Fic: Shadowside 10/?
TITLE: Shadowside 10/?
AUTHORs: Macx and elfin
RATING: NC-17
SERIES: Shadowside
DISCLAIMER: None of the characters belong to us, sadly. They are owned by people with a lot more money :)
FEEDBACK: Loved
SUMMARY: It started out as a quite normal search for a mutant Charles discovered through Cerebro. It was supposed to be easy. It wasn't supposed to nearly separate the anchor line between Charles and Erik... or leave Erik fighting for his life and Charles for his sanity...
Authors’ notes: Shadowside is set in the parallel reality described in Macx’s Surrender to Hope. You should read that to understand at least the basics. Basically the movie happened, but while Charles was shot at the beach, he wasn’t paralyzed. It was the moment the realities differed and this alternate/parallel world came into existence.
The story so far
Charles sagged against the wall, eyes swimming. There was this need in every line of his body. This painful, vicious need that he was trying to push away. Erik desperately wanted him close, wanted to touch him, but he wasn’t going anywhere. It was Charles’ choice to come to him; Charles’ choice to reestablish what he so badly needed and denied himself.
“Charles,” he intoned, lowering his voice, putting all his emotions into the words. “Please. Please let me be there for you.”
A tear spilled over and Xavier wiped it angrily away.
“Please,” Erik murmured. He held out a hand.
“You can’t…”
“I consider myself duly informed and notified,” Lensherr said calmly. “I want this, Charles. With you. It’s my conscious, willing decision. Please.”
Charles came closer, steps heavy, tired. He looked shaky enough to fall over in a breeze and Erik so badly wanted to get up, wrap his arms around him, hold him - while simultaneously yelling at him for being such an idiot!
“It’s not the weight of the world on your shoulders, Charles. We’re in this together. I made the decision to stay with you. Good times and bad times.” He grinned at his joke.
Charles twitched a faint smile.
“I want you by my side,” he repeated once more. “I want you to be here, too.” He touched his head. A thought struck him and he frowned briefly. “If you want that.”
Charles almost fell onto the chair, violently shaking his head. “Never think I wouldn’t want you,” he managed. “I need you, Erik.”
“I hurt you just as badly.”
“Matching pair then, hm?”
Erik’s long fingers carded into the wavy strands. Charles shivered at the contact, tiny thrills running through him. The gray eyes reflected a bone-deep weariness. The argument had depleted what strength he had and he was hanging on because he wanted this out in the open and dealt with now.
Erik gently tugged. Charles didn’t need more of an invitation. He leaned down, brushing their lips together in the gentlest of kisses. Erik’s lips were dry and chapped, but the telepath didn’t care.
“Charles,” came the rough whisper.
He was trembling slightly, trying to pull back, but Erik didn’t let him. Emotions welled up.
“Stay?”
He felt the call through the fragments, felt Erik’s presence. Sharp and cutting and warm and needing and so familiar, it ached.
::Yes::
The mind-contact was rocky, as if he had never talked to Erik like this before, as if he hadn’t used his gift before. The gray eyes narrowed and the long fingers ghosted over his temple.
A wordless plea. An offer.
::Charles::
He almost sobbed at the familiar voice, the soft timbre, the push of someone else in his head. He wanted nothing more than to sink into the contact, but Erik wasn’t strong enough for it. He had just about survived his injuries.
::Don’t be an idiot:: came the tired murmur.
Erik’s finger still caressed his temple, his cheek, his face. Charles closed his eyes, leaning into the caress. He had missed this so badly. A simple touch, the faint presence of Erik in his mind. Just the knowledge he was there.
He was such a girl!
::Idiot:: Erik repeated, smiling faintly. It had a drugged edge to it. ::Please?::
::Can’t. You still have to heal:: he replied, fighting for calmness, for detachment.
The memory of the bleak days was too strong in his mind. How had he let this one man come so close, become part of his life so completely?
::Only my body. And my mind needs you:: The contact strengthened. ::You need me. Accept me::
Because they were good for each other. Because this was more than a telepath’s dependency on another mutant with a dark and violent past. A mutant whose mind was sharp-edged, full of violence and past rage and anger, striking at what it perceived as a threat.
“Stay,” Erik rasped again. “Please.”
