Comments | evilgerbil: January 17-July 17

evilgerbil

January 17-July 17

Jul 17, 2008 10:30

Just about 6 months ago, after a dinner party where I scarcely paid attention to him and a Christmas party where we connected but I thought I'd lost out to a much more flirty girl, I had my first date with this fellow.

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milestones, love, relationship, jeff

Comments 10

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evilgerbil July 17 2008, 20:00:13 UTC

Thank you! Details on your cryptic love life, mister.

aprivateflag July 17 2008, 18:41:45 UTC

This is just so incredibly beautifully put: "6 months isn't that long in terms of the years I've been alive, but I feel like I've lived more in the half year since I met him than all the time prior."

My most heart-felt congratulations!

evilgerbil July 17 2008, 20:00:20 UTC

Thank you.

threadwalker July 17 2008, 19:49:49 UTC

Yay. :) So glad for you!

threadwalker July 17 2008, 19:50:27 UTC

and that happy-right feeling rather than the chaotic one... that's a really great sign for the long term. :)

evilgerbil July 17 2008, 19:59:43 UTC

I sometimes try to inject some chaos via fighting or freaking out, because it's what I'm used to, and to be honest that feeling used to really thrill me. But I'm on to me now! It's masochistic but part of me still enjoys someone toying with my emotions, dangling their love on a string and having me chase them constantly only for them to remain just out of reach. It feels exciting, which is why I did it for so long. Initially, Jeff's almost instant devotion to me was a turn off and almost had me headed for the hills, but I'm glad I broke the cycle of destructive thinking and realized what a gift it was.

Thanks for the gladness :)

threadwalker July 17 2008, 20:07:30 UTC

Yes- and awesome for you being on to you!

That was hard for me too- I was used to roller coasters (though in my case I had it so the other person was scrambling to please me and I was randomly getting upset/picking on things).

It's a weird thing to let go of- but awesome to realize that it is something that one is holding on to and one can let go of. There is more drama and a rush from the ups and downs... but so not worth it when compared to the awesome goodness of actually letting things be good. :)

The yucky boy did me the favor of making me so tired of the stupid ups and downs I just wanted to get off the ride. It helped me be ready for someone I could really be good with. Life throws curves anyways, and there are other forms of excitement. Feels so much better to share the support of each other through the curves, and to enjoy positive excitement together. It can take practice to continue to let go of the ride... but it's totally worth it. :)

boymaenad July 17 2008, 21:09:02 UTC

congrats :)

pandorasfox July 17 2008, 21:57:36 UTC

it's good to see you happy!