The First Time - Euphemia, Euphemia/Suzaku (1/1)

[a_white_rain]

Title: The First Time
Day/Theme: 09 What child? There was no child.
Series: Code Geass
Character/Pairing: Euphemia with some light Euphemia/Suzaku
Rating: PG

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The first place she takes Suzaku is to the playground.

For as long as she could remember, Euphemia would sometimes sneak out and walk to a nearby park and watch the children play.

(Cornelia taught

Comments

[black_rose]

The verb tense you're using is a bit confusing, you seem to vascillate between present tense: "Even now, when she's much too old to swing..." to "He looked really young".

It leaves the reader with no feel of when in time this is taking place.

Also, I felt like the parentheticals were too frequent in a story of this size, it distracted me.

Mechanics aside, I liked the introspective in how Euphemia might have viewed Suzaku.

Take care,
Rose

[a_white_rain]

Yeah. I do need to work on that. My only lame excuse is that I wanted to get it done on time to post on 31_days.

Haha. I know. I sometimes abuse them. I should work on that.

Thank you. :)