[FIC] Gakuen Heaven: Surfacing: Possibilities
Surfacing: Possibilities
- a direct sequel to Match
Authors: kagayachou and the_dw
Characters/Pairings: Shichijo/Saionji, Shichijo/Nakajima, Nakajima/Saionji and Shichijo/Nakajima/Saionji implied
Rating: PG-13
Words: 5961
Summary: Are Omi and Kaoru's problems slowly resolving? Could there be a happy ending? But what about Hide's thoughts on the matter? Or Niwa's... if it matters at all...
Hide sat on the railing on the rooftop, ankles crossed, a cigarette held forgotten in between his fingers as he looked down at the boy sitting at his feet. The kid had burst in around fifteen minutes ago and had just sat down there without explanation. Hide shrugged; it wasn't his business anyway. Besides, he was quiet enough.
"I'm not going to ask you your name or what you're doing in this school," he said, shrugging. "But Niwa's going to come here in less than five minutes, so wipe your tears unless you want him to see them. You're a man, na?" He smiled crookedly down at the boy.
Eiji pouted, but bit his lip and quickly dried his eyes with the wide blue collar of his sailor suit top. Since the older boy spoke first, he felt safer to speak.
"Are you going to jump?"
Hide raised an eyebrow; so the boy could talk. He shrugged, bringing his cigarette to his lips for one last drag before he tossed the thing over his back. Blowing a smoke ring out, he replied, "No. I'm not suicidal. Even if I am, I won't jump from here anyway." He gestured outwards. "The distance from here to the ground is too short, for one. For another, it's just so messy to kill yourself this way. I don't like messes."
After the words sank in, the little boy laughed. Shyly. And quickly stifled himself when it made Hide stare. "I don't like messes either," he offered. "You look like you might fall off though." After all, Hide sat there so casually. If it was Eiji sitting on the railing, a strong wind could have done him in.
"But... that's better than being killed by someone else."
Hide swung his legs, leaning backwards to the point that he looked as if he was going to fall off at any moment. Then he pulled himself back, returning to his previous position and crossing his arms. "I won't fall off." He frowned, brow creasing a little. A normal child wouldn't say something like that, and this boy... from what Hide had seen, he didn't make unnecessary remarks. Does that have anything to do with why the boy was in this school?
He gave himself a mental shrug. It's not his business, and he wasn't one to pry anyway. So he simply nodded. "Very true. If you commit suicide, then it's completely your fault for making such a mess. But if you're killed, someone makes a mess of you and you might even be blamed for it. That's just rather unfair, isn't it?" A smile tugged at the corner of his lips - the only sign that he was not being serious.
Big brown eyes only seemed to go bigger. He shook his head. "I won't blame-" He cut himself off when he heard the door open, and shuffled a few steps closer to the older boy.
"Yo, Hide!" They both knew that voice. "Where's...
"Eiji!" Niwa's shoulders sagged with relief, but he smiled. "Phew..."
"As noisy as ever, Niwa," Hide said, his smile fading and changing into his customary smirk. He unfolded his arms as he shook his head, turning towards Eiji. (Of course, he had known the boy's name ever since Niwa made the announcement, but Hide wasn't the type to use another person's name indiscriminately.)
"Your keeper's here."
Eiji looked from the loud one to the quiet one, not particularly inclined to move away soon. Niwa was all right, in the 'he's acting really nice to me and I appreciate it, but it's rather annoying' way. Hide was interesting to talk to. And they knew each other's names...
"Are you friends?"
Niwa walked over, nodding, "Aah. Best friends," he looked at the other boy, with a small smile. "Na, Hide?"
"Aah," Hide said, turning away, his voice distant. "Yea, we are."
To be honest, he wasn't sure any more. Sometimes he admired Kaoru and Shichijo's bond; who knew that one mere freshman could do so much damage? But he was aware of the consequences when he seduced Itou away from Niwa. Hell, he had even accepted them.
It didn't mean that it didn't hurt like fuck, though.
He took a breath, shoving those thoughts and emotions to the very back of his mind. Turning his attention back to the boy, he said, "Your name's Eiji, right? What does it mean?"
"It means I'm a really awesome king," Eiji beamed, which surprised Niwa. "Or I will be," the kid continued, "when I grow up." Then, he threw a smug little smirk towards his keeper. "I'll be better than Tetsuya."
"Oi, oi..." Niwa laughed, glad to see the boy was finally starting to smile a bit, even if it was at his expense. "I'm King. You're still in training," he grinned.
Hide snorted, jumping down from the railing then leaning back against it. "It won't take much to be better. After all, Niwa here is only the King of Bell Liberty," he teased. "He's not even a real King."
He wasn't looking at Niwa.
The kid laughed, and that was when Omi opened the door for Kaoru. At the light sound, he swept his gaze over Eiji, then at the other two. Niwa and Nakajima were uncomfortably far apart, he noted, more accustomed to seeing the King practically claim his Second's personal space whenever they were around each other. At the moment, the child was between them, and Nakajima still looked like he wanted to lean a little further away than was intelligent.
Not that leaning on the roof top railing indicated intelligence.
"Ah, everyone we wanted to see," he smiled faintly, and stepped aside to let his first love through.
Kaoru stepped through the door, immediately noticing the tense atmosphere between the two Student Council members. He sighed imperceptibly; it looked as if those two were being idiots as usual. Well, Hide had helped Omi and Kaoru himself stop being idiots, so Kaoru should help them in return. But Omi was in love with Hide... he blinked. Why had the situation gotten so complicated again?
"It looks like you have found him, Niwa," Kaoru said aloud. He would think about all of that later.
Hide nodded towards the two members of the Treasury, noting with a small smile that they had finally woken up and gotten together. He was glad for them; he really was. Shoving away the inexplicable sharp pang of hurt he felt at the thought, he gave Eiji a small smile. "Those two rude people who had just barged in are our friends as well."
But it was okay. Omi didn't have a creepy smile on his face, and Kaoru... "Onee-san's really pretty," the boy stated. At least it didn't sound like something that needed to be censored in Eiji's head.
"Anou na," Niwa threw Kaoru an anxious look. Behind them, Omi just covered his smile with a fist.
Hide bit his lip to stop the laugh from escaping. He didn't blame the kid for the misunderstanding - Kaoru did look like a girl, despite what the boy himself thought.
Kaoru huffed, crossing his arms and unconsciously pouting. "I am not a girl." He walked over and squatted down a little further away from the boy, his arms open to show his chest. "I'm a man."
Really, why did everyone mistake him for a girl? He didn't even look like one!
"You could be a really flat girl," Eiji indignantly replied.
"Oh no. No no no no no," Niwa squat down beside Kaoru, facing Eiji. "Kaoru-chan just looks like a girl. But he's definitely not. Believe me, I checked."
Omi raised an eyebrow, and then decided it was best to let him dig his own grave unless his best friend deigned to help him - as usual.
"You're not helping, Niwa," Hide said dryly. He didn't try to get closer, lingering at the back. "Listen, Eiji. Bell Liberty is an all boys' school. Kaoru is wearing a boy's uniform - it's just a white version of the gakurin." He rolled his eyes, "Even though he's pretty, trust me that he's a guy. What would a girl be doing here anyway?"
