The Huntress -Chapter 17
Portsmouth, August 31
Even though Rania did everything she could to help Dean through the after-effects of the curse, he still had a rough evening and night, running a fever, aching everywhere, sweating profusely. Sam stayed with him while taking care of Angelia while Rania monitored them for most of the night.
Sam had called Ellen after the delivery. They had decided that she would come the next morning, bringing Sumiko to meet her little sister. Now, it was almost six in the morning and Angelia was drinking her third bottle of milk already, swallowing one ounce and burping like a pro in the middle of it. Dean had been asleep for the last couple of hours, conking out just after his last morphine shot. His fever had lowered a little and he looked almost peaceful despite the pallor of his face and the frown lines that came and went between his eyes.
Sam put Angelia on the examination table and changed her diapers. She kept her eyes open, but remained very calm, closing them as soon as she was wrapped up in her blanket. Sam kissed her forehead and put her in the incubator they were using as a crib, then exited the room silently, walking to the kitchen and fixing himself a pot of coffee. Rania had gone to bed an hour before with the express order to wake her up if anything happened.
Sam drank his coffee looking out the window where the sun was rising in a clear sky.
We did it, he thought, feeling peaceful and content.
He let his mind wander off and it brought him back to the conversation he'd had with Dean about moving away and starting a new life, this time as a couple instead of brothers.
He wondered if Dean had been serious. He had been close to term at the time, emotional. Dean was attached to the places he knew. They had spent so much time driving around the United States that the whole country had become a kind of home for Dean.
But they were Winchesters and they were more than well known amongst hunters. Wherever they went, they would risk being recognized and the fragile web of lies they would have to tell to explain the presence of their daughters would eventually catch up with them. Dean had talked about Canada, but there were some hunters there, albeit fewer of them, who would know about Sam and Dean Winchester.
Was Sam being paranoid? If so, he felt as though he had reason to be. The danger had come from a human this time, and humans, as Dean was fond of saying, were unpredictable, were capable of the best motives and the worst. Running to freaking Australia wouldn’t stop a demon or another supernatural creature, of course, but the risk of encountering some random hunter would be much less likely.
Sam heard a noise from the medical room and ran back to find Dean sitting on the edge of the bed, trying to stand up but wiggling his bottom, holding on to the IV drip for support.
“Dean?” Sam murmured. “Where the hell are you going?”
“Taking a piss. My bladder is about to burst.”
“Wait, I’ll get the uri-“
“No more freaking urinal. I’m fine. Just… help me a little.”
The determined look on Dean’s face discouraged Sam from insisting. His brother was barefoot, wearing a crumpled hospital gown that was tied up all wrong in the back. Sam sighed and slid a hand around his waist, holding him tight while Dean stood up, still holding the IV drip pole.
Dean was steadier than Sam would have thought and they made their way easily enough, although very slowly, to the bathroom.
“You okay?”
“Yeah. A little privacy maybe?”
“I’m not leaving you alone in the bathroom.”
“I’m not pissing while you watch me.”
“Dean, I spent most of yesterday afternoon with my head between your legs.”
“Geez, thanks for the reminder, Sam.”
They made a compromise. Sam helped Dean sit on the toilet and stepped outside until he was done. Of course, when Sam went back, Dean was already up, looking at his face in the mirror. “Dude, I look like a freaking zombie. You gotta help me wash a little and shave before Sue arrives.”
“Okay, if you sit on the bed.”
Dean rolled his eyes, but nodded. Helping him back to bed, Sam thought about the hours, then the days following Sumiko’s birth, and how different it was this time around, how Dean was more like himself, looked to be in such better shape. He was still smiling like an idiot when they were finished.
“Sam. You huh… you’re feeling okay?” Dean raised a suspicious eyebrow at him.
“Great.”
“She still sleeping?” Dean asked, pointing his chin toward the crib.
“Yeah.”
“Still hasn't done anything… special?”
“Nope. She’s a regular baby girl so far.”
“Can’t wait for Sue to meet her.”
“Yeah, me neither.”
Despite his weakness and a low running fever, Dean managed to eat a little breakfast and to feed Angelia afterwards. The baby had only wined a little to signify she was hungry and drank without fussing once again. When she was done, Dean started nodding off with her comfortably canted in his arms, but was soon woken up by Rania when she took his vitals and changed his IV drip. When she proposed another round of morphine, he refused.
