I use japanhotel.net for all my ryokan bookings, so many choices all in English with reviews! We booked the Hotel Asuka in Hakone through them last year. It wasn't super luxurious and no private onsen but it had a buffet for dinner and a hot stone sauna you could book privately. The receptionists spoke English too
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My boyfriend and I stayed in a really nice Ryokan in Hon-Atsugi (practically right outside Tokyo) But probably not what you want. We found it off of Jaran.net just by searching, and although they have really nice private rental baths (you don't pay, just there are no baths in your room however you have a total of 2.5 hours between the two baths) the meals are set courses (we chose the beef shabu shabu cuz boyfriend isn't a huge fan of fish but still included some fish that he liked) so you don't really pick. and really at a Ryokan you're going to have an expensive awesome Japanese meal so you might as well throw away your pickiness and enjoy it
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