Take a Bite of My Heart Tonight [Oneshot]
Title: Take a Bite of My Heart Tonight
Author: erodedveins
Rating: R
Genre: Angst
Pairing: Keytae
Word-count: 5326
Implied!Character death
"Taemin hopped off the bar stool unsteadily. 'I wish you would've left me in that alley to die.' "
~~
It wasn't exactly the kind of club you advertised, but there were still plenty of people lined up outside. Taemin ignored all the groans when he hopped to the front of the line and was immediately let in. Dressed in extremely tight, shiny leather pants and a form-fitting vest, he was a far cry from the ever-innocent weird high school student everyone seemed to think he was.
He walked up to the bar, ignoring the condescending look the bartender gave him. He was used to it by now. He smiled sweetly.
"The usual please Kibum," Kibum clearly wasn't happy filling the order, but nevertheless slammed a glass down. Taemin watched eagerly as Kibum poured the dark substance, and the faint scent of formaldehyde and bleach reached his nose. It was a familiar smell, and his shoulders slumped with relief. He hadn't even realized they were tensed. He downed the glass of sweet liquid in one go and immediately felt his
head clear. "Thanks."
"Now get the fuck out of here," Kibum was glaring at Taemin. Taemin giggled in response.
"Ooh, someone's in a testy mood today," Kibum looked ready to explode when someone else stepped in.
"Seeing as how you're obviously underage, I have to agree with Kibum," Taemin faced the newcomer with thinly veiled annoyance.
"Aren't you supposed to mind your own business?" he said in the most civil voice he could muster.
"Not really. Not when you're concerned. How old are you, anyway? 12?" Taemin smiled with pleasure.
"My mother taught me to never talk to strangers. Especially ones as good-looking as you. Anyway, my age doesn't really matter, does it? Because we both know those glasses aren't filled with alcohol," he skipped off happily at the incredulous look on the stranger's face.
Taemin had stumbled across the place almost 2 years ago. He'd been beaten up by some of his classmates and dumped in the alley next to the club. He figured it was his smell that had attracted a "kind" worker from the club, who turned out to be Kibum. And then.. Kibum's hand slipped... Well. That was all over and done with, and Taemin was actually kind of grateful to Kibum.
He stopped thinking about the past when he heard a bass-heavy song start playing in the background. Dancing was exactly the thing to take him away from his present frame of mind. He was good at it, and would've made a career out of it if he could. But after his unfortunate accident, he wanted to become an EMT. Lots of access to living breathing beings in that venue.
Still, Taemin enjoyed all the stares from the regulars when he danced. Joon was smokin' hot, but he had a bit of a drinking problem. Too much of the stuff made you jumpy and anxious. Just like an addict. Kyuhyun was pretty hot too, but he had a boyfriend. Some Chinese guy named Zhou Mi. And then there was Jinki, the owner of the club. Taemin was pretty sure Jinki was available (and interested), but he hung back because of Kibum. He didn't want to give Kibum more reasons to hate him.
He felt hands on his hips and had a switchblade at the throat of the stranger from earlier in less than three seconds.
"I dance alone," he murmured icily and heard a low chuckle. He turned to see Jinki looked at him with a raised eyebrow. He retracted the blade and put it back in his pocket. He glared. "I don't recall asking for your help, Jinki."
"Aww why not? I like playing the hero," the undertone of sarcasm in Jinki's tone infuriated Taemin. He remained silent, though, and ignored both Jinki and the now bewildered guy from earlier. He went back to dancing and everything faded to the background. Until he felt hands on his hips again. It was the same guy from before, and he scowled in annoyance.
"I told you. I dance alone. Why would you even want to dance with someone who's 12, anyway? Or are you one of those creepy fuckers who likes kids?" Taemin mocked.
"No. At least tell me your name," the guy insisted. Taemin rolled his eyes.
"Taemin," he replied shortly.
"My name is Jo--," "His name is Jonghyun," Kibum appeared next to Jonghyun. "He's my cousin." Taemin glanced briefly at the 2 of them.
"Well, it was lovely to meet you, Jonghyun. However, I'm late for an important date," Jonghyun was less-than-impressed with the White Rabbit reference. Taemin walked away towards the door without hearing a reply, and kept on walking even when he did. He had better things to do. Like go home and sleep so he could be at least half-way decently ready for school.
He couldn't understand why he bothered, though. School had always been a challenge for Taemin. He fell asleep in half his classes due to staying out late, and he was relentlessly teased throughout the day. It was a wonder he had good grades. His only friend in school was Minho. Minho was kind of quiet and somewhat of a loner. It sometimes bothered Taemin how distant Minho seemed towards him, but he couldn't really blame Minho. At least no one bothered them when they were together.
"You should come with me to the club tonight, Minho. Please? I'm always so bored there," Minho sighed.
"I'm good, thanks," Minho unconsciously rubbed the thick scar on his neck and Taemin felt shame well up in his chest. He didn't even know why he'd suggested that.
"Suit yourself," that was the end of their conversation.
For the rest of the day, Taemin couldn't focus in class. All he could think about was the night before. When Jinki had been interested enough to "come to his aid". Even knowing Jinki wasn't a nice guy and that he'd probably had ulterior motives didn't stop Taemin's heart from beating a little harder.
Later that night, Taemin wasn't surprised at all to see Jonghyun sitting at the bar. He wondered briefly what Kibum's cousin was doing there. He didn't look like one of them. But before he could get too invested in his train of thought, his eyes were caught by the entrance of Jinki. His mouth went dry at the curve-hugging jeans and flimsy silk shirt. He was obviously trying to catch the attention of someone in the vicinity. Taemin prayed it wasn't him.
He sighed and gulped when he realized that Jinki was, in fact, headed in his direction. Jinki stopped a few inches short of him, smirking.
"Like what you see?" Taemin felt his self-control rapidly slipping. Even Jinki's voice was seducing him. He started breathing a little heavier, and Jinki's smirk widened when he noticed.
"Unfortunately, no," Taemin managed to get out. "What I see is absolutely revolting." the smirk was replaced with a frown.
"Why do you fight me so hard when it's obvious to everyone that you're interested, Taemin?" but Taemin hadn't heard him. He was focused on Kibum, who was currently flirting with some guy at the counter. Taemin tried to tell himself that the fury and disappointment he felt was because he'd always thought Kibum liked Jinki, and because all the times he rejected Jinki felt wasted. He turned his attention back to Jinki to find seriousness staring him in the face. It scared him a little, because Jinki was never serious.