Kaoru was about to smack Niwa for those remarks (and for reminding him of the horrible, horrible time when Niwa had 'checked'), but held himself back when Hide intervened. His friend was really logical, and it appeased Kaoru's anger. Not all of it, of course, but a little - enough to stop him from smacking Niwa in front of Eiji, at least.
"I'm a student in this school," he pointed out. "So I have to be a boy. I'm not a girl, Eiji-kun."
Eiji looked at each of them, and faintly felt glad they weren't all ganging up on him. "Okay," he said at last, staring at Kaoru a few seconds longer. "Kaoru-onii-san is still really pretty..." He looked at Niwa, "For a moment, I thought he was gonna smack you like when daddy makes mommy..."
He bit his lips and his eyes started to water.
"Aw fu-" Niwa swore beneath his breath and let his knees touch the ground, pulling the kid over into a tight, protective hug. As he murmured assurances, generally trying to calm the kid down, Omi quickly thought back.
Niwa had probably picked the boy up from a police station, but just why did he have to look after the kid - and in school?
Kaoru watched Niwa with the boy with wide eyes, completely surprised. It looked like Niwa could be sensitive - in the most general of ways - after all. The child was certainly calming down, and Niwa was dealing with the situation perfectly well. Kaoru wouldn't have thought that the idiot 'King' could ever deal with sensitive emotional matters like these; just look at how he had trampled over Hide's feelings. But here... Eiji seemed to be comforted by Niwa's words and touch.
It looked like Kaoru had to adjust his perception of Niwa now.
Hide looked over the scene, a faint smile on his lips. Kaoru looked as if he had seen a miracle happen. He chuffed under his breath, shaking that thought away and focused on the boy. From what Eiji had said just now and his reaction to being reminded of his parents... Hide's eyes narrowed.
Was the boy's parents murdered? Was that why he was here with Niwa? After all, Niwa's father was the Chief of Police, and Niwa himself was interning at the station... it made perfect sense.
Especially when Niwa was telling Eiji not to cry anymore, because he was a boy, and because his parents would want him to live on happily. That they would never want him so upset. He tucked the boy's head under his chin, and stroked his back, but Niwa's eyes strayed to Kaoru, and away again.
He smiled sadly, "I won't lie and tell you everything is gonna be all right, but you're a survivor, you hear? You're gonna live on and make your mommy and daddy proud, aren't you?"
Eiji nodded, his reply a muffled sniffled against Niwa's chest.
Kaoru's eyes softened as he added, "You're a brave boy, Eiji-kun."
Perhaps Niwa had some redeeming qualities after all.
Hide was suddenly struck by the sudden irony of the scene. Kaoru hated Niwa, from what he could see, and now the three of them - Niwa, Kaoru and Eiji - looked like a family. Even Shichijo fit in somehow, while he stuck out like a sore thumb.
Hide sighed and pushed himself away from the railing, heading for the door.
"Nakajima," Omi's voice was soft, so as not to disturb the others. "Kaoru and I want a word with you, if you have the time." Of course, he knew the guy had time. He'd already finished his paperwork before Omi had gone to retrieve it.
Hide stopped mid-stride, but didn't turn. "... Alright. You know where you can find me, na?" Not the Student Council room, because Niwa and Eiji would be there... and because it would be the first place Shichijo and Kaoru would look.
With just that, he walked out of the door.
***
After Niwa brought Eiji to the Student Council room, Omi told Kaoru what Hide said. Kaoru nodded, easily deciding, "Then Hide will be moping in his room, since we disturbed him from the rooftop and the council room is... otherwise in use."
Thus, they knocked at his door and waited.
Hide took a long drag of his cigarette, drawing his leg closer to him as he looked out to the sea. He was sitting on the railing of his balcony, one leg hanging on the inside while the other drawn towards him. An ashtray sat at his foot on the ground, a near-empty pack beside it. He turned his head at the knock and sighed.
It looked like Kaoru and Shichijo had found him, after all.
He shrugged to himself, stubbing out his cigarette as he walked over to the door and opened it. Smirking slightly when he saw them, he stepped aside to let them come in, "I suppose congratulates are in order?"
"And 'thank you's." Kaoru nodded, smirking sweetly at him as he entered, Omi closing the door quietly behind them. That smile was a sure sign as any that the redhead had something interesting in mind. But as yet, Kaoru kept his ideas to himself. He stepped aside and turned so he faced both boys.
"You were right; you always said Omi loves me," he told Hide, and continued, looking to Omi, "I just... never thought it could be the same way I love you, Omi."
At those words, a small, genuine smile spread over Omi's face, lighting his eyes as though they were amethysts.
Hide turned away, heading towards the door of his balcony. The look of pure love shared between the two of them almost literally made him sick. He ignored the sharp pain in his chest, taking a deep breath and relaxing the fist that he had unconsciously clenched. Then, when he was sure that his 'cold bastard' mask was in place again, he turned around and faced them.
"If that's all you've come to say, then all I can say is that you're welcome, and you two should've dealt with it earlier. If you're just a little less blind, you wouldn't have needed my help at all," he shrugged, his tone derisive.
Omi closed his eyes briefly, in irritation, smile drooping a little, shoulders slumping slightly. 'That guy,' he thought, 'has no capacity for romance..."
"But that's not all... You helped us really see each other, Hide," Kaoru replied. He crossed his arms then, his smile turning smug. "And what we both saw, beyond the obvious, was rather pleasantly surprising." He paused, and then nodded to his best friend. "Omi?"
Violet eyes flickered from green to blue. He supposed he knew what Kaoru wanted him to say, and despite how easy it was for those words to roll off his tongue, this was Nakajima Hideaki! Add to the fact it just occurred to him that Kaoru might not feel the same way even though it was such a pleasantly surprising thing to him... But they'd come this far.
Taking a deep breath, Omi squared his shoulders and met his rival's eyes again. He couldn't say it as easily as he could with others before. It didn't even sound right in his head, so instead, he said, "I love Kaoru, but I have fallen for you... too."
Kaoru had a faintly proud look in his eyes.
Hide nearly bit his tongue in shock. He whirled around, plainly staring to the point of gaping at Shichijo. He opened his mouth to say something, anything, but his voice wouldn't cooperate.
Shichijo loved... him? It didn't make sense. It didn't make a single ounce of sense. Shichijo loved Kaoru, and only Kaoru, for as long as Hide had known him. This... this was so unprecedented, so unexpected, that it just couldn't be true. Besides, they were rivals, and rivals are not supposed to fall in love with each other.
Therefore, Shichijo must be joking. Perhaps it was a belated revenge for his 'you're mine' joke... now that makes sense.
Hide squashed the rising hope in his heart (he shouldn't be hopeful; there's nothing to be hopeful about) and schooled his expression back into impassivity. Giving both Kaoru and Shichijo a brittle smile, he said, "You really had me there for a minute." He crossed his arms, "Nice joke, Shichijo. But unfortunately it won't work on the original creator of it."
Hide didn't know why his tone was so fiercely acidic, and why his chest hurt so much that he felt like he couldn't breathe.
"I got you back for that joke a week ago." Omi inclined his head slightly. His eyes were downcast, his voice subdued. "More than got you back," he amended, "and although I know our feelings are far from mutual... Kaoru thought - and I agreed - that I should show you." He looked to Kaoru, and then at Hide once more, voice turning somewhat chiding as he asked, "Have you ever realized that I do try to confront you in our battles alone?"
