Walking After You, 5/ 6.
Title: Walking After You
Author: Eustacia Vye
Author's e-mail: eustacia_vye28@hotmail.com
Pairing: Steve/Peggy, Wanda/Vision mentioned
Rating: PG-13
Notes: Not mine! Characters you recognize belong to other people, and I am just playing in their sandbox for fun. This is born of a text conversation with mynuet regarding the possibility of Peggy getting a version of the serum at some point in her colorful history. Civil War compliant (no, really!) because I was actually very pleased with characterizations in it, even if some of the plotting made me go O_o at times. I do reference things from season 3 of Agents of SHIELD as well as season 2 of Agent Carter, but I think it would still make sense if you haven't seen that. Part of chapter 1 inspired by this photo, because of course that's how they should be.
Summary: In the wake of the Sokovian Accords, the Avengers scramble to find a safe haven. That gets complicated when Nick Fury arrives, announcing that he found Peggy Carter. The real Peggy Carter.
Prior chapters:
One - Escape
Two - Misdirection And Discovery
Three - Becoming Again
Four - Violent Games
Five - Scars We Carry
When Natasha walked into Helen Cho's medical suite in the college, Bucky was already there and sitting on an examination table, a new metallic arm affixed in place. He watched anxiously, occasionally twitching his fingers in response to Helen's suggestions. She had a tablet in hand and was making adjustments based on her readings. Nearby, her son Amadeus Cho was lounging on a chair, one leg thrown over the side, a laptop in front of him that he poked at with a look of intense concentration on his face. Natasha couldn't help but grin at the sight of them all, oblivious to her presence in the doorway.
Natasha approached Amadeus first, creeping up behind him to look at the screen. As she suspected, it was Block Breaker, and she started laughing. That startled Amadeus enough that he shot upright in the chair, leg swinging over the arm rest and jostling the laptop, nearly sending it crashing to the floor. The laughter also startled Helen and Bucky, but neither jumped as much as Amadeus did.
"You forgot to message me when you cracked the encryption code," she told the twelve year old with a smile.
"Yeah, well, I got sidetracked by a dozen levels of Block Breaker," Amadeus replied ruefully. "It's simple, but addicting."
"And a nice break from all the code work and studying you've been doing," she said.
"Oh, like Mom's romance novels?"
Helen appeared embarrassed, and Natasha shot her a sympathetic smile. "Exactly. You need a break from all the serious stuff. And it has to be something easy and comforting. I don't imagine you reading a medical thriller would be relaxing," she said to Helen.
The doctor snorted. "I'd pick apart the inaccuracies in the science. I would imagine you'd do the same with spy novels."
"Exactly. They do it all wrong," Natasha replied, pulling up a chair and sitting beside Amadeus near the exam table. "But romance novels, that's a nice kind of predictable. Bad guys get their comeuppance, the hero and heroine get together, and it all ends well. At least, in the ones that have actual plot."
"I think those are better than Harlequins," Helen agreed. "But those are good if I've had a really bad day," she admitted.
Natasha grinned at her and leaned forward in her chair. "Not too many of those lately though, right? It's been fairly calm here for you, and the research opportunities here at the college are fantastic, aren't they?"
"Certainly," Helen said with a nod. "And I appreciate you keeping Amadeus busy. Believe it or not, the advanced classes at the Institute bore him."
"Because they're easy!" Amadeus said, a hint of a whine in his voice. "I need a challenge!"
"Which is why I've been giving you those really old ciphers," Natasha pointed out, fondly brushing his shoulder. "How long did it take you to crack it?"
"Two days," he admitted with a rueful nod. "There's always the electrical engineering and robots, too, but Mom already warned me," Amadeus said before either Helen or Natasha could open their mouths, "no AI's for me. Theoretical models are one thing, but no outright design. And seeing what happened with the last fully operational AI in a robot body? I'm okay with that."
"So what would you use your theoretical model for?"
"Web searches or picking out next semester's classes. I think the School of Engineering is kind of sick of me by now," Amadeus said with a sigh. He flicked his gaze over to Bucky, who had remained very painfully silent. "I did the algorhythms for the sensory feedback on the arm, though. That was pretty neat."
"So is it better than the original?" Natasha asked Bucky.
He was clearly startled to be included, but nodded slowly. "It feels... Almost real."
The comment made Amadeus grin widely. "Really? Awesome!"
"Hey, maybe you have a future in cybernetic prosthetics," Natasha told him.
"Much safer than robotics, too," Helen pointed out mildly.
Bucky lifted the prosthetic arm. "It's lighter, too. My shoulder and collarbone doesn't hurt so bad as the old one did."
"We have better grafting techniques to put the connections together," Helen commented as he moved his fingers around. She put her tablet down and smiled at him as she took his silver hand in hers. "And there's far more vibranium in this arm than you likely had before. So that makes it very flexible, useful and light. Less damage to the rest of your body. I can make a synthetic skin based off of your own tissues to overlay this arm, if you like-"
"No," he barked, and then winced when he realized it startled the others. "It's just... If it looked real, like it wasn't the metal arm, I'd think this was a dream. Steve and Peg and weirdness, but..."