"I'm not a whore you can just throw away, for one," Taemin felt weak in the knees. He wanted to tell Jinki just how untrue his words were. Even if it was only once, Taemin would die happy if Jinki fucked him. "And for another, I respect the fact that there are other people involved in this."
Taemin didn't want to walk away, and when he looked over to find Kibum staring back at him with an unreadable expression, all he could feel was frustration. There wasn't even a hint of the pride he usually felt for resisting temptation. He resented Kibum more in that moment than he ever had.
He didn't even want to contemplate dancing. He was too upset to be able to concentrate. God, what he really needed was a drink, but hearing all that "you shouldn't be here" condescending bullshit from Kibum would just make him feel even worse.
"I know you said you don't talk to strangers, but.. you look like you could use someone who'll listen," Jonghyun sat down next to him. "Here." Taemin downed the glass in one gulp, but it didn't even remotely relax him.
"I can't tell you anything," he scoffed. "There's not a soul in this place I could tell." He stood up and started to walk away. "Thanks for nothing."
"You're too goddamn young to be so bitter," Jonghyun muttered and Taemin stopped cold.
"Yeah, I am. Do you want to know why? It's because I had to deal with becoming a freak alone. I was only 15 when it happened. I was just a kid, and I had no idea how to deal with all the intense cravings for blood I started having. No one had thought to warn me. And because I wasn't prepared, I almost murdered my best friend the day afterward. He will always have a scar on his neck, and that is my fault. But partly, it's Kibum's fault because he's too afraid to man up and accept that accidents happen. I guess that I'm kinda grateful, though, because at least now I know that the world isn't as cosy and wonderful as I used to think."
Taemin's voice had broken somewhere along the way, and he was being quiet, but by the end of his rant, the whole club had gone silent. Kibum was still looking at him with an unreadable expression, and Taemin squared his shoulders before looking him dead in the eyes.
"He still doesn't understand that I would do anything for him even though he hates my guts so much he can't stand the sight of me." After his confession, Taemin turned his attention back towards Jonghyun. "So there. I'm 17, and bitter enough to be 80. Are you fucking satisfied?" Jonghyun made no reply, shocked into silence. He clearly hadn't expected a story like Taemin's. "And before you even start, I don't need pity. I told you so you'd leave me the fuck alone."
Taemin walked out of the club, ignoring the ache in his veins telling him he needed a drink.
Taemin resisted the urge to go back to the club for a week. He couldn't afford to stay away any longer. His self-control had become tenuous at best, and he found himself staring more and more at Minho's neck. Just a little... Those were the kind of thoughts that genuinely made him panic. Because by that point, he couldn't be bothered with such childish things as a bond of friendship. He was merely a slave to his hunger.
He stepped inside the club and took a deep breath. The familiar faint scents of formaldehyde, iron, and bleach calmed him a little and he hesitantly walked over to the bar. He had been a regular at the club for some time, but he'd never just stopped coming. He wondered how Kibum would react. Not that it mattered, really.
Jonghyun was behind the bar, helping Kibum with customers. Taemin smiled faintly. So that's why he was there. He'd been given a job. He sat down at the bar and Jonghyun sat a half-full glass in front of him. Taemin downed it in one gulp like he always did, and laid his head on his arms at the bar.
"I missed you this past week cutie," Jinki's voice reached Taemin's ear, and he shut his eyes in exasperation.
"How many times do I have to tell you, Jinki? I don't want to fuck you," there was such a lack of conviction in his voice that Taemin didn't even believe himself. "Just leave me alone. Please. Go pester Kibum."
"And why would I do that?" Jinki's voice held heavy notes of sarcasm, and Taemin simply did not have the patience to play games.
"Because he likes you. For whatever godforsaken reason, I don't know. You're a manwhore, and you throw away your fuck buddies like they're garbage. But apparently Kibum sees some redeeming quality that I don't," he snapped and he could almost feel Jinki's surprised amusement. "Now go. Be with Kibum, and I swear if you break his heart I will kill you." The silence on Jinki's end was proof that he knew it wasn't an empty threat.
"That was extremely selfless of you," Jonghyun spoke up dryly. "Sure you don't want to give a kidney while you're at it?" Taemin glared at Jonghyun.
"Would you kindly shut the fuck up?" Jonghyun's almost-smile disappeared at the flatness in Taemin's voice.
"I was joking. But really. I know how much you liked him and I haven't even been here all that long. It was nice of you to do that. Kibum never would have had the balls to walk up and say that to Jinki, so thank you for him," Taemin chuckled hollowly.
"Didn't I already say I would do anything for him, even though he hates me?" Taemin's bitter smile made Jonghyun's frown deepen.
"About that..," at that moment, the man himself appeared. He looked absolutely livid, and Taemin stood up sluggishly. He planted his hands on the bar to steady himself. He really didn't feel good.
"What the fuck did you tell Jinki that for?" Taemin shrugged.
"Why not? As your cousin pointed out, you weren't exactly gonna tell him yourself," Taemin bowed. "You're welcome." Kibum was looking everywhere but Taemin's face, and Taemin started laughing. Even though he really didn't feel like laughing. There was an ache in his chest that no amount of blood could drown. Jonghyun shot him an alarmed look at the sound of his laughter.
"Well... be that as it may, don't interefere with my personal life ever again," Kibum walked away and Taemin started crying. People all around the bar were starting to glare angrily at Kibum while Jonghyun tried to soothe Taemin.
"Why? W-why does it hurt so much that he hates me? I don't understand," he sobbed and Jonghyun rubbed his back. Even he was starting to feel angry with Kibum.
"I think you need to figure that out for yourself, Taemin," he murmured and Taemin's sniffling stopped after a while.
"He found me in the alley next to the club after I'd gotten beat up by some classmates," Taemin sounded drained and tired, but Jonghyun decided it was better for him to let it all out. "He dragged me to one of the store rooms and took care of all my bruises and scrapes. He just.. He seemed to care."
"Then.. I remember him accidentally slicing his finger open with a pair of scissors he was using and his blood got in my mouth. The 3 drops that slipped out were all it took for me to become a fucking freak. Isn't that something?" Taemin's weak attempt at sarcasm went without a remark. "I don't even feel human anymore. There's this constant hunger in the back of my mind."