Kaoru sighed to himself and gave Hide a pointed look, one eyebrow raised. 'Honestly, Hide,' the look seemed to broadcast, 'you are such an idiot sometimes.'
"This isn't a game or a prank," Kaoru finally said. "I told Omi this, and I'm telling you now: Omi has a big enough heart to love more than one person at the same time, and I'm glad for that.
"The question is, are you?"
Hide didn't reply for a long time, stepping back until his back hit the wall, leaning on it heavily while his thoughts swirled. They were sincere; both Kaoru and Shichijo were speaking the truth - he could tell that from their eyes. His breath choked in his throat, and he clenched his hands into fists, bunching his uniform pants in them.
Nothing... nothing made sense. None of this made sense. He stared wide-eyed at those two, lips parting but he couldn't find the words to speak. His thoughts were an incoherent torrent.
In the end, all he could ask was, "Why?"
If someone asked Omi why he loved Kaoru, he could narrate an elaborate essay; probably even write a dissertation if Kaoru himself seriously wanted one. But Hide? Omi didn't know how to answer.
"Why what?" Kaoru prompted, "Why Omi loves you? Why he can love us both? ...Why I'm taking it better than either of you?" He had a mildly teasing grin on his face, but he reined it in as best he could for Omi and Hide's sake.
Hide blinked at him. "The first and the last, if you would please," he said, trying to keep his tone sarcastic but it only came out as weak and mildly protesting. "I know it's perfectly possible for someone to love two people at the same time, but..."
He closed his eyes for a moment. "Shichijo, I know you love Saionji here to the point of worship. Shouldn't your heart be already full?" His lips twisted into a mockery of a smile. "I'm not a very lovable person."
"Oh, on that, I agree entirely," Omi answered dryly.
"Omi..." Kaoru murmured, but the boy continued.
"Why did you think I was so angry about your joke? It was my reaction to it - you pointed it out - that I love you and... I want to be yours, if there was the possibility that we could get along, or if you could be mine." He looked quickly from Kaoru to Hide as he tried to explain, "It started some time after those rumours began circulating about the two of you as lovers. I started paying more attention to you, trying to see why people would think that, why Kaoru did end up sleeping with you, and somehow..." Omi looked down.
Quietly, Kaoru finished the sentence, "you started seeing him as a potential lover."
After a moment, Omi nodded. "Aah."
Hide's knees finally gave out on him. He slid down the wall until he was sitting down, still staring wordlessly at the two of them. That joke... that was why Shichijo was angry? He was kidding when he suggested it! In fact, that whole thing was a joke just to show everyone that he was perfectly fine and to 'reassure' Itou that the boy wasn't special. He closed his eyes, trying to breathe through the tight knot in his chest and the lump in his throat. Why the hell was he reacting this way, damnit?!
It wasn't like the hurt he felt when Niwa nearly broke him over six weeks ago. It was anticipation, in a way, and relief and excitement and a whole swell of feelings that he didn't understand.
"I..." he tried to say, but his voice disappeared halfway. Hide cleared his throat, taking off his glasses and covering his face with a hand. "I don't know what to say. I don't even know what to feel about this. In fact, I'm feeling so goddamn confused right now because you two are making me feel emotions that I've never felt before. How do you expect me to respond to this? I don't know. I really don't."
He tried to stop the flood of words, but he couldn't. "If it were anyone else I would've just brushed them off, but it's you two. I... damnit, I don't know what to do, okay? For..." He raked a hand through his hair, looking at Kaoru and Shichijo (or should he be Omi now?) with wild eyes. "Tell me what you want me to do and I'll do it, because I really have no fucking clue right now."
After a moment's silence, Kaoru knelt down beside Hide. "Hypothetically," he began, "if you found that the person you love loves you back, but also fell for a good friend of yours, who deserves just as much love as the next person... what might you do?
"I propose that we share each other. Give each other the chance to see if we can love one another and be happy together. Hide? Omi?"
Hide stared at him for a moment before tearing his eyes away, putting his glasses back on with steady hands. “No.
“It might be selfish of me to say this, but I… I don’t want to be a third wheel. And I know I will be. You two had loved each other for so long, and Shichijo had discovered his ‘love’ for me… how long ago?” He closed his eyes, standing up slowly. “It’s better for all of us if we just forget that this had ever happened. That ‘love’… it’ll fade eventually.”
He laughed bitterly, walking towards the door of his balcony and opening it. “I’m not a nice person, much less a lovable one. I don’t want either of you to hate me. If we can remain friends… or even just be civil with each other after this, then that’s all I want.” He didn’t turn towards them; he didn’t want to see their eyes. “If you want me to join you during sex, then just ask me for that. Don’t bring love into it; that’s all I want.”
I don’t want to be hurt again.
That unspoken message hung heavily in the room. Kaoru bit his lip, looking from Hide to Omi, and then stood up. But before he could think of a proper reply, Omi walked past him.
"If it was sex, I think the two of us know we can... come to you. But it's not just sex. It's," Omi hesitated to say the word again, "something you're afraid of, it seems." He stood a distance behind Hide, close enough to touch, but he kept his hands to himself.
"The... love that broke your heart; has it faded yet?"
Hide's hand clenched involuntarily; it was just that obvious, wasn't it? And yet Niwa was the only person who couldn't see it. He laughed bitterly under his breath, closing his eyes. He wished that he could say 'yes', but...
They had been so honest with him so far. It would be unfair if he started lying to them now. Hide took a breath, exhaling softly and turning his eyes to the ceiling.
"If even you noticed it, then I really must have been hiding it horribly," he chuffed. His tone was almost casual, self-deprecating. "It's a good thing that the idiot is more oblivious, na?"
He spun around to face them, his lips twisted into an obviously false smile, "No, it hasn't." Taking a deep breath, he looked into both Kaoru and Shichijo's eyes, continuing, "See why this is a bad idea? You don't want to be with someone who is in love with someone else, Shichijo. I know."
His smile was as brittle and sharp as a broken mirror.
Omi replied honestly, “If I could have chosen what I felt for you, I would have set the dial at mild dislike as default, and left it at that. But you know love doesn’t work that way.” It didn’t work with whatever Hide probably preferred to feel about the King of Bell Liberty now, did it?
“What I felt for you... those feelings were all over the place. They still are. I want to try and...” get it together, he didn’t quite know how to say.
“I want to show you,” Omi paused and grinned, “that you are loveable. And maybe convince you to give us a chance.”
Hide raised an eyebrow. 'Show him', huh? He chuckled softly, leaning back against the door to his balcony. "If you want sex," he drawled, "then all you have to do is ask." He closed his eyes, "Show me that I'm loveable, huh? Don't be ridiculous."
Stepping forward, he brushed a hand through Shichijo's bangs, then other caressing a lock of Kaoru's hair. "Would you forget this whole thing if we fuck? Because it's getting a little too absurd for words." He looked Shichijo straight in the eye, a side of his lips quirking up in a lopsided smirk, "Trust me when I say that you'd rather not have me as a lover. Just ask Itou.”
“Itou-kun?” Omi fought back from leaning against Hide’s touch and thought of the brief fling he had Itou Keita, when Kaoru rather encouraged him to go satisfy his curiosity with the younger boy. “Saa... I had the strongest impression that Itou-kun has a very specific image in mind for a lover.”