He couldn’t fight the need. He couldn’t be strong any longer.
::You are strong, Charles. The strongest man I’ve ever known::
He smiled a little, fighting back his emotions. He was open, completely open, and Erik was finally sliding back into the empty place in his mind. The void was filling slowly and he welcomed the feeling of the other man so heavy and warm.
The next contact of lips against lips was more of a kiss, but still careful of the injuries. Erik smiled.
“You’re tired,” Charles said, one hand cupping the too thin face.
“So are you.”
“I’m fine.”
::Liar: I can feel you, Charles::
He smiled a little. Yes, Erik could feel him. And Charles felt him, too. It was amazing and something he didn’t want to lose again.
::You’re exhausted:: Erik’s eyes were sliding shut and he couldn’t fight it any more. ::Sleep, please?::
Charles interlaced their fingers, monitoring Erik’s mind as it evened out. He was sound asleep a few minutes later.
::Promise:: he whispered.
Cecilia and Hank found him sound asleep on the second bed an hour later. Charles had pushed it closer, had moved all the important cables, tubes and wires, and lay as close to Erik as possible.
Cecilia shook her head. “Stubborn.”
“You have no idea,” Hank muttered and went to check the readings from the monitoring station.
Reyes smiled fondly at the picture before them, then joined Hank in evaluating the data.
* * *
“Have you ever known my brother to make it easy?” Raven asked as she helped Erik chase away the boredom of being confined to bed, in the medical wing, underground. “Just so you know, there is only one correct answer.”
Erik chuckled, looking at his cards. Raven wasn’t a chess player and to be completely honest, it was a game he only played with Charles. She was a card shark, though.
“He’s stubborn. Always has been. And he’s prone to self-sacrifice. Weight of the world on his shoulders.” She waved a hand, then gestured at him. “Card, Erik.”
He played one and she grinned, fanning out hers. “Sorry.”
He grimaced. Beaten again.
“One more?” Raven asked.
“You really like winning against invalids.”
“Oh, I can beat you at cards with a hand behind my back,” she proclaimed confidently as she sorted the cards. “One more?”
He caved and the cards were dealt.
“As for Charles,” Raven went on, “you have to beat it into his thick skull with a tire iron sometimes.”
“I noticed.”
Raven looked at him over her cards, yellow eyes serious. “You’ve to be that tire iron, Erik.”
He chuckled. “Four years of experience.”
“I raise you by ‘most of my life’,” she added. Raven leaned forward. “You’re good for him, Erik.”
He stared at his cards, then looked up, meeting her steady gaze.
“I know him,” the young woman went on. “He never had any friends, aside from me. He had one-night stands and bad pick-up lines. He’s the most adorable geek and he loves what he does, but he’s never been good on a personal level, for all his psychoanalytical bullshit.”
Erik chuckled.
“He’s been driving himself into the ground after you were hurt,” Raven said, fiddling with the cards. “I know something happened. More than just you not being there.”
Almost on automatic Erik reached for the still rather faint anchor. Charles was asleep - finally! - and his mind was resting. It was like a calm center, a deep well of peace in Erik’s mind. It felt so right, so absolutely good.
Raven watched him silently, a fine smile playing around her lips. She didn’t say anything, but Erik somehow got the notion that she knew.
“You fixed it?” she now only asked.
Erik tugged a corner of his mouth up into a smile. Raven answered it with a wide smile of her own and folded her cards.
“Get some rest, Erik. You’ll need it to deal with the hardhead I call a brother when he wakes up.” She leaned over and gave him a kiss on the forehead.
Erik was stunned for a moment, then could only stare after her as Raven sashayed out of the room, looking pretty smug. He chuckled softly and glanced at her cards. A winning hand once again. Then he shoved them together and put them aside. Closing his eyes, Erik let his mind fall toward the anchor point. It was soft and warm and nice, and it felt completely right.
It was how he fell asleep.
* * *
With two dozen children at the mansion and two of the senior teachers down for the count, Raven had found herself picking up slack and trying her best to handle matters. She was grateful for Riptide and Azazel’s presence. She tried to reschedule classes. She had Havoc and Banshee keep the kids busy with exams and reading assignments, but with Hank, Charles and Erik all down for the count for one reason or another, courses were dropping off the grid left and right.
