Rating: NC-17
Pairings: Ryan/Brendon
POV: 1st, Brendon's
Summary: Ryan is Brendon's best friend, they grew up together. But Ryan is different. An accident when he was a child left him deaf. Brendon has always taken care of Ryan, but now he's starting to care for Ryan in a different way...
Disclaimer: Fiction, I own nothing. It's not real.
Author's Note: I'm so happy with this chapter! (:
Masterpost Chapter 4 (part 2)
Fifth period. Creative Writing with the coolest teacher on the planet, Ms. Cartwright, or Genevieve, as she has us call her. (“I don’t care what the rules say; you all call me by my name. Screw the rules,” she had said on our first day.) Yeah, she’s pretty much the best.
Instead of desks, the room is filled with wooden tables, each containing four chairs. Ryan, William, Spencer, and I claimed the one farthest in the back. We’re all chatting away, because we finished our group assignment, and now have the remaining fifteen minutes to do whatever we want. Ryan and I are sitting next to each other, but I turned my chair sideways so I could put my legs in his lap and face him while we talk. William and Spencer are both sitting on the table, legs dangling off, facing us.
“No, dude, you are totally wrong. The new one is so much better than that out-of-date crap,” Spencer says to William. They’ve been arguing for the past ten minutes about Romeo & Juliet. William thinks the original movie is best, while Spencer thinks that the newer version with Claire Danes and Leonardo DiCaprio is better.
The whole argument was kind of caused indirectly by me. Spencer commented on how Ryan and I are pretty much inseparable, and I jokingly said in a girly voice while fawning over Ryan, “Ryan’s the Romeo to my Juliet!” Ryan immediately grinned and signed, “You just did a girl voice, didn’t you?” He knows me so well. We’re meant to be. We should get married-
“Brendon!” Spencer yells. I snap out of my little world and look at him wide-eyed.
“What?”
“Which movie is better?”
“Oh, the original, dude. That new one completely butchered it,” I reply. "But do you know what's better than both movies? The book," I roll my eyes.
“Thank you, Brendon!” William huffs, smirking at Spencer. “At least some of us can appreciate classic literature.”
“You know, Bill, Ryan likes to read those same boring books that you read. You two are alike in a lot of ways. Both boring and pretentious,” I joke.
William glares at me and Ryan huffs indignantly, pinching one of my legs in his lap, hard. I yelp and flick him on the nose, saying, “Bad Ryan!”
He then throws my legs off his lap, nearly making me fall out of my chair. I try to put my legs back up, but he moves his chair farther away so I can’t.
I smile slyly at him and raise an eyebrow. “Fine, Ryan Ross. You wanna play it that way?” He has a playful smirk on his face, and his eyes are bright. I stand up and plop down into his lap before he has a chance to move away again. I’m just as small as he is, but I’m stronger than him, so he is very unsuccessfully trying to push me off. He huffs again, and stops struggling, glaring at me. I look at him completely serious, like I’m not sitting on his lap in a tiny chair. I’m trying to make him laugh, so I put on the most serious face I can, and stare at him until he cracks. He starts to laugh, making his whole body shake underneath me. I start laughing too, because this whole situation is ridiculous. We have these little fake arguments all the time. We’re never serious. We just act like we are. So spectators, like Will and Spencer, probably think we’re actually arguing, while we’re really just making a game of it, seeing how long we can go without laughing.
I hear Spencer laugh and I look at him. He shakes his head and says, “You two are ridiculous, honestly. It’s not even that funny.” He’s smiling, and so is William.
“Comfortable, Brendon?” William asks, smirking.
“Yeah, actually. Ryan may be a bony little bastard, but he’s quite comfortable.” Ryan sticks his tongue out at me and rests his hands on my legs. I think I’ll just stay in his lap. I’m already here, why not? Makes sense to me.
“So when’s the wedding?” I turn around to see Genevieve looking at us adoringly, smiling brightly. My eyes widen and my cheeks are on fire. Did she really just say that? I shouldn’t be surprised. She’s a great teacher, but she’s just as witty and sarcastic as we all are.
Ryan wasn’t looking, so he doesn’t know what she said, but William is laughing way harder than usual, and Spencer is smirking at us. Ryan just looks confused. I splutter a little and scratch my arm nervously. Genevieve is leaning against the table beside William, who is absolutely dying. I mean, really, it wasn’t that funny.
“That’s-" William says between giggles, “that’s what I’m saying!” Do we really look that much like a couple?
