DAY FOUR 💫 #139 too long since i've been a fool (2/2)

[exohousewarming]

(previous)

Chanyeol gets called for a meeting in such short notice one Tuesday morning. Due to the viewers’ overwhelmingly positive response to the drama, the producers and directors decided to release two special episodes. This means using a bit of new material for something fresh, yet trying to achieve the same feel they crafted for the whole drama for a sense of familiarity. This means that Chanyeol has to drop by the grocery to stock up on instant coffee and energy drinks yet again for the long nights in their editing studio.

Weeks pass by with Chanyeol reviewing scripts and materials, sometimes spending a few nights at the studio for post-processing. The desk in his room gets cluttered day by day, and Kyungsoo even tells him to clean it up at one point. Chanyeol notices the sudden increase of fruits in their fridge and catches the concerned glances that Kyungsoo sometimes send him. Kyungsoo even organized the medicine in the pantry. Chanyeol just wants to hug Kyungsoo all the time for taking care of him so well. But Chanyeol doesn’t cross the line, he doesn’t even tiptoe over it, and puts himself into place. Junmyeon’s there to give Kyungsoo all the hugs he needs (and wants) and Chanyeol isn’t stealing that responsibility from him.

Junmyeon visits their flat more often now, and he sometimes gets so engrossed in discussing the production and technicalities of the drama with Chanyeol. Junmyeon’s eyes light up whenever they talk about acting, and Chanyeol sees the Junmyeon he knew in the college - the Business major who has a fiery passion for acting. Chanyeol sometimes finds himself staring at Junmyeon with admiration, and sometimes he finds Kyungsoo staring at Junmyeon as well, but with so much warmth and adoration rather than just the plain admiration Chanyeol feels.

The persistent ache is taking its time making a home in his chest, and the weird feeling in his stomach never fails to creep up on him whenever he notices how Junmyeon is so in love with Kyungsoo and how they’re head over heels for each other in the subtlest ways. He gulps everything down and dismisses the confusing mix of his emotions every time.

“Is everything okay?” Kyungsoo asks all of a sudden while they’re washing the dishes together. He pauses, his gloved hand switching the faucet off. His eyes stay on Chanyeol’s face, shifting ever so slightly to catch and analyze the littlest quirks that can give Chanyeol’s feelings away.

Chanyeol slowly stops scrubbing the pan with a sponge and clears his throat. “Yeah,” he answers. “Why wouldn’t it be?”

“You’ve been…” Kyungsoo trails off, and looks upward for a second - a little habit he does whenever he’s looking for the right words to say. “Distant.” He finishes.

“Oh,” Chanyeol clears his throat and brings a hand up to cover his mouth, forgetting that the glove he’s wearing is covered with foam. He feels soap suds on his cheeks and quickly removes his gloved hand from his face, realizing what he just did.

Kyungsoo’s mouth twitches into a small smile, for a mere moment, before his face reverts back into nonchalance.

“I’m just busy, sorry.” Chanyeol clarifies, lifting a shoulder up to wipe his cheek on the sleeve of his shirt. He proceeds to scrub the pan, the foam getting thicker.

Kyungsoo hums, and turns the knob of the faucet to let the water run. He rinses the remaining dishes, and steps to his side, a bit closer to Chanyeol. “So, how was that intern you’ve been talking about? That Sehun kid interning under the Director of Photography?”

His eyes go wide for a moment, Kyungsoo’s random question surprising Chanyeol. “He’s alright,” Chanyeol answers carefully, looking at Kyungsoo beside him. “He’s still pining after that new actor who only came on set for the flashbacks of the special episodes. He literally screamed when Xiumin followed him back on Instagram.” His lips curve into a smile as he rambles on, punctuating his sentences with short laughs.

Kyungsoo smiles, and even chuckles, while he rinses the dishes so meticulously. “Must’ve been hard for the kid, don’t tease him too much about it.” He snaps his head to look at Chanyeol.

“Hey,” Chanyeol transfers the pan to Kyungsoo’s side of the sink after scrubbing it clean, so the smaller boy could rinse it. “He’s the one who bullies me sometimes!”

“That’s because you’re fun to bully.” Kyungsoo remarks, a smirk on his lips and a playful glint in his eyes.

This is Kyungsoo reaching out to him, and Chanyeol feels guilt eating him up for the unnecessary distance he’s been putting between them. It’s confusing and complicated whenever he drowns in the unexplainable mix of emotions, but then Kyungsoo sometimes makes everything so simple. The way Kyungsoo gently, subtly, and effortlessly breaks the walls he’s starting to build around himself is so fascinating and sometimes it frightens Chanyeol - but most of the time he’s just at awe.

Chanyeol pouts and retaliates by wiping his foamy glove on Kyungsoo’s cheek. This is Chanyeol closing in on the gap himself, leaving as little space as possible.

Kyungsoo slowly turns his head to look at Chanyeol with wide eyes, a cheek with soap suds, and a perpetually annoyed face. This is Kyungsoo staring at Chanyeol with so much force until Chanyeol scrambles over the kitchen to look for tissues and wipe the soap suds of Kyungsoo’s face.

- - -

Chanyeol is having the worst day ever, he’s claiming it. The studio had a blackout for three whole hours, the power generator deciding to fuck up at a very crucial moment. The whole post-processing team lost their minds, what with their own power supply only running on coffee and the ticking clock bringing them closer to the deadline. And that’s not even the worst part yet, because they had to wait for the directors and producers for an hour and a half for the viewing, only to be bombarded with thousands of negative comments afterwards. They must have gone mad, the pressure of releasing the final special episode must have messed up their thinking process. The whole team had no choice but to stay in the studio for another day just to fix the final episode to perfection. Chanyeol never thought his last editing day would go downhill like this.

Chanyeol arrives at the flat all tired, and smelly, and irritated at every little thing. He drops his backpack on the floor and is on his way to his room when he hears the sound of the door unlocking behind him. He stops his tracks, and turns around to see Junmyeon enter. Since when did he even know the pass code to their lock? Chanyeol breathes in and breathes out, trying not let his emotions get the best of him.