“M’not in pain. Wanna be awake when Sumiko comes. Besides, I was thinkin’ maybe I could go home today.”
Rania frowned. “It's a little early, maybe. I really would prefer to keep you another day, just to be sure…”
Dean exchanged a look with Sam who was putting Angelia in a fresh diaper. It was clear in his brother’s green eyes that he wouldn’t listen to the doctor, but Sam was ready to take him home if that was what Dean wanted. If that was what he needed.
“I don’t mind watching him,” he said, shrugging.
Rania gave him an outraged look, like he’d just betrayed her somehow. When she spoke, her mouth was reduced to a thin white line. “I’m not letting you go before the fever is completely gone, Dean.”
“Which means that if it’s gone by this afternoon, then I can go?”
The young woman gave him an eyeroll. “Okay, then.”
“Nice. Maybe we should check it again right now just to-”
“Don’t push it, Dean.”
Dean didn’t push it.
::: :::
Sumiko and Ellen arrived a little after ten. Sam was waiting for them on the porch. Ellen had dressed Sue in her only dress, white cotton with a big red strawberry embroiled on the chest. She had tied a red ribbon in her tiny ponytail so that it made a fountain on the top of her head.
“Awww, look at you baby, you’re adorable.”
“Pwetttee!” Sue agreed as Sam took her into his arms.
“How’s Dean?” Ellen asked.
“He’s… pretty good. Can’t believe he was pregnant yesterday when I look at him. The curse has done its job.
“And the baby?”
“She’s perfect, she’s… Come on, come see her.”
Ellen smiled. “You go on ahead so Sumiko can meet her little sister properly.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah. And congratulations, Sam. Apparently there's nothing you can’t do.”
Sam blushed when Ellen kissed him. “I barely did anything. Angie just decided she was coming out, no matter what.”
“Why doesn’t that surprise me, with the fathers she has?”
Ellen joined Rania in the kitchen while Sam took Sumiko to the room at the end of the hallway, explaining to her that she was about to meet her little sister, that she needed to be quiet because daddy and the new baby needed to rest. Sumiko wouldn’t be quiet, of course, but she did look like she was listening to Sam, really listening, her blond eyebrows furrowed and her eyes wide, fixed on Sam’s face.
“Let’s go,” Sam said, kissing her on the top of her head while opening the door.
Dean’s face lit up when he saw her. He was sitting in bed, Angelia cradled in his arms, looking comfortable and content despite the exhaustion. “Hey, there's my girl. Come on, Sue, come meet your little sis.”
Sumiko looked unsure for a moment, but when Sam got close to the bed and she saw the little bundle tucked in Dean’s arms, she lost it.
“Ooooh,” she murmured looking at Sam like she wanted to say, “I’m not imagining this, am I?”
Then she stretched her arms toward Dean, showing an impressive strength as she was determined to escape Sam’s grip. She was babbling non-stop and Sam could only make out a word here and there: daddy and baby and sister and shshshsh, over and over again, cut off by enthusiastic bursts of laughter. Dean and Sam were laughing as well. Giving up, Sam sat her beside Dean, holding her still to try and keep her calm.
Angelia wasn’t sleeping. Her eyes were wide open and she was busy making small bubbles of saliva. The swelling of her face had started to subside and Dean was positive she took after Sam, although Sam couldn’t quite see it and was convinced Dean only said it to please him. Now, though, looking more closely, Sam could admit that Angie’s eyes were shaped like his, almost cat-like, and that her nose had the same pointy shape as his.
“Ooooh,” Sue repeated when she was settled next to Dean. She looked up at him and yelled, “baa-bee!” with a wide smile.
“Sue, meet Angie,” Dean said affectionately, shifting his arms so that the little girl could have a better look at her baby sister.
Sumiko stretched out one arm, but stopped a few centimeters away from touching Angelia. She was visibly awed. She looked at Dean again and made an exaggerated shushing sound, spitting saliva everywhere.
“Yes, we have to be quiet,” Dean agreed, kissing her on the cheek.
“Sissserrr,” Sumiko slurred in a hushed voice.
“You’re so freaking clever, baby.”