I look at Genevieve. “It’s-it’s not like…that. We’re best friends.” I don’t sign it. I’m too embarrassed for Ryan to know. God, my face is burning right now. Ryan is looking at me like, ‘What the hell is going on? Why do you look like a tomato?’ I dart my eyes away from him.
“Huh. Could’ve fooled me,” she replies, smiling. “Well, for the record, I think you two would be absolutely adorable together.” William laughs more. I die of embarrassment on the inside, because Ryan saw her say that, and now he knows what she’s talking about. His eyes widen, and then he bites his lip and looks down. He’s trying to hide his face under his hair, but I can still see the smile creep its way across his face. Spencer seems to notice this as he narrows his eyes and looks back and forth between Ryan’s smile and my tomato face. He smirks at me, completely smug looking.
Just then the bell rings. Well, saved by the bell. I’ve always wanted to use that line. Even if I used it in my head. I quickly hop off of Ryan’s lap and grab my bag. Ryan grabs his as well and then glances at me. He smiles again and then shuffles his feet a bit. He and William and I head to music while Spencer goes off to his class.
When we get in the room, we (of course) have no assignments. Our teacher is more about giving us free time in class and then giving us big group assignments every couple of weeks. I love this classroom. It’s my favorite. It’s about three times as big as a normal one, with all kinds of instruments. A big piano is in the corner. There aren’t any desks or tables, which is my favorite thing about this class. There are just various couches, chairs, beanbags, stools, cushions; things of that sort. Our little corner is something we kind of made. There was already a big rug over there, but we moved over a few cushions and beanbags and made a comfy little area that we’ve claimed.
I walk over and sprawl myself out over all the cushions while William takes over about three beanbags with his lanky form. He’s almost as lanky as Ryan, but not quite. Ryan kicks me, so I scoot over on the cushions, and he lies down beside me. William giggles, and I look over at him, eyebrows creased. Ryan’s face is away from William and his eyes are closed, so William knows he won’t see him say, “Hey there, lover boy.” I gape at him while he laughs more.
“What are you talking about?” I ask, kind of put out.
“Oh, come on, Brendon. You’re in love with your best friend. It’s so obvious,” he says bluntly, smirking.
I start my stupid spluttering again, trying to think of a way to deny his accusation, but I would be lying.
“Don’t deny it, I know it’s true. You know I don’t care, right? About the gay thing, I mean. Or bisexual for you, maybe, I don’t know.” He is the most straightforward person I know.
I hesitate only a little. I can trust him. He’s my closest friend apart from Ryan. “No…I’m gay. Actually, I didn’t figure it out until recently. I was freaking out at first, but then I told Ryan, and he helped me. He told me about the way he felt when he realized he was gay, and it made me feel a lot better. And as far as my feelings for Ryan…I didn’t realize those until recently either. That’s what made me realize I was gay in the first place. I just thought about it, and I’ve never liked a girl before, and I just suddenly understood that I could never be with a girl. It didn’t feel right. Ryan said being gay is something you just know, that it doesn’t have a specific identifier. And I totally get that now. But I think I’ve always had these feelings for him, and I just never realized it. Because the way we act with each other, it looks like flirting, doesn’t it?” I ask.
He nods. “Yeah, that’s how I knew. You guys flirt hardcore, Brendon,” he giggles.
I smile. “See, we’ve always done that, and I never even realized it. The way we act around each other is nothing new, it’s always been that way, which makes me feel like I’ve always had feelings for him, they were just hiding,” I smirk. Then I get serious as I remember something. “But…he doesn’t feel the same.”
William looks surprised. “He told you that?”
“Well, no. For that to happen I would’ve had to tell him how I feel about him, and I definitely haven’t done that.”
He gives me a ‘you’re an idiot’ look and says, “How do you know he doesn’t feel the same then? He flirts with you too, you know.”
“Yeah, but that’s nothing new for him. Like I said, we’ve always done that.”
“Yes, Brendon. But have you ever thought that maybe he’s always had feelings for you as well? And that’s why you guys have always acted like that? Because you’ve always liked each other but never really knew?”
Huh. I never thought of it like that. Still though, Ryan would’ve told me if he had feelings for me, right? I ask William and he rolls his eyes.
“Brendon, you are so inane sometimes. Why would Ryan have ever told you if he thought you were straight?”
“Oh…” I mutter. Maybe Ryan does like me. William looks down at something and suddenly starts smirking again. I follow his line of sight to where I’m absentmindedly playing with Ryan’s hair. He seems to have fallen asleep.
