Running Towards Answers 7.12
Title: Running Towards Answers
Fandom: RPS
Story: Highway: Victoria Station 7.12
Characters: Alan Davies and Robert Sean Leonard
Authors: michelleann68 + evila_elf = evila_ann
Prompt: 10_per_genre 08 Lost (Drama)
Word Count: 2004
Rating: PG
Summary: Robert is sad and confused as he thinks about his future. Is Alan in it?
Authors’ Notes:
Where it all began:
Big table of prompts is here:
Order of the story is here:
Previous story:
Losing a Friend
Alan woke slowly. His head hurt, and he was not sure why. Blinking open his eyes, he looked at the clock: it was seven in the morning, much too early to get up. He noticed that the tea mugs were no longer on the nightstand, and he turned over to find Robert gone. He groaned, wanting nothing more than to go back to sleep, but his curiosity got the better of him and he crawled out of bed, running his hands through his hair and causing the curls to stand on end. He wandered in the general direction of some noise that could be faintly heard coming from the kitchen.
“You are up alarmingly early,” Alan said.
Robert jumped and turned, emitting a small yelp at the disturbance. “So, apparently are you.”
“I was just missing my heating pad. Please let’s go back to bed?” Alan looked at Robert and saw the stress still present in his body; his eyes were a little puffy and still red, his t-shirt was on backwards, and his socks somehow did not match. Glasses perched on his nose and his hair had been combed down pretty severely.
“I can’t sleep right now. I thought I would go out for a jog.”
Alan shuddered. “As in running? This early?”
Robert cracked a small smile and walked over to Alan. He wrapped his arms around him and give him a soft kiss. ”Yes. It helps me clear my head.”
“There are other ways…” Alan reached around and pinched Robert’s ass while waggling his eyebrows.
“Go back to bed. I will be home in a bit.” Robert gave Alan a longer kiss before breaking free of the ever-tightening grip and heading out.
Alan did not bother to turn around and watch him leave. He leaned his head against the doorframe and hoped that Robert was only leaving the front door and not leaving him.
***
Robert stopped outside the door and took a deep breath. He had no idea what was wrong, but he could not turn his brain off. It was running continuous loops of Gabby’s Greatest Moments and that was all he could think of. Pushing himself away from the door, he started to slowly jog through the neighborhood.
It had started when he called her last night, and the memories grew stronger. He thought he was finally over her, that he understood why he screwed up and what she had needed to do with her life. Now he had his doubts about how over her he really was when he woke up remembering the night in the Hampton’s at a friends house, making love all day long. Back when it was good, better than good. It was where the relationship should have stayed, before it grew stale and they both grew disinterested. She had brought Sylvia home three weeks later. It was perfect; they were both invested in the relationship and willing to do the work to make it right. What would have happened if they had not taken their eyes off each other, when they had spread apart to do the work each loved best? Would they have stayed together? Robert had doubted that, until last night. Gabby sounded so sad and broken up, he wanted to reach through the phone and hold her, comfort her, to tell her it would be ok. They could grieve together. She seemed warmer to him, letting down her guard and talking to him. They actually talked like they had back when the pup first came into their lives.
Could he go back and try again with her? Would she take him back? Would it ever be like it was back when he was thirty and life seemed really simple? He turned the corner, his eyes glazed in memories, not really paying attention the where he was heading. Her voice infected him, filled him. She had sounded, aside from the death of the beloved pet, pretty happy, like she was in a good place, her anger at him diffused, her life moving forward. But that did not stop him from wanting the familiarity, the way it had been. Could they ever get back to that place? Would she be able to try too?
Robert shook his head, trying to think of something besides Gabby. She was part of his life, his thoughts, for 12 years. It had only been a little over a year since she had walked out on him. On days like this, it felt like only hours ago. Sometimes he was not sure if he missed her or the idea of her.
A snowy morning in New York, so many years ago, they work up huddled together under the fluffy comforter, trying to stay warm…Until an enthusiastic puppy heard them stirring and came bounding into the room, jumping on the bed and trying to find the cocoon of warmth they were hoarding. They laughed so hard when she climbed in between them, lying down. They spent all day cuddling around the dog, talking and planning a future. Gabby looked beautiful, her dark hair against the light linens, broad smile, her eyes shinning when she looked at him. He did love her, completely and truly, and then it fell apart.
The fights became ridiculous; it seemed for a time that that was all they would do. She stayed back east, then went to Germany to further her equestrian skills. He was in either LA or NY, looking for work, trying to pay his bills. Nothing that either of them did seemed to be enough.