“Oh, hi.” Junmyeon greets, lacking the usual enthusiasm he usually has. Maybe he’s not happy to see Chanyeol, maybe he wants to spend time with Kyungsoo all alone. “Is Kyungsoo here?” He asks cautiously.

“Uh, I don’t know,” Chanyeol answers. He just really wants to go to his room because he hasn’t slept and showered for four days straight, and everything just literally annoys him at the moment. And it irritates him even further that Junmyeon can just head straight into their flat now. From all of his past girlfriends, and Kyungsoo’s past boyfriends, Junmyeon’s the only one who actually gained his rightful access to their passcode (that Kyungsoo cautiously changes every month). It sort of pisses Chanyeol off. “I just got here, obviously, so…” Chanyeol adds, the words laced with a hint of venom and sarcasm, motioning to the backpack on the floor by his feet.

“Oh wow, Chanyeol,” Junmyeon suddenly worries his eyebrows and changes his tone to a placating one. “I know you might been having a bad day-”

“Oh, you do know.” Chanyeol spits out. There’s a hint of instant regret in his mind, but he really isn’t functioning so well right now. Junmyeon should’ve just texted or called Kyungsoo before coming over to check if he’s here, so that he wouldn’t have to bug Chanyeol.

Junmyeon looks at him, astonished and somehow offended. “You know what Chanyeol,” he says exasperatedly, shaking his head at him in disapproval. The mere action fuels up Chanyeol’s bad mood even more, giving it a bit of a spark that’s about to transform it into full-fledged anger. “I’ll just go.” Junmyeon continues. “It’s seems like I’m unwelcomed here anyway.” He opens the door and dramatically pauses before leaving. “Please tell Kyungsoo that I want to talk to him.” He shuts the door after his final words.

Chanyeol is so annoyed at Junmyeon’s dramatic attempt by the door but he’s even more pissed at himself for acting like a total asshole.

“You know, I would’ve asked you to tell him that I’m not here.” Kyungsoo’s voice comes from behind him, probably all the way from his room, and Chanyeol doesn’t even want to turn around and look at the smaller guy. Chanyeol’s brain is sending him a forecast of an upcoming shitstorm and he just wants to dig a hole so he can crawl into it and disappear for eternity. “But that wasn’t very nice of you to say.” Kyungsoo continues, voice getting louder and his presence getting closer to Chanyeol.

Chanyeol deeply breathes in, and breathes out. He slowly turns to face Kyungsoo and his messy mop of bed hair. He’s still in his pajamas and he’s staring right at him with a questioning gaze. “Kyungsoo, I’m tired.” Chanyeol reasons, keeping his tone as calm as possible.

“I know,” Kyungsoo quickly replies, slightly squaring up his shoulders. “But it still doesn’t mean that you should act like a dick.” He counters, a bit too harshly. For a split second, Kyungsoo looks taken aback by his own words, but he recovers all too fast and the cold gaze is back on his eyes.

“He should’ve just taken the hint that you don’t want to see him then, instead of barging in here like it’s his own home.” Chanyeol shrugs, feeling a lump in his throat and a slight pang in his chest.

Kyungsoo furrows his eyebrows, shakes his head just a bit. “Are you actually mad at me for telling him our pass code?” He asks incredulously, even gives a small scoff at the end.

“No, I’m not mad,” Chanyeol groans, closing his eyes and lifting up his head. Everything is just so frustrating at the very moment and his patience is wearing thin. “I told you, Kyungsoo. I’m just really, really tired.” He breathes out, and the tone of his voice betrays him, making him sound more angry than tired.

“You’re not mad?” Kyungsoo raises an eyebrow, and shifts his stance into a more intimidating one - his arms crossed and his head tiled upwards. “You’re fuming right now, Chanyeol. Don’t be a fucking hypocrite.”

Chanyeol groans yet again and paces in front of Kyungsoo. He snakes up his hands to his head and runs his fingers through his hair, messing it up in irritation. “Kyungsoo, I don’t need this right now, okay? I don’t need you attacking me.” His voice is suddenly louder than usual.

“Oh, alright then. You want me to leave, too?” Kyungsoo’s voice is ice cold, enough to freeze Chanyeol and make him stop pacing back and forth.

“What?” His eyebrows are furrowed and he’s meeting Kyungsoo’s freezing stare with his own eyes. “Where is this even coming from? I didn’t know you’d get this hostile just for your goddamn boyfriend.” He hisses, and the ache in his chest intensifies.

“I’m not being like this for him, I’m being like this because you were a jerk.”

“Oh please, you’re only like this because I made Junmyeon leave. Stop denying it.”

Kyungsoo raises both of his eyebrows at Chanyeol, and he takes a small step backwards. He’s mad, it’s evident in the way he balls his fists and the way his chest heaves.

“We wouldn’t even be yelling at each other right now if it wasn’t for him, Kyungsoo.” Chanyeol continues, even if there’s a small part of his mind that’s telling him to just stop. But Chanyeol’s a wreck, he’s an emotional mess and his sharp words just keep on firing straight at Kyungsoo. “Let’s face it, you’d take his side any time. It’s always Junmyeon over me, your boyfriend over your best friend who’s always been there for you ever since.” He spits out viciously, punctuating it with a bitter laugh.

Kyungsoo still isn’t saying anything. He’s just looking at Chanyeol with the most resentful gaze Chanyeol has ever seen. He breathes deeply, twice, thrice, before finally speaking. “You really think my life revolves around him? Do you even know me?” He asks quite gingerly, taking serious offense, and his voice shakes with so much hurt and anger.

