Sand in your mouth
Title: Sand in your mouth
Pairing: jonghyun/taemin
Rating: PG
Warnings: Major character death
Summary: “You. You are stupid enough. And you ain’t gonna find them again”
Notes: dedicated to thankyouandyou :)
Steps. Steps. Steps.
Beautiful steps. Tiny steps. Lonesome steps. Sheepish steps.
It sounds like guilt, are you guilty? I know you can take the punishment, I know you can fall and rise again. But are you.
Guilty.
“Your shoes. Where are your shoes?” are you tired?
Don’t smile; it scares me, it truly does -down to the very core of my existence.
“I lost them” you state.
There’s nothing great about the sky, it’s blue or red or black or all of these together, there’s nothing pretty there, I’ve seen it time and time again. Nothing special. So what the hell are you seeing.
I look behind us.
“There’s sand on your soles.”
“I doubt it” you grin, and yet there it is, there’s sand on the concrete. “there’s sand on the concrete” I say it out loud, I do, because there it is, it’s golden and sparkling and moving and dirtying the gray. It’s tainting my world with hope.
“I am not to blame. The wind. The wind is strong. Perhaps the wind brought it here”
“There’s no wind. There’s sand on the concrete”
“I can hear the wind”
“I can see the sand”
“I’m sorry”
I frown. “that you can” you say - what are you talking about.
There’s sand in my mouth.
“Let’s go find your shoes”
“But I lost them”
“We’ll look for them. We’ll find them.”
I’m panicking. There’s sand on the trees. It’s golden and it’s sliding down the leaves like rain. I pull at your sweater. “the wind. The wind is strong. It took them away. You won’t find them”
“of course we will! Come on, hurry up!” panicking, I am panicking. I am…
“they won’t be the same”
“of course they will be! Who else would be stupid enough to lose their shoes!”
You point at my feet like a baby who just learned what is what.
“You. You are stupid enough. And you ain’t gonna find them again” you make a mocking sound, I look at my feet and spit the sand from my mouth. “or you’ll find another one’s. It’s the land of the stupid. The wind takes them away, you’ll try hundreds before one pair fits.”
“Why? why?”
“You’ll learn to live without. Or die searching.”
“Why!”
“it’s a joke.”
“I don’t get it.”
“I’m sorry”
Don’t be sad, Taeminnie, don’t be sad. “Don’t be” I say it anyway cause it seems like the thing to say.
“Then laugh” he looks at me. His eyes are blue. His eyes were never blue. I stare at him. The sand is burning my legs.
“Laugh at the joke, Jonghyun.” There’s sea in his eyes, there’s sand in my windpipe. I can’t-
He grabs my face, shaking me, his own wild with anxiety. “Laugh at the joke!” I’m reading his lips cause the wind is strong and whipping at my sides. His long red hair dance and twist. I try, I try. I can’t-
I wake up crying. I stand up and head for the bathroom, grabbing the washstand for dear life. I hear Kibum wake up and rush to my side, grabbing my forehead as I spew my guts out, saying “Breathe, Jonghyun, breathe, it’s okay, baby, it’s okay” I swear I can taste salt.
It’s been a year since the shipwreck and I still fail to see the joke.
I fail, Taeminnie.
Pairing: jonghyun/taemin
Rating: PG
Warnings: Major character death
Summary: “You. You are stupid enough. And you ain’t gonna find them again”
Notes: dedicated to thankyouandyou :)
Steps. Steps. Steps.
Beautiful steps. Tiny steps. Lonesome steps. Sheepish steps.
It sounds like guilt, are you guilty? I know you can take the punishment, I know you can fall and rise again. But are you.
Guilty.
“Your shoes. Where are your shoes?” are you tired?
Don’t smile; it scares me, it truly does -down to the very core of my existence.
“I lost them” you state.
There’s nothing great about the sky, it’s blue or red or black or all of these together, there’s nothing pretty there, I’ve seen it time and time again. Nothing special. So what the hell are you seeing.
I look behind us.
“There’s sand on your soles.”
“I doubt it” you grin, and yet there it is, there’s sand on the concrete. “there’s sand on the concrete” I say it out loud, I do, because there it is, it’s golden and sparkling and moving and dirtying the gray. It’s tainting my world with hope.
“I am not to blame. The wind. The wind is strong. Perhaps the wind brought it here”
“There’s no wind. There’s sand on the concrete”
“I can hear the wind”
“I can see the sand”
“I’m sorry”
I frown. “that you can” you say - what are you talking about.
There’s sand in my mouth.
“Let’s go find your shoes”
“But I lost them”
“We’ll look for them. We’ll find them.”
I’m panicking. There’s sand on the trees. It’s golden and it’s sliding down the leaves like rain. I pull at your sweater. “the wind. The wind is strong. It took them away. You won’t find them”
“of course we will! Come on, hurry up!” panicking, I am panicking. I am…
“they won’t be the same”
“of course they will be! Who else would be stupid enough to lose their shoes!”
You point at my feet like a baby who just learned what is what.
“You. You are stupid enough. And you ain’t gonna find them again” you make a mocking sound, I look at my feet and spit the sand from my mouth. “or you’ll find another one’s. It’s the land of the stupid. The wind takes them away, you’ll try hundreds before one pair fits.”
“Why? why?”
“You’ll learn to live without. Or die searching.”
“Why!”
“it’s a joke.”
“I don’t get it.”
“I’m sorry”
Don’t be sad, Taeminnie, don’t be sad. “Don’t be” I say it anyway cause it seems like the thing to say.
“Then laugh” he looks at me. His eyes are blue. His eyes were never blue. I stare at him. The sand is burning my legs.
“Laugh at the joke, Jonghyun.” There’s sea in his eyes, there’s sand in my windpipe. I can’t-
He grabs my face, shaking me, his own wild with anxiety. “Laugh at the joke!” I’m reading his lips cause the wind is strong and whipping at my sides. His long red hair dance and twist. I try, I try. I can’t-
I wake up crying. I stand up and head for the bathroom, grabbing the washstand for dear life. I hear Kibum wake up and rush to my side, grabbing my forehead as I spew my guts out, saying “Breathe, Jonghyun, breathe, it’s okay, baby, it’s okay” I swear I can taste salt.
It’s been a year since the shipwreck and I still fail to see the joke.
I fail, Taeminnie.