Natasha nodded immediately. "Your memory is already suspect enough as it is. The silver would be a way to anchor you in the present."
"Yeah. It's different enough I know you're not Hydra, but..." He frowned, trying to find the words to express himself clearly, and finally shook his head when he gave up. "I need reminders a lot. Still. Can't risk switching backward and being him again."
"Which him?" Natasha asked in neutral tones. "The Bucky that Steve remembers or the Asset?"
He swung betrayed eyes toward her. "I can't be either of those men again."
"That's the thing," she murmured gently. "Only one of them had been treated as a man."
Bucky's breathing grew rapid and erratic, causing Helen's tablet to flash an alarm. She stepped into his line of vision and waved her hand briskly. "Sergeant," she said in a firm tone. His eyes snapped to her face, distress on his features. "You did have an appointment with Dr. Yelba coming up, right?"
"She was talkin' 'bout medications. I don't want 'em."
Helen nodded as if she expected such a thing. "Then I suggest you talk with her more. Or perhaps with Natasha and the others. They would understand far more than you think."
While he clearly wanted to disagree with that assessment, Bucky didn't argue. Natasha got up from her seat and brushed invisible lint off of her thighs. "That would be my cue, I think. Unless you have more testing to do, Helen?"
"Not at all. The fine tuning is my perfectionist streak," she said with a smile. "Now you get to see how well the arm actually works."
The flash of panic in Bucky's features disappeared faster than Helen would be able to track it, but Natasha saw it. She didn't remark upon it while going through the corridors, and didn't make any small talk. Bucky seemed nervous enough as it was.
Once inside the training room that T'Challa had ordered available to them, Natasha stood still and let Bucky examine the dimensions and displayed weapons. "This is a mistake," he said finally, looking at her. "I could kill you."
"Yet each time we met, you haven't," she replied evenly. "Because deep down, you remember, and because they couldn't erase enough to make you do it anyway."
She could see the shudder in his shoulders, but didn't comment on it. He turned away from her, but she didn't relax her guard for a moment.
Her instinct bore fruit when he suddenly turned and swung his new metal arm in an arc, as if he wanted to strike the top of her head. Natasha ducked and rolled, punching forward into his solar plexus, making him gasp for air. She didn't have her gauntlets or any weapons on her person, even knowing she was going to bring him to spar in the training room. This wasn't about using weapons, or triggering a lot of those old memories. It was about testing his instincts and seeing how much of Bucky was coming back without Hydra's teams stripping him out.
It was like a dance, almost the way she remembered it in the Red Room before she had deliberately failed some tests. She lunged forward with a closed fist, and he ducked back and around, then swung his own fists. Her kicks were blocked with his muscled thigh, and he reached down to grab her leg. Expecting it, she twisted into a back flip, kicking at his head. Ducking back from her boots, Bucky had to let go of her. Natasha landed in a roll and twisted around in a splayed position, low to the ground. He was too far away to knock his feet out from under him, but Natasha rushed forward, head down but eyes up, peering through her lashes and hair. Bucky made to kick her, but she twisted and slid through his wide legged stance. As she did, she grabbed his ankle and let her momentum sweep his legs out and backward.
Bucky's hands kept his face from smashing into the rubberized floor; that would only prevent broken bones, not rug burn from skidding across the hard surface. He kicked behind him, not looking to see where he could connect, but he felt the solid weight of flesh against his boot. The air whooshing out of Natasha's lungs told him it was a good hit, too.
Rolling to his back, he saw Natasha's foot coming down toward his face. He continued the roll, then pushed up to his hands and knees. Her foot veered from its course and connected with his ribs. Falling to the side, Bucky looked up, arms up in a defensive posture.
"You're not really fighting me."
"I don't want to hurt you."
"Fight me, Bucky."
"No!" he cried in an agonized tone. "I'm not that guy! I don't want to do this anymore!"
Natasha dropped her fighting stance and then offered a hand. "Then let me help you up."
"I've seen your help," he told her warily, awkwardly pushing himself up to his feet, ignoring the proffered hand. "No thanks."
She remained silent and only let her hand drop to the side. "I wasn't going to push the issue," she said finally.
"Of course you weren't." There was a thread of bitterness in his tone. "Everyone does, Natalia."
Her gaze sharpened. "How much do you remember?"
Bucky clearly wanted to curse under his breath, but she knew all the languages that he did. "All of it, okay?" he said finally, not meeting her eyes. "I remember everything."
"You're in control now." Natasha untucked her shirt and lifted it enough to expose the scar on her abdomen. "When you gave me this, you weren't in control. It wasn't you."
"Those code words are in my head," he ground out. "It's too easy to use them again."
"You don't trust Dr. Yelba? She's laying the groundwork for her team later on." Natasha stepped in close, looking up at him without an ounce of fear showing. "Or do you fear us using the words on you? Do you think I'm still part of the Red Room?"
