give you some privacy to talk to him."
After he slipped out the back door, I went to the front door and opened it. Edward stood on the porch. I stepped out carefully, holding onto the doorjamb and tried to hold in the gasp of pain the movement caused. I eased myself down onto the porch chair, wrapping my coat around myself.
"Why were you under the impression I would come back with you?" I finally asked outright, not wanting to draw this out, knowing getting this over as fast as possible was the best for both of us.
He turned to me, his golden eyes confused. "You're my wife."
"Edward, did you not understand what I said when I left Alaska? I wanted to come home, start a new life; a normal life. I don't want to be a vampire nor do I want to associate with them. I just can't do it anymore. I'm in love with Jacob. I have been for a long time. I'm happy with him, and I want to build a life with him."
Edward shifted slightly, finally sitting down as well. "Look, Bella, I know I didn't go about this the right way. I wanted to salvage what might be left, what we didn't damage. I still love you." His voice was soft and pleading.
I felt that familiar pull as who and what he was tried to draw me in. It was much easier to resist now, though, and being firm in what I wanted from life.
"Edward," I said, frustrated. "It was obsession. You know I'm not saying there was no love there at all, but what you are is what drew me in. It was something we rushed into. I was too young to realize what I was getting myself into. You're in love with the idea of having someone for eternity. Please, just stop."
He stared out at the snowy ground, looking lost.
"You need to move on."
"Maybe if you think about it…"
"No!" I exclaimed, angry and upset. After all that had happened, I could taste the salt of my tears as they trickled down my cheeks. "I want a divorce, Edward. I need you out of my life."
He looked livid at first. "Jacob, that… dog…" he growled, but I held up a hand immediately.
"Don't you dare," I said, quietly furious. "Jacob should never have suffered. He was the one that made me stronger, loved me without condition even after I told him I might not be able to have kids because of being with you."
I stared at Edward coldly, trying to drive that point home.
He remained quiet, anger etched into his features. I decided to take the high road and softened my voice though keeping it firm, "I need you to go. If there was ever any real love between us, Edward, you'll let me be with whom I'm meant to be with and leave. Please don't make this harder."
He stood, bitterness etched on his face. Yet despite that, he finally acquiesced. "I'll leave. Regardless of how I feel, I can see there's no changing your mind. Be happy, I guess. I'll send you the papers."
I watched him walk toward his car without a backward glance and all I felt was relief. "Thank you," I murmured, barely a sound escaping. "Be happy yourself."
I knew he'd heard me and I was glad. And then he was gone from my life.
I called Carlisle and thanked him with everything I had. He listened patiently while I bumbled on with my thanks. When I finally slowed down, he said quietly, "I know this goodbye, Bella."
I felt the tears burn behind my eyelids because as much as I wanted a vampire-free life, Carlisle had always had the grace and kindness to help me. I sniffled a little, trying to find my voice.
"I hope you know, no matter how things ended with Edward is Alaska and now, that I don't hate any of you. You've really helped me, and I am so grateful for that. Do I wish my life had gone a different path? Yes, I do, but I can't fully regret knowing you, Alice, Rose, Jasper, Esme, and Emmett. Even Edward in some way."
"I know," he said gently. "Bella, in spite of everything, we do all wish you the best. We'll be leaving again. I very highly doubt we'll speak again, so I truly hope everything works out in the end for you and Jacob."
"Thank you. I feel the same way for all of you. Please say goodbye to everyone for me?"
We hung up, and I stared down at the receiver in my hand and realized that chapter of my life was officially over. Carefully, I brushed the tears away after a few moments and made my way painfully into the house and called out for Jake. I looked out the window, knowing he wasn't too far. His wolf emerged from the woods and he phased back. As he walked toward me, I smiled with relief, watching as the love of my life and my future made his way toward me.
*~*~*
The next week was busy as we got a Christmas tree for my dad's house and one for our apartment. I continued to decorate with Jake's help as my mobility was still not the greatest. I hung strands of garland and set out a few Christmas knick-knacks I had. I did some shopping online and some with Leah in a few stores in Port Angeles.
"How are you feeling?" she asked as we poked around a bookstore. I knew Renee was looking for a particular book, but hadn't bought it.
"Okay," I replied, even though I was feeling kind of tired. "I'm just taking it one day at a time."
