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[euruaina]

 I feel like a giant fuck up.

I set gaols, I make lists, I put on some fun music to get me going, and then I get sucked into doing something completely different.

I mean, I did get my bag all cleaned out and stuff, and I did sorta actually start looking for schools/programs for fashion design/costume construction, but I didn't get very far. And I

Comments

[out_totheblack]

I know this probably doesn't help much, but it does get better. I've been right where you are.

For me, part of it was getting older (like out of my 20s) and getting enough life experiences behind me. That motivated me to want something more and different and to try to get it.

Part of it was moving to a different city away from my family. It was easier to take chances and grow without them looking directly at me.

You're right. It is about the baby steps. Sometimes it helps to just pick one baby step to work on instead of several at one time :)

[euruaina]

Thanks. :) It does help a little bit, at least just to know that someone else is reading this and takes the time to respond. Sometimes I feel like I'm just yelling into a void. Oh well, such is life, right?

[aerlalaith]

Hey Chica,

I'm sorry you're feeling so down :( This kind of reminds me of a discussion I had in anthro yesterday, where we talked about how our system of life turns our time into capitol. Maybe it would help if you tried thinking about life not in terms of time wasted or spent, but in terms of time when you did things you like to do? Live by events, not by the clock sort of thing? If you want something bad enough, I'm sure you'll reach out for it when the time is right for you - you're just that kind of determined person.

If there's anything I've learned this year, life can definitely throw a lot of curve balls and shake your world's foundation like crazy, and that can make change - or any movement at all really - difficult. But still, if you want it, then I have confidence that you can make it happen.

I like to beat my procrastination by making lists of things. Then I can cross them off. It's oddly therapeutic.

Hope you feel better! <3

[euruaina]

Thanks Hon. :) I am feeling better as journal writing is very cathartic for me. Plus the fact that I spent like, the next four hours after writing that looking up/researching/poking around different Study abroad programs/universities, so I felt much more informed/accomplished when I finally went to bed.

Also, when are you arriving back in Portland?

[aerlalaith]

I'm glad you're feeling better. My flight is scheduled to come in the night of Thursday, Dec 16th. And then the next Monday I get to go have my wisdom teeth removed! Hurray!