Until Greg approached her. “I can help,” the landscape artist said quietly.
Raven blinked. “Come again?”
“I went to college, Raven,” he said with a mild smile. “I have a major in botany and minored toxicology and zoology. Botany covers a wide range of scientific disciplines. I can teach them a thing or two in biology, geology and even genetics if there’s need for it. Not like the professor, but I can.”
She nearly hugged him out of joy.
“Anna offered to help out, too. And Harriet has an economics degree and said she can also teach history, though she prefers current topics.”
“Really? But… you have a job, Greg. You all do!”
“We want to help,” he only replied. “And the children need something to take their minds off Mr. Lensherr’s injuries.”
Now she did hug him. “Thank you!”
That’s how a new teaching schedule was hammered out. It brought with it more normalcy than before.
Raven was surprised that Azazel and Riptide still stayed, despite three new teachers who helped out.
Neither gave a reason, but she was glad they did.
* * *
It was late. Maybe even early. That was open for interpretation.
Charles sat in a comfortable chair that was definitely not hospital issue and reading. Dressed in leisurely clothes that still looked too formal on him, too much like he had just stepped off the podium, he was paging through a loose collection of whatever.
Erik watched him, sharp eyes taking in the still lingering lines of exhaustion, the way his shoulders slumped a little more than normal. There was a cup of tea sitting next to him on the tray table, together with a small pot that was no longer steaming. Charles’ hair was in disarray, as if he had been running his fingers through it more often.
A frown appeared on the youthful features and he scribbled something onto a paper, then continued reading.
If not for the whole sterile atmosphere of the medical wing, the scene might have been adorably cozy. But Erik knew exactly where he was and why he was here; the very reason why Charles was also here. Not in his bed, not in his study, not taking care of the school from his office.
“I can do that from here,” came the mild reproach.
Blue eyes looked at him, tired but so much more alive than a few days ago.
Erik frowned.
“I’m not reading you, my friend.”
“Monitoring.”
Charles looked caught and his eyes fell on his work. “I apologize.”
::Don’t::
Just touching the healing connection seemed to kick lose an avalanche of emotions, racing along the thin line that couldn’t relay all of that yet. Like a wave running out of strength as it hit the shore, the emotional rush tapered out.
But Erik caught the gist of it and he smiled slightly. He had missed it. Sure, most of that time he had spent unconscious or in a coma, but after waking something had been missing. There had been a Charles-shaped hole in his mind and he hadn’t even realized it due to the drugs. Now he knew what it felt like and he didn’t want to experience it ever again.
“You should get some sleep, Charles.”
“I slept.”
He rolled his eyes and reached out for his lover with his good hand.
“You’re being a self-sacrificing ass again.”
Charles met his eyes, looking stubborn, but he interlaced their fingers. Erik didn’t know how to describe the sensation that touched his mind. It was so much warmth and worry and care, the emotions usually floored him.
“Get some sleep, Charles, please. You can grade papers later.”
“I recall you saying I should pay more attention to the school,” Charles pointed out with a mild smile.
The thumb rubbing over his skin was distracting and Erik sighed. “Are you?” he asked.
The caught look in his lover’s eyes gave him the answer.
“What are you looking at?” Erik pressed on.
Charles shuffled the papers, shrugging. Erik tried to get an idea through the connection, secretly happy to feel it stronger than before.
“Cerebro?!” he then blurted. “What the fuck? Charles!”
“I didn’t go into Cerebro!” Charles shot back angrily. “These are old readings! I’m just trying to… The whole case went completely wrong and I never managed to get a fix on the mutant, Erik! It’s an aberration and I’ve been trying to find something, anything, that might explain it.”
Erik’s fought down his anger. Charles wasn’t strong enough to handle something like this! At least not at the moment.
Xavier’s anger flared as an echo to what was leaking along their connection. Blue eyes blazed and the pale skin flushed.
“I’m not weak, Erik!” he hissed, tugging his hand out of the light grip. “I’m not some child who needs supervision! I need to know who the mutant is! Do you really think I’d use Cerebro now? After everything? Risking backwash into your mind? Do you really think I’m so obsessive? Or self-destructive?”