Looking to Kaoru, he explained, “He tries to be what he thinks you’d want your ideal lover to be, and when you don’t do the same or if you simply don’t fit his mould, he’ll try to back off as sweetly as possible.”
“Oh,” Kaoru bit his lip to stifle a laugh for Hide’s sake. “Niwa’s persistence certainly explains why they keep going on and off then. But Hide,” he held a hand over the one Hide had on his hair. “We did fuck, and...” Kaoru shied a glance at Omi, who filled in.
“And I fucked you. Short of amnesia, I don’t think anything would make me forget this whole thing, idiot.”
"So says the man who waited over three years to tell the person he loves that he loves him," Hide countered dryly. He pulled a hand through his hair, sighing as he shook his head, "Sex is just sex. There's no real meaning behind it. Sure, you can say that if you have sex with someone you love, it means something. But what we have... it's just sex." His lips twisted into an almost-bitter smirk, "You don't love me, Shichijo. You love Kaoru. With me, it's an infatuation.
"You can't fall in love with someone just because you fucked them, you see."
Omi sighed, and pointed out, “I can’t tell exactly when I fell for you, but it was before, not after your prank on the school, which should tell you I had feelings for you a while ago.
“I just realized them, but you prompted me to tell Kaoru I love him, and he told me to tell you the same thing, because... he doesn’t want me to be miserable - which I was. My reactions towards you made me angrier at myself than I was at you.”
“Give him a chance, Hide,” Kaoru murmured. “I know you two normally don’t like to see eye to eye, even when you do, but I wouldn’t suggest a threesome if I didn’t think we could be happy together.”
Hide was quiet for a long time.
"I trust you both, I think," he said, uncharacteristically hesitant and careful. "Kaoru is my friend, and Shichijo..." he took a breath. "Your eyes are the most honest part of you, and you're not keeping them closed anymore. Besides, you're not the type who lies; you just withhold the truth."
He smiled wryly, "But I... I'm never good at anything that has to do with emotions. I'm not a person who is easy to get along with, nor am I sure that I will ever be able to reciprocate your feelings. I don't hate you, but neither do I love you. It wouldn't be fair for you two, you see.
"I don't want to just take without being able to give."
“And you wonder why anyone could love you for you,” Kaoru gently chided. “You at least like Omi though, don’t you? Or is it just his eyes?” He didn’t think it was just Omi’s eyes, but then again, ‘I could be biased.’ With a quiet laugh, he shook his head. “If you didn’t trust Omi, you’d definitely dislike him.”
“I loved Kaoru for years without looking for reciprocation. If you could give me that, it would be...” Omi breathed out. “I’ll take whatever you’re willing to give. The good, the bad... whatever you think I deserve after what I... what we did last week.
“Because it was too violent. For me. And you said you had fun, but... you also said you could’ve done without the pain.”
Hide sighed exasperatedly, "I told you again and again, Shichijo, that it wasn't your fault. Firstly, it was entirely consensual. Secondly, I distinctly remember goading you into it. Thirdly, I have a very high pain tolerance. Lastly... I'm not a fragile doll, you know. I can take it." A thought suddenly struck him, and he bit his lip, "Ne, Shichijo," he started without thinking. "Do you think that you love me because of guilt over that incident?"
He wouldn't be surprised if that was true.
Omi scowled, feeling as though Hide was not listening. “You. Are infuriating.” He stepped forward and cupped Hide’s cheeks in both hands. “Look into my honest eyes, and tell me what part of ‘I started loving you before your stupid prank’ do you not understand?”
And Hide did look. What he saw in them confused him further and yet, at the same time, reassured him. He raised a hand, running his fingers through Omi's hair slowly before he shook his head.
"None of it," I believe you, he didn't have to say. "You have loved Kaoru for so long, you see, that one cannot help but be wonder if you can even love anyone else. Especially your rival whom you hate."
“There’s a very thin line between love and hate,” Omi repeated the words that Hide whispered at him from when it was a prank; this time however, Omi meant it. “I prefer love. In fact, I wanted to make love to you earlier today, before I stopped when I realized that was the case.”
Kaoru’s hand, the one that held one of Hide’s, twitched slightly.
Hide interpreted the twitch correctly. He turned to Kaoru, his gaze shifting to Shichijo, smiling wryly. "Perhaps you wanted to, but I think you have other priorities now, ne?" He took Kaoru's hand and placed it on top of Shichijo's. "I think you'd rather 'make love," he could not stop the slightly mocking tone from slipping into his voice, "to Kaoru than to me now."
Looking amused, he continued, "Do remember your priorities, Knight."
Omi looked from Hide to Kaoru, and smiled reassuringly, stepping back, and kissing Kaoru’s knuckles. “If it pleases your lordships, I will be thy Knight. Thy dog,” slowly, he looked to Hide, “thy willing slave.
“But you don’t really want that now, do you? ...You’re both important to me now. You can make me chose, but I’d prefer not to.”
Kaoru nodded, blushing slightly, “I won’t want either of you hurt.”
Hide barely resisted smacking his palm against his forehead. Shichijo- Omi was being far too saccharine and romantic; almost too much to be real. He would have thought that it was faked if not for the sincerity in those violet eyes, and somehow knowing that those words were absolutely sincere just made matters worse. Running a hand through his hair, he sighed.
"I'm not trying to hurt either of you, nor am I trying to make you choose. It's just that..." he looked away, biting at the corner of his lip. "I just think that you two had loved each other longer, loved each other more, so you should be with each other first. Enjoy each other to the fullest before... before you bring me into the equation."
In a near whisper, he continued, "It's only fair."
Kaoru smiled, and so did Omi when it sank in his head that Hide was agreeing in a roundabout way. Well, it was more likely Hide’s way of giving them a chance to see if they’d still just want to be together without him, Omi figured, which was... kind of sweet.
He leaned forward, laid a quick, light kiss upon Hide’s lips, and then wrapped an arm around his best friend. “Kaoru? I want to show this guy how much I love you, and how I can love him if he’d just let me.”
Concerned violet eyes found surprised, then eager green ones.
“If... Hide’s okay with that?” came out in a breathless whisper.
Hide blinked, a hand touching his lips where Omi had kissed them. Almost unconsciously, he licked them before lifting his eyes to meet Kaoru's. The question took a little while to register in his mind, but when it did, he quirked his lips into a teasing smile.
"Of course I am. I was the one who suggested it," he took a step back. "Do you want me to watch, or do you want me to leave?"
“Hide!” It was Kaoru’s turn to look exasperated. “This is your room! And even if it wasn’t, Omi... Omi and I want you to watch.”
“And join in,” Omi quipped. “When you feel up for it.” Frankly, Omi didn’t believe Hide could watch and not join in, but he’d probably have the pride and enough consideration to wait it out.
Hide smiled lopsidedly at them, "I'll stay, then." His fingers twitched, almost reaching out towards them, but he clenched them into a fist quickly. Motioning to the bed with a hand, his smile morphed into a smirk.
"The bed's over there; you know where everything is, don’t you?" He wasn't looking at either of them in particular, but the question was obviously directed at Kaoru. Meanwhile, he moved over to his desk, pulling the chair to face the bed and sitting down carefully on it.
Kaoru laughed, looking at Hide with gentle eyes, "Of course." Then, he turned back to Omi, hands closing around his lover's collar as he pulled him down for a kiss.