"It was an accident, Taemin. No one's to blame," Jonghyun tried to soothe.
"I'm aware of that, Jonghyun. But it wasn't even that I was infected that bothers me. It hurts that Kibum acts like the accident never happened. He hates the sight of me, and it makes me feel like it's all my fault," Taemin slumped and sighed. "I should just give up. There's nothing I could ever do to make Kibum like me. I don't see the point anymore." Taemin let his head fall forward on the bar. "Can I get a full glass this time, please?" Without a word of admonishment, Jonghyun set a glass in front of Taemin.
Taemin was sitting quietly next to Minho and eating lunch when Minho spoke the words Taemin had always feared he would say.
"I don't think we should be friends anymore," Taemin nodded slowly, but inside he was fighting the urge to cry.
"I understand. I'm sorry, Minho," it didn't exactly take a rocket scientist to figure out why Minho didn't want to be friends anymore. It only made the feelings of shame and guilt even worse.
The next few weeks passed in a blur. It was the loneliest Taemin had ever felt in his life. He still went to the club, he couldn't afford to not go, but these days he sat in a corner by himself and drank exactly 2 glasses of blood. One when he came in, and one when he left. He didn't socialize, and Jinki was leaving him pretty much alone. Jinki was busy with Kibum, and it killed Taemin to see them be so couple-y in front of him. But at this point, Taemin wasn't sure if he was more jealous of Jinki or Kibum.
He was in his now usual corner when he saw Minho enter. His eyes widened, and he felt his protective instincts kick in when he noticed several people giving Minho the once over. He grabbed his switchblade out of his pocket and walked quickly over to Minho. He ignored Minho's protests and dragged him over to where he'd been sitting. He sat down and put the switchblade within easy reach in case people decided to get bold.
"What are you even doing here, Minho?" he hissed. "These people wouldn't hesitate to kill you for a quick drink. Do you know that?" Minho looked around, as if noticing the hungry stares for the first time.
"I just wanted to know. I wanted to know what it's like," Minho said quietly. "I mean, you seem to get pretty excited every time this place comes up in conversation." Taemin flushed with embarrassment.
"Well, I also come here because I can get a drink without having to slice anyone open," Taemin pointed out. "It's quick, easy, and they get blood packs from the local hospital. And it's legal. So, to me, it's worth every penny." Minho looked a little green at Taemin's casual talk of drinking blood.
"I see. How does one.. turn?" Taemin shrugged, not seeing the look in Minho's eyes.
"I'm not sure how it really works. But, from what I understand, the infected blood enters your body and it gives your brain with the idea that you need blood to live on. Your body then becomes dependent on the stuff," Minho nodded.
"I guess that makes sense to me," they sat in an awkward silence after that, not really knowing what to say to one another. "Taemin, why are you one of them? Can't you turn it off or something? Please. I miss you, but I can't be around you and know that you want to tear me open and suck me dry," Minho begged.
"No, Minho. I can't. I've learned that my body has become dangerously dependent on human blood. It would literally kill me to stop drinking it. It's better that we're not friends," Taemin smiled sadly. Taemin stood up and Minho stood up next to him.
"I'm sorry, Taemin. I'm really sorry," Taemin waved a hand.
"I should've expected it at some point anyway. You can't be friends with a freak, right? It gets too hard after a while," Taemin chuckled a little. "Can I hug you just once, though? I'm going to miss you." Minho looked hesitant, but nodded. Taemin wrapped his arms around Minho tightly. "I'm sorry we can't be friends anymore because of me. I wish you the best in life, Minho. I really do."
He let go and blinked back tears at the look on Minho's face. "C'mon. I'll walk you home. Because, really, it's not safe for you in here." He turned and made motions for Minho to walk in front of him. He was particularly worried about Joon trying to sneak up on them. Joon had definitely looked a little bloodthirsty when Minho walked in.
The whole way to Minho's house was spent joking and laughing like they used to. Back when Taemin hadn't been a freak. He missed those days. A lot. And he was pretty sure he'd miss them a lot more when Minho walked by him in the hallways without sparing him a glance.
Feeling drained, Taemin didn't bother with going back to the club. He went back to his own house and slept. Not that it did much good. He was always tired and sluggish these days.
At school, just as he predicted, Minho didn't even acknowledge him as a human being. He was alone. His parents had never cared enough to ask what was going on, only asking what was required of them. Was he doing okay in school, was he comfortable there, etc. All his answers were bullshit, but his parents never noticed.
It was Friday of the same week when he stumbled on them. He walked in to the club, not even bothering to say hello to the bartenders (not that Kibum would've replied anyway) when he sat down. But it was Kibum who set the glass down in front of him. Not Jonghyun. Taemin frowned and looked up scanning the room, looking for Jonghyun. He wasn't there, and Taemin felt disappointment well up in his chest. He genuinely liked Jonghyun.
"Where's Jonghyun?" Taemin asked, only slightly interested. What Jonghyun did on his own time wasn't really Taemin's concern.
"He's back in the stock room," memories flashed in Taemin's mind. He gulped.
"I'm gonna go check on him," Taemin ignored Kibum's protesting, and headed towards the back room. He pushed open the door and walked past the rows of shelves. He felt like he was long overdue for one of those serious talks with Jonghyun, anyway.
So when he found Jonghyun and Jinki fucking at the back, at first he couldn't comprehend what was happening. Since when? Why? How? He felt his heart shattering, and couldn't make sense of the pain. Was it betrayal, since Jonghyun knew how he felt? Or was it anger and hurt because Jinki was exactly the kind of person Taemin had pegged him to be?
He turned and walked away without Jonghyun and Jinki even noticing he'd been there in the first place. He shouldn't be this goddamn bitter at 17. Jonghyun's words came back to him and he nodded in agreement. He'd been through a lot of shit for only being 17. He walked back to his spot and put his head against the bar, not even caring if he looked stupid.
"Kibum... do you know?" Taemin asked quietly. He was sure that Kibum had heard him when the clinking of glass stopped momentarily.
"It's been going on for about a week," Kibum replied at last. "I found out while I was restocking the bar. They were back there, and I heard them." Taemin found himself feeling angry and sympathetic at the same time.
"What time does your shift end?" Kibum seemed surprised when Taemin asked out of the blue.