He had gotten up, papers spreading everywhere, and Erik felt the already mentioned backwash as his mind was swamped with the fury that was Charles Xavier. He had never felt something like this from his lover before and it reminded him sharply of his own darkness, of his own rage, and how cutting and painful it was for Charles. Now he was on the receiving end.
With the one difference that he knew how to handle pain. He could compartmentalize; he could separate from the pain. What was harder was the separation from Charles.
Pushing himself up with his good arm, biting back on the pain-response from his shoulder and stomach, he snarled a curse.
“Will you fucking stop?”
Charles stared at him, so filled with anger and radiating it with a vengeance.
“I’m worried about you, Charles! I care, you fucking dimwit!” He sank back, scrubbing his good hand over his faintly aching forehead. “I love you, Charles Xavier. I care so frigging much it hurts! I just want you to stop taking on all and every responsibility and just think about yourself! The mutant will still be there later! I’ll still be here later! Get some rest! Please!”
Charles was shaking. He wet his lips, searching for something to say, then just fell back into his chair.
“I apologize,” he whispered roughly.
“You need to unwind,” Erik begged.
“But…”
“I’ll be fine. The school needs you. There are two dozen children who depend on you, look up to you, and they worry. I know some of them have been hanging around, trying to sneak a peek. Hank’s been chasing them off more often than not. I’ll heal and you need to, too.”
Erik concentrated on the metal in the chair and drew it flush up against the bed, grinning as Charles gave a yelp of surprise. It had required more power than normal and he had executed the maneuver with a lot less finesse, but it had accomplished the goal. He cupped the pale cheek, rubbing a thumb over it.
“I love you, Charles,” he repeated. “So damn much that it scares me every time I think about it. You scare me. And you freak me out when you pull stunts like that.” He glanced at the papers.
“I didn’t plan on using Cerebro,” Charles reiterated gently.
“Somehow I doubt you can stay away from that infernal device for long.”
“It’s useful. We need it.”
“And we, I, need you in one piece.”
Charles grabbed Erik’s hand, resting his forehead on the interlaced fingers. “I’ll never leave you,” he whispered. “I can’t. I love you too much, need you too much.”
Erik held on to the anchor, not letting go. Not for anything in the world would he let go.
tbc...
AUTHORs: Macx and elfin
RATING: NC-17
SERIES: Shadowside
DISCLAIMER: None of the characters belong to us, sadly. They are owned by people with a lot more money :)
FEEDBACK: Loved
SUMMARY: It started out as a quite normal search for a mutant Charles discovered through Cerebro. It was supposed to be easy. It wasn't supposed to nearly separate the anchor line between Charles and Erik... or leave Erik fighting for his life and Charles for his sanity...
Authors’ notes: Shadowside is set in the parallel reality described in Macx’s Surrender to Hope. You should read that to understand at least the basics. Basically the movie happened, but while Charles was shot at the beach, he wasn’t paralyzed. It was the moment the realities differed and this alternate/parallel world came into existence.
The story so far
Charles sagged against the wall, eyes swimming. There was this need in every line of his body. This painful, vicious need that he was trying to push away. Erik desperately wanted him close, wanted to touch him, but he wasn’t going anywhere. It was Charles’ choice to come to him; Charles’ choice to reestablish what he so badly needed and denied himself.
“Charles,” he intoned, lowering his voice, putting all his emotions into the words. “Please. Please let me be there for you.”
A tear spilled over and Xavier wiped it angrily away.
“Please,” Erik murmured. He held out a hand.
“You can’t…”
“I consider myself duly informed and notified,” Lensherr said calmly. “I want this, Charles. With you. It’s my conscious, willing decision. Please.”
Charles came closer, steps heavy, tired. He looked shaky enough to fall over in a breeze and Erik so badly wanted to get up, wrap his arms around him, hold him - while simultaneously yelling at him for being such an idiot!
“It’s not the weight of the world on your shoulders, Charles. We’re in this together. I made the decision to stay with you. Good times and bad times.” He grinned at his joke.
Charles twitched a faint smile.
“I want you by my side,” he repeated once more. “I want you to be here, too.” He touched his head. A thought struck him and he frowned briefly. “If you want that.”
Charles almost fell onto the chair, violently shaking his head. “Never think I wouldn’t want you,” he managed. “I need you, Erik.”