The question catches Chanyeol off guard. His brain is a mess and so are his feelings, and he’s just so tired. He’s so tired of the disgust and anger he feels every time Kyungsoo looks at another guy, every time Kyungsoo shows affection for another person. “I don’t know.” Chanyeol breathes out his answer, because he’s not sure anymore of what ticks Kyungsoo off, and what he should say to fix the huge mess they made. Chanyeol knows that his answer’s absolutely wrong, but what else is there to say? They’re stuck in an impasse, there are no right answers, and there are no threads to sew up the ugly damage.

Kyungsoo steps closer, standing merely inches away from Chanyeol. His eyes are reading him, like they always are. “Way to go, Park Chanyeol.” He says with so much venom. “You fucking lost me.”

Chanyeol is inside his room when he hears Kyungsoo leaving, hears the sound of the door shutting close.

- - -

The flat feels empty without Kyungsoo. Chanyeol keeps on forgetting the things he needed to do the moment Kyungsoo left, and he finds himself stuck in a daze more than usual. He tries to sleep through all the negative emotions he’s been feeling, but the sound of a door closing and the image of Kyungsoo’s back walking away from him haunts him even in his sleep. He tosses and turns, finding the right position in his bed which lessens the hurt he’s been feeling, at least by a bit.

It’s 2AM, and Chanyeol wakes up from hearing the door to the apartment shut close. He feels his heartbeat against his ribcage as he sleepily sits up. It’s either a thief or Kyungsoo - Chanyeol obviously prefers the latter, but then he’s also frightened of what will take place if Kyungsoo really did come back. Junmyeon wouldn’t be in the right mind to visit their flat in such an ungodly hour so Chanyeol scratches him out of the list. Chanyeol carefully walks to the living room, turning on all the lights. No one’s there, and it makes Chanyeol feel more lonely than frightened.

He feels ridiculous for actually expecting Kyungsoo come back so soon. Chanyeol has no idea where Kyungsoo is crashing - and even if he does know, it’s not like he can just go get Kyungsoo and drag him back to their flat. He learned that Kyungsoo needs his own time to cool down, and that he’s just going to put up a fight if Chanyeol tries to fix things when the damage is still too fresh.

Chanyeol checks the door before going to back to his room, making sure that it’s locked. He stops by Kyungsoo’s room, finding the door slightly open. Chanyeol bravely barges into Kyungsoo’s room, still hopelessly half expecting his flatmate to be there, but all he finds is Kyungsoo’s bed with a few pieces of clothing on top of it. Two of his cabinet drawers are left open. Kyungsoo must’ve quickly dropped by to get a fresh set of clothes, opting stay longer wherever he currently is.

Chanyeol breathes in sharply and leaves Kyungsoo’s room. He tries to dismiss the evident longing he feels coursing through his veins, and the ache of wanting Kyungsoo’s presence even just for a second.

- - -

from: baek
u know i thought kyungsoo just visited me yesterday out of nowhere but now he wants to stay here for a week????

from: baek
WHAT DID U EVEN DO OMG

from: jongdae
kyungsoo looks like shit. :c

from: jongdae
we all know he’s always angry but he’s practically breathing out fire even with just one wrong move today!!

from: jongdae
word in the office is that he broke up with junmyeon!! :o

from: jongdae
but according to my reliable source, it’s all your fault. :----)

to: jongdae
baekhyun isn’t reliable source

from: jongdae
what did you do!!! the whole team is scared!! pls fix it!!! :’c

- - -

“You do know I had to cancel my afternoon coffee for this, right?” Jongdae tells him the moment Chanyeol opens the door for him. “All because I love you and I care.” He solemnly nods his head at Chanyeol and pats his cheek twice before moving past him to enter the apartment.

“Jongdae,” Chanyeol groans. “I fucked up.” He admits with a very sad wail.

“How bad? Kyungsoo’s not telling me anything.” Jongdae walks towards the living room. He stops and surveys the mess. There are a few beer cans, and yogurt cups by the foot of the sofa. Opened potato chip bags are lying on the coffee table, next to a glass of cold water without a coaster underneath. Chanyeol suddenly feels embarrassed while Jongdae scrutinizes the room. It isn’t even that bad, but Kyungsoo would probably fix and clean everything in the speed of lightning because he wants to live in a very organized environment. An organized place helps me think clearly and it gives me so much satisfaction, Kyungsoo would reason out while positioning the magnetic poetry on their fridge in straight lines.

“Okay, I’m assuming you fucked up real bad.” Jongdae concludes before flopping down on the sofa. He pats the space beside him, giving Chanyeol one of his kittenish smiles.

Chanyeol seats himself next to Jongdae and stares off in the distance. The weight of his problem suddenly sinking in and dragging his whole entirety down with it. “I’m just so confused,” he winces, leaning back on the sofa more comfortably. “I mean, it’s like I’m only a homophobe when it comes to Kyungsoo and all the boyfriends he’s ever been with. Really, it just doesn’t make sense. For example, I recently kicked Junmyeon out of the flat. But for the record, I was very tired-”

“Hold on.” Jongdae interrupts him, springing forward in his seat so suddenly. “What?” He yells, facing Chanyeol with a very confused and distressed expression plastered on his face. “I mean, can you actually start from the very beginning?”

With a groan paired with a few kicks and some violent thrashes, Chanyeol looks at Jongdae with the best puppy eyes he’s got. “Do I really have to? I mean, with all the details and stuff? It’s hard.” He whines, his deep voice not quite fitting his childish tone.

“Don’t be a brat.” Jongdae slaps him on the arm, and Chanyeol gives him a fake pained expression. “Tell me everything so we can figure out how to un-fuck things up.”

Chanyeol sighs. He might as well go on ahead and order takeout, because it’s going to be a long day for the both of them.

With only three pieces of chicken left in the bucket, Jongdae finally says something after an agitating fifteen minute silence.

“Has is ever occurred to you,” Jongdae starts, staring off in the distance and squinting at nothing in particular. “That you might actually like Kyungsoo?”

Chanyeol bites off a chicken leg and chews before answering with his mouth full. “I do like him-”

“No, hear me out.” Jongdae winces and leans closer to Chanyeol, shifts his position on the couch to face the taller guy. “The disgust,” Jongdae makes air quotes with his hands, “you’ve been feeling might actually be jealousy instead. You’re not homophobic, not even a bit. You’re just extremely jealous.”