End
Continued in Surfacing: Realities
- a direct sequel to Match
Authors: kagayachou and the_dw
Characters/Pairings: Shichijo/Saionji, Shichijo/Nakajima, Nakajima/Saionji and Shichijo/Nakajima/Saionji implied
Rating: PG-13
Words: 5961
Summary: Are Omi and Kaoru's problems slowly resolving? Could there be a happy ending? But what about Hide's thoughts on the matter? Or Niwa's... if it matters at all...
Hide sat on the railing on the rooftop, ankles crossed, a cigarette held forgotten in between his fingers as he looked down at the boy sitting at his feet. The kid had burst in around fifteen minutes ago and had just sat down there without explanation. Hide shrugged; it wasn't his business anyway. Besides, he was quiet enough.
"I'm not going to ask you your name or what you're doing in this school," he said, shrugging. "But Niwa's going to come here in less than five minutes, so wipe your tears unless you want him to see them. You're a man, na?" He smiled crookedly down at the boy.
Eiji pouted, but bit his lip and quickly dried his eyes with the wide blue collar of his sailor suit top. Since the older boy spoke first, he felt safer to speak.
"Are you going to jump?"
Hide raised an eyebrow; so the boy could talk. He shrugged, bringing his cigarette to his lips for one last drag before he tossed the thing over his back. Blowing a smoke ring out, he replied, "No. I'm not suicidal. Even if I am, I won't jump from here anyway." He gestured outwards. "The distance from here to the ground is too short, for one. For another, it's just so messy to kill yourself this way. I don't like messes."
After the words sank in, the little boy laughed. Shyly. And quickly stifled himself when it made Hide stare. "I don't like messes either," he offered. "You look like you might fall off though." After all, Hide sat there so casually. If it was Eiji sitting on the railing, a strong wind could have done him in.
"But... that's better than being killed by someone else."
Hide swung his legs, leaning backwards to the point that he looked as if he was going to fall off at any moment. Then he pulled himself back, returning to his previous position and crossing his arms. "I won't fall off." He frowned, brow creasing a little. A normal child wouldn't say something like that, and this boy... from what Hide had seen, he didn't make unnecessary remarks. Does that have anything to do with why the boy was in this school?
He gave himself a mental shrug. It's not his business, and he wasn't one to pry anyway. So he simply nodded. "Very true. If you commit suicide, then it's completely your fault for making such a mess. But if you're killed, someone makes a mess of you and you might even be blamed for it. That's just rather unfair, isn't it?" A smile tugged at the corner of his lips - the only sign that he was not being serious.
Big brown eyes only seemed to go bigger. He shook his head. "I won't blame-" He cut himself off when he heard the door open, and shuffled a few steps closer to the older boy.
"Yo, Hide!" They both knew that voice. "Where's...
"Eiji!" Niwa's shoulders sagged with relief, but he smiled. "Phew..."
"As noisy as ever, Niwa," Hide said, his smile fading and changing into his customary smirk. He unfolded his arms as he shook his head, turning towards Eiji. (Of course, he had known the boy's name ever since Niwa made the announcement, but Hide wasn't the type to use another person's name indiscriminately.)
"Your keeper's here."
Eiji looked from the loud one to the quiet one, not particularly inclined to move away soon. Niwa was all right, in the 'he's acting really nice to me and I appreciate it, but it's rather annoying' way. Hide was interesting to talk to. And they knew each other's names...
"Are you friends?"
Niwa walked over, nodding, "Aah. Best friends," he looked at the other boy, with a small smile. "Na, Hide?"
"Aah," Hide said, turning away, his voice distant. "Yea, we are."
To be honest, he wasn't sure any more. Sometimes he admired Kaoru and Shichijo's bond; who knew that one mere freshman could do so much damage? But he was aware of the consequences when he seduced Itou away from Niwa. Hell, he had even accepted them.
It didn't mean that it didn't hurt like fuck, though.
He took a breath, shoving those thoughts and emotions to the very back of his mind. Turning his attention back to the boy, he said, "Your name's Eiji, right? What does it mean?"
"It means I'm a really awesome king," Eiji beamed, which surprised Niwa. "Or I will be," the kid continued, "when I grow up." Then, he threw a smug little smirk towards his keeper. "I'll be better than Tetsuya."
"Oi, oi..." Niwa laughed, glad to see the boy was finally starting to smile a bit, even if it was at his expense. "I'm King. You're still in training," he grinned.
Hide snorted, jumping down from the railing then leaning back against it. "It won't take much to be better. After all, Niwa here is only the King of Bell Liberty," he teased. "He's not even a real King."
He wasn't looking at Niwa.
The kid laughed, and that was when Omi opened the door for Kaoru. At the light sound, he swept his gaze over Eiji, then at the other two. Niwa and Nakajima were uncomfortably far apart, he noted, more accustomed to seeing the King practically claim his Second's personal space whenever they were around each other. At the moment, the child was between them, and Nakajima still looked like he wanted to lean a little further away than was intelligent.
Not that leaning on the roof top railing indicated intelligence.
"Ah, everyone we wanted to see," he smiled faintly, and stepped aside to let his first love through.
Kaoru stepped through the door, immediately noticing the tense atmosphere between the two Student Council members. He sighed imperceptibly; it looked as if those two were being idiots as usual. Well, Hide had helped Omi and Kaoru himself stop being idiots, so Kaoru should help them in return. But Omi was in love with Hide... he blinked. Why had the situation gotten so complicated again?
"It looks like you have found him, Niwa," Kaoru said aloud. He would think about all of that later.
Hide nodded towards the two members of the Treasury, noting with a small smile that they had finally woken up and gotten together. He was glad for them; he really was. Shoving away the inexplicable sharp pang of hurt he felt at the thought, he gave Eiji a small smile. "Those two rude people who had just barged in are our friends as well."
But it was okay. Omi didn't have a creepy smile on his face, and Kaoru... "Onee-san's really pretty," the boy stated. At least it didn't sound like something that needed to be censored in Eiji's head.
"Anou na," Niwa threw Kaoru an anxious look. Behind them, Omi just covered his smile with a fist.
Hide bit his lip to stop the laugh from escaping. He didn't blame the kid for the misunderstanding - Kaoru did look like a girl, despite what the boy himself thought.
Kaoru huffed, crossing his arms and unconsciously pouting. "I am not a girl." He walked over and squatted down a little further away from the boy, his arms open to show his chest. "I'm a man."
Really, why did everyone mistake him for a girl? He didn't even look like one!
"You could be a really flat girl," Eiji indignantly replied.
"Oh no. No no no no no," Niwa squat down beside Kaoru, facing Eiji. "Kaoru-chan just looks like a girl. But he's definitely not. Believe me, I checked."
Omi raised an eyebrow, and then decided it was best to let him dig his own grave unless his best friend deigned to help him - as usual.
"You're not helping, Niwa," Hide said dryly. He didn't try to get closer, lingering at the back. "Listen, Eiji. Bell Liberty is an all boys' school. Kaoru is wearing a boy's uniform - it's just a white version of the gakurin." He rolled his eyes, "Even though he's pretty, trust me that he's a guy. What would a girl be doing here anyway?"
Kaoru was about to smack Niwa for those remarks (and for reminding him of the horrible, horrible time when Niwa had 'checked'), but held himself back when Hide intervened. His friend was really logical, and it appeased Kaoru's anger. Not all of it, of course, but a little - enough to stop him from smacking Niwa in front of Eiji, at least.