"3 a.m. Why?" Taemin nodded to himself.
"Because I just got a really bad idea," Kibum seemed to catch on, and cleared his throat.
"No. I'm not agreeing to that. You're underage, and I'm not, and it's wrong," there was a note of finality in Kibum's voice and Taemin couldn't decide whether he was more disappointed or hurt or angry.
"And don't forget, you don't sleep with people you hate," Taemin started laughing, but tears were building up in his eyes. "Wouldn't want you to wake up and shove me out of your bed in disgust." In his heart of hearts, Taemin was just an insecure kid, and just then he felt that insecurity showing itself to the person he really wanted to appear strong in front of.
"Taemin... I don't--" "Save your bullshit Kibum," Taemin interrupted. "It doesn't matter anyway. I'm not supposed to care about you anymore. You obviously never gave a damn about me. So whatever Kibum. I probably would've regretted it as much as you would have." Taemin hopped off the bar stool unsteadily. "I wish you would've left me in that alley to die." He walked away with his shoulders slumped in defeat.
He was halfway home before he heard footsteps behind him. He pulled out his trusty switchblade and turned to face whoever was following him. He felt the grip slacken when he came face to face with Kibum. There was an awkward silence between them, and Taemin got impatient.
"What the fuck do you want?" Taemin broke a little when he saw Kibum flinch.
"I'm.. I.. I... wanted to apologize," he finished lamely. "I'm not a good person, Taemin. I wish I wasn't such a fucking coward, but I am. I'm not even half the man you are. It astounds me that I've been a complete dick to you, and you're still struggling to be nice to me. I think you deserve to know that I don't hate you. I just.. I see a mistake that I beat myself up for every time I look at you. I hate myself for it. You were just a kid, and I ruined your life. God, Taemin. I'm so fucking sorry." If Taemin had been expecting anything to happen, he hadn't expected this at all. This sudden confession. It was surreal.
"Kibum.. It was an accident. I don't blame you. I wasn't even that upset with the change, I just wanted you there. I needed your help, and you treated me like you hated me. It seemed like you couldn't stand the sight of me. Do you know how much that hurt? In the most crucial part of my life, I needed your help and there was no one there," Kibum looked sick at the prospect.
"Tell me how I can make it right," Kibum begged. "Please." Taemin leaned in and smashed their lips together. The kiss was very heated on his end, where Kibum was hesitant.
"I want you to fuck me," he managed in between kisses. "Just once, and I'll never bother you again." Kibum looked even more hesitant, but eventually conceded.
"Fine," he took Taemin by the hand and led him back to the club. "We'll have to wait until my shift is over. But it won't be too much longer, I promise."
Back at the club, Jonghyun was working the bar by himself and looked extremely pissed. He saw Kibum entering the bar, his hand linked with Taemin's, and signalled for Kibum to go back to the stock room. Apparently, Jinki had something he wanted to talk about. When Taemin started following him, Jonghyun shook his head. "I need to talk to you." So Taemin sat at the bar, looking expectantly at Jonghyun.
"Don't beat around the bush. I saw you and Kinky Jinki back in the stock room earlier, so if that's what you want to talk to me about, save your breath," Taemin said flatly.
"No, but I'm sorry you had to see that. I wanted to talk to you about Kibum," Jonghyun sighed. "You know he's going to regret it. He'll wake up the next morning, kick you out of bed and tell you to get out." Taemin smiled faintly.
"He won't have to. After we fuck, I'm leaving. And after tonight, I'm not planning on coming here ever again, so he won't have to see my ugly face and think even more about the mistakes I caused him to make," Jonghyun frowned, his eyebrows furrowed.
"But-- why?" he sounded highly upset.
"All I ever wanted was for Kibum to genuinely like me. And it's never going to happen, Jonghyun. You and I both know that. So I see no point in coming here anymore," Taemin suspected Jonghyun knew what he really meant. But he didn't have a chance to say more because Kibum walked out of the back room looking distraught. Taemin comforted Kibum as best he could. He didn't even have to ask to know what Jinki had said.
They walked out of the club a few hours later hand in hand, and Taemin felt happy. Sort of.
Taemin only remembered things in flashes after that. A flash here of them taking each other's clothes off, practically ripping them apart. A flash of Kibum's pale torso, the sensation of his leather pants tightening painfully. A flash there of Kibum's fingertips running over his bare body, causing his erection to pulse with even more need.
"Oh fuck Kibum," he gasped out. Kibum crawled between his thighs and pushed inside him with no preparation or warning. Kibum's mouth hung open in pleasure. Then Kibum started moving inside him, and he moved his hips in time with Kibum's rhythm. God, he wasn't a virgin, but he had never felt so good in his entire life.
But it was quick and it was dirty, and Taemin was pretty sure that was because even now Kibum was beginning to regret things. Well, it was still a good way to end things between them, in his opinion. After he was sure Kibum was asleep, he got up and put his clothes on.
He walked out the front door of Kibum's apartment feeling bittersweet about his and Kibum's relationship.
The next morning, Kibum woke up to the memories of the night before buzzing in his mind. He looked around, bewildered, and almost panicked before realizing Taemin wasn't there. He'd been fully prepared to kick Taemin out, and tell him that it was all just a terrible mistake. He wandered into his kitchen, looking for something to eat when he spotted a note addressed to him on the counter next to the coffee pot. Obviously, Taemin had left it there for him to read.
He opened it and had to read the simple message several times before the meaning behind it sunk in.
Kibum,
I'm sorry to have caused you so much hardship and pain. I'm pretty sure now that I loved you, even though I was just a mistake. I hope we can meet in the next life under better circumstances.
Love,
Taemin
He prayed that the meaning he thought he sensed in the words was just imaginary. He called Jonghyun, the only other person he knew Taemin was close to.
"Jonghyun, please... Tell me that this letter from Taemin doesn't mean what I think it means," Jonghyun was quiet on the other end for several minutes.
"It does, Kibum. He came by after he left your apartment, and he was in tears. I hope you're fucking happy with yourself for helping a kid decide to end his life. He loved you so much, and you couldn't just fucking accept him and deal with it like a grown ass man," Jonghyun sounded increasingly upset. "Fuck you, Kibum. I fucking hate you. Don't ever try to speak to me again." The call ended and it felt like someone had taken a sledgehammer to Kibum's chest when he realized that Taemin was never coming back. And it was all his fault.