Chanyeol stops eating, his hand holding the chicken leg is frozen by his mouth. “Are you telling me that I’m actually gay?”

Jongdae blinks. “Uh,” he opens his mouth, only to close it. Now Jongdae seems a bit confused himself.

His hand places the chicken leg on the paper plate, dismissing it for the moment. “Because in case you forgot, I dated around a dozen girls and zero guys.” Chanyeol argues, shifting to face Jongdae too.

Jongdae hums and takes his beer bottle from the coffee table. He takes a long swig before asking “But do you feel really anxious or angry when Kyungsoo’s kissing another guy?”

“What? Why would I be?” Chanyeol leans back, further from Jongdae, his eyebrows furrowed.

“Don’t be dumb.” Jongdae warns him, eyes looking at him knowingly.

“Oh my god,” Chanyeol groans and hurriedly reaches for his bottle to take a quick sip. He feels the warmth travel through his body, but the alcohol doesn’t reach his brain. Chanyeol and Jongdae have always had high tolerance, and it takes a shitload of drinks before they feel the alcohol influencing their thoughts. The alcohol does make Chanyeol a bit more honest though. “Okay, what if, hypothetically, that I do like him? Things will be more messed up then, it could ruin everything!”

“Well, I’m not telling you to get on your knee and propose to Kyungsoo right away. I’m just here to make you realize things you can’t realize by your dumb self.”

“Excuse me,” Chanyeol scoffs, and shakes his head unbelievably. “Stop calling me dumb.”

“Okay, you’re not dumb.” He replies airily, fidgeting on the couch to get more comfortable. “You’re just really slow.” Jongdae says carefully, as if to let Chanyeol digest the information effectively. “Pick up the pace or else you’re gonna find yourself yelling at Kyungsoo’s new guy soon enough.”

“Jongdae, I really don’t like guys. I don’t want to date them.” Chanyeol whines, his legs kicking in the air as he lets out his frustrations. He can’t believe that Jongdae isn’t even convinced that he really doesn’t like guys and that he has been super straight all this time.

“But you like Kyungsoo.” Jongdae quickly counters, not giving up on his own stand. “Really, you sort of do like him now that I think about it.” He’s staring off into space again before drinking from his bottle.

Chanyeol loudly slams his beer bottle on the coffee table. He runs a hand through the strands of his hair and messes it up in the process. He exhales. “But I don’t want to kiss guys and do stuff with them. Really, I don’t.” He argues once again, shifting closer to Jongdae.

Jongdae stares at him for a few seconds. “But you want to kiss Kyungsoo.”

Chanyeol is caught off guard. The weird feeling in his stomach is more intense than ever and he feels his pulse racing. There’s a loud, resounding ting! in his mind and he can practically hear a crowd cheering on him for finally getting the correct the answer, for winning the jackpot round. Chanyeol’s having a goddamn epiphany in the middle of the afternoon, in his sweatpants and an old loose shirt. He’s having an epiphany right in front of a smirking Jongdae.

“Shit.” Chanyeol mutters so profoundly, before breathing in deeply and letting out an audible exhale. He’s just staring at Jongdae with a wide set of eyes.

“Shit.” Jongdae says back at him, surprised at Chanyeol’s own sudden revelation.

“Oh my god, I hate you so much.” Chanyeol curls up, and hides his face in his hands. He’s currently so overwhelmed of the sudden emotion and realization that he just needs to hide from Jongdae and from the entire world for a few minutes. He’s shaken from all the realization his mind is throwing at him so suddenly, and the weird feeling in his stomach is driving him insane.

- - -

Chanyeol only has a towel on when Kyungsoo arrives at the flat. He almost slips on his way out of the bathroom the moment he sees Kyungsoo closing the door behind him. Kyungsoo’s carrying duffle bag that’s probably full of a week’s worth of clothes.

“Hi.” Chanyeol greets him awkwardly, and folds the towel around his waist to tighten it further.

Kyungsoo just looks at him, his mouth opens into a small ‘o’ and he closes it quickly. He gulps, and walks further into the living room.

9:20AM, the digital clock in the living room blinks at Chanyeol in bright red and he just stares at it. He’s frozen into place, and neither of them are actually saying anything. He sees the time transition as he fidgets, it’s now 9:21. “Look,” Chanyeol stops averting his gaze and reluctantly moves his gaze to Kyungsoo.

“Hold on,” Kyungsoo suddenly raises a hand in front of him. “I’m still deciding if I’m still mad at you or not.” He tells Chanyeol calmly.

Chanyeol can’t guess what kind of game Kyungsoo is playing right now, but he doesn’t want in right now. He just wants to fix the mess they made, at this very moment (even if he’s only covered up by a towel). “Kyungsoo, listen,” he starts, and clears his throat before continuing. “I’m really sorry-”

“You’re sorry because?”

“I was dumb.” Chanyeol answers immediately, a tiny pout on his lips.

Kyungsoo shrugs off the duffle bag he’s been carrying on his shoulder, and places it on the floor by his foot. He takes two steps closer to Chanyeol, sighing. “Chanyeol, what’s new?” He harshly fires back. Kyungsoo’s eyes has a glint of amusement, but it quickly fades away before Chanyeol could even catch it. “That’s not even a valid reason anymore.” He tells Chanyeol as if he’s reprimanding a little kid, taking another step closer.

They’re about one foot apart, and Chanyeol just looks at Kyungsoo. He looks at the smaller guy in front of him, his eyes travelling from the Kyungsoo’s crossed arms by heaving chest, to his calculating eyes, to his full lips that Chanyeol suddenly wants to kiss - “I like you.” Chanyeol word vomits before his brain could even stop him. He feels every inch of his body freeze, and he’s shocked by his own words.

Kyungsoo’s eyes go wide, and he blinks at Chanyeol. “What?”