He swallowed, and then backed up a half step. Natasha grabbed his arms, halting his progress, and Bucky shook his head. "You're better off without me, doll. I'm a mess."
"You say that like we all aren't. Like this refuge isn't the only place that will keep us safe. Like we won't be tossed into prison the moment the public is aware of where we are." Natasha shook her head. "Like it or not, we're all a mess, and none of us has anywhere else to go."
"You don't know-"
"I remember what they did to me. I remember some of the overlays, too. So I do know what I'm talking about. I remember."
"Natalia..."
Her reply was cut off by the sound of voices down the hall. Peggy and Steve were coming in with Yemi, one of T'Challa's dora milaje. The woman was graceful and tall, carefully observant, with a clear strength of will and character. Natasha almost smiled at her, as she wasn't the woman that had threatened her before.
Peggy lit up at the sight of the two of them. "Splendid! More sparring partners."
Bucky managed to stifle a groan, and Natasha smiled in recognition. Fantastic timing on Peggy's part, which always helped.
Steve had a wide grin, and Natasha could sense Bucky tensing, as if he was going to take off running in the opposite direction. "We should clearly set out the rules," Natasha suggested, a smile on her face. "I don't think we should limit it to particular style of fighting, but definitely no weapons." She looked at Peggy with a pleasant grin. "I think we're dangerous enough as it is, don't you?"
Returning Natasha's amused smile, Peggy pulled Steve along. "Quite so. There are enough dirty tactics to use, and it's good practice."
"Planning to go into the field?" Natasha asked.
Bucky only looked at Peggy and Steve helplessly. "This is a bad idea..."
Peggy only snickered and approached Bucky without an ounce of fear, hooking her arm through his metal one. Bookended by both super soldiers, her grin was infectious. "All the good ones are, darling. And, if I'm to believe the tales they tell, I should learn to fight like all of you. Espionage in this day and age is quite different than simply taking whatever's around me to smash someone in the head."
"If it works," Natasha replied with a careless shrug, "stick with that."
"I'm rather good with my fists and kicks," Peggy acknowledged. "But my attacks don't seem to appear as graceful as yours."
"As long as it gets the job done," Steve began dutifully.
"Says the man that can launch himself up into a perfect plank and spin while fighting," Natasha teased him with a smile.
Both Peggy and Bucky looked at him in surprise. Natasha could almost see a predatory gleam in the dora milaje's eyes, as if she couldn't wait to plan a routine so she would be able to see him make that move for herself.
"You didn't used to do that," Bucky said, brows furrowing. "I don't think."
"I might've been training. And picking up tricks here and there," he admitted. "I don't have much to do other than train and practice and read up on tactics..."
"You're such a fuckin' dork, Steve," Bucky said, a fond note creeping into his tone.
Peggy was beaming at them both, and winked at Natasha. "I find it utterly delightful."
"You would," Bucky muttered, shaking his head.
Shifting her grasp on Bucky's arm to Natasha. "Well, then. Since we all have similar interests, I suggest we set a regular schedule to spar and train." She beamed at Steve before turning to the dora milaje member, eyes twinkling. "Though I don't think you would play fair, Steve," she remarked, glancing back at him. "Too fearful of hurting me. I should probably fight against Natasha or Bucky. Under supervision, of course."
Bucky seemed taken aback by the suggestion, and Natasha took charge of the moment to begin mapping out what they would do with their trainer's approval. He stayed frozen in place as Peggy removed her shirt to reveal the training bra and yoga pants that Natasha had suggested. "You have scars."
"Of course I do," Peggy replied in her usual no nonsense tone. "I had quite a difficult job, and obviously I survived all they tried to throw at me." Her tone softened and she offered him a smile. "As did you, of course."
"You shouldn't trust me," Bucky said quietly, voice no more than a low growl.
"On the contrary," Peggy declared. "You should learn to trust you. You should trust our judgment, and realize we are capable of making our own decisions, as painful as they might be. I trust you to know your limits, and I trust you not to snap."
"You shouldn't."
"I absolutely should," she disagreed. "You are just a man, Bucky. For better or worse, a breakable one. But you're also a fine friend to Steve, were a fantastic officer, and trusted with a good many secrets before Hydra stole you from us. So yes, I should trust you. Hydra stole you and had to erase you in order for you to do their bidding. Which means that you are trustworthy, and would never have done their foul work on your own."
He was very still for a moment, then swallowed. "Okay."
"All right, then," she said. "So you and Steve would be best partnered at first, until you realize your own strength with your new arm. Just..." She all but twinkled at him. "Be sure not to break Steve too badly, would you? I still plan on marrying him."
Natasha couldn't hide her smirk as she fell into a sparring stance across from Peggy. "I'm glad Nick found you, Peggy."
"You know," she said thoughtfully, "I'm rather glad he did, too."