William notices my surprised look. “Did you even know you were doing that?” he inquires. I smile sheepishly and shake my head. William smiles indulgently. “That is adorable, Brendon. Honestly, just profess your love already so you can start prancing around school holding hands and making out everywhere. You know you want to. You two were practically eye-fucking last period.”
My cheeks flame up again.
“That’s another thing, the blushing. You both do it all the time. I really don’t see how none of the other guys have noticed this yet. It’s all so painfully visible.”
“I want to tell him, but I’m scared he won’t feel the same, and then our friendship will be ruined. You don’t understand, Bill, we’re like, incomplete without each other. I can’t lose him. Or even if he does feel the same, what if we broke up?”
“For the record, he feels the same. I’m telling you, Bren, he does. And I don’t think you guys would break up. I mean, you hardly ever fight now. I think the only thing different you could fight about if you were dating would be if one of you cheated or something, which, let’s be real here, Ryan doesn’t even talk to people he doesn’t know; he would never cheat. He’s too nice. And you’re too good a person to do that,” he finishes with a smile.
“You really think I should tell him?” I ask tentatively. I don’t know if it’s a good idea. If he didn’t feel the same…I would be crushed.
“Yes,” he says simply.
“I couldn’t handle him rejecting me, Will, it would crush me.” I voice my worry to him.
“Brendon, that boy loves you.” I just stare wide-eyed at him. He sounds so sure about it, it makes me want to believe him. Maybe I will tell him. I just have to wait for the right time.
***
“You know that girl…Katie, I think, in our Chemistry class?” Ryan asks after school once we’re in my room. Lately, he’s been speaking whenever we’re alone, which I’m happy about. It’s better than every couple weeks, like he used to do.
“Yeah, what about her?” I ask.
“Well, today when you went to the bathroom, she came over to our table and started talking to me. She asked if I could read lips, and I nodded and then she asked me out on a date.” I stare at him, eyebrows raised. “And then I got a piece of paper and wrote that I was gay, and she seemed a little disappointed at first, but then she got excited and asked me to be her ‘gay best friend.’ I just turned away and ignored her until she went away,” he finishes with a laugh.
“Well, that was a bit rude,” I laugh.
“Brendon, the girl was creepy, and she called me cute repeatedly, like I missed it the first forty times she said it.”
“Well, you are cute, adorable even.” I say it before I think. Then I blush furiously and curse myself in my head. It just slipped out. He just smiles shyly at me.
“Hey, I was wondering if I could talk to you about something?” he asks tentatively.
“Yeah, of course,” I tell him.
He suddenly looks extremely shy. “I-um, I kind of…like somebody.” My stomach sinks. Oh. Fuck. I decide to tell him, finally, how I feel, and then he tells me he likes someone. I try not to look absolutely crestfallen, but I’m probably not successful.
“Oh…” I say.
“Yeah, I just don’t know how to tell him,” he says. “What do you think I should do?” I have to force myself not to cry. He’s my best friend, and I want him to be happy. If someone else makes him happy, then I have to accept it.
“Well, I guess just…tell him. Just tell him that he makes you happy.” It’s a good thing he can’t hear me. I sound like someone just murdered my cat.
Suddenly Ryan gets up from my desk chair and comes over to where I’m sitting on my bed, and plops down into my lap. Well, now I’m confused.
“What’re you-" I start, but he shushes me.
He leans close to my face and murmurs lowly, “You make me happy, Brendon.” He waits for the realization of what he just told me to hit me, and when it does, I barely have a second to see the smile form on his face before he leans down and presses his lips to mine. Holy fuck, Ryan is kissing me, and it’s even better than I thought. His lips are incredibly soft. Maybe I should stop making fun of him for his obsession with chapstick. I realize I’m not really moving right now, and I don’t want him to think I don’t want this, so I slowly start moving my lips against his. I can feel him smile at my response. He’s on my lap, with his knees on either side of me on the bed, and he’s got one hand on my right cheek and the other hand on the back of my neck. I wrap my arms around his small waist tight. I pull away and a huge smile spreads across my face.
“That was a bold move, sitting on my lap,” I tease. He smirks.
“Well, I got tired of waiting on you to make the first move.” He leans down and kisses me again, softly. I can't believe this is happening. We lie down and Ryan cuddles close to me. It doesn't take long for sleepiness to settle in.
Right before I drift off, Ryan mumbles, “So happy.” Yeah, I think, I am.
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