Communication (sic) with a narcissist (reality principles)

[erudito]

At its core, narcissism is very simple. It operates on the principle: my convenience comes first.

This may look like simple selfishness and, of course, it is profoundly selfish. But the key feature of narcissism is that the principle goes all the way down. That is, it goes right down to what they tell themselves about what happens. The principle

Comments

[quatrefoil]

So very true. According to my shrink, however, narcissists rarely end up in therapy except of the most shallow variety. They don't believe there's anything wrong with them so they don't see the need to fix it - whatever problems they encounter are all someone else's fault.

And yes, my close encounter with a narcissist did completely undermine my confidence in my own judgement to the point that I no longer quite trust it even now. I think one of the hardest things to deal with is the way narcissists play with your head - that's why the question of 'what do I have that they want?' is so useful, since it can help to explain why someone can be charming and supportive and empathetic on one occasion and completely cold and dismissive on another.

Thanks for a good post.

Understanding and warning

[erudito]

The only thing you can hope to end up with is understanding. And the ability to pass that on to others and provide some sort of warning.

And, boy does the undermining of confidence in your own judgment do damage.

... since it can help to explain why someone can be charming and supportive and empathetic on one occasion and completely cold and dismissive on another.
On yes. Been there, felt that.

I am glad you found it helpful.

[mishymoocow_2]

Good work that ape.

the question is useful - have you answered it satisfactorily as far as "your" narcissist is concerned.

Simple core

[erudito]

Ta.

As far as "my" narcissist is concerned, the answer is "no": I have nothing he wants. I stopped having anything he wanted somewhat before the final break. But the more recent interaction was, at least, clinically useful. Apart from anything else, it allowed me to get to the heart of the dynamics of narcissism.