***
Wanda, Amadeus and Sam were all clustered around a work table, stacks of thick textbooks beside them. Amadeus was apparently helping Wanda with a project, and Sam had gotten roped into it out of curiosity. Sam ignored Bucky when he came into the room, paging through the report that Wanda was trying to write. Wanda offered Bucky a distracted smile, but Amadeus shot him a huge grin. "So. Arm works great, doesn't it?"
"Yeah. Real smooth movement and sensory inputs."
"Think maybe you can come with me to my robotics class? I want to show the teacher the project I've been working on, and it isn't the same trying to couch it all as theoretical. I really want to show him the practical application."
He blinked slowly. "You think it's a good idea?"
"It's a state of the art prosthetic that gives you feedback as if it's a real arm," Amadeus scoffed, rolling his eyes. "Of course I think it's a good idea. Wanda was telling me about her history class, and there are different tribes in the outer districts of Wakanda that still do a lot of things the old fashioned way. Farming, hunting, whatever." Amadeus' enthusiasm for the idea was starting to show through, and he leaned across the table with a bright eyed and eager expression. "So if they lose a limb, they're out of commission. But if we can create a working limb for them that gives the same sensory input as the living one, they're back doing what they need to survive and support their families."
"Oh. I guess I never thought of it that way," he mumbled.
"You think?" Sam muttered under his breath, passing the paper back to Wanda.
"You got a problem with me, Wilson?" Bucky asked, frowning at him.
"Yeah, I do," Sam returned, looking at him. His lips were pursed for a moment as he tried to think of the best way to phrase what he wanted to say. "You walk around like you're better off in a deep freeze. Maybe you are, maybe you aren't. Not my call, either way. But instead of trying to prove that Hydra's goons didn't steal your soul or some shit, you try to hide yourself away. It's tiring to watch. Get up and do something. Yeah, you got a heavy weight to carry. You think the rest of us don't? You think we don't wish it went down a different way? Or that we don't have nightmares? Do you honestly think that you're the only one that ever got hurt?"
"No, I don't," Bucky said tightly, lips compressed into a thin line. His eyes flashed with anger, and his shoulders were tense. "But you'd all be better off without me in your lives."
"Man, get over yourself," Sam snapped irritably. "We're all here to save your sorry ass from prison. The least you can do is actually live the life you've got."
"I never asked for that!"
"As if Steve could ever let you go. As if any of us could stand by and let a bureaucrat decide what's right when they don't know how it all went down. We're grown ass adults that can make our own decision, Barnes. So respect that and get out of your pity party."
Bucky blinked. "Peggy said something like that, too."
"She's one that's got sense. Listen to her," Sam told him firmly.
"Steve seems to have a thing for responsible brunettes in his life," Wanda remarked in the silence. "All his friends try to take care of him because he lacks the sense to do it himself."
Amadeus snickered, then tried to smother it behind his hand when both Sam and Bucky turned to stare at him. "What? She's not wrong."
In spite of his irritation, Sam grinned at the teen. "Nope, she's not."
"I'm glad he's had you all," Bucky admitted after a moment, hanging his head a little. "You know, when I couldn't be."
"It's what friends do," Wanda told him.
Though he appeared thoughtful as he nodded, Bucky remained silent. Sam plopped down in a seat next to Amadeus, though he didn't even bother to look at the diagrams and schematics that the teen had. "I suppose if you're bored," he said in a deceptively casual tone, "you can maybe redesign or update my gear. The wings are good, but I think I cracked the goggles when we got out of the Raft. I just looked at 'em the other day with one of the dora milaje, but she didn't know how Stark wired it up."
The boy looked positively gleeful. "Really? You have it around somewhere? I'll absolutely go over the tech. I'll have to mock up the schematic, since you wouldn't have the original blueprints with you, then once I open it all up and-"
Wanda snickered. "Boys and their toys."
Amadeus pretended to be affronted. "These aren't toys, Wanda. They're highly sophisticated tools in the hands of superheroes."
She only laughed and bumped shoulders with him. "And does the toolmaker wish to be a superhero as well, then?"
He ducked his head a little. "I'm still too young..."
"Spider-Man's actually a kid," Bucky said abruptly. "I heard it in his voice," he explained when the others looked at him. "Maybe not much older'n you."
That made the teen suddenly grin and Sam shake his head with a sigh. "You tell his mother, man. I'm not taking the hit for you on that one."
Bucky bit his lip a little uncertainly, and then nodded. "Yeah. If it happens, I'll help you tell your mother. You helped me, so I owe you one," he told Amadeus.
"I don't think she'd appreciate it," Wanda told Amadeus. "So at least finish school first."
The boy snorted. "I can have the classes done in a month if they'd let me."
"Then give it a month," Bucky said in a tone that he usually reserved for reminding Steve not to do something stupid. "Bein' a hero isn't safe, you know." He lifted his metal arm. "There's a cost, and scars, and horrible things that can happen, even if you do the right thing."
Amadeus looked at him with wide eyes and gulped as he nodded. "Yeah. Okay. I promise."
Smiling at him, Bucky nodded and eased his stance. Sam gave him an appraising look, nodding a little to himself. It would be all right.