Pushing himself harder and harder, his feet hit the pavement and he ran through the city with only a vague idea of where he was. The sun had risen and it was going to be a beautiful day, and here he was running, running from someone. Or to someone.
Stopping to wait for a light, Robert looked around, gaining a quick sense of where he was before he resumed his relentless pace, still trying to work out what he wanted. Closing his eyes for a second, he was back in New York. This time he did not see the long dark locks of Gabby, but shorter and curlier, peeking out from under the covers, and arms grabbing him and they rolled around laughing and kissing. He felt a wash of warmth flood over him as he remembered those tentative moments when they had first started to investigate this thing between them. They created a world that was warm and comforting and devoid of interaction with the outside. And it made Robert happy.
Was what he had had with Gabby more real, because they did not sneak around or make secret trips to see each other? Or was what he had with Alan more real, because it’s here and now, not built on old memories, but creating new ones each day?
Robert was sad that Sylvia had died, but the pain that seemed stronger was that now he had nothing left to tie him to Gabby. The breakup that begun a year ago was over, and Robert had never thought that she might not be in his life no matter what, forever.
A few tears slipped down his face as he ran towards some unknown end. It was really over, no matter if part of him wanted Gabby back. The more rational and logical parts of him, the ones not determined to please his mother, knew that she had moved on. He could tell last night, even if he did not want to see it, did not want to realize it. When she told him goodbye, it felt like it would be forever, and that is what had been niggling in his brain all night long. He kept hearing her: “Thanks for calling Bobby. I am glad you did. Goodbye.” He tried to turn it into hope, into something more.
What he had had with her was safe, and did nothing to challenge who he was. She let him make his choices and just accepted his long absences. She never fought for more time, or cared what roles he took, the jobs he signed on for. He was surprised when she just wished him luck with House, no worries about the time apart or about how it might change their relationship. She just let him go. Maybe that was the sign, they would never be ready to marry each other, never willing to really fight for the relationship they’d lived with for over a decade.
Robert remembered the last day he saw his beloved dog; It was a Wednesday and he had a short shooting day on House. He returned to the apartment they’d shared when Gabby came by for a visit. And then she was packing up the last of her belongings. Sylvia was sad, knowing something had changed, that there was a reason why she had been spoiled rotten with his time and treats over the last two weeks. Gabby took the leash from his hand and he knelt down, giving Sylvia one last kiss and hug. A few tears trailed down his face as he watched the sweet dog walk out and leave him forever. She paused before they turned the corner and gave a little woof before scampering after Gabby.
Robert had never felt so alone in the one moment. The two things he cared about so much were gone. His apartment felt empty, devoid of life. Robert was in a funk for a long time, thinking he would never surface. Eyeore was a costume that fit him, but he appreciated the opportunity to take it off once in a while.
Robert splashed into a puddle and it brought him back to London. He was making his way around the town and had no idea how far he had gone, but it felt good to stretch his legs and shake off the kinks and find his center--he had been knocked off it last night.
Robert thought about the day Hugh had called him up and told him to go to Vegas. It was the last thing that he wanted to do, but Hugh would not take no for an answer; flirting with and softening him up till he gave in and decided to join him on this little trip to Vegas.
He had no expectations and was a little nervous. Hugh certainly liked to play as hard as he worked. So Robert expected lots of alcohol and some gambling, but he did not expect to meet someone who ended up chaning his entire perception of himself.
Robert still could not remember parts of the night, it was dream-like, just snatches of images that flash in his memory. He just remembered the soft touch, feeling like he was brought back to life. Leaving his number had been a last-minute risk he took.
With Gabby, nothing had been a risk. His relationship with Alan was a series of risks, never-ending. He was getting used to the risks and had begun to appreciate how much more he grew as a person because he took them. No matter how big or small the risk was, he felt safe because he was taking it with someone he knew cared about him, a person who wanted to see him succeed and grow. Robert had to change a lot of his perceptions about who he was and what he wanted, and maybe now that Gabby released him, or he allowed her to release him, he could finally let go of who he was and be ready to embrace who he could be.
Robert stopped. He was breathing hard and bent double to catch his breath. He finally noticed that his socks didn’t match and blushed; he really had been out of it this morning. Taking a few minutes for the stitch in his side to fade away and to get his ideas somewhat sorted in his mind, he started the jog back to Alan, back to his future.
Thanks to all of our commenters! We love to hear from you, whether you be an oldie or a new reader.