Dean freed one of his arms to wrap it around Sumiko’s shoulders. She cooed and pressed herself against her father, saying pretty and winking at him, still with both eyes.
“Can I take a picture?” Sam asked, his phone already in his hand.
Dean rolled his eyes. “Sam how are we going to explain this pic-“
“Don’t care. You were in the hospital. I took both the girls to visit you.”
Dean didn’t protest further and Sam took a snapshot. In it, Sumiko’s mouth was wide open and she was pointing at the camera. Dean had this lopsided smile that was so uniquely him, part of his personality as much as the spiky hair and the car. Angie’s face was barely visible, all wrapped up in her blanket and pressed against Dean. She wasn't wearing her hat and her hair was all that was sticking out of the bundle, dark and abundant.
“Perfect,” Sam said, swallowing around the lump in his throat.
“Okay, let’s give daddy a break,” he added when he saw Sumiko wiggling and trying to stand up.
“Angelia needs a change,” Dean said, wrinkling his nose.
“No problem.”
With Sumiko canted on his hip, Sam asked Dean to put Angie in the crook of his free arm.
“You sure?”
“Yeah, I can manage.”
Dean looked like he was going to protest, but finally gave in.
“SISSER!” Sumiko screamed when they were done.
She was suddenly brave enough to touch the baby, visibly impressed by the tuft of dark hair, and before Sam could do anything, she was grabbing a handful and pulling.
Angelia burst out crying.
Sumiko pulled her hand back as if she’d been burned and started crying as well, scared by the reaction she’d just provoked.
“Here we go,” Dean said rolling his eyes, but he was smiling a little.
Sam could only imagine what the next few months would be like for them, and he smiled too in the middle of this wonderful chaos.
::: :::
Ellen didn’t stay too long. Sumiko was very demanding, wanting to stay in bed with Dean or in Sam’s arms - wherever Angelia was. Sam and Dean were both exhausted by the time Ellen took her home.
Shortly after noon, though, Dean asked Rania to take his temperature and she admitted reluctantly that it was normal. Before letting him go though, she examined him thoroughly and did the same with Angelia. Then, she made a long series of recommendations and scheduled a home visit in two day’s time. Dean agreed to everything vehemently, looking as excited as if he’d spent months stuck in a hospital bed.
Although he was still fighting the after-effects of the curse, he seemed in much better shape, psychologically and physically, than right after Sumiko’s birth. Sam took all of Rania’s instructions very seriously and promised himself that he would take care of Dean, no matter how hard his brother fought him. He helped him into the car, even with all the grumbling, then went back for Angelia. She was sleeping peacefully. She didn't wake up, even when Sam struggled to adjust the belt of her seat tightly enough for her to be completely safe. So far, she had refused the pacifier, spitting it out forcefully, but that could change.
“Let’s go home,” Dean sighed, leaning back against the seat.
He had insisted on sitting next to the baby in the back seat.
“You sure you're okay?”
“Sam…”
“Seriously, Dean. I’m not kidding here.”
Dean rolled his eyes, but answered. “A little sore and freaking tired, but I’m okay. And I have no doubt you and Ellen will be all over my case for me to rest.”
“And you’ll listen to us.”
Dean cleared his throat and readjusted Angelia’s hat on her forehead. “I’ll try,” he said.
“Good enough. Okay, here we go.”
Dean fell asleep within ten minutes, one of his arms wrapped over the baby seat, the other hand resting on Angelia’s feet.
“Love you, you stubborn idiot,” Sam thought, observing him in the rear view mirror.
::: :::
The first few days were a period of adjustment, especially for Sumiko. It wasn’t as much of a change as it had been when she herself had been a newborn, if you’d asked Sam. They were used to the family life now and, although Angelia followed her own routine, Sumiko still woke up at six, needed to eat three times a day, to play, to be bathed, to nap and to follow her usual habits.
She was very fond of her little sister for the first few hours following her arrival, but she rapidly got tired of “ooooh”- ing next to her face when she realized that Angelia wasn't going to stand up and play with her. She began to shush exasperatedly each time Angie made a noise, like the baby was some kind of necessary nuisance they had to put up with.
It was funny to watch, really. Sam wasn’t worried. Sumiko was still so young. A baby herself, really. The bond between them would come eventually, given some time.