***
***
To Chapter Six - Wedding Bells
Author: Eustacia Vye
Author's e-mail: eustacia_vye28@hotmail.com
Pairing: Steve/Peggy, Wanda/Vision mentioned
Rating: PG-13
Notes: Not mine! Characters you recognize belong to other people, and I am just playing in their sandbox for fun. This is born of a text conversation with mynuet regarding the possibility of Peggy getting a version of the serum at some point in her colorful history. Civil War compliant (no, really!) because I was actually very pleased with characterizations in it, even if some of the plotting made me go O_o at times. I do reference things from season 3 of Agents of SHIELD as well as season 2 of Agent Carter, but I think it would still make sense if you haven't seen that. Part of chapter 1 inspired by this photo, because of course that's how they should be.
Summary: In the wake of the Sokovian Accords, the Avengers scramble to find a safe haven. That gets complicated when Nick Fury arrives, announcing that he found Peggy Carter. The real Peggy Carter.
Prior chapters:
One - Escape
Two - Misdirection And Discovery
Three - Becoming Again
Four - Violent Games
Five - Scars We Carry
When Natasha walked into Helen Cho's medical suite in the college, Bucky was already there and sitting on an examination table, a new metallic arm affixed in place. He watched anxiously, occasionally twitching his fingers in response to Helen's suggestions. She had a tablet in hand and was making adjustments based on her readings. Nearby, her son Amadeus Cho was lounging on a chair, one leg thrown over the side, a laptop in front of him that he poked at with a look of intense concentration on his face. Natasha couldn't help but grin at the sight of them all, oblivious to her presence in the doorway.
Natasha approached Amadeus first, creeping up behind him to look at the screen. As she suspected, it was Block Breaker, and she started laughing. That startled Amadeus enough that he shot upright in the chair, leg swinging over the arm rest and jostling the laptop, nearly sending it crashing to the floor. The laughter also startled Helen and Bucky, but neither jumped as much as Amadeus did.
"You forgot to message me when you cracked the encryption code," she told the twelve year old with a smile.
"Yeah, well, I got sidetracked by a dozen levels of Block Breaker," Amadeus replied ruefully. "It's simple, but addicting."
"And a nice break from all the code work and studying you've been doing," she said.
"Oh, like Mom's romance novels?"
Helen appeared embarrassed, and Natasha shot her a sympathetic smile. "Exactly. You need a break from all the serious stuff. And it has to be something easy and comforting. I don't imagine you reading a medical thriller would be relaxing," she said to Helen.
The doctor snorted. "I'd pick apart the inaccuracies in the science. I would imagine you'd do the same with spy novels."
"Exactly. They do it all wrong," Natasha replied, pulling up a chair and sitting beside Amadeus near the exam table. "But romance novels, that's a nice kind of predictable. Bad guys get their comeuppance, the hero and heroine get together, and it all ends well. At least, in the ones that have actual plot."
"I think those are better than Harlequins," Helen agreed. "But those are good if I've had a really bad day," she admitted.
Natasha grinned at her and leaned forward in her chair. "Not too many of those lately though, right? It's been fairly calm here for you, and the research opportunities here at the college are fantastic, aren't they?"
"Certainly," Helen said with a nod. "And I appreciate you keeping Amadeus busy. Believe it or not, the advanced classes at the Institute bore him."
"Because they're easy!" Amadeus said, a hint of a whine in his voice. "I need a challenge!"
"Which is why I've been giving you those really old ciphers," Natasha pointed out, fondly brushing his shoulder. "How long did it take you to crack it?"
"Two days," he admitted with a rueful nod. "There's always the electrical engineering and robots, too, but Mom already warned me," Amadeus said before either Helen or Natasha could open their mouths, "no AI's for me. Theoretical models are one thing, but no outright design. And seeing what happened with the last fully operational AI in a robot body? I'm okay with that."
"So what would you use your theoretical model for?"
"Web searches or picking out next semester's classes. I think the School of Engineering is kind of sick of me by now," Amadeus said with a sigh. He flicked his gaze over to Bucky, who had remained very painfully silent. "I did the algorhythms for the sensory feedback on the arm, though. That was pretty neat."
"So is it better than the original?" Natasha asked Bucky.
He was clearly startled to be included, but nodded slowly. "It feels... Almost real."
The comment made Amadeus grin widely. "Really? Awesome!"
"Hey, maybe you have a future in cybernetic prosthetics," Natasha told him.
"Much safer than robotics, too," Helen pointed out mildly.
Bucky lifted the prosthetic arm. "It's lighter, too. My shoulder and collarbone doesn't hurt so bad as the old one did."
"We have better grafting techniques to put the connections together," Helen commented as he moved his fingers around. She put her tablet down and smiled at him as she took his silver hand in hers. "And there's far more vibranium in this arm than you likely had before. So that makes it very flexible, useful and light. Less damage to the rest of your body. I can make a synthetic skin based off of your own tissues to overlay this arm, if you like-"
"No," he barked, and then winced when he realized it startled the others. "It's just... If it looked real, like it wasn't the metal arm, I'd think this was a dream. Steve and Peg and weirdness, but..."