7.13 Cake, Cuddling, Curiosity
Fandom: RPS
Story: Highway: Victoria Station 7.12
Characters: Alan Davies and Robert Sean Leonard
Authors: michelleann68 + evila_elf = evila_ann
Prompt: 10_per_genre 08 Lost (Drama)
Word Count: 2004
Rating: PG
Summary: Robert is sad and confused as he thinks about his future. Is Alan in it?
Authors’ Notes:
Where it all began:
Big table of prompts is here:
Order of the story is here:
Previous story:
Losing a Friend
Alan woke slowly. His head hurt, and he was not sure why. Blinking open his eyes, he looked at the clock: it was seven in the morning, much too early to get up. He noticed that the tea mugs were no longer on the nightstand, and he turned over to find Robert gone. He groaned, wanting nothing more than to go back to sleep, but his curiosity got the better of him and he crawled out of bed, running his hands through his hair and causing the curls to stand on end. He wandered in the general direction of some noise that could be faintly heard coming from the kitchen.
“You are up alarmingly early,” Alan said.
Robert jumped and turned, emitting a small yelp at the disturbance. “So, apparently are you.”
“I was just missing my heating pad. Please let’s go back to bed?” Alan looked at Robert and saw the stress still present in his body; his eyes were a little puffy and still red, his t-shirt was on backwards, and his socks somehow did not match. Glasses perched on his nose and his hair had been combed down pretty severely.
“I can’t sleep right now. I thought I would go out for a jog.”
Alan shuddered. “As in running? This early?”
Robert cracked a small smile and walked over to Alan. He wrapped his arms around him and give him a soft kiss. ”Yes. It helps me clear my head.”
“There are other ways…” Alan reached around and pinched Robert’s ass while waggling his eyebrows.
“Go back to bed. I will be home in a bit.” Robert gave Alan a longer kiss before breaking free of the ever-tightening grip and heading out.
Alan did not bother to turn around and watch him leave. He leaned his head against the doorframe and hoped that Robert was only leaving the front door and not leaving him.
***
Robert stopped outside the door and took a deep breath. He had no idea what was wrong, but he could not turn his brain off. It was running continuous loops of Gabby’s Greatest Moments and that was all he could think of. Pushing himself away from the door, he started to slowly jog through the neighborhood.
It had started when he called her last night, and the memories grew stronger. He thought he was finally over her, that he understood why he screwed up and what she had needed to do with her life. Now he had his doubts about how over her he really was when he woke up remembering the night in the Hampton’s at a friends house, making love all day long. Back when it was good, better than good. It was where the relationship should have stayed, before it grew stale and they both grew disinterested. She had brought Sylvia home three weeks later. It was perfect; they were both invested in the relationship and willing to do the work to make it right. What would have happened if they had not taken their eyes off each other, when they had spread apart to do the work each loved best? Would they have stayed together? Robert had doubted that, until last night. Gabby sounded so sad and broken up, he wanted to reach through the phone and hold her, comfort her, to tell her it would be ok. They could grieve together. She seemed warmer to him, letting down her guard and talking to him. They actually talked like they had back when the pup first came into their lives.
Could he go back and try again with her? Would she take him back? Would it ever be like it was back when he was thirty and life seemed really simple? He turned the corner, his eyes glazed in memories, not really paying attention the where he was heading. Her voice infected him, filled him. She had sounded, aside from the death of the beloved pet, pretty happy, like she was in a good place, her anger at him diffused, her life moving forward. But that did not stop him from wanting the familiarity, the way it had been. Could they ever get back to that place? Would she be able to try too?
Robert shook his head, trying to think of something besides Gabby. She was part of his life, his thoughts, for 12 years. It had only been a little over a year since she had walked out on him. On days like this, it felt like only hours ago. Sometimes he was not sure if he missed her or the idea of her.
A snowy morning in New York, so many years ago, they work up huddled together under the fluffy comforter, trying to stay warm…Until an enthusiastic puppy heard them stirring and came bounding into the room, jumping on the bed and trying to find the cocoon of warmth they were hoarding. They laughed so hard when she climbed in between them, lying down. They spent all day cuddling around the dog, talking and planning a future. Gabby looked beautiful, her dark hair against the light linens, broad smile, her eyes shinning when she looked at him. He did love her, completely and truly, and then it fell apart.
The fights became ridiculous; it seemed for a time that that was all they would do. She stayed back east, then went to Germany to further her equestrian skills. He was in either LA or NY, looking for work, trying to pay his bills. Nothing that either of them did seemed to be enough.