“What,”

“What did you just say?”

“What? Did I say something?” Chanyeol raises his eyebrows at him, trying to nervously save himself. What is he even doing? What is he saying all of a sudden? His hands keep on fumbling and folding the towel by his waist.

“Junmyeon broke up with me.” Kyungsoo swerves off course in their conversation, changing the topic too quickly. The words spill out of his mouth so abruptly, it’s as if he’s been wanting to tell Chanyeol the moment he got home.

He finds his mouth hanging open. Chanyeol’s surprised with how Kyungsoo could say it so casually. “What?” He asks, because he’s just hearing things wrongly now too.

“And I broke up with him.” He adds, his eyes downcast and staring at their feet. Kyungsoo goes back to his duffle bag on the floor, padding away from Chanyeol. “Don’t worry, it was mutual.” He grabs the bag on the floor, carries it by hand, and starts to walk to his room.

This is Kyungsoo opening himself up to Chanyeol, so suddenly and out of nowhere, and retreating all too fast. He closes in on himself too quickly, and Chanyeol pushes himself to catch up on Kyungsoo. Chanyeol picks up his pace and pulls Kyungsoo by the arm.

Kyungsoo turns around from the force, facing Chanyeol with surprised, questioning eyes.

They’re on a standstill, with Kyungsoo carrying a duffle bag and Chanyeol wearing just a towel, and it’s ridiculous because Chanyeol’s so scared that Kyungsoo might hear the loud beating in his chest.

“Are you okay?” Chanyeol asks, voice tinted in genuine concern and worry. His grip on Kyungsoo’s arm doesn’t loosen and he slides a bit closer to see his flatmate’s expressions more clearly.

Kyungsoo is a blank slate, but the subtle shift of his gaze expresses his surprise and his undying need to analyze Chanyeol before making his own move. He stares at Chanyeol for a few heartbeats, probably trying to solve why Chanyeol is trudging beyond the borders all of a sudden.

“Yeah, I’m okay.”

“No, you’re not.” Chanyeol mutters quietly, and witnesses how the evident awe in Kyungsoo’s face.

Kyungsoo drops his bag to the floor, shifting to fully face towards Chanyeol. He breathes in and pulls his shoulders back. “No, I’m not.” Kyungsoo admits, and his stance goes soft. “Because you had to be such a dick when I was having this messy fight with Junmyeon and then you just had to piss me off too.”

Chanyeol gulps, and his fingers slide down Kyungsoo’s arm to gently lace themselves around his wrist instead.

“It really pissed me off. Especially when you accused me of choosing him over you.” Because it’s not true, Kyungsoo’s eyes seem to tell Chanyeol. Because I would never, he shakes his head subtly and doesn’t let his gaze stray from Chanyeol’s own. This is Kyungsoo revealing himself, and breaking the barriers on his own. This is Kyungsoo owning up to what he started and not running away mid-sentence whenever he’s finished overanalyzing Chanyeol.

All Chanyeol can say is “I’m sorry.” He tightens his hold on Kyungsoo’s wrist by a bit. His heart feels like it’s been punched and beaten by the surge of feelings Kyungsoo’s releasing.

“I know,” Kyungsoo gives him a small nod. “I forgive you.” He tells Chanyeol carefully, meaning every word. “You can let go now.” Kyungsoo is slowly trying to escape Chanyeol’s hold, pulling away slightly.

“No, you need a hug.” Chanyeol steps over the boundary, crosses the line, and hold Kyungsoo’s wrist tighter. He moves forward, readying himself to trap Kyungsoo in a heartwarming embrace. Chanyeol missed hugging him. Chanyeol missed Kyungsoo, so much. Even if it’s only been a week of having the flat to himself.

Kyungsoo flits his gaze over Chanyeol’s bare chest and lets his eyes travel to the towel by his waist, the only piece of cloth that’s covering Chanyeol. Kyungsoo acts quick, too quick for Chanyeol to notice, and kicks him in the shin.

It hurts. It really does. Chanyeol finds himself yelping in pain and limping in place for a few seconds he watches Kyungsoo walk away from him. All he ever wanted was hug.

“You missed me too much.” Kyungsoo declares, a small smile on his lips, before closing the door to his room.

- - -

Chanyeol hates Jongdae. He hates Jongdae for making him realize things when he’s on break. Chanyeol is called for yet another upcoming drama as a Sound Editor. The producer calls him on his phone and also emails him the details. The pre-production meetings are scheduled to start in a month. So Chanyeol has a whole month to just stay at home and think. He has all the time in the world to think about the way his stomach drops when Kyungsoo smiles at him. Chanyeol’s not sure if he’s only noticing it now, but Kyungsoo smiles at him a lot.

Chanyeol notices a lot of things in a span of months. He knows that he has noticed some of it before, but maybe he had always dismissed them to get rid of the funny feeling in his gut. Chanyeol notices that Kyungsoo’s eyes actually sparkle when he laughs, and that his lips look so tender, so soft. He realizes in those certain moments that there’s this strong urge within him to always make Kyungsoo laugh just so he could see the sparkle in his eyes, and to make Kyungsoo grin to see his heart-shaped lips. (Even if it means that he has to playfully flick water on Kyungsoo while they’re washing the dishes and he’d have to dodge Kyungsoo’s pinches on his sides. His sides will hurt, but Kyungsoo’s smile is worth it.)

Chanyeol is so screwed. He groans all by himself as he lies down on the couch, the TV blaring out a random cooking show that he’s not really watching at the moment. His eyes land on a maroon necktie neatly folded on the coffee table, all abandoned and probably forgotten by Kyungsoo. There are suddenly flashbacks in Chanyeol’s mind, going back to the few nights before, back to that one habit of Kyungsoo that sort of drives Chanyeol insane. Almost every single night, Kyungsoo would flop himself down the couch after arriving from work. He would groan tiredly while loosening his tie in a hurry or maybe even unbuttoning his shirt up until the third button. Chanyeol noticed it way before, but it never really bothered it. But now it does. It’s ridiculous because the mere action looks so sensual in Chanyeol’s eyes. He could just not look at Kyungsoo whenever he’d start to work on the buttons of his shirt, but Chanyeol also finds it kind of endearing in some level.