Natasha nodded immediately. "Your memory is already suspect enough as it is. The silver would be a way to anchor you in the present."
"Yeah. It's different enough I know you're not Hydra, but..." He frowned, trying to find the words to express himself clearly, and finally shook his head when he gave up. "I need reminders a lot. Still. Can't risk switching backward and being him again."
"Which him?" Natasha asked in neutral tones. "The Bucky that Steve remembers or the Asset?"
He swung betrayed eyes toward her. "I can't be either of those men again."
"That's the thing," she murmured gently. "Only one of them had been treated as a man."
Bucky's breathing grew rapid and erratic, causing Helen's tablet to flash an alarm. She stepped into his line of vision and waved her hand briskly. "Sergeant," she said in a firm tone. His eyes snapped to her face, distress on his features. "You did have an appointment with Dr. Yelba coming up, right?"
"She was talkin' 'bout medications. I don't want 'em."
Helen nodded as if she expected such a thing. "Then I suggest you talk with her more. Or perhaps with Natasha and the others. They would understand far more than you think."
While he clearly wanted to disagree with that assessment, Bucky didn't argue. Natasha got up from her seat and brushed invisible lint off of her thighs. "That would be my cue, I think. Unless you have more testing to do, Helen?"
"Not at all. The fine tuning is my perfectionist streak," she said with a smile. "Now you get to see how well the arm actually works."
The flash of panic in Bucky's features disappeared faster than Helen would be able to track it, but Natasha saw it. She didn't remark upon it while going through the corridors, and didn't make any small talk. Bucky seemed nervous enough as it was.
Once inside the training room that T'Challa had ordered available to them, Natasha stood still and let Bucky examine the dimensions and displayed weapons. "This is a mistake," he said finally, looking at her. "I could kill you."
"Yet each time we met, you haven't," she replied evenly. "Because deep down, you remember, and because they couldn't erase enough to make you do it anyway."
She could see the shudder in his shoulders, but didn't comment on it. He turned away from her, but she didn't relax her guard for a moment.
Her instinct bore fruit when he suddenly turned and swung his new metal arm in an arc, as if he wanted to strike the top of her head. Natasha ducked and rolled, punching forward into his solar plexus, making him gasp for air. She didn't have her gauntlets or any weapons on her person, even knowing she was going to bring him to spar in the training room. This wasn't about using weapons, or triggering a lot of those old memories. It was about testing his instincts and seeing how much of Bucky was coming back without Hydra's teams stripping him out.
It was like a dance, almost the way she remembered it in the Red Room before she had deliberately failed some tests. She lunged forward with a closed fist, and he ducked back and around, then swung his own fists. Her kicks were blocked with his muscled thigh, and he reached down to grab her leg. Expecting it, she twisted into a back flip, kicking at his head. Ducking back from her boots, Bucky had to let go of her. Natasha landed in a roll and twisted around in a splayed position, low to the ground. He was too far away to knock his feet out from under him, but Natasha rushed forward, head down but eyes up, peering through her lashes and hair. Bucky made to kick her, but she twisted and slid through his wide legged stance. As she did, she grabbed his ankle and let her momentum sweep his legs out and backward.
Bucky's hands kept his face from smashing into the rubberized floor; that would only prevent broken bones, not rug burn from skidding across the hard surface. He kicked behind him, not looking to see where he could connect, but he felt the solid weight of flesh against his boot. The air whooshing out of Natasha's lungs told him it was a good hit, too.
Rolling to his back, he saw Natasha's foot coming down toward his face. He continued the roll, then pushed up to his hands and knees. Her foot veered from its course and connected with his ribs. Falling to the side, Bucky looked up, arms up in a defensive posture.
"You're not really fighting me."
"I don't want to hurt you."
"Fight me, Bucky."
"No!" he cried in an agonized tone. "I'm not that guy! I don't want to do this anymore!"
Natasha dropped her fighting stance and then offered a hand. "Then let me help you up."
"I've seen your help," he told her warily, awkwardly pushing himself up to his feet, ignoring the proffered hand. "No thanks."
She remained silent and only let her hand drop to the side. "I wasn't going to push the issue," she said finally.
"Of course you weren't." There was a thread of bitterness in his tone. "Everyone does, Natalia."
Her gaze sharpened. "How much do you remember?"
Bucky clearly wanted to curse under his breath, but she knew all the languages that he did. "All of it, okay?" he said finally, not meeting her eyes. "I remember everything."
"You're in control now." Natasha untucked her shirt and lifted it enough to expose the scar on her abdomen. "When you gave me this, you weren't in control. It wasn't you."
"Those code words are in my head," he ground out. "It's too easy to use them again."
"You don't trust Dr. Yelba? She's laying the groundwork for her team later on." Natasha stepped in close, looking up at him without an ounce of fear showing. "Or do you fear us using the words on you? Do you think I'm still part of the Red Room?"