Pushing himself harder and harder, his feet hit the pavement and he ran through the city with only a vague idea of where he was. The sun had risen and it was going to be a beautiful day, and here he was running, running from someone. Or to someone.
Stopping to wait for a light, Robert looked around, gaining a quick sense of where he was before he resumed his relentless pace, still trying to work out what he wanted. Closing his eyes for a second, he was back in New York. This time he did not see the long dark locks of Gabby, but shorter and curlier, peeking out from under the covers, and arms grabbing him and they rolled around laughing and kissing. He felt a wash of warmth flood over him as he remembered those tentative moments when they had first started to investigate this thing between them. They created a world that was warm and comforting and devoid of interaction with the outside. And it made Robert happy.
Was what he had had with Gabby more real, because they did not sneak around or make secret trips to see each other? Or was what he had with Alan more real, because it’s here and now, not built on old memories, but creating new ones each day?
Robert was sad that Sylvia had died, but the pain that seemed stronger was that now he had nothing left to tie him to Gabby. The breakup that begun a year ago was over, and Robert had never thought that she might not be in his life no matter what, forever.
A few tears slipped down his face as he ran towards some unknown end. It was really over, no matter if part of him wanted Gabby back. The more rational and logical parts of him, the ones not determined to please his mother, knew that she had moved on. He could tell last night, even if he did not want to see it, did not want to realize it. When she told him goodbye, it felt like it would be forever, and that is what had been niggling in his brain all night long. He kept hearing her: “Thanks for calling Bobby. I am glad you did. Goodbye.” He tried to turn it into hope, into something more.
What he had had with her was safe, and did nothing to challenge who he was. She let him make his choices and just accepted his long absences. She never fought for more time, or cared what roles he took, the jobs he signed on for. He was surprised when she just wished him luck with House, no worries about the time apart or about how it might change their relationship. She just let him go. Maybe that was the sign, they would never be ready to marry each other, never willing to really fight for the relationship they’d lived with for over a decade.
Robert remembered the last day he saw his beloved dog; It was a Wednesday and he had a short shooting day on House. He returned to the apartment they’d shared when Gabby came by for a visit. And then she was packing up the last of her belongings. Sylvia was sad, knowing something had changed, that there was a reason why she had been spoiled rotten with his time and treats over the last two weeks. Gabby took the leash from his hand and he knelt down, giving Sylvia one last kiss and hug. A few tears trailed down his face as he watched the sweet dog walk out and leave him forever. She paused before they turned the corner and gave a little woof before scampering after Gabby.
Robert had never felt so alone in the one moment. The two things he cared about so much were gone. His apartment felt empty, devoid of life. Robert was in a funk for a long time, thinking he would never surface. Eyeore was a costume that fit him, but he appreciated the opportunity to take it off once in a while.
Robert splashed into a puddle and it brought him back to London. He was making his way around the town and had no idea how far he had gone, but it felt good to stretch his legs and shake off the kinks and find his center--he had been knocked off it last night.
Robert thought about the day Hugh had called him up and told him to go to Vegas. It was the last thing that he wanted to do, but Hugh would not take no for an answer; flirting with and softening him up till he gave in and decided to join him on this little trip to Vegas.
He had no expectations and was a little nervous. Hugh certainly liked to play as hard as he worked. So Robert expected lots of alcohol and some gambling, but he did not expect to meet someone who ended up chaning his entire perception of himself.
Robert still could not remember parts of the night, it was dream-like, just snatches of images that flash in his memory. He just remembered the soft touch, feeling like he was brought back to life. Leaving his number had been a last-minute risk he took.
With Gabby, nothing had been a risk. His relationship with Alan was a series of risks, never-ending. He was getting used to the risks and had begun to appreciate how much more he grew as a person because he took them. No matter how big or small the risk was, he felt safe because he was taking it with someone he knew cared about him, a person who wanted to see him succeed and grow. Robert had to change a lot of his perceptions about who he was and what he wanted, and maybe now that Gabby released him, or he allowed her to release him, he could finally let go of who he was and be ready to embrace who he could be.
Robert stopped. He was breathing hard and bent double to catch his breath. He finally noticed that his socks didn’t match and blushed; he really had been out of it this morning. Taking a few minutes for the stitch in his side to fade away and to get his ideas somewhat sorted in his mind, he started the jog back to Alan, back to his future.
Thanks to all of our commenters! We love to hear from you, whether you be an oldie or a new reader.
7.13 Cake, Cuddling, Curiosity