He’s brought back to reality, his eyes un-glazing and the flashbacks fading out. Kyungsoo’s walking out from his room and into the kitchen. As if to rile up Chanyeol even more, Kyungsoo’s decides to wear shorts. Kyungsoo always wears sweatpants at home, but there are rare days when he’d expose his milky legs. Chanyeol remembers calling Kyungsoo’s legs pretty one time and getting ignored by Kyungsoo as if no one was talking to him.

Kyungsoo slows down his steps when he passes by Chanyeol in their living room. He’s carrying a glass of water in one hand and he’s looking at Chanyeol.

Chanyeol almost squirms from the intense scrutiny. There are also rare days when Chanyeol feels like Kyungsoo actually knows, just by looking at him. It’s as if Kyungsoo’s catching his innermost thoughts and prying Chanyeol open with his eyes and it drives Chanyeol mad. Chanyeol averts his eyes away from Kyungsoo’s, and looks at his pale legs instead - which isn’t that much of a good idea.

Kyungsoo doesn’t stop walking and heads straight to his room.

Chanyeol misses spending his days and night in the editing studio, just so he won’t suffer from the intensity of his own feelings just by seeing Kyungsoo every day.

- - -

Chanyeol’s starting to go to meetings again, what with the pre-production of the drama already starting. During his free time, he finds himself being dragged by Kyungsoo to the grocery or to the mall or even to the cinema. Kyungsoo likes going to the cinema alone, and he’s only dragging Chanyeol to the movies with him because the Lotte World cinema near their place is having a promo on tickets. Chanyeol isn’t even complaining, since he gets to spend more time with Kyungsoo.

Today, they spent nearly two hours in the furniture store, the both of them nitpicking various bookcases as if the pieces of furniture have done something wrong to them. Kyungsoo just really wants the perfect one and Chanyeol willingly helps him find it, pointing out the flaws he can see from time to time. Fortunately, they found the bookcase that fit both of their tastes and they split the bill in half. The furniture in their living room, as well as the appliances and utensils in the kitchen, is owned by the both of them. They bought all of it together, and Chanyeol just can’t imagine living apart from Kyungsoo because who’ll get the sofa? Or the coffee table? How are they going to split those? Chanyeol mentally adds the bookcase they’re currently building to list of things that they both own.

Furniture instructions are so complicated, and it makes him realize that having a flatmate is a blessing. If they didn’t have each other, this bookcase wouldn’t be built. Chanyeol is holding a large piece of white wood that’s almost as tall as him. He’s holding the wood piece in place with one hand and handing screws to Kyungsoo with the other.

Kyungsoo’s screwing the wooden panels on the piece that Chanyeol’s holding steadily for him. His brows are slightly furrowed and his mouth is open in concentration.

He can’t fully see Kyungsoo from where he is, the large chunk of wood blocking his view. He has to crane his head sidewards to sneak a glance at the very serious Kyungsoo. Chanyeol finds it endearing, he feels so giddy and warm as he peeks at Kyungsoo every now and then. He finds himself smiling dumbly.

A hand extends in front of Chanyeol, palm facing upwards - Kyungsoo’s asking for a screw.

Chanyeol hands him a piece of screw, and smoothly holds Kyungsoo’s hand. He feels a subtle flinch from one of Kyungsoo’s fingers, and he wraps his fingers around Kyungsoo’s hand even tighter.

This is it. In a few moments, Kyungsoo would move from his position to look at Chanyeol and Chanyeol would do the same, traversing the piece of wood that hinders them from seeing each other. Chanyeol’s hearing a melodious and dramatic instrumental in his head, the soft notes of the piano intertwining with the acoustic guitars and even the gentle violins.

It’s picture perfect, it’s exactly how it happens in the dramas Chanyeol works on. He starts to see everything in slow motion, the loud beating of his heart ringing in his ears. Kyungsoo’s moving to the side, to look at Chanyeol. Chanyeol’s breath hitches when their eyes meet.

“What are you doing?” Kyungsoo asks, brows furrowing in annoyance. The instrumental in Chanyeol mind halts and he can feel the gears in his brain finally functioning properly for once.

Chanyeol stares at him, and then he looks at his hand that’s holding Kyungsoo’s own. “Uh, nothing.” He mutters, giving Kyungsoo an awkward smile. Kyungsoo raises both of his eyebrows at him in return before sighing and returning back to work.

That night, Chanyeol sneakily texts Jongdae, and blames him without any context. He turns away slightly from Kyungsoo on the couch. His flatmate is too engrossed in watching - and probably internally, criticizing - the CFs which are currently on screen to even notice him, but he still hides his phone from Kyungsoo’s view. He already embarrassed himself in front of Kyungsoo today, and he doesn’t want to add another moment to the list. Chanyeol feels his face heating just by remembering the dumb thing he did a while ago. He was just being romantic after all; he was bravely trying to step over the line completely until Kyungsoo’s fully aware of his feelings. Chanyeol unconsciously makes a distorted crying noise at the back of his throat.

Kyungsoo turns his head to look at Chanyeol.

“I’m okay.” Chanyeol smiles and re-assures him before he could ask, even if he feels like he’s dying inside from all the pent up feelings he can express.

to: jongdae
THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT

- - -

Chanyeol stirs in his sleep, hearing the sound of the door closing and footsteps in the living room. He groggily reaches for his phone on the bedside table to check the time. 11:23PM. Kyungsoo must’ve had to stay at the office for some extra work today. He hears the faint sound of a familiar groan, and he can practically see Kyungsoo unbuttoning his shirt even if he closes his eyes. Chanyeol falls back to sleep within minutes.

“Move,” Kyungsoo’s voice jolts him awake once again, along with the hand that’s nudging him.