Author: erodedveins
Rating: R
Genre: Angst
Pairing: Keytae
Word-count: 5326
Implied!Character death
"Taemin hopped off the bar stool unsteadily. 'I wish you would've left me in that alley to die.' "
~~
It wasn't exactly the kind of club you advertised, but there were still plenty of people lined up outside. Taemin ignored all the groans when he hopped to the front of the line and was immediately let in. Dressed in extremely tight, shiny leather pants and a form-fitting vest, he was a far cry from the ever-innocent weird high school student everyone seemed to think he was.
He walked up to the bar, ignoring the condescending look the bartender gave him. He was used to it by now. He smiled sweetly.
"The usual please Kibum," Kibum clearly wasn't happy filling the order, but nevertheless slammed a glass down. Taemin watched eagerly as Kibum poured the dark substance, and the faint scent of formaldehyde and bleach reached his nose. It was a familiar smell, and his shoulders slumped with relief. He hadn't even realized they were tensed. He downed the glass of sweet liquid in one go and immediately felt his
head clear. "Thanks."
"Now get the fuck out of here," Kibum was glaring at Taemin. Taemin giggled in response.
"Ooh, someone's in a testy mood today," Kibum looked ready to explode when someone else stepped in.
"Seeing as how you're obviously underage, I have to agree with Kibum," Taemin faced the newcomer with thinly veiled annoyance.
"Aren't you supposed to mind your own business?" he said in the most civil voice he could muster.
"Not really. Not when you're concerned. How old are you, anyway? 12?" Taemin smiled with pleasure.
"My mother taught me to never talk to strangers. Especially ones as good-looking as you. Anyway, my age doesn't really matter, does it? Because we both know those glasses aren't filled with alcohol," he skipped off happily at the incredulous look on the stranger's face.
Taemin had stumbled across the place almost 2 years ago. He'd been beaten up by some of his classmates and dumped in the alley next to the club. He figured it was his smell that had attracted a "kind" worker from the club, who turned out to be Kibum. And then.. Kibum's hand slipped... Well. That was all over and done with, and Taemin was actually kind of grateful to Kibum.
He stopped thinking about the past when he heard a bass-heavy song start playing in the background. Dancing was exactly the thing to take him away from his present frame of mind. He was good at it, and would've made a career out of it if he could. But after his unfortunate accident, he wanted to become an EMT. Lots of access to living breathing beings in that venue.
Still, Taemin enjoyed all the stares from the regulars when he danced. Joon was smokin' hot, but he had a bit of a drinking problem. Too much of the stuff made you jumpy and anxious. Just like an addict. Kyuhyun was pretty hot too, but he had a boyfriend. Some Chinese guy named Zhou Mi. And then there was Jinki, the owner of the club. Taemin was pretty sure Jinki was available (and interested), but he hung back because of Kibum. He didn't want to give Kibum more reasons to hate him.
He felt hands on his hips and had a switchblade at the throat of the stranger from earlier in less than three seconds.
"I dance alone," he murmured icily and heard a low chuckle. He turned to see Jinki looked at him with a raised eyebrow. He retracted the blade and put it back in his pocket. He glared. "I don't recall asking for your help, Jinki."
"Aww why not? I like playing the hero," the undertone of sarcasm in Jinki's tone infuriated Taemin. He remained silent, though, and ignored both Jinki and the now bewildered guy from earlier. He went back to dancing and everything faded to the background. Until he felt hands on his hips again. It was the same guy from before, and he scowled in annoyance.
"I told you. I dance alone. Why would you even want to dance with someone who's 12, anyway? Or are you one of those creepy fuckers who likes kids?" Taemin mocked.
"No. At least tell me your name," the guy insisted. Taemin rolled his eyes.
"Taemin," he replied shortly.
"My name is Jo--," "His name is Jonghyun," Kibum appeared next to Jonghyun. "He's my cousin." Taemin glanced briefly at the 2 of them.
"Well, it was lovely to meet you, Jonghyun. However, I'm late for an important date," Jonghyun was less-than-impressed with the White Rabbit reference. Taemin walked away towards the door without hearing a reply, and kept on walking even when he did. He had better things to do. Like go home and sleep so he could be at least half-way decently ready for school.
He couldn't understand why he bothered, though. School had always been a challenge for Taemin. He fell asleep in half his classes due to staying out late, and he was relentlessly teased throughout the day. It was a wonder he had good grades. His only friend in school was Minho. Minho was kind of quiet and somewhat of a loner. It sometimes bothered Taemin how distant Minho seemed towards him, but he couldn't really blame Minho. At least no one bothered them when they were together.
"You should come with me to the club tonight, Minho. Please? I'm always so bored there," Minho sighed.
"I'm good, thanks," Minho unconsciously rubbed the thick scar on his neck and Taemin felt shame well up in his chest. He didn't even know why he'd suggested that.
"Suit yourself," that was the end of their conversation.
For the rest of the day, Taemin couldn't focus in class. All he could think about was the night before. When Jinki had been interested enough to "come to his aid". Even knowing Jinki wasn't a nice guy and that he'd probably had ulterior motives didn't stop Taemin's heart from beating a little harder.
Later that night, Taemin wasn't surprised at all to see Jonghyun sitting at the bar. He wondered briefly what Kibum's cousin was doing there. He didn't look like one of them. But before he could get too invested in his train of thought, his eyes were caught by the entrance of Jinki. His mouth went dry at the curve-hugging jeans and flimsy silk shirt. He was obviously trying to catch the attention of someone in the vicinity. Taemin prayed it wasn't him.
He sighed and gulped when he realized that Jinki was, in fact, headed in his direction. Jinki stopped a few inches short of him, smirking.
"Like what you see?" Taemin felt his self-control rapidly slipping. Even Jinki's voice was seducing him. He started breathing a little heavier, and Jinki's smirk widened when he noticed.
"Unfortunately, no," Taemin managed to get out. "What I see is absolutely revolting." the smirk was replaced with a frown.
"Why do you fight me so hard when it's obvious to everyone that you're interested, Taemin?" but Taemin hadn't heard him. He was focused on Kibum, who was currently flirting with some guy at the counter. Taemin tried to tell himself that the fury and disappointment he felt was because he'd always thought Kibum liked Jinki, and because all the times he rejected Jinki felt wasted. He turned his attention back to Jinki to find seriousness staring him in the face. It scared him a little, because Jinki was never serious.