He swallowed, and then backed up a half step. Natasha grabbed his arms, halting his progress, and Bucky shook his head. "You're better off without me, doll. I'm a mess."
"You say that like we all aren't. Like this refuge isn't the only place that will keep us safe. Like we won't be tossed into prison the moment the public is aware of where we are." Natasha shook her head. "Like it or not, we're all a mess, and none of us has anywhere else to go."
"You don't know-"
"I remember what they did to me. I remember some of the overlays, too. So I do know what I'm talking about. I remember."
"Natalia..."
Her reply was cut off by the sound of voices down the hall. Peggy and Steve were coming in with Yemi, one of T'Challa's dora milaje. The woman was graceful and tall, carefully observant, with a clear strength of will and character. Natasha almost smiled at her, as she wasn't the woman that had threatened her before.
Peggy lit up at the sight of the two of them. "Splendid! More sparring partners."
Bucky managed to stifle a groan, and Natasha smiled in recognition. Fantastic timing on Peggy's part, which always helped.
Steve had a wide grin, and Natasha could sense Bucky tensing, as if he was going to take off running in the opposite direction. "We should clearly set out the rules," Natasha suggested, a smile on her face. "I don't think we should limit it to particular style of fighting, but definitely no weapons." She looked at Peggy with a pleasant grin. "I think we're dangerous enough as it is, don't you?"
Returning Natasha's amused smile, Peggy pulled Steve along. "Quite so. There are enough dirty tactics to use, and it's good practice."
"Planning to go into the field?" Natasha asked.
Bucky only looked at Peggy and Steve helplessly. "This is a bad idea..."
Peggy only snickered and approached Bucky without an ounce of fear, hooking her arm through his metal one. Bookended by both super soldiers, her grin was infectious. "All the good ones are, darling. And, if I'm to believe the tales they tell, I should learn to fight like all of you. Espionage in this day and age is quite different than simply taking whatever's around me to smash someone in the head."
"If it works," Natasha replied with a careless shrug, "stick with that."
"I'm rather good with my fists and kicks," Peggy acknowledged. "But my attacks don't seem to appear as graceful as yours."
"As long as it gets the job done," Steve began dutifully.
"Says the man that can launch himself up into a perfect plank and spin while fighting," Natasha teased him with a smile.
Both Peggy and Bucky looked at him in surprise. Natasha could almost see a predatory gleam in the dora milaje's eyes, as if she couldn't wait to plan a routine so she would be able to see him make that move for herself.
"You didn't used to do that," Bucky said, brows furrowing. "I don't think."
"I might've been training. And picking up tricks here and there," he admitted. "I don't have much to do other than train and practice and read up on tactics..."
"You're such a fuckin' dork, Steve," Bucky said, a fond note creeping into his tone.
Peggy was beaming at them both, and winked at Natasha. "I find it utterly delightful."
"You would," Bucky muttered, shaking his head.
Shifting her grasp on Bucky's arm to Natasha. "Well, then. Since we all have similar interests, I suggest we set a regular schedule to spar and train." She beamed at Steve before turning to the dora milaje member, eyes twinkling. "Though I don't think you would play fair, Steve," she remarked, glancing back at him. "Too fearful of hurting me. I should probably fight against Natasha or Bucky. Under supervision, of course."
Bucky seemed taken aback by the suggestion, and Natasha took charge of the moment to begin mapping out what they would do with their trainer's approval. He stayed frozen in place as Peggy removed her shirt to reveal the training bra and yoga pants that Natasha had suggested. "You have scars."
"Of course I do," Peggy replied in her usual no nonsense tone. "I had quite a difficult job, and obviously I survived all they tried to throw at me." Her tone softened and she offered him a smile. "As did you, of course."
"You shouldn't trust me," Bucky said quietly, voice no more than a low growl.
"On the contrary," Peggy declared. "You should learn to trust you. You should trust our judgment, and realize we are capable of making our own decisions, as painful as they might be. I trust you to know your limits, and I trust you not to snap."
"You shouldn't."
"I absolutely should," she disagreed. "You are just a man, Bucky. For better or worse, a breakable one. But you're also a fine friend to Steve, were a fantastic officer, and trusted with a good many secrets before Hydra stole you from us. So yes, I should trust you. Hydra stole you and had to erase you in order for you to do their bidding. Which means that you are trustworthy, and would never have done their foul work on your own."
He was very still for a moment, then swallowed. "Okay."
"All right, then," she said. "So you and Steve would be best partnered at first, until you realize your own strength with your new arm. Just..." She all but twinkled at him. "Be sure not to break Steve too badly, would you? I still plan on marrying him."
Natasha couldn't hide her smirk as she fell into a sparring stance across from Peggy. "I'm glad Nick found you, Peggy."
"You know," she said thoughtfully, "I'm rather glad he did, too."
***
Wanda, Amadeus and Sam were all clustered around a work table, stacks of thick textbooks beside them. Amadeus was apparently helping Wanda with a project, and Sam had gotten roped into it out of curiosity. Sam ignored Bucky when he came into the room, paging through the report that Wanda was trying to write. Wanda offered Bucky a distracted smile, but Amadeus shot him a huge grin. "So. Arm works great, doesn't it?"