Chanyeol groans before making space for Kyungsoo, he doesn’t even need to ask questions. This is just one of those nights - Kyungsoo must be having a tough time. The sheets rustle when Kyungsoo squeezes himself under the covers, right next to Chanyeol. Kyungsoo’s shifting closer, and he’s never been this close when he sleeps next to Chanyeol. Chanyeol’s bed has never felt this small and Chanyeol’s hoping that Kyungsoo doesn’t move closer. He doesn’t want Kyungsoo to feel his raging heartbeat, yet Chanyeol doesn’t move away.

“Tough day?” Chanyeol asks quietly, his voice rough, once they’re comfortably settled and facing each other.

Kyungsoo’s eyes are glazed over, staring off at nothing in particular. He exhales, shifting in his position to place a hand underneath the huge pillow where their heads are nestled. “There’s this one difficult client.” Kyungsoo says in a soft voice. “And they’re just so tiring.”

Chanyeol hums, nodding his head at Kyungsoo.

“Then Junmyeon suddenly wanted to meet up a while ago, and wanted to patch things up between us.” Kyungsoo tells him, eyes downcast.

Chanyeol never knew the specifics of how Kyungsoo and Jumyeon had their fallout, but all he knows is that it was a messy one. The breakup may be mutual, but it wasn’t very peaceful. “Did you?” Chanyeol’s voice quivers a bit, his anxiety clawing at his throat.

“No,” Kyungsoo exhales, letting his eyelids drop. “We’re done. We were done months ago.”

Relief courses through Chanyeol’s veins, and he exhales a breath he didn’t know he was holding. His heart would surely break if Kyungsoo got back together with Junmyeon. It’s not that he doesn’t like Junmyeon for Kyungsoo, he’s actually a decent and polite guy. Chanyeol just doesn’t want to let Kyungsoo out of his grasp, now that he’s fully aware of his own feelings for him. Sometimes Chanyeol would imagine Kyungsoo coming home to their flat with a new guy yet again, and it just hurts him. He’s had Kyungsoo all this time, he’s had him from the moment they impulsively decided to share a flat to reduce their expenses.

Chanyeol wants to wake up with Kyungsoo every single day, he wants to see the magnetic poetry on fridge in straight lines, and he wants to get dragged out of bed at 9AM just to go grocery shopping on weekends. Chanyeol. He wants to tell Kyungsoo how he feels, before some other guy breaks Kyungsoo’s walls and steals him away from Chanyeol’s grasp. Still, he’s a bit reluctant since he doesn’t want to make a wrong move and lose him forever. Losing him for a week was basically pure torture already.

He takes a deep breath, and musters all of his courage. “I’ve been thinking,” Chanyeol whispers to Kyungsoo, even though he’s not sure if Kyungsoo’s still awake.

Kyungsoo interrupts him with a snort, his eyes still closed. “Oh wow, you’ve been thinking.” He teases.

“Shut up,” Chanyeol groans, his voice sounding so loud in the quiet night. “Oh my god, you ruined it.” He whines, rolling over so his face is flat on the huge pillow they’re sharing.

Kyungsoo’s eyelids slowly flutter open. “Ruined what?”

Chanyeol waits a few seconds, readying himself, before turning over to face Kyungsoo again. “I’ve been thinking about you.”

“What?” His brows are furrowed and his eyes are squinting at Chanyeol in the darkness. “Why?”

“I like you.” Chanyeol confesses, and he has never heard his voice sound so raw. He folds his legs, and hugs them close. He wants to disappear, maybe turn into smoke and just vanish forever so he won’t have to see Kyungsoo ever again. Chanyeol suddenly feels so exposed, so vulnerable, as if he’s giving Kyungsoo the upper hand and the power to crush his heart any time.

Kyungsoo doesn’t say anything and just blinks at him. Then he’s sitting up on the bed, and the panic rises inside Chanyeol. “I’m-” Kyungsoo starts to say something, but gets interrupted by Chanyeol’s voice.

“Kyungsoo, wait,” Chanyeol croaks out, and mimics Kyungsoo by sitting on the bed. “Hear me out.” He pleads, and holds on to the blanket on his lap. “I really do like you. The both of us know that I’ve always been super straight-”

“Exactly.”

“But that doesn’t matter, because I don’t like guys anyway.”

Kyungsoo furrows his eyebrows in confusion. His shoulders slowly dropping, his startled gaze softening.

“I can’t imagine kissing other guys either.” Chanyeol adds. “Because the thing is that I like you. And you’re the only one I want to kiss.” His face is heating up and his heartbeat is pounding through his ribcage. “I’m so bad at this, but do you get me?”

He lets out a long exhale before twisting his fingers on Chanyeol’s large pillow. Kyungsoo grabs the pillow, and hurls it towards Chanyeol. “I can’t believe you.” Kyungsoo hisses at him.

Chanyeol gets the pillow off of him and stares at Kyungsoo with wide eyes. What did he do wrong? He blinks quickly, and shifts away from Kyungsoo.

“I tried so hard to stop my gross feelings for you and then here you are confessing to me in the middle of night.” Kyungsoo mutters angrily.

“I’m sorr-Wait, what?” Chanyeol leans forward. He almost stumbles, but he regains his balance with his palm on the bed.

Kyungsoo’s breathing deeply, trying to calm himself down. If Chanyeol heard and understood it correctly, Kyungsoo just told him that he has feelings for him too. Gross feelings. Chanyeol takes another leap, crossing the line even more. He shifts closer to Kyungsoo, leaning his face towards the smaller boy. Kyungsoo doesn’t back away.

“Kyungsoo,” Chanyeol breathes out. “What did you just say?” His arms are on Kyungsoo’s sides, confining the wide-eyed boy.