"I'm a student in this school," he pointed out. "So I have to be a boy. I'm not a girl, Eiji-kun."
Eiji looked at each of them, and faintly felt glad they weren't all ganging up on him. "Okay," he said at last, staring at Kaoru a few seconds longer. "Kaoru-onii-san is still really pretty..." He looked at Niwa, "For a moment, I thought he was gonna smack you like when daddy makes mommy..."
He bit his lips and his eyes started to water.
"Aw fu-" Niwa swore beneath his breath and let his knees touch the ground, pulling the kid over into a tight, protective hug. As he murmured assurances, generally trying to calm the kid down, Omi quickly thought back.
Niwa had probably picked the boy up from a police station, but just why did he have to look after the kid - and in school?
Kaoru watched Niwa with the boy with wide eyes, completely surprised. It looked like Niwa could be sensitive - in the most general of ways - after all. The child was certainly calming down, and Niwa was dealing with the situation perfectly well. Kaoru wouldn't have thought that the idiot 'King' could ever deal with sensitive emotional matters like these; just look at how he had trampled over Hide's feelings. But here... Eiji seemed to be comforted by Niwa's words and touch.
It looked like Kaoru had to adjust his perception of Niwa now.
Hide looked over the scene, a faint smile on his lips. Kaoru looked as if he had seen a miracle happen. He chuffed under his breath, shaking that thought away and focused on the boy. From what Eiji had said just now and his reaction to being reminded of his parents... Hide's eyes narrowed.
Was the boy's parents murdered? Was that why he was here with Niwa? After all, Niwa's father was the Chief of Police, and Niwa himself was interning at the station... it made perfect sense.
Especially when Niwa was telling Eiji not to cry anymore, because he was a boy, and because his parents would want him to live on happily. That they would never want him so upset. He tucked the boy's head under his chin, and stroked his back, but Niwa's eyes strayed to Kaoru, and away again.
He smiled sadly, "I won't lie and tell you everything is gonna be all right, but you're a survivor, you hear? You're gonna live on and make your mommy and daddy proud, aren't you?"
Eiji nodded, his reply a muffled sniffled against Niwa's chest.
Kaoru's eyes softened as he added, "You're a brave boy, Eiji-kun."
Perhaps Niwa had some redeeming qualities after all.
Hide was suddenly struck by the sudden irony of the scene. Kaoru hated Niwa, from what he could see, and now the three of them - Niwa, Kaoru and Eiji - looked like a family. Even Shichijo fit in somehow, while he stuck out like a sore thumb.
Hide sighed and pushed himself away from the railing, heading for the door.
"Nakajima," Omi's voice was soft, so as not to disturb the others. "Kaoru and I want a word with you, if you have the time." Of course, he knew the guy had time. He'd already finished his paperwork before Omi had gone to retrieve it.
Hide stopped mid-stride, but didn't turn. "... Alright. You know where you can find me, na?" Not the Student Council room, because Niwa and Eiji would be there... and because it would be the first place Shichijo and Kaoru would look.
With just that, he walked out of the door.
***
After Niwa brought Eiji to the Student Council room, Omi told Kaoru what Hide said. Kaoru nodded, easily deciding, "Then Hide will be moping in his room, since we disturbed him from the rooftop and the council room is... otherwise in use."
Thus, they knocked at his door and waited.
Hide took a long drag of his cigarette, drawing his leg closer to him as he looked out to the sea. He was sitting on the railing of his balcony, one leg hanging on the inside while the other drawn towards him. An ashtray sat at his foot on the ground, a near-empty pack beside it. He turned his head at the knock and sighed.
It looked like Kaoru and Shichijo had found him, after all.
He shrugged to himself, stubbing out his cigarette as he walked over to the door and opened it. Smirking slightly when he saw them, he stepped aside to let them come in, "I suppose congratulates are in order?"
"And 'thank you's." Kaoru nodded, smirking sweetly at him as he entered, Omi closing the door quietly behind them. That smile was a sure sign as any that the redhead had something interesting in mind. But as yet, Kaoru kept his ideas to himself. He stepped aside and turned so he faced both boys.
"You were right; you always said Omi loves me," he told Hide, and continued, looking to Omi, "I just... never thought it could be the same way I love you, Omi."
At those words, a small, genuine smile spread over Omi's face, lighting his eyes as though they were amethysts.
Hide turned away, heading towards the door of his balcony. The look of pure love shared between the two of them almost literally made him sick. He ignored the sharp pain in his chest, taking a deep breath and relaxing the fist that he had unconsciously clenched. Then, when he was sure that his 'cold bastard' mask was in place again, he turned around and faced them.
"If that's all you've come to say, then all I can say is that you're welcome, and you two should've dealt with it earlier. If you're just a little less blind, you wouldn't have needed my help at all," he shrugged, his tone derisive.
Omi closed his eyes briefly, in irritation, smile drooping a little, shoulders slumping slightly. 'That guy,' he thought, 'has no capacity for romance..."
"But that's not all... You helped us really see each other, Hide," Kaoru replied. He crossed his arms then, his smile turning smug. "And what we both saw, beyond the obvious, was rather pleasantly surprising." He paused, and then nodded to his best friend. "Omi?"
Violet eyes flickered from green to blue. He supposed he knew what Kaoru wanted him to say, and despite how easy it was for those words to roll off his tongue, this was Nakajima Hideaki! Add to the fact it just occurred to him that Kaoru might not feel the same way even though it was such a pleasantly surprising thing to him... But they'd come this far.
Taking a deep breath, Omi squared his shoulders and met his rival's eyes again. He couldn't say it as easily as he could with others before. It didn't even sound right in his head, so instead, he said, "I love Kaoru, but I have fallen for you... too."
Kaoru had a faintly proud look in his eyes.
Hide nearly bit his tongue in shock. He whirled around, plainly staring to the point of gaping at Shichijo. He opened his mouth to say something, anything, but his voice wouldn't cooperate.
Shichijo loved... him? It didn't make sense. It didn't make a single ounce of sense. Shichijo loved Kaoru, and only Kaoru, for as long as Hide had known him. This... this was so unprecedented, so unexpected, that it just couldn't be true. Besides, they were rivals, and rivals are not supposed to fall in love with each other.
Therefore, Shichijo must be joking. Perhaps it was a belated revenge for his 'you're mine' joke... now that makes sense.
Hide squashed the rising hope in his heart (he shouldn't be hopeful; there's nothing to be hopeful about) and schooled his expression back into impassivity. Giving both Kaoru and Shichijo a brittle smile, he said, "You really had me there for a minute." He crossed his arms, "Nice joke, Shichijo. But unfortunately it won't work on the original creator of it."
Hide didn't know why his tone was so fiercely acidic, and why his chest hurt so much that he felt like he couldn't breathe.
"I got you back for that joke a week ago." Omi inclined his head slightly. His eyes were downcast, his voice subdued. "More than got you back," he amended, "and although I know our feelings are far from mutual... Kaoru thought - and I agreed - that I should show you." He looked to Kaoru, and then at Hide once more, voice turning somewhat chiding as he asked, "Have you ever realized that I do try to confront you in our battles alone?"