“I hurt you just as badly.”
“Matching pair then, hm?”
Erik’s long fingers carded into the wavy strands. Charles shivered at the contact, tiny thrills running through him. The gray eyes reflected a bone-deep weariness. The argument had depleted what strength he had and he was hanging on because he wanted this out in the open and dealt with now.
Erik gently tugged. Charles didn’t need more of an invitation. He leaned down, brushing their lips together in the gentlest of kisses. Erik’s lips were dry and chapped, but the telepath didn’t care.
“Charles,” came the rough whisper.
He was trembling slightly, trying to pull back, but Erik didn’t let him. Emotions welled up.
“Stay?”
He felt the call through the fragments, felt Erik’s presence. Sharp and cutting and warm and needing and so familiar, it ached.
::Yes::
The mind-contact was rocky, as if he had never talked to Erik like this before, as if he hadn’t used his gift before. The gray eyes narrowed and the long fingers ghosted over his temple.
A wordless plea. An offer.
::Charles::
He almost sobbed at the familiar voice, the soft timbre, the push of someone else in his head. He wanted nothing more than to sink into the contact, but Erik wasn’t strong enough for it. He had just about survived his injuries.
::Don’t be an idiot:: came the tired murmur.
Erik’s finger still caressed his temple, his cheek, his face. Charles closed his eyes, leaning into the caress. He had missed this so badly. A simple touch, the faint presence of Erik in his mind. Just the knowledge he was there.
He was such a girl!
::Idiot:: Erik repeated, smiling faintly. It had a drugged edge to it. ::Please?::
::Can’t. You still have to heal:: he replied, fighting for calmness, for detachment.
The memory of the bleak days was too strong in his mind. How had he let this one man come so close, become part of his life so completely?
::Only my body. And my mind needs you:: The contact strengthened. ::You need me. Accept me::
Because they were good for each other. Because this was more than a telepath’s dependency on another mutant with a dark and violent past. A mutant whose mind was sharp-edged, full of violence and past rage and anger, striking at what it perceived as a threat.
“Stay,” Erik rasped again. “Please.”
He couldn’t fight the need. He couldn’t be strong any longer.
::You are strong, Charles. The strongest man I’ve ever known::
He smiled a little, fighting back his emotions. He was open, completely open, and Erik was finally sliding back into the empty place in his mind. The void was filling slowly and he welcomed the feeling of the other man so heavy and warm.
The next contact of lips against lips was more of a kiss, but still careful of the injuries. Erik smiled.
“You’re tired,” Charles said, one hand cupping the too thin face.
“So are you.”
“I’m fine.”
::Liar: I can feel you, Charles::
He smiled a little. Yes, Erik could feel him. And Charles felt him, too. It was amazing and something he didn’t want to lose again.
::You’re exhausted:: Erik’s eyes were sliding shut and he couldn’t fight it any more. ::Sleep, please?::
Charles interlaced their fingers, monitoring Erik’s mind as it evened out. He was sound asleep a few minutes later.
::Promise:: he whispered.
Cecilia and Hank found him sound asleep on the second bed an hour later. Charles had pushed it closer, had moved all the important cables, tubes and wires, and lay as close to Erik as possible.
Cecilia shook her head. “Stubborn.”
“You have no idea,” Hank muttered and went to check the readings from the monitoring station.
Reyes smiled fondly at the picture before them, then joined Hank in evaluating the data.
* * *
“Have you ever known my brother to make it easy?” Raven asked as she helped Erik chase away the boredom of being confined to bed, in the medical wing, underground. “Just so you know, there is only one correct answer.”
Erik chuckled, looking at his cards. Raven wasn’t a chess player and to be completely honest, it was a game he only played with Charles. She was a card shark, though.
“He’s stubborn. Always has been. And he’s prone to self-sacrifice. Weight of the world on his shoulders.” She waved a hand, then gestured at him. “Card, Erik.”
He played one and she grinned, fanning out hers. “Sorry.”
He grimaced. Beaten again.
“One more?” Raven asked.
“You really like winning against invalids.”
“Oh, I can beat you at cards with a hand behind my back,” she proclaimed confidently as she sorted the cards. “One more?”
He caved and the cards were dealt.