She scrutinized me and finally said, "Is there something else? You seem sort of… off."
I bit my lip, but finally said, "My period is late again. I don't know what to feel about it because Jake's right; it's just too soon to bring a child into the mix, but a part of me can't help hoping."
"What are you waiting for, Swan? To pop the kid out, if that's the case?"
I shook my head and laughed. "Okay, I did well enough today with shopping anyway. I guess we can make that our last stop before we get something to eat."
I bought a pregnancy test, worrying my lip between my teeth as I made a stop in the bathroom at the café we were going to eat at. I peed on the stick, trying to breathe slowly and deeply while I waited. When it was time, I glanced down to see the negative results. My disappointment and grief ran deep, but I sucked in a deep breath and went out to Leah.
When I sat down across from her, the waitress delivered our soup and sandwiches. She reached across the table and squeezed my hand, the understanding in her eyes a balm to this wound. "Bella, it's still so soon," she said. "You can't expect Jake's swimmers to slam through just yet and disintegrate that vampire shit."
I laughed weakly; glad she always tried to amuse me during the tough times. "Yeah, you're right," I said. "Just like you need time, too."
I knew my struggle was hers, too. She wasn't trying with her current boyfriend, but I knew she wanted one eventually. I wouldn't let it bog me down, though, so I pushed on the next few days prompting Jake to tell me to slow down and that I wasn't fully healed yet. I had gone back to work in spurts, eliciting sympathy from my co-workers about the "car accident." I was invited out for a drink for the holidays with Chastity and Maggie which I really enjoyed.
Christmas Eve day we were allowed to leave early, so I went home and made a batch of cookies I knew Jake loved; chocolate chip with pecans and peanut butter chips. I made a cranberry sauce salad as well as started a dish of green beans with onions and bacon bits mixed in. When Jake got home from work, he sighed.
"Bella, sit your ass down. You look exhausted. I'll finish the beans and worry about dinner," he said. He walked over to me when I hesitated, so I raised my hands. "Okay, okay, I'll sit down."
I was grateful to do so actually, and I sat at the kitchen table trying not to cringe at the pain still radiating throughout my body. Jake was right; I'd overdone it a bit. He grilled the hamburgers I had gotten fresh from the farmer's market and made the mac 'n cheese he had begun perfecting.
When dinner was over, Jake carried me upstairs along with a bottle of champagne. I laughed softly when he deposited me on the bed. "We're going to watch a movie, drink some champagne, and then listen to some corny Christmas music while exchanging gifts. And you're not going to do a damn thing."
"And thank you for making those cookies," he added softly, kissing me slowly and thoroughly. I smiled against his mouth, happy and perfectly content.
We drank, relaxed, and watched a movie and Jake even gave me a foot rub. My gifts were a book I wanted that he'd ordered and an email confirmation that a cottage was rented and we'd be going to Seabrook for the New Year. The last gift I opened was one he carved; the most beautiful dream-catcher I'd ever seen. It was a smooth, oak wood with an intricate patterned web. Strings of green, yellow, and blue feathers that represented the forest, ocean, and the sun hung from the bottom. They were adorned with beads that represented different aspects of our lives. There was a wolf, a human girl, a leaf, a heart, and a small dove as a symbol of hope.
"I plan to add a baby to it when the time is right," he said kissing my forehead. He knew what had happened a few days ago and his continuing certainty that we'd have a child one way or another helped.
"Jake, this is absolutely beautiful," I said and began to cry. "How on earth did you finish this so quickly? You just finished the school project."
He smiled. "A few nights this past week I just stayed up most of the night carving. That's why I've been so tired. I wanted it to be done in time."
I was still crying when he enfolded me in his arms. I was beyond touched that he made this. I gave him his gifts of new carving tools because I knew whenever he'd done some carving he used Billy's extra ones. There were also tickets to a concert in January we were both interested in. Last, I bit my lip nervously as I handed him a manila folder.
When he opened it, he pulled out a pretty thick sheaf of papers. Confused, he looked at them and began reading. As his eyes widened, I chewed on my lip nervously. This was something I'd been working on in secret here and there since we'd started dating.
"Bells, what…" he started to say in shock.
"Jake, this book I wrote is going to be published," I said hurriedly. "This has been our life, with a few minor omissions of course, but it's all about us. It's about living in Forks, finding my best friend again, loving him with everything I have, and learning how many changes I went through for the better because of him."