Kaoru sighed to himself and gave Hide a pointed look, one eyebrow raised. 'Honestly, Hide,' the look seemed to broadcast, 'you are such an idiot sometimes.'
"This isn't a game or a prank," Kaoru finally said. "I told Omi this, and I'm telling you now: Omi has a big enough heart to love more than one person at the same time, and I'm glad for that.
"The question is, are you?"
Hide didn't reply for a long time, stepping back until his back hit the wall, leaning on it heavily while his thoughts swirled. They were sincere; both Kaoru and Shichijo were speaking the truth - he could tell that from their eyes. His breath choked in his throat, and he clenched his hands into fists, bunching his uniform pants in them.
Nothing... nothing made sense. None of this made sense. He stared wide-eyed at those two, lips parting but he couldn't find the words to speak. His thoughts were an incoherent torrent.
In the end, all he could ask was, "Why?"
If someone asked Omi why he loved Kaoru, he could narrate an elaborate essay; probably even write a dissertation if Kaoru himself seriously wanted one. But Hide? Omi didn't know how to answer.
"Why what?" Kaoru prompted, "Why Omi loves you? Why he can love us both? ...Why I'm taking it better than either of you?" He had a mildly teasing grin on his face, but he reined it in as best he could for Omi and Hide's sake.
Hide blinked at him. "The first and the last, if you would please," he said, trying to keep his tone sarcastic but it only came out as weak and mildly protesting. "I know it's perfectly possible for someone to love two people at the same time, but..."
He closed his eyes for a moment. "Shichijo, I know you love Saionji here to the point of worship. Shouldn't your heart be already full?" His lips twisted into a mockery of a smile. "I'm not a very lovable person."
"Oh, on that, I agree entirely," Omi answered dryly.
"Omi..." Kaoru murmured, but the boy continued.
"Why did you think I was so angry about your joke? It was my reaction to it - you pointed it out - that I love you and... I want to be yours, if there was the possibility that we could get along, or if you could be mine." He looked quickly from Kaoru to Hide as he tried to explain, "It started some time after those rumours began circulating about the two of you as lovers. I started paying more attention to you, trying to see why people would think that, why Kaoru did end up sleeping with you, and somehow..." Omi looked down.
Quietly, Kaoru finished the sentence, "you started seeing him as a potential lover."
After a moment, Omi nodded. "Aah."
Hide's knees finally gave out on him. He slid down the wall until he was sitting down, still staring wordlessly at the two of them. That joke... that was why Shichijo was angry? He was kidding when he suggested it! In fact, that whole thing was a joke just to show everyone that he was perfectly fine and to 'reassure' Itou that the boy wasn't special. He closed his eyes, trying to breathe through the tight knot in his chest and the lump in his throat. Why the hell was he reacting this way, damnit?!
It wasn't like the hurt he felt when Niwa nearly broke him over six weeks ago. It was anticipation, in a way, and relief and excitement and a whole swell of feelings that he didn't understand.
"I..." he tried to say, but his voice disappeared halfway. Hide cleared his throat, taking off his glasses and covering his face with a hand. "I don't know what to say. I don't even know what to feel about this. In fact, I'm feeling so goddamn confused right now because you two are making me feel emotions that I've never felt before. How do you expect me to respond to this? I don't know. I really don't."
He tried to stop the flood of words, but he couldn't. "If it were anyone else I would've just brushed them off, but it's you two. I... damnit, I don't know what to do, okay? For..." He raked a hand through his hair, looking at Kaoru and Shichijo (or should he be Omi now?) with wild eyes. "Tell me what you want me to do and I'll do it, because I really have no fucking clue right now."
After a moment's silence, Kaoru knelt down beside Hide. "Hypothetically," he began, "if you found that the person you love loves you back, but also fell for a good friend of yours, who deserves just as much love as the next person... what might you do?
"I propose that we share each other. Give each other the chance to see if we can love one another and be happy together. Hide? Omi?"
Hide stared at him for a moment before tearing his eyes away, putting his glasses back on with steady hands. “No.
“It might be selfish of me to say this, but I… I don’t want to be a third wheel. And I know I will be. You two had loved each other for so long, and Shichijo had discovered his ‘love’ for me… how long ago?” He closed his eyes, standing up slowly. “It’s better for all of us if we just forget that this had ever happened. That ‘love’… it’ll fade eventually.”
He laughed bitterly, walking towards the door of his balcony and opening it. “I’m not a nice person, much less a lovable one. I don’t want either of you to hate me. If we can remain friends… or even just be civil with each other after this, then that’s all I want.” He didn’t turn towards them; he didn’t want to see their eyes. “If you want me to join you during sex, then just ask me for that. Don’t bring love into it; that’s all I want.”
I don’t want to be hurt again.
That unspoken message hung heavily in the room. Kaoru bit his lip, looking from Hide to Omi, and then stood up. But before he could think of a proper reply, Omi walked past him.
"If it was sex, I think the two of us know we can... come to you. But it's not just sex. It's," Omi hesitated to say the word again, "something you're afraid of, it seems." He stood a distance behind Hide, close enough to touch, but he kept his hands to himself.
"The... love that broke your heart; has it faded yet?"
Hide's hand clenched involuntarily; it was just that obvious, wasn't it? And yet Niwa was the only person who couldn't see it. He laughed bitterly under his breath, closing his eyes. He wished that he could say 'yes', but...
They had been so honest with him so far. It would be unfair if he started lying to them now. Hide took a breath, exhaling softly and turning his eyes to the ceiling.
"If even you noticed it, then I really must have been hiding it horribly," he chuffed. His tone was almost casual, self-deprecating. "It's a good thing that the idiot is more oblivious, na?"
He spun around to face them, his lips twisted into an obviously false smile, "No, it hasn't." Taking a deep breath, he looked into both Kaoru and Shichijo's eyes, continuing, "See why this is a bad idea? You don't want to be with someone who is in love with someone else, Shichijo. I know."
His smile was as brittle and sharp as a broken mirror.
Omi replied honestly, “If I could have chosen what I felt for you, I would have set the dial at mild dislike as default, and left it at that. But you know love doesn’t work that way.” It didn’t work with whatever Hide probably preferred to feel about the King of Bell Liberty now, did it?
“What I felt for you... those feelings were all over the place. They still are. I want to try and...” get it together, he didn’t quite know how to say.
“I want to show you,” Omi paused and grinned, “that you are loveable. And maybe convince you to give us a chance.”
Hide raised an eyebrow. 'Show him', huh? He chuckled softly, leaning back against the door to his balcony. "If you want sex," he drawled, "then all you have to do is ask." He closed his eyes, "Show me that I'm loveable, huh? Don't be ridiculous."
Stepping forward, he brushed a hand through Shichijo's bangs, then other caressing a lock of Kaoru's hair. "Would you forget this whole thing if we fuck? Because it's getting a little too absurd for words." He looked Shichijo straight in the eye, a side of his lips quirking up in a lopsided smirk, "Trust me when I say that you'd rather not have me as a lover. Just ask Itou.”
“Itou-kun?” Omi fought back from leaning against Hide’s touch and thought of the brief fling he had Itou Keita, when Kaoru rather encouraged him to go satisfy his curiosity with the younger boy. “Saa... I had the strongest impression that Itou-kun has a very specific image in mind for a lover.”