“As for Charles,” Raven went on, “you have to beat it into his thick skull with a tire iron sometimes.”
“I noticed.”
Raven looked at him over her cards, yellow eyes serious. “You’ve to be that tire iron, Erik.”
He chuckled. “Four years of experience.”
“I raise you by ‘most of my life’,” she added. Raven leaned forward. “You’re good for him, Erik.”
He stared at his cards, then looked up, meeting her steady gaze.
“I know him,” the young woman went on. “He never had any friends, aside from me. He had one-night stands and bad pick-up lines. He’s the most adorable geek and he loves what he does, but he’s never been good on a personal level, for all his psychoanalytical bullshit.”
Erik chuckled.
“He’s been driving himself into the ground after you were hurt,” Raven said, fiddling with the cards. “I know something happened. More than just you not being there.”
Almost on automatic Erik reached for the still rather faint anchor. Charles was asleep - finally! - and his mind was resting. It was like a calm center, a deep well of peace in Erik’s mind. It felt so right, so absolutely good.
Raven watched him silently, a fine smile playing around her lips. She didn’t say anything, but Erik somehow got the notion that she knew.
“You fixed it?” she now only asked.
Erik tugged a corner of his mouth up into a smile. Raven answered it with a wide smile of her own and folded her cards.
“Get some rest, Erik. You’ll need it to deal with the hardhead I call a brother when he wakes up.” She leaned over and gave him a kiss on the forehead.
Erik was stunned for a moment, then could only stare after her as Raven sashayed out of the room, looking pretty smug. He chuckled softly and glanced at her cards. A winning hand once again. Then he shoved them together and put them aside. Closing his eyes, Erik let his mind fall toward the anchor point. It was soft and warm and nice, and it felt completely right.
It was how he fell asleep.
* * *
With two dozen children at the mansion and two of the senior teachers down for the count, Raven had found herself picking up slack and trying her best to handle matters. She was grateful for Riptide and Azazel’s presence. She tried to reschedule classes. She had Havoc and Banshee keep the kids busy with exams and reading assignments, but with Hank, Charles and Erik all down for the count for one reason or another, courses were dropping off the grid left and right.
Until Greg approached her. “I can help,” the landscape artist said quietly.
Raven blinked. “Come again?”
“I went to college, Raven,” he said with a mild smile. “I have a major in botany and minored toxicology and zoology. Botany covers a wide range of scientific disciplines. I can teach them a thing or two in biology, geology and even genetics if there’s need for it. Not like the professor, but I can.”
She nearly hugged him out of joy.
“Anna offered to help out, too. And Harriet has an economics degree and said she can also teach history, though she prefers current topics.”
“Really? But… you have a job, Greg. You all do!”
“We want to help,” he only replied. “And the children need something to take their minds off Mr. Lensherr’s injuries.”
Now she did hug him. “Thank you!”
That’s how a new teaching schedule was hammered out. It brought with it more normalcy than before.
Raven was surprised that Azazel and Riptide still stayed, despite three new teachers who helped out.
Neither gave a reason, but she was glad they did.
* * *
It was late. Maybe even early. That was open for interpretation.
Charles sat in a comfortable chair that was definitely not hospital issue and reading. Dressed in leisurely clothes that still looked too formal on him, too much like he had just stepped off the podium, he was paging through a loose collection of whatever.
Erik watched him, sharp eyes taking in the still lingering lines of exhaustion, the way his shoulders slumped a little more than normal. There was a cup of tea sitting next to him on the tray table, together with a small pot that was no longer steaming. Charles’ hair was in disarray, as if he had been running his fingers through it more often.
A frown appeared on the youthful features and he scribbled something onto a paper, then continued reading.
If not for the whole sterile atmosphere of the medical wing, the scene might have been adorably cozy. But Erik knew exactly where he was and why he was here; the very reason why Charles was also here. Not in his bed, not in his study, not taking care of the school from his office.
“I can do that from here,” came the mild reproach.
Blue eyes looked at him, tired but so much more alive than a few days ago.
Erik frowned.
“I’m not reading you, my friend.”
“Monitoring.”
Charles looked caught and his eyes fell on his work. “I apologize.”
::Don’t::
Just touching the healing connection seemed to kick lose an avalanche of emotions, racing along the thin line that couldn’t relay all of that yet. Like a wave running out of strength as it hit the shore, the emotional rush tapered out.
