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More Heart Emptyings
Started before Easter
sigh...Life is not the happiest place. This is a season of grand transition (none of which is comfortable or feels good). I guess there is a need for me to go back to the first things, realign my priorities, and find myself again.
Sorta like the Eliot's opening to The Wasteland, "April is the Cruelest month," This has been ( Read more... ) -
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I have been on Gospel Choir tour for my third time (still am actually...I am writing this in a shady, sketchy Baltimore hotel) and again have come to the realization that being in close proximity with people never constitutes a relationship with them. Even though, I am aware of how much I need them...its not always reciprocated, music just ( Read more... ) -
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Ernest Lewis, Jr.
January 23, 2005
I am out...i cant say anymore...
Much Love and apologies,
ErnDawg -
Heart Emptyings
Started on Jan 24:
So, yes it is 2007...yes it is a new year in my life...and yes I will be turning 21 in matter of 2 days. Also, I have not updated this journal...for real...in almost 2 months (1 month and 21 days to be exact.) I am sitting here in my economics class listening to my professor talk about opportunity costs, specialization and trade ( Read more... ) -
This is a precursor to a real entry
Really Long Survey (over 200)What is your name?: Ernest Lewis, Jr.Are you named after anyone?:yes (sigh)...My father
What's your screename?:wouldn't you like to know...(i like that answer)
Would you name a child of yours after you?:Maybe... If you were born a member of the opposite sex what would your name be?:no clue
If you could switch names with ( Read more... ) -
I got what I wanted and I dont know how to feel...
Sigh...before I talk about what happened today...I need to show the current context of the event. This is an entry I wrote in June about how I feel about things then. Those emotions are back in a different way and I will explain that later.
I have been thinking about alot of different things all at once and its reaching a boiling point so I am ( Read more... ) -
mmm...tired
So, this is the time of Thanksgiving. It all makes me a really weird amalgamation of emotions. Some in intense contrast and conflict. One could look at the way I feel and consider my bipolar (and that maybe true) but I just think its the nature of the holiday season.
What I Am:
I am a wounded, trampled, divided, pained, sad, disappointed, lost, ( Read more... ) -
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When That Day Comes
I was sitting, thinking about-
how much I really do love you.
Love being a thing that is wrong…
Wrong-because my darkness
My unchanging blackness frightens people…
My heart cried out, “Why?’-all…I could say…
Because-
There is a great price…
as I sit here to write ( Read more... ) -
sorry for the length but I am bored and not quite myself
i am tired...and alone--
The Romantic Lover
81% partner focus, 61% aggressiveness, 45% adventurousness Based on the results of this test, it is highly likely that:
You prefer your romance and love to be traditional rather than daring or out-of-the-ordinary, you ( Read more... ) -
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sigh...my heart is not in good straights...I am hollow...no that's not the same as being empty. Hollow is feeling that nothing that I am or can do is big enough to fill the space the void--for I am nothing much, most definitely not enough to pour out. Emptiness I understand and can cope with..but what happens when the emptiness rings so loudly ( Read more... )