Kyungsoo doesn’t answer him, and closes the distance between their lips instead. It all happens too fast for Chanyeol to comprehend and even react, so it takes him a few seconds before kissing Kyungsoo back. Kyungsoo’s lips are so soft against his, and the way he’s kissing Chanyeol is so gentle and tender, as if he thinks that Chanyeol’s going to break easily. Chanyeol hand finds its way to Kyungsoo’s nape and Kyungsoo’s slowly grabbing Chanyeol’s shirt, crumpling the fabric inside his fist.

They pull away from each other too soon, and Chanyeol almost leans in for another kiss but decides to marvel at the boy in front of him instead. He had always thought that Kyungsoo was attractive, but now it’s like Chanyeol’s realizing for the very first time that Kyungsoo is just beautiful. The dim streetlights and the moonlight filtering through the window are illuminating Kyungsoo’s face, his eyes, his lips, his heaving chest, his collarbones - Chanyeol is in love. The fireworks inside his gut still hasn’t stopped exploding and his heartbeat is still raging on inside his chest.

“You’re so dumb.” Kyungsoo says, a bit too fondly, and smiles at him. His eyes are sparkling even in the darkness, and Chanyeol feels warmth just from Kyungsoo’s gaze.

The sound of a rooster wakes Chanyeol up. He blinks at the white ceiling of his room, and hears the sheets rustle. The rooster keeps on crowing for a few more seconds before Chanyeol realizes that it’s the alarm from Kyungsoo’s phone. The phone vibrates on the bedside table, and Chanyeol reaches over to turn it off.

Just when Chanyeol’s putting back the phone on the table, Kyungsoo stirs in his sleep beside him and clings onto Chanyeol tighter. Chanyeol really can’t feel his left arm and he can’t move it either since Kyungsoo’s using it as his own pillow.

“Kyungsoo, wake up.” Chanyeol tells him, trying to shake his left arm to nudge Kyungsoo’s head. He winces when he feels pins and needles, the numbing and prickling feeling waking him up entirely.

Kyungsoo groans before slowly opening his eyes. He hums, before sitting up and yawning.

Chanyeol’s still recovering from the numbness in his arm, trying not to sob from the pain.

“What do you want for breakfast?” Kyungsoo breathes out as he stretches his arms and cranes his neck sideways.

Chanyeol purses his lips into a tight smile before sitting up on the bed too. He shifts to position himself just behind Kyungsoo, and Chanyeol snakes his arms around his waist. “You.” He whispers, trying his best to make his voice sound deeper than usual.

Kyungsoo pinches him on his sides and quickly escapes his grasp while Chanyeol’s groaning in pain. He’s shaking his head at Chanyeol in disapproval, but he’s giving him a fond laugh at the same time.

- - -

A week passes by with Chanyeol adjusting to the newfound giddiness he’s feeling whenever he’s with Kyungsoo. A lot of things doesn’t change between them, Kyungsoo still attacks Chanyeol with punches, and the occasional kicks, and Chanyeol still loves to rile him up even further. But Kyungsoo’s looking at him differently, and he doesn’t hide himself behind his own walls after opening up for a few seconds anymore. He reveals himself completely, all his feelings, all his quirks, and Chanyeol falls in love a bit more. They still go to movies together like they usually do, and they still wash the dishes together - with Chanyeol in charge of scrubbing and Kyungsoo in rinsing.

The difference is that Chanyeol gets to send butterfly kisses on Kyungsoo neck while he’s cooking, and he doesn’t need to restrain himself from hugging Kyungsoo at the most random moments. Kyungsoo gives him less death glares now (unless Chanyeol being extra annoying to him) and looks at him with so much gentleness instead. And probably the best part about being together is saving water expenses and showering together. They don’t save time though because Kyungsoo would suddenly pull in Chanyeol for kiss, his hands hidden under the shampoo bubbles on Chanyeol’s hair.

Kyungsoo still drags Chanyeol out of bed at 9AM to go grocery shopping. All Chanyeol can hear in his mind recently is a symphony of upbeat melodies, and instrumentals that would be perfect for pop songs about falling head over heels for someone.

“Do we still have milk?” Kyungsoo asks him, walking beside Chanyeol as he stares at the row of carton milks.

“Yeah, we still do.” Chanyeol answers before pushing their cart sideways to make way for an elderly couple passing by. He grabs Kyungsoo by the hand and pulls him closer. He hears laughter from the old couple that just passed by, and Chanyeol turns his head to glance at them. With their hair turning gray and white, they have the happiest smiles on their faces as they slowly push the grocery cart together. Chanyeol wants to grow old with Kyungsoo too. He wants to watch a grumpy Kyungsoo pick vegetables in a very meticulous manner, and he wants to try dyeing both of their hair in crazy colors when the strands start turning gray. He just wants to be with Kyungsoo until they’re both old and wrinkly.

“Hey,” Chanyeol squeezes Kyungsoo’s hand to catch his attention.

Kyungsoo looks at him, eyebrows raised in question.

I love you, he wants to say. Chanyeol is so in love, and he wants to say it. But it’s stuck in his throat, so he doesn’t force it. He doesn’t say anything, he just stares at Kyungsoo. Maybe the moment just doesn’t feel right, or maybe it’d be better to tell Kyungsoo in the morning, right after he wakes up. But really, Chanyeol isn’t sure how to figure out if it’s The Right Moment. But Chanyeol’s sure that he’s hopelessly in love with Kyungsoo. He just smiles at Kyungsoo, and he feels the corners of his eyes crinkling.

“Stop being weird in public.” Kyungsoo reprimands him yet again. “Come here.” Kyungsoo lets go of Chanyeol’s hand and rests his own hand on Chanyeol’s waist. Kyungsoo pulls him closer, and Chanyeol drapes an arm over Kyungsoo’s shoulders.

Kyungsoo’s looking at Chanyeol, and Chanyeol lets their gaze meet. Kyungsoo’s looking at him like he knows, like he’s fully aware of Chanyeol being so in love with him, even if he doesn’t say it. Kyungsoo looks at him like he’s so in love, too.

Chanyeol chuckles and drops a quick kiss on Kyungsoo’s forehead before they move on to the next aisle.