"This is the manuscript. It's yours as well as the first book when it's done. This is about you and the life and love I have with you. It's our story."
His mouth opened and closed as he stared at it. "Honey," he managed to say, his voice cracking slightly. "I don't even know what to say. This is so damn… perfect. First of all, congratulations and thank you," he said fervently. His eyes were surprisingly wet, too, as he kissed me over and over.
"I can't believe this," he murmured. "I'm so glad we found each other again. Thank you so much."
Our love-making was frenzied yet gentle. He was always ever-aware of me and how I felt. Afterward, we lay in bed, curled around each other. "It's been the perfect Christmas Eve," I said quietly to him.
"It really has been," he said. We drifted off with the soft, muted glow of Christmas lights twinkling outside.
*~*~*
JPOV
Christmas Day was busy and full of food, laughter, and family and friends. Charlie's house was filled to the brim with the pack, my dad, Bella, and Sue. Renee and Phil had even managed to fly in for the holiday and because she wanted to see Bella for herself and make sure she was okay. There was food everywhere; ham, turkey, stuffing, Bella's green beans and cranberry sauce salad, carrots, rolls, and sweet potatoes. There were plenty of pumpkin pies, apple pies, and pecan pies that had already been delivered to La Push where we were all going to convene for the rest of the day so we could spend time with more of the tribe.
The food was fantastic and the wine flowed as everyone chattered excitedly.
When we got to the reservation, there were tables set up at the tribal center so everyone could gather there. More desserts were brought as more people arrived to greet each other. The Christmas tree was glowing and I saw Bella looking over there rather intently. Old Quil had just read a Christmas story to the kids and was still sitting over there by himself. Bella's eyes met mine, and I knew she needed to satisfy something, so I got up and followed her over there.
"Merry Christmas, Old Quil," Bella said with a smile. It always tickled him when everyone called him Old Quil instead of just his name.
"Merry Christmas, Isabella," he said. He reached over and pulled a chair out for her and we sat down with him. "How are you feeling?" he asked.
"Better," she replied. "I'm still tiring out pretty quickly and still have some pain, but it's becoming a little more bearable every day."
"Good, good," he said. "I know you want to ask me something," he added with a small smile.
She laughed. "We did come over just to sit with you, too, but yes, I did have a question."
She took my hand, squeezing it slightly in her nervousness. "Um, I was just wondering… we haven't really talked about it, but I don't understand why I became fully human again. I'm thrilled I did, but with what Aro was saying to me…" She hesitated, swallowing hard. "I'm worried about what could happen in the future, if there's something wrong with me…"
"Bells, he was hitting you where it would hurt the most," I said. I smoothed her hair back, tilting her chin toward me. "You are not abnormal."
Old Quil smiled and said, "Give me your hand."
When she placed her hand in his, he closed his eyes and concentrated. I knew this was important to her, to know and understand, and to feel normal. I couldn't begrudge her that after all we had been through. Old Quil was still silent, concentrating, and after a few more minutes he opened his eyes.
"You are quite special," he said gently. "As I said before, the vampire venom couldn't hurt you because of you're ability to block. It triggered the shield in you when the venom was inside of you; stopping your death and turning. When you were with both vampire and werewolf in the clearing, the combination of the two forced the aspects of each out in the open."
Bella nodded, listening intently.
"It seems the tendencies of both failed you because the fight was nearly over and your human desire to have normalcy was the strongest. It just so happened that the human part of you became so strong it overpowered the two others, which is what made you turn back. And your desire to protect those you loved was what gave you the strength to destroy Aro; that and your genius idea of hanging on to that vampire bullet," he added with a smile.
Old Quil's explanation made a strange kind of sense to me, and I could see the relief in Bella's face.
"From what I've gathered, it sounds like at some point the strongest tendencies in you were wolf-related," he continued. "You belong with the pack, my dear."
Bella leaned back, smiling as she turned toward me. I grinned back at her, pleased to know the wolf was the stronger one of the two and even more pleased that her human side was what eventually overtook both of them in the end. We both stood, noting Old Quil was getting tired.
"I do have something for you because I know of your other worry, of the hope you had a couple days ago," he said a little more seriously. He reached into his satchel and pressed a little leather pouch into Bella's hand. "I can't make any concoctions to help you with pregnancy, but this blend will open your mind to hope and your body to change. Just keep it with you."
