PotC Fic: As the Sea

[erinya]

Title: As the Sea
Fandom: PotC
Disclaimer: Not my sandbox. I just play here.
Rating: PG
Summary: The Turners have an unexpected visitor. Written for shadphenix who long ago gave me the prompt "Will, daughter." More gen than anything else; all pairings come pre-wrecked. OFC.
Note: Heartfelt thanks to woolymonkey at rough_magic for much valuable feedback.

Comments

[wapiti_baris]

… Wow!

First of all, I love the fact that you discover different aspects of the lives of these characters in different situations. With the different choices they make, how things could go in what direction. I think this piece goes perfectly well with “Sand and Water” like you mentioned in one of your comments above, as flip side of it. And the powerful, vivid narration of the consequences of these choices makes these stories all the more real and sad. The reality of them really bites.

I was writing yet another very long comment with my thoughts on Elizabeth, quotes from some parts of the story but I just deleted it. (I’m trying to teach myself to leave short and not so annoying comments now :) ) I’ll just go and add this along with “Sand and Water” to my memories.

[erinya]

Thank you! I'm glad you liked it. But I love long comments, especially yours! There's nothing annoying about them. I'd love to hear your thoughts on Elizabeth in this story.

[wapiti_baris]

Sorry it took me so long to reply but finally I can sit and write without being distracted. And thanks, it's good to know you're fond of long comments :)

Okay, it’s been pointed out but I really liked the way you describe Elizabeth in the beginning. The gleam of beads braided in tangled locks, a cocked eyebrow, a sly curve of the mouth, all pointed that we were reading Jack here but probably because my head works backwards (and of course, thanks to the dialogues), I was pretty sure it was Elizabeth and having a hell of a time reading the way you portray her this way. Then came the “kohled dark eyes” part and the great cockiness on my part was gone. This time I really thought seeing the famous “wicked golden grin” was a matter of time. A brilliant way to tell who what she’s become.

And this:

"She doesn't mean to," he tells her. "They call her Hurricane Bess for a reason, you know. It's in her nature."Will is so heartwrenching and so Will but I like him even more for this side of him. Sometimes his understanding towards Elizabeth

[erinya]

Yay for long comments!

I think she definitely needs to find some grey shades of her personality. (Wasn’t there a Jung theory -shadow theory?- about if one can not come to terms with all of their traits in order to live as a healthy person they would end up with a split personality?

I think that's the essence of Elizabeth--her conflict--between good woman and pirate. She has to accept both to be whole. Like you say, to find that middle ground. (One could venture that Jack has something of the same conflict, between freedom and connection.) How she might find that middle ground is what I'm still finding myself in writing her. I relate to the Elizabeth in this story too, by the way--that total rejection of everything she's expected to do, rather than the acquiescence of "Sand and Water."

[sixpences]

Oh... ouch. Poor, poor dear Will; he would be the sort to stay and do his utmost to raise his daughter, even when he's had his life ripped apart. Jenny is wonderful, and this is an Elizabeth I can imagine, though I hope it would end better for all of them. And I too was convinced it was Jack at first, I had to go back and re-read the first few paragraphs thinking I'd missed something!

[erinya]

Thank you! I hope it would end better for them, too. Maybe someday soon I'll write a happy story about that. (Or any happy story at all! *sigh*)

[tangledaria]

Wow. Elizabeth was so, so sharp in this. Ouch. But it's just like her. And Will was just like he should be and the characterisations you have here are so wonderful. It's just like the beginning of the first movie - Will sticks to conventions, calling Elizabeth 'Miss Swann', while Elizabeth wants him to call her Elizabeth - one of them wants to break all the rules and the other wants to be responsible.

Well. That was a bit more babbling than I meant it to be. Great story. :D

[erinya]

Thank you so much! Yep, Elizabeth definitely wants to break all the rules. But the life she's lived here--the life of freedom without love--has sharpened and hardened her. I'm pleased the characterizations worked, especially the liberties I took with her character.

[versifico]

"Because I'm not like Jack," she says. "Not that way. I never wanted to live forever." Elizabeth meets Will's eyes, speaking to him now, softly. "I only wanted to live."

*sobs*
Beautiful! I love this, especially your Elizabeth.

[erinya]

Thank you. I love her as a complete pirate, no apologies, as well.

[hendercats]

Oh, marvelous! Am sorry, but am incapable of much more than that at the moment. *sniffles and wipes eyes*

Should have stopped and examined why I thought the beginning was just a touch off your usual style - might have figured out your game sooner. *g* But when I look over that section again knowing who's at the door, it all feels exactly right. Clever, clever you!

[erinya]

Thank you so much. I tried to make sure that when I was writing the beginning I really did have Elizabeth in mind the whole time, so that the dialogue would come out right for her (although her speech patterns have roughened and changed a bit.)

[hendercats]

I tried to make sure that when I was writing the beginning I really did have Elizabeth in mind
And you succeeded incredibly well, which is what made it feel off to me. As soon as I (finally) realized who was really at the door, everything clicked into place like one of those drawings that has second picture you can't see until you change your perspective or assumptions. Would like to say that next time I'll trust my instincts and examine things more closely, but that's not terribly likely. *g*