Dean accepted Sam's admonishment to stay in bed only until the day after they got home, around dinner. By then he'd had enough and he refused to take another meal in bed, said that he was bored and promised to let Sam get him settled on the couch for the evening if he was allowed out of the bedroom. Sumiko was excited to have her father out of bed and kept babbling at him, like they had so much to catch up on since Angelia’s birth. She didn’t even care about eating, but Dean did. Not much, but still. When Sam put a protein shake in front of him, he groaned and cursed but drank all of it, then smiled sarcastically at his brother. “Happy?”
“Yes.”
Ellen ruffled Dean’s hair and he blushed, but let her get away with it. She had been wonderful so far, making herself useful without overstepping, leaving Sam and Dean some space and running the house like it was no big deal to have a newborn to take care of and a toddler who was slowly turning into a little attention-needing monster.
The first evening they had arrived, Ellen had spent two hours cradling Angelia in the old rocking chair in the living room. Ellen had been very quiet. Sam had had no doubt she had been thinking about her own family, remembering when her husband was still alive and Jo still a baby, secure in her arms.
They were all a little emotional, Sam guessed. He remembered all too well Dean’s baby blues right after Sumiko’s birth so he watched him closely. Even if Dean looked tired, he seemed to be getting through the end of the curse far more easily than the first time. Still, Sam knew better than to let his guard down. Even though Dean had changed over the past two years, he was still so accustomed to hiding his emotions deep inside his mind. If Dean convinced himself that there was no reason for him to feel a little overwhelmed by their daughter’s birth and the hormones rushing out of his body, he would pretend and mostly believe he was completely alright. But he wouldn’t be. Not really.
As it turned out, Sam was right to stay vigilant. On the night of September third, he woke up suddenly to find himself alone in bed. Angelia’s crib was empty as well. This wasn’t a reason to worry in and of itself since Dean had started sharing the nightly feedings. Angelia was a very quiet baby and she barely groaned and whined to signify she was hungry or wet so maybe Dean had just been sleeping more lightly.
Still, Sam couldn’t shake off the sense of uneasiness he felt. It wasn’t like he had the impression something was seriously wrong, just this little voice telling him that Dean needed him.
It was one in the morning and the night was bright under the full moon. The small nightlight in the living room was the only one turned on. Sam was almost there when he heard some quiet whispers. He advanced silently, just until he could see Dean’s silhouette in the rocking chair. There was an empty bottle on the coffee table, a wrapped up dirty diaper on the floor. Angelia seemed asleep, or calm enough not to make any noise.
Dean’s head was bent toward her and he was softly running his fingers through the baby’s hair.
He was speaking to her, apologizing, saying he was sorry, so fucking sorry for everything he’d put her through.
His breath hitched. He was crying, or would be soon enough.
Sam heard some noise and saw Ellen coming out of her room, still half asleep. She frowned at him.
“I got it,” Sam articulated silently.
She nodded, smiled a little, and went back into the guest room.
Sam walked into the living room, startling Dean who immediately turned his head to hide his face, cleared his throat and groaned. “Dude, warn a guy.”
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” Dean sniffed. “Yeah huh… She drank her milk like a pro and I was going to take her back upstairs in a few minutes.”
Sam nodded and sat on the couch next to the rocking chair. Dean’s chin was wobbling and he was biting his lips. Hard.
“Dean. You didn’t do anything wrong. You have to know that.”
Instead of going for denial, because he was probably too far gone to pretend, Dean just nodded harshly, still not looking at Sam.
Sam bent down and put a hand on his Angelia’s belly. “Look at her. She’s fine. She’s perfect. You were the one to get her through all that.”
“I…” Dean shook his head, smiling sadly just as tears were welling up in his eyes. “Fuck, Sam, stop it or I’mma lose it,” he mumbled uneasily.
Sam took Angie out of Dean’s arms. He didn’t protest, just let her go, trusting Sam instinctively, as always. Sam put Angelia in the baby swing. She snuffled and tried to suck at nothing, then she went back to sleep.
“This is… I have no reason for feeling so shitty,” Dean admitted right away when Sam walked back to the couch.
“You have freaking good reasons, don’t be stupid.”
Dean winced and impatiently wiped the tears off his cheeks. “You’re right. She’s here, she’s perfect, and everything is good and I just…”
He shrugged.