"Yeah. Real smooth movement and sensory inputs."
"Think maybe you can come with me to my robotics class? I want to show the teacher the project I've been working on, and it isn't the same trying to couch it all as theoretical. I really want to show him the practical application."
He blinked slowly. "You think it's a good idea?"
"It's a state of the art prosthetic that gives you feedback as if it's a real arm," Amadeus scoffed, rolling his eyes. "Of course I think it's a good idea. Wanda was telling me about her history class, and there are different tribes in the outer districts of Wakanda that still do a lot of things the old fashioned way. Farming, hunting, whatever." Amadeus' enthusiasm for the idea was starting to show through, and he leaned across the table with a bright eyed and eager expression. "So if they lose a limb, they're out of commission. But if we can create a working limb for them that gives the same sensory input as the living one, they're back doing what they need to survive and support their families."
"Oh. I guess I never thought of it that way," he mumbled.
"You think?" Sam muttered under his breath, passing the paper back to Wanda.
"You got a problem with me, Wilson?" Bucky asked, frowning at him.
"Yeah, I do," Sam returned, looking at him. His lips were pursed for a moment as he tried to think of the best way to phrase what he wanted to say. "You walk around like you're better off in a deep freeze. Maybe you are, maybe you aren't. Not my call, either way. But instead of trying to prove that Hydra's goons didn't steal your soul or some shit, you try to hide yourself away. It's tiring to watch. Get up and do something. Yeah, you got a heavy weight to carry. You think the rest of us don't? You think we don't wish it went down a different way? Or that we don't have nightmares? Do you honestly think that you're the only one that ever got hurt?"
"No, I don't," Bucky said tightly, lips compressed into a thin line. His eyes flashed with anger, and his shoulders were tense. "But you'd all be better off without me in your lives."
"Man, get over yourself," Sam snapped irritably. "We're all here to save your sorry ass from prison. The least you can do is actually live the life you've got."
"I never asked for that!"
"As if Steve could ever let you go. As if any of us could stand by and let a bureaucrat decide what's right when they don't know how it all went down. We're grown ass adults that can make our own decision, Barnes. So respect that and get out of your pity party."
Bucky blinked. "Peggy said something like that, too."
"She's one that's got sense. Listen to her," Sam told him firmly.
"Steve seems to have a thing for responsible brunettes in his life," Wanda remarked in the silence. "All his friends try to take care of him because he lacks the sense to do it himself."
Amadeus snickered, then tried to smother it behind his hand when both Sam and Bucky turned to stare at him. "What? She's not wrong."
In spite of his irritation, Sam grinned at the teen. "Nope, she's not."
"I'm glad he's had you all," Bucky admitted after a moment, hanging his head a little. "You know, when I couldn't be."
"It's what friends do," Wanda told him.
Though he appeared thoughtful as he nodded, Bucky remained silent. Sam plopped down in a seat next to Amadeus, though he didn't even bother to look at the diagrams and schematics that the teen had. "I suppose if you're bored," he said in a deceptively casual tone, "you can maybe redesign or update my gear. The wings are good, but I think I cracked the goggles when we got out of the Raft. I just looked at 'em the other day with one of the dora milaje, but she didn't know how Stark wired it up."
The boy looked positively gleeful. "Really? You have it around somewhere? I'll absolutely go over the tech. I'll have to mock up the schematic, since you wouldn't have the original blueprints with you, then once I open it all up and-"
Wanda snickered. "Boys and their toys."
Amadeus pretended to be affronted. "These aren't toys, Wanda. They're highly sophisticated tools in the hands of superheroes."
She only laughed and bumped shoulders with him. "And does the toolmaker wish to be a superhero as well, then?"
He ducked his head a little. "I'm still too young..."
"Spider-Man's actually a kid," Bucky said abruptly. "I heard it in his voice," he explained when the others looked at him. "Maybe not much older'n you."
That made the teen suddenly grin and Sam shake his head with a sigh. "You tell his mother, man. I'm not taking the hit for you on that one."
Bucky bit his lip a little uncertainly, and then nodded. "Yeah. If it happens, I'll help you tell your mother. You helped me, so I owe you one," he told Amadeus.
"I don't think she'd appreciate it," Wanda told Amadeus. "So at least finish school first."
The boy snorted. "I can have the classes done in a month if they'd let me."
"Then give it a month," Bucky said in a tone that he usually reserved for reminding Steve not to do something stupid. "Bein' a hero isn't safe, you know." He lifted his metal arm. "There's a cost, and scars, and horrible things that can happen, even if you do the right thing."
Amadeus looked at him with wide eyes and gulped as he nodded. "Yeah. Okay. I promise."
Smiling at him, Bucky nodded and eased his stance. Sam gave him an appraising look, nodding a little to himself. It would be all right.
***
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To Chapter Six - Wedding Bells