"I'm not a whore you can just throw away, for one," Taemin felt weak in the knees. He wanted to tell Jinki just how untrue his words were. Even if it was only once, Taemin would die happy if Jinki fucked him. "And for another, I respect the fact that there are other people involved in this."
Taemin didn't want to walk away, and when he looked over to find Kibum staring back at him with an unreadable expression, all he could feel was frustration. There wasn't even a hint of the pride he usually felt for resisting temptation. He resented Kibum more in that moment than he ever had.
He didn't even want to contemplate dancing. He was too upset to be able to concentrate. God, what he really needed was a drink, but hearing all that "you shouldn't be here" condescending bullshit from Kibum would just make him feel even worse.
"I know you said you don't talk to strangers, but.. you look like you could use someone who'll listen," Jonghyun sat down next to him. "Here." Taemin downed the glass in one gulp, but it didn't even remotely relax him.
"I can't tell you anything," he scoffed. "There's not a soul in this place I could tell." He stood up and started to walk away. "Thanks for nothing."
"You're too goddamn young to be so bitter," Jonghyun muttered and Taemin stopped cold.
"Yeah, I am. Do you want to know why? It's because I had to deal with becoming a freak alone. I was only 15 when it happened. I was just a kid, and I had no idea how to deal with all the intense cravings for blood I started having. No one had thought to warn me. And because I wasn't prepared, I almost murdered my best friend the day afterward. He will always have a scar on his neck, and that is my fault. But partly, it's Kibum's fault because he's too afraid to man up and accept that accidents happen. I guess that I'm kinda grateful, though, because at least now I know that the world isn't as cosy and wonderful as I used to think."
Taemin's voice had broken somewhere along the way, and he was being quiet, but by the end of his rant, the whole club had gone silent. Kibum was still looking at him with an unreadable expression, and Taemin squared his shoulders before looking him dead in the eyes.
"He still doesn't understand that I would do anything for him even though he hates my guts so much he can't stand the sight of me." After his confession, Taemin turned his attention back towards Jonghyun. "So there. I'm 17, and bitter enough to be 80. Are you fucking satisfied?" Jonghyun made no reply, shocked into silence. He clearly hadn't expected a story like Taemin's. "And before you even start, I don't need pity. I told you so you'd leave me the fuck alone."
Taemin walked out of the club, ignoring the ache in his veins telling him he needed a drink.
Taemin resisted the urge to go back to the club for a week. He couldn't afford to stay away any longer. His self-control had become tenuous at best, and he found himself staring more and more at Minho's neck. Just a little... Those were the kind of thoughts that genuinely made him panic. Because by that point, he couldn't be bothered with such childish things as a bond of friendship. He was merely a slave to his hunger.
He stepped inside the club and took a deep breath. The familiar faint scents of formaldehyde, iron, and bleach calmed him a little and he hesitantly walked over to the bar. He had been a regular at the club for some time, but he'd never just stopped coming. He wondered how Kibum would react. Not that it mattered, really.
Jonghyun was behind the bar, helping Kibum with customers. Taemin smiled faintly. So that's why he was there. He'd been given a job. He sat down at the bar and Jonghyun sat a half-full glass in front of him. Taemin downed it in one gulp like he always did, and laid his head on his arms at the bar.
"I missed you this past week cutie," Jinki's voice reached Taemin's ear, and he shut his eyes in exasperation.
"How many times do I have to tell you, Jinki? I don't want to fuck you," there was such a lack of conviction in his voice that Taemin didn't even believe himself. "Just leave me alone. Please. Go pester Kibum."
"And why would I do that?" Jinki's voice held heavy notes of sarcasm, and Taemin simply did not have the patience to play games.
"Because he likes you. For whatever godforsaken reason, I don't know. You're a manwhore, and you throw away your fuck buddies like they're garbage. But apparently Kibum sees some redeeming quality that I don't," he snapped and he could almost feel Jinki's surprised amusement. "Now go. Be with Kibum, and I swear if you break his heart I will kill you." The silence on Jinki's end was proof that he knew it wasn't an empty threat.
"That was extremely selfless of you," Jonghyun spoke up dryly. "Sure you don't want to give a kidney while you're at it?" Taemin glared at Jonghyun.
"Would you kindly shut the fuck up?" Jonghyun's almost-smile disappeared at the flatness in Taemin's voice.
"I was joking. But really. I know how much you liked him and I haven't even been here all that long. It was nice of you to do that. Kibum never would have had the balls to walk up and say that to Jinki, so thank you for him," Taemin chuckled hollowly.
"Didn't I already say I would do anything for him, even though he hates me?" Taemin's bitter smile made Jonghyun's frown deepen.
"About that..," at that moment, the man himself appeared. He looked absolutely livid, and Taemin stood up sluggishly. He planted his hands on the bar to steady himself. He really didn't feel good.
"What the fuck did you tell Jinki that for?" Taemin shrugged.
"Why not? As your cousin pointed out, you weren't exactly gonna tell him yourself," Taemin bowed. "You're welcome." Kibum was looking everywhere but Taemin's face, and Taemin started laughing. Even though he really didn't feel like laughing. There was an ache in his chest that no amount of blood could drown. Jonghyun shot him an alarmed look at the sound of his laughter.
"Well... be that as it may, don't interefere with my personal life ever again," Kibum walked away and Taemin started crying. People all around the bar were starting to glare angrily at Kibum while Jonghyun tried to soothe Taemin.
"Why? W-why does it hurt so much that he hates me? I don't understand," he sobbed and Jonghyun rubbed his back. Even he was starting to feel angry with Kibum.
"I think you need to figure that out for yourself, Taemin," he murmured and Taemin's sniffling stopped after a while.
"He found me in the alley next to the club after I'd gotten beat up by some classmates," Taemin sounded drained and tired, but Jonghyun decided it was better for him to let it all out. "He dragged me to one of the store rooms and took care of all my bruises and scrapes. He just.. He seemed to care."
"Then.. I remember him accidentally slicing his finger open with a pair of scissors he was using and his blood got in my mouth. The 3 drops that slipped out were all it took for me to become a fucking freak. Isn't that something?" Taemin's weak attempt at sarcasm went without a remark. "I don't even feel human anymore. There's this constant hunger in the back of my mind."
