Steve Andrews 28 May 1961 - 29 July 2009

[erudito]

I originally met Steve through his long-term (21 years, 1985-2006) partner Karl. I met Karl through the SCA. The SCA was never Steve's thing, though he did accompany Karl to the odd event.

Karl and I shared an SCA household for a while, House Ganymede, along with damned_colonial, thorfinn, raven_, Ben C and others. It broke up in extremely acrimonious circumstances which were

Comments

[mishymoocow_2]

Oh the pity of it. I wasn't a close friend, but we've been friendly acquaintances for many years.

Several people have said they respect Steve's decision. Intellectually I see that, but when I actually found someone who had taken an overdose, and who begged me to leave them be, I couldn't do it. Which turned out to be a good thing (probably).

Also, I'm angry. Probably because I am grieving, and guilty, and wish there had *somehow* been something I could do.

The words of the Sarah McLachlan song, "Angel" are going through my head: "You were torn from the wreckage/of your silent reverie/In the arms of the angels/may you find some comfort there".

Despair

[erudito]

Yes, I had a surge of "if only I had kept in better touch" which is a common, and thoroughly misplaced, reaction in these circumstances.

Having (emotionally) been there, I am convinced that the Christian notion that despair is a sin is correct, a blinding to hope and possibility and your obligations to others.

Re: Despair

[mishymoocow_2]

Yes, despair probably is a sin. As I was thinking about that, I had an insight that God is so infinite, there is no despair that can cut anyone off irrevocably. 'He' can outwait us all. So I just don't believe in eternal damnation. And that's a good thing.

As for obligations to others - I think the main one we have to those who truly love us is "to be".

[quatrefoil]

I am so sorry to hear about this, so sorry for your bereavement and that of his other friends. I hope that Steve has found peace and I hope that his community finds peace.

[catsidhe]

There is nothing I could say that you don't already know, and I never know what to say or how to say it in any case.

So I'll just let you know that I'm thinking of you all, and please pass on my commiserations to Karel and all who knew Steve.

[omnot]

"My condolences" doesn't cut it, but it will have to suffice to communicate disparate thoughts; regret, concern, the intense wish that people find ways to grieve and still cope.

So: My condolences.

[bar_barra]

Owwwww. It always hurts and it never gets any better. I am very sorry indeed. *hug*