But Erik caught the gist of it and he smiled slightly. He had missed it. Sure, most of that time he had spent unconscious or in a coma, but after waking something had been missing. There had been a Charles-shaped hole in his mind and he hadn’t even realized it due to the drugs. Now he knew what it felt like and he didn’t want to experience it ever again.
“You should get some sleep, Charles.”
“I slept.”
He rolled his eyes and reached out for his lover with his good hand.
“You’re being a self-sacrificing ass again.”
Charles met his eyes, looking stubborn, but he interlaced their fingers. Erik didn’t know how to describe the sensation that touched his mind. It was so much warmth and worry and care, the emotions usually floored him.
“Get some sleep, Charles, please. You can grade papers later.”
“I recall you saying I should pay more attention to the school,” Charles pointed out with a mild smile.
The thumb rubbing over his skin was distracting and Erik sighed. “Are you?” he asked.
The caught look in his lover’s eyes gave him the answer.
“What are you looking at?” Erik pressed on.
Charles shuffled the papers, shrugging. Erik tried to get an idea through the connection, secretly happy to feel it stronger than before.
“Cerebro?!” he then blurted. “What the fuck? Charles!”
“I didn’t go into Cerebro!” Charles shot back angrily. “These are old readings! I’m just trying to… The whole case went completely wrong and I never managed to get a fix on the mutant, Erik! It’s an aberration and I’ve been trying to find something, anything, that might explain it.”
Erik’s fought down his anger. Charles wasn’t strong enough to handle something like this! At least not at the moment.
Xavier’s anger flared as an echo to what was leaking along their connection. Blue eyes blazed and the pale skin flushed.
“I’m not weak, Erik!” he hissed, tugging his hand out of the light grip. “I’m not some child who needs supervision! I need to know who the mutant is! Do you really think I’d use Cerebro now? After everything? Risking backwash into your mind? Do you really think I’m so obsessive? Or self-destructive?”
He had gotten up, papers spreading everywhere, and Erik felt the already mentioned backwash as his mind was swamped with the fury that was Charles Xavier. He had never felt something like this from his lover before and it reminded him sharply of his own darkness, of his own rage, and how cutting and painful it was for Charles. Now he was on the receiving end.
With the one difference that he knew how to handle pain. He could compartmentalize; he could separate from the pain. What was harder was the separation from Charles.
Pushing himself up with his good arm, biting back on the pain-response from his shoulder and stomach, he snarled a curse.
“Will you fucking stop?”
Charles stared at him, so filled with anger and radiating it with a vengeance.
“I’m worried about you, Charles! I care, you fucking dimwit!” He sank back, scrubbing his good hand over his faintly aching forehead. “I love you, Charles Xavier. I care so frigging much it hurts! I just want you to stop taking on all and every responsibility and just think about yourself! The mutant will still be there later! I’ll still be here later! Get some rest! Please!”
Charles was shaking. He wet his lips, searching for something to say, then just fell back into his chair.
“I apologize,” he whispered roughly.
“You need to unwind,” Erik begged.
“But…”
“I’ll be fine. The school needs you. There are two dozen children who depend on you, look up to you, and they worry. I know some of them have been hanging around, trying to sneak a peek. Hank’s been chasing them off more often than not. I’ll heal and you need to, too.”
Erik concentrated on the metal in the chair and drew it flush up against the bed, grinning as Charles gave a yelp of surprise. It had required more power than normal and he had executed the maneuver with a lot less finesse, but it had accomplished the goal. He cupped the pale cheek, rubbing a thumb over it.
“I love you, Charles,” he repeated. “So damn much that it scares me every time I think about it. You scare me. And you freak me out when you pull stunts like that.” He glanced at the papers.
“I didn’t plan on using Cerebro,” Charles reiterated gently.
“Somehow I doubt you can stay away from that infernal device for long.”
“It’s useful. We need it.”
“And we, I, need you in one piece.”
Charles grabbed Erik’s hand, resting his forehead on the interlaced fingers. “I’ll never leave you,” he whispered. “I can’t. I love you too much, need you too much.”
Erik held on to the anchor, not letting go. Not for anything in the world would he let go.
tbc...