"It was an accident, Taemin. No one's to blame," Jonghyun tried to soothe.
"I'm aware of that, Jonghyun. But it wasn't even that I was infected that bothers me. It hurts that Kibum acts like the accident never happened. He hates the sight of me, and it makes me feel like it's all my fault," Taemin slumped and sighed. "I should just give up. There's nothing I could ever do to make Kibum like me. I don't see the point anymore." Taemin let his head fall forward on the bar. "Can I get a full glass this time, please?" Without a word of admonishment, Jonghyun set a glass in front of Taemin.
Taemin was sitting quietly next to Minho and eating lunch when Minho spoke the words Taemin had always feared he would say.
"I don't think we should be friends anymore," Taemin nodded slowly, but inside he was fighting the urge to cry.
"I understand. I'm sorry, Minho," it didn't exactly take a rocket scientist to figure out why Minho didn't want to be friends anymore. It only made the feelings of shame and guilt even worse.
The next few weeks passed in a blur. It was the loneliest Taemin had ever felt in his life. He still went to the club, he couldn't afford to not go, but these days he sat in a corner by himself and drank exactly 2 glasses of blood. One when he came in, and one when he left. He didn't socialize, and Jinki was leaving him pretty much alone. Jinki was busy with Kibum, and it killed Taemin to see them be so couple-y in front of him. But at this point, Taemin wasn't sure if he was more jealous of Jinki or Kibum.
He was in his now usual corner when he saw Minho enter. His eyes widened, and he felt his protective instincts kick in when he noticed several people giving Minho the once over. He grabbed his switchblade out of his pocket and walked quickly over to Minho. He ignored Minho's protests and dragged him over to where he'd been sitting. He sat down and put the switchblade within easy reach in case people decided to get bold.
"What are you even doing here, Minho?" he hissed. "These people wouldn't hesitate to kill you for a quick drink. Do you know that?" Minho looked around, as if noticing the hungry stares for the first time.
"I just wanted to know. I wanted to know what it's like," Minho said quietly. "I mean, you seem to get pretty excited every time this place comes up in conversation." Taemin flushed with embarrassment.
"Well, I also come here because I can get a drink without having to slice anyone open," Taemin pointed out. "It's quick, easy, and they get blood packs from the local hospital. And it's legal. So, to me, it's worth every penny." Minho looked a little green at Taemin's casual talk of drinking blood.
"I see. How does one.. turn?" Taemin shrugged, not seeing the look in Minho's eyes.
"I'm not sure how it really works. But, from what I understand, the infected blood enters your body and it gives your brain with the idea that you need blood to live on. Your body then becomes dependent on the stuff," Minho nodded.
"I guess that makes sense to me," they sat in an awkward silence after that, not really knowing what to say to one another. "Taemin, why are you one of them? Can't you turn it off or something? Please. I miss you, but I can't be around you and know that you want to tear me open and suck me dry," Minho begged.
"No, Minho. I can't. I've learned that my body has become dangerously dependent on human blood. It would literally kill me to stop drinking it. It's better that we're not friends," Taemin smiled sadly. Taemin stood up and Minho stood up next to him.
"I'm sorry, Taemin. I'm really sorry," Taemin waved a hand.
"I should've expected it at some point anyway. You can't be friends with a freak, right? It gets too hard after a while," Taemin chuckled a little. "Can I hug you just once, though? I'm going to miss you." Minho looked hesitant, but nodded. Taemin wrapped his arms around Minho tightly. "I'm sorry we can't be friends anymore because of me. I wish you the best in life, Minho. I really do."
He let go and blinked back tears at the look on Minho's face. "C'mon. I'll walk you home. Because, really, it's not safe for you in here." He turned and made motions for Minho to walk in front of him. He was particularly worried about Joon trying to sneak up on them. Joon had definitely looked a little bloodthirsty when Minho walked in.
The whole way to Minho's house was spent joking and laughing like they used to. Back when Taemin hadn't been a freak. He missed those days. A lot. And he was pretty sure he'd miss them a lot more when Minho walked by him in the hallways without sparing him a glance.
Feeling drained, Taemin didn't bother with going back to the club. He went back to his own house and slept. Not that it did much good. He was always tired and sluggish these days.
At school, just as he predicted, Minho didn't even acknowledge him as a human being. He was alone. His parents had never cared enough to ask what was going on, only asking what was required of them. Was he doing okay in school, was he comfortable there, etc. All his answers were bullshit, but his parents never noticed.
It was Friday of the same week when he stumbled on them. He walked in to the club, not even bothering to say hello to the bartenders (not that Kibum would've replied anyway) when he sat down. But it was Kibum who set the glass down in front of him. Not Jonghyun. Taemin frowned and looked up scanning the room, looking for Jonghyun. He wasn't there, and Taemin felt disappointment well up in his chest. He genuinely liked Jonghyun.
"Where's Jonghyun?" Taemin asked, only slightly interested. What Jonghyun did on his own time wasn't really Taemin's concern.
"He's back in the stock room," memories flashed in Taemin's mind. He gulped.
"I'm gonna go check on him," Taemin ignored Kibum's protesting, and headed towards the back room. He pushed open the door and walked past the rows of shelves. He felt like he was long overdue for one of those serious talks with Jonghyun, anyway.
So when he found Jonghyun and Jinki fucking at the back, at first he couldn't comprehend what was happening. Since when? Why? How? He felt his heart shattering, and couldn't make sense of the pain. Was it betrayal, since Jonghyun knew how he felt? Or was it anger and hurt because Jinki was exactly the kind of person Taemin had pegged him to be?
He turned and walked away without Jonghyun and Jinki even noticing he'd been there in the first place. He shouldn't be this goddamn bitter at 17. Jonghyun's words came back to him and he nodded in agreement. He'd been through a lot of shit for only being 17. He walked back to his spot and put his head against the bar, not even caring if he looked stupid.
"Kibum... do you know?" Taemin asked quietly. He was sure that Kibum had heard him when the clinking of glass stopped momentarily.
"It's been going on for about a week," Kibum replied at last. "I found out while I was restocking the bar. They were back there, and I heard them." Taemin found himself feeling angry and sympathetic at the same time.
"What time does your shift end?" Kibum seemed surprised when Taemin asked out of the blue.
"3 a.m. Why?" Taemin nodded to himself.