Her eyes widened as we both stared down at it; not only because of what this could possibly do, but the fact that he was aware of the incident the other week without having been told by anyone.
"I don't have anything for you…" Bella said, her brow wrinkling in concern.
"I have no need for material possessions," he said quietly. "It's enough to know that this tribe is happy and thriving; that's my gift. It's also my gift to know how incredibly special you are and what you've done for our Alpha."
Bella's chin shook, and I nearly felt teary myself. She leaned down and hugged our wizened and wise healer. "Thank you," she whispered. "For everything you did."
He patted her back and shook my hand. "Remember, both of you, that hope is always stronger than fear." I hugged Bella to me, smiling when all the kids began to squeal with excitement. Snow had begun falling, thus ending our Christmas day.
The following week was busy as we held a celebration in honor of finishing the tribal school. My bosses wanted to hire on the older pack members to help with other projects. We were all thrilled with that notion, and I even got to see Lila again as she came to get the finished project's pictures. Bella handled herself really well, and Lila seemed to be doing great.
"I met someone," she admitted to me. "I'm happy, Jake. And I'm really glad you found the peace you needed."
She gave me a hug before she left, wishing both of us the best in the New Year. Bella looped her arms around my waist. "I'm not saying this just because I ended up with you, but she truly is a really nice person," she said.
I smiled. "Yeah, she was pretty special. I'm glad she's happy."
We celebrated with the crew and their significant other's that night with champagne. Bella found out at work that week as well that her boss wanted to give her an ongoing column instead of filling in for other people. She was ecstatic with the news, plus the news that her publisher was eager over her book had her flying high. It truly was a celebration as we headed to Seabrook for New Year's.
Charlie would bring Billy, Sue, Rachel, and the pack would follow them to stay with us in a couple days, just in time for New Year's Eve. We wanted a couple days to ourselves first. We got the same cottage and got settled for our first night. We got a fire going and curled up on the couch to watch a movie. When it was over, we were both a little sleepy, but decided to go out for a quick stretch and walk to the beach and back.
It was freezing, and I chuckled as Bella burrowed into me. "Thank God you still have so much body heat," she murmured.
I smiled, wrapping my arms around her. "We won't stay out here long. It's starting to snow a little, though, and I thought it would be nice. Plus, I have a surprise for you."
She looked up at me, and I felt uncharacteristically shy. I slid my hand into my back pocket and knelt down in front of her. Her eyes began to widen as I opened my fist and held up the tiny, heart-shaped ring that was my mother's. It had a very tiny stone in the center instead of a diamond. My dad had saved up for so long for it, and he had given it to me when I told him I was thinking of proposing to Bella. It wasn't big, it wasn't overly flashy, and it certainly wasn't extremely expensive. I did have it engraved with our names on the inside band, though, with my dad's approval.
"Bella, will you marry me? I mean, not any time really soon. We've really only been dating for a few months, but I thought it could be a long engagement and I wanted to propose now because I need you to know I want you, us, no matter what happens. I thought being that it's nearly the New Year, this would be the best time to give it to you…"
She knelt down, too, and took my face in her hands.
"Yes," she whispered, interrupting my rambling. "I love you. I'd love to marry you."
"I love you, too," I said pulling her against me.
We broke the news to everyone when they arrived on New Year's Eve. There were toasts and I could see Charlie fighting his emotion as he hugged both of us. "I knew you could both get here," he said.
The pack enveloped us in a massive group hug. When the clock struck midnight, our New Year was rung in with the people that meant the world to me and with the promise of a married, normal life stretching as far as the eye can see with the woman I loved.
Chapter 25: Epilogue
*~*~*
AN: Hope you enjoyed this chapter of (mostly) fluff! I can't seem to avoid Christmas chapters and using Jewel songs from her Christmas albums (one of my all-time favorites). And here's the ring that I used as inspiration: Ring Next chapter is the epilogue… and there will be some AN info in that chapter in regards to what I plan on next. Just to let you know ahead of time to check it out if you're interested. :o)
And I haven't officially posted anything yet, but I will have entries in the Halloween contests on Tricky Raven and Jacob Black 'n Pack, so if you're members, go check out the stories as they come in. Everyone always does a great job! :o)