There were no good answers there. Dean had been through so much during his pregnancy that having him break up three days after his second labor in less than two years - a labor he'd gone through without the reassurance of a doctor there to make sure everything was under control - was only normal. The pregnancy hormones were quickly being eliminated by his body and his brain chemistry had to adjust. That didn’t help either.
Sam thought Dean knew all of this, to some degree. He just needed Sam to be there for him, needed to let go from time to time, just like he was doing now.
There was one issue, though. One thing Sam couldn’t let his brother forget.
“Dean. You do know it, right? That none of what happened was your fault?”
Dean’s face hardened. “Well, it was me, Sam. It was me, there in that fucking basement. That day, when Isabelle came to me, I should’ve noticed something was off… And look at her,” he added in a broken voice, pointing toward the swing. “She’s a baby. She fits in the crook of my arm, and all those thing she had to do to save herself and…I never really listened, you know. All the clues she left and I couldn’t even figure out what she was trying to tell me-“
“Please, please stop this,” Sam cut him off, kneeling in front of the chair and grabbing Dean’s face with both hands, forcing him to look at him. “Because if you wanna play this game, alright, but I’m as responsible as you are. I didn’t understand what was going on either, I was blinded by the fear that Angie could hurt herself, could hurt you… And damn it, it took me two fucking weeks to find you, I was almost too late-“
“Sam, don’t-“ Dean was trying to escape Sam’s grip, but he wouldn’t let go.
“Why? You’ve got the right to inflict this guilt trip on yourself, and I don’t?”
“It’s not like that!” Dean protested with anger, new tears brimming in his eyes.
“No, it’s not. It’s you, Dean. You’re the reason she’s here today.”
Dean let out a sarcastic laugh.
“I’m serious. She was able to use you, because you were strong enough for it all. You managed to keep her safe despite everything, and yeah, you were in that basement, but you came out of it, and she did as well, and I’m not sure I could’ve done it, I’m not sure anyone else other than you could have done it. You’re right, look at her. She is a newborn, she’s so small and vulnerable and innocent. Now. I don’t know when her powers will manifest, or how. Fuck, I don’t know if they’ll manifest at all, but everything she accomplished was because you were strong enough to let her do it.”
Dean’s face had gradually softened as Sam was speaking. Tears were now flowing freely down his face and the sight broke Sam’s heart, even though he knew this was necessary.
“Dean, it’s okay,” he murmured.
Dean shook his head and grabbed Sam’s wrists, not to take his hands off his face but to keep them there. “I’m a fucking girl,” he hiccupped. “Sorry about this.”
“Nothing to be sorry for. Dean, you just gave birth. The curse has been hard on you. Give yourself a beak.”
“Hate feeling like this.”
“I know.”
Sam rose on his knees and kissed Dean’s wet lips. His brother answered immediately, pressing hard against Sam’s mouth, shoving his tongue forcefully between his lips and humming almost desperately. His hands had left Sam’s wrists to grab strands of hair. And this, this wasn’t about sex. This was Dean holding on to Sam for dear life, taking what he needed.
Sam gave everything he could. In the end, they were holding each other clumsily and Dean had calmed down, the only sign that he had been crying was a hiccupping sigh from time to time. He was the one who broke the embrace, shaking his upper body like he could get rid of the emotion overload that way.
“We goin' back to bed?” Sam asked simply.
Dean wiped at his swollen eyes one last time. “Yeah.”
“I’ll get Angelia.”
They climbed the stairs together, Dean staying close to Sam all the way, enough for their legs to brush.
::: :::
Freeport, September 10
It was the beginning of the afternoon and, for the first time since Angelia’s birth, Dean found himself alone with her. Sue had been crawling out of her skin all morning and Sam had decided to take her to the park to let some of that accumulated energy out. Ellen was up in New York where she was meeting Bobby to help him with a simple salt and burn case. Afterwards, they would both come back, but only for a day or two. Bobby had apparently found a spell that would get Dean free of his curse for good and, of course, he wanted to meet Angelia. Ellen would go back with him to Sioux Falls afterwards. She said she had imposed long enough. Dean and Sam had protest vehemently. Hell, Angelia’s arrival would have been so much harder to manage without her. Still, it was time for Dean and Sam to pick up their life, in whatever form it might take.