"Because I just got a really bad idea," Kibum seemed to catch on, and cleared his throat.
"No. I'm not agreeing to that. You're underage, and I'm not, and it's wrong," there was a note of finality in Kibum's voice and Taemin couldn't decide whether he was more disappointed or hurt or angry.
"And don't forget, you don't sleep with people you hate," Taemin started laughing, but tears were building up in his eyes. "Wouldn't want you to wake up and shove me out of your bed in disgust." In his heart of hearts, Taemin was just an insecure kid, and just then he felt that insecurity showing itself to the person he really wanted to appear strong in front of.
"Taemin... I don't--" "Save your bullshit Kibum," Taemin interrupted. "It doesn't matter anyway. I'm not supposed to care about you anymore. You obviously never gave a damn about me. So whatever Kibum. I probably would've regretted it as much as you would have." Taemin hopped off the bar stool unsteadily. "I wish you would've left me in that alley to die." He walked away with his shoulders slumped in defeat.
He was halfway home before he heard footsteps behind him. He pulled out his trusty switchblade and turned to face whoever was following him. He felt the grip slacken when he came face to face with Kibum. There was an awkward silence between them, and Taemin got impatient.
"What the fuck do you want?" Taemin broke a little when he saw Kibum flinch.
"I'm.. I.. I... wanted to apologize," he finished lamely. "I'm not a good person, Taemin. I wish I wasn't such a fucking coward, but I am. I'm not even half the man you are. It astounds me that I've been a complete dick to you, and you're still struggling to be nice to me. I think you deserve to know that I don't hate you. I just.. I see a mistake that I beat myself up for every time I look at you. I hate myself for it. You were just a kid, and I ruined your life. God, Taemin. I'm so fucking sorry." If Taemin had been expecting anything to happen, he hadn't expected this at all. This sudden confession. It was surreal.
"Kibum.. It was an accident. I don't blame you. I wasn't even that upset with the change, I just wanted you there. I needed your help, and you treated me like you hated me. It seemed like you couldn't stand the sight of me. Do you know how much that hurt? In the most crucial part of my life, I needed your help and there was no one there," Kibum looked sick at the prospect.
"Tell me how I can make it right," Kibum begged. "Please." Taemin leaned in and smashed their lips together. The kiss was very heated on his end, where Kibum was hesitant.
"I want you to fuck me," he managed in between kisses. "Just once, and I'll never bother you again." Kibum looked even more hesitant, but eventually conceded.
"Fine," he took Taemin by the hand and led him back to the club. "We'll have to wait until my shift is over. But it won't be too much longer, I promise."
Back at the club, Jonghyun was working the bar by himself and looked extremely pissed. He saw Kibum entering the bar, his hand linked with Taemin's, and signalled for Kibum to go back to the stock room. Apparently, Jinki had something he wanted to talk about. When Taemin started following him, Jonghyun shook his head. "I need to talk to you." So Taemin sat at the bar, looking expectantly at Jonghyun.
"Don't beat around the bush. I saw you and Kinky Jinki back in the stock room earlier, so if that's what you want to talk to me about, save your breath," Taemin said flatly.
"No, but I'm sorry you had to see that. I wanted to talk to you about Kibum," Jonghyun sighed. "You know he's going to regret it. He'll wake up the next morning, kick you out of bed and tell you to get out." Taemin smiled faintly.
"He won't have to. After we fuck, I'm leaving. And after tonight, I'm not planning on coming here ever again, so he won't have to see my ugly face and think even more about the mistakes I caused him to make," Jonghyun frowned, his eyebrows furrowed.
"But-- why?" he sounded highly upset.
"All I ever wanted was for Kibum to genuinely like me. And it's never going to happen, Jonghyun. You and I both know that. So I see no point in coming here anymore," Taemin suspected Jonghyun knew what he really meant. But he didn't have a chance to say more because Kibum walked out of the back room looking distraught. Taemin comforted Kibum as best he could. He didn't even have to ask to know what Jinki had said.
They walked out of the club a few hours later hand in hand, and Taemin felt happy. Sort of.
Taemin only remembered things in flashes after that. A flash here of them taking each other's clothes off, practically ripping them apart. A flash of Kibum's pale torso, the sensation of his leather pants tightening painfully. A flash there of Kibum's fingertips running over his bare body, causing his erection to pulse with even more need.
"Oh fuck Kibum," he gasped out. Kibum crawled between his thighs and pushed inside him with no preparation or warning. Kibum's mouth hung open in pleasure. Then Kibum started moving inside him, and he moved his hips in time with Kibum's rhythm. God, he wasn't a virgin, but he had never felt so good in his entire life.
But it was quick and it was dirty, and Taemin was pretty sure that was because even now Kibum was beginning to regret things. Well, it was still a good way to end things between them, in his opinion. After he was sure Kibum was asleep, he got up and put his clothes on.
He walked out the front door of Kibum's apartment feeling bittersweet about his and Kibum's relationship.
The next morning, Kibum woke up to the memories of the night before buzzing in his mind. He looked around, bewildered, and almost panicked before realizing Taemin wasn't there. He'd been fully prepared to kick Taemin out, and tell him that it was all just a terrible mistake. He wandered into his kitchen, looking for something to eat when he spotted a note addressed to him on the counter next to the coffee pot. Obviously, Taemin had left it there for him to read.
He opened it and had to read the simple message several times before the meaning behind it sunk in.
Kibum,
I'm sorry to have caused you so much hardship and pain. I'm pretty sure now that I loved you, even though I was just a mistake. I hope we can meet in the next life under better circumstances.
Love,
Taemin
He prayed that the meaning he thought he sensed in the words was just imaginary. He called Jonghyun, the only other person he knew Taemin was close to.
"Jonghyun, please... Tell me that this letter from Taemin doesn't mean what I think it means," Jonghyun was quiet on the other end for several minutes.
"It does, Kibum. He came by after he left your apartment, and he was in tears. I hope you're fucking happy with yourself for helping a kid decide to end his life. He loved you so much, and you couldn't just fucking accept him and deal with it like a grown ass man," Jonghyun sounded increasingly upset. "Fuck you, Kibum. I fucking hate you. Don't ever try to speak to me again." The call ended and it felt like someone had taken a sledgehammer to Kibum's chest when he realized that Taemin was never coming back. And it was all his fault.