Looking to Kaoru, he explained, “He tries to be what he thinks you’d want your ideal lover to be, and when you don’t do the same or if you simply don’t fit his mould, he’ll try to back off as sweetly as possible.”
“Oh,” Kaoru bit his lip to stifle a laugh for Hide’s sake. “Niwa’s persistence certainly explains why they keep going on and off then. But Hide,” he held a hand over the one Hide had on his hair. “We did fuck, and...” Kaoru shied a glance at Omi, who filled in.
“And I fucked you. Short of amnesia, I don’t think anything would make me forget this whole thing, idiot.”
"So says the man who waited over three years to tell the person he loves that he loves him," Hide countered dryly. He pulled a hand through his hair, sighing as he shook his head, "Sex is just sex. There's no real meaning behind it. Sure, you can say that if you have sex with someone you love, it means something. But what we have... it's just sex." His lips twisted into an almost-bitter smirk, "You don't love me, Shichijo. You love Kaoru. With me, it's an infatuation.
"You can't fall in love with someone just because you fucked them, you see."
Omi sighed, and pointed out, “I can’t tell exactly when I fell for you, but it was before, not after your prank on the school, which should tell you I had feelings for you a while ago.
“I just realized them, but you prompted me to tell Kaoru I love him, and he told me to tell you the same thing, because... he doesn’t want me to be miserable - which I was. My reactions towards you made me angrier at myself than I was at you.”
“Give him a chance, Hide,” Kaoru murmured. “I know you two normally don’t like to see eye to eye, even when you do, but I wouldn’t suggest a threesome if I didn’t think we could be happy together.”
Hide was quiet for a long time.
"I trust you both, I think," he said, uncharacteristically hesitant and careful. "Kaoru is my friend, and Shichijo..." he took a breath. "Your eyes are the most honest part of you, and you're not keeping them closed anymore. Besides, you're not the type who lies; you just withhold the truth."
He smiled wryly, "But I... I'm never good at anything that has to do with emotions. I'm not a person who is easy to get along with, nor am I sure that I will ever be able to reciprocate your feelings. I don't hate you, but neither do I love you. It wouldn't be fair for you two, you see.
"I don't want to just take without being able to give."
“And you wonder why anyone could love you for you,” Kaoru gently chided. “You at least like Omi though, don’t you? Or is it just his eyes?” He didn’t think it was just Omi’s eyes, but then again, ‘I could be biased.’ With a quiet laugh, he shook his head. “If you didn’t trust Omi, you’d definitely dislike him.”
“I loved Kaoru for years without looking for reciprocation. If you could give me that, it would be...” Omi breathed out. “I’ll take whatever you’re willing to give. The good, the bad... whatever you think I deserve after what I... what we did last week.
“Because it was too violent. For me. And you said you had fun, but... you also said you could’ve done without the pain.”
Hide sighed exasperatedly, "I told you again and again, Shichijo, that it wasn't your fault. Firstly, it was entirely consensual. Secondly, I distinctly remember goading you into it. Thirdly, I have a very high pain tolerance. Lastly... I'm not a fragile doll, you know. I can take it." A thought suddenly struck him, and he bit his lip, "Ne, Shichijo," he started without thinking. "Do you think that you love me because of guilt over that incident?"
He wouldn't be surprised if that was true.
Omi scowled, feeling as though Hide was not listening. “You. Are infuriating.” He stepped forward and cupped Hide’s cheeks in both hands. “Look into my honest eyes, and tell me what part of ‘I started loving you before your stupid prank’ do you not understand?”
And Hide did look. What he saw in them confused him further and yet, at the same time, reassured him. He raised a hand, running his fingers through Omi's hair slowly before he shook his head.
"None of it," I believe you, he didn't have to say. "You have loved Kaoru for so long, you see, that one cannot help but be wonder if you can even love anyone else. Especially your rival whom you hate."
“There’s a very thin line between love and hate,” Omi repeated the words that Hide whispered at him from when it was a prank; this time however, Omi meant it. “I prefer love. In fact, I wanted to make love to you earlier today, before I stopped when I realized that was the case.”
Kaoru’s hand, the one that held one of Hide’s, twitched slightly.
Hide interpreted the twitch correctly. He turned to Kaoru, his gaze shifting to Shichijo, smiling wryly. "Perhaps you wanted to, but I think you have other priorities now, ne?" He took Kaoru's hand and placed it on top of Shichijo's. "I think you'd rather 'make love," he could not stop the slightly mocking tone from slipping into his voice, "to Kaoru than to me now."
Looking amused, he continued, "Do remember your priorities, Knight."
Omi looked from Hide to Kaoru, and smiled reassuringly, stepping back, and kissing Kaoru’s knuckles. “If it pleases your lordships, I will be thy Knight. Thy dog,” slowly, he looked to Hide, “thy willing slave.
“But you don’t really want that now, do you? ...You’re both important to me now. You can make me chose, but I’d prefer not to.”
Kaoru nodded, blushing slightly, “I won’t want either of you hurt.”
Hide barely resisted smacking his palm against his forehead. Shichijo- Omi was being far too saccharine and romantic; almost too much to be real. He would have thought that it was faked if not for the sincerity in those violet eyes, and somehow knowing that those words were absolutely sincere just made matters worse. Running a hand through his hair, he sighed.
"I'm not trying to hurt either of you, nor am I trying to make you choose. It's just that..." he looked away, biting at the corner of his lip. "I just think that you two had loved each other longer, loved each other more, so you should be with each other first. Enjoy each other to the fullest before... before you bring me into the equation."
In a near whisper, he continued, "It's only fair."
Kaoru smiled, and so did Omi when it sank in his head that Hide was agreeing in a roundabout way. Well, it was more likely Hide’s way of giving them a chance to see if they’d still just want to be together without him, Omi figured, which was... kind of sweet.
He leaned forward, laid a quick, light kiss upon Hide’s lips, and then wrapped an arm around his best friend. “Kaoru? I want to show this guy how much I love you, and how I can love him if he’d just let me.”
Concerned violet eyes found surprised, then eager green ones.
“If... Hide’s okay with that?” came out in a breathless whisper.
Hide blinked, a hand touching his lips where Omi had kissed them. Almost unconsciously, he licked them before lifting his eyes to meet Kaoru's. The question took a little while to register in his mind, but when it did, he quirked his lips into a teasing smile.
"Of course I am. I was the one who suggested it," he took a step back. "Do you want me to watch, or do you want me to leave?"
“Hide!” It was Kaoru’s turn to look exasperated. “This is your room! And even if it wasn’t, Omi... Omi and I want you to watch.”
“And join in,” Omi quipped. “When you feel up for it.” Frankly, Omi didn’t believe Hide could watch and not join in, but he’d probably have the pride and enough consideration to wait it out.
Hide smiled lopsidedly at them, "I'll stay, then." His fingers twitched, almost reaching out towards them, but he clenched them into a fist quickly. Motioning to the bed with a hand, his smile morphed into a smirk.
"The bed's over there; you know where everything is, don’t you?" He wasn't looking at either of them in particular, but the question was obviously directed at Kaoru. Meanwhile, he moved over to his desk, pulling the chair to face the bed and sitting down carefully on it.
Kaoru laughed, looking at Hide with gentle eyes, "Of course." Then, he turned back to Omi, hands closing around his lover's collar as he pulled him down for a kiss.
End
Continued in Surfacing: Realities