Angelia was sleeping in her swings in the living room while Dean folded laundry sitting next to her. He felt good, still a little tired, and way out of shape, but life settling in to a kind of rhythm. He was starting to get back to his good old self and, thank god, he wasn’t about to burst into tears at the slightest provocation anymore. Damn hormones. How women managed to live with them he didn’t have a clue, but he was way more sympathetic to them now.
Folding a pair of Sue’s pants, Dean smiled to himself, thinking about how his eldest was reacting to the arrival of her little sister. Sue had always been a loud, enthusiastic baby, and the sole point of attention for both her fathers. She had noticed the changes since Angelia had been born, even though Dean didn’t think she was jealous - still a little young for that. Anyhow, Sue needed the world to know she existed, that’s how Dean saw it, and if she had to scream over a crying baby to do so, she would. Not out of egocentrism or selfishness, Dean refused to believe that. Sumiko was just so alive, so desperate to enjoy and make the most of each minute that passed, that she had to make herself known.
Angelia started whining feebly. If Dean gave her enough time, she would probably go back to sleep on her own, but since they were alone, he gave in and took her in his arms, settling in the rocking chair.
Angelia blinked at him lazily with those eyes that were so much like Sam’s. She twisted in her blanket, yawning widely and ending it on another tiny whimper.
“There you go, daddy’s here,” Dean murmured. As soon as he started talking, Angie stopped moving. Her eyelids got heavy, her eyes rolled back and her mouth went slack. Still not interested in the pacifier, she often calmed herself down on her own and Dean could count on the fingers of one hand the times she had cried more than five minutes since she'd been born.
“You’re so quiet, baby,” he said, rocking her gently. “You don’t have to be, ya’ know. Big brothers and sisters, they often act like they’re better than you, taking as much room as possible because they’re scared. They’re scared shitless there won't be enough space for them anymore. That’s all. You can cry your lungs out as often as you want to. Sue loves you, but she’s too young to really understand it yet, how deep that love is.”
Angelia snuffled and yawned again. Dean laughed silently. “Yeah, boring stuff. I’ll shut up now.”
There he was, bad-ass hunter Dean Winchester, talking to his eleven day old daughter in an empty house. He felt soothed by the slow rocking movement of the chair, the smell of his baby, the light weight of her in his arms.
He was scared too, shitless. He knew what was awaiting them when Bobby and Ellen came back from the hunt. Sam had spoken with Bobby about their plan to move away, asking for some advice, how to find the best fake passports and papers for them and the girls, where to settle, that kind of thing.
Soon, it would be too late to back out. Dean didn’t regret it. He would leave everything he had ever known gladly if it meant that the girls would be a little more secure, a little more hidden from the hunter's world. There was a lot of good in that world, people like Bobby and Ellen, and Pastor Jim - dead for more than five years, now, god - people courageous enough to give up their whole lives to hunt nasty, murderous creatures. But there was a lot of bad too. Hunting for bad reasons, from desperation or because the power of a weapon was their way of getting themselves off. Deals. Black magic. Revenge.
Revenge. What would you think of me, dad? Dean would sometimes wonder. Are you ashamed and mad, would you punch me until I bleed like that time when I let Sammy run away on my watch? Your incestuous son, who never managed to live up to your expectations?
Well, you didn’t live up to mine either. And I guess… I guess in the end, we might have been able to find a way to yell through all those issues without killing each other.
Except John was dead. And despite how much he sometimes resented him, Dean still missed him each and every single day.
“Fuck the hunt and all its madness, Angie,” Dean rasped, patting his daughter’s bottom. “Saving people… Guess it’s time to save ourselves, as a family, what do you say?”
The girls would grow up in a normal environment, go to school, have a home, would call the giant man with the girly hair who Dean loved way too much daddy, because it was true, and Sam deserved it, and that was something no one had the right to take away from him.
Angelia tensed briefly before relaxing again.
“That’s it baby, go back to sleep, daddy’s got you. You don’t have to work so hard anymore, you leave it all to me.”
And because he was alone in the house, and feeling a little sentimental maybe, Dean sang to his daughter in a very soft voice. “Angie, Angie, when will those clouds all disappear? Angie, Angie, where will it lead us from here…”
::: :::
Epilogue
A/N: There is only the epilogue left. :)