This is seriously fantastic. You struck (forgive the pun) all the right notes about pain and the cathartic nature of it when delivered by the right person at the right time. Chief's competent voice and his savvy recognition of someone who's not a stranger to pain were both excellent.
Placeholder comment, seriously. I'm literally out the door (late for work), but when I get home, I have lots of things I want to tell you about how wonderful this fic is. *hugs*
Oh, honey. It goes way beyond 'liking'. *rubs hands together* (I had to re-read it, to refresh my memory, but you need to know, I thought about this all day, while I was at work.)
I love Dean in this. I love some of the phrases you chose, the descriptors for him: that Castiel pulled him out and shoved all the pieces of his soul back into his body, but how Dean still feels fragmented, like a jigsaw puzzle. How Hell still seems more real to him than the world he's living in, the world he can touch. If the phrase PTSD was ever going to describe anyone, it would be Dean Winchester.
Maybe there would come a day, down the road, when Dean might want to combine sex and pain -- but for now, the pain is serving an even greater purpose: helping him forget, even for a little while. That mental haze he's in, when Chief finishes up. Probably the best, most relaxing, refreshing hour Dean's had since waking up in his grave. And he chooses it. That's such a huge thing, when he tells Chief no bondage, because he wants, needs, to know in his head that
( ... )
I wanted to thank you for your insights:) I'm glad the things I intended this fic to say rang true for you.
I hadn't considered the scene being triggery for Dean, although now that you mentioned it, it makes sense. I viewed it a different way -- Dean had been exposed to real torture, the kind meant to destroy a person. The guy with the tiny whip couldn't hold a candle to that. But I wanted to explore what it would be like if Dean decided to choose it, to accept the pain on his own terms.
Thank you so much for the rec as well. I am really honored that you enjoyed the story so much!
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Wonderfully done!
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(I had to re-read it, to refresh my memory, but you need to know, I thought about this all day, while I was at work.)
I love Dean in this. I love some of the phrases you chose, the descriptors for him: that Castiel pulled him out and shoved all the pieces of his soul back into his body, but how Dean still feels fragmented, like a jigsaw puzzle. How Hell still seems more real to him than the world he's living in, the world he can touch. If the phrase PTSD was ever going to describe anyone, it would be Dean Winchester.
Maybe there would come a day, down the road, when Dean might want to combine sex and pain -- but for now, the pain is serving an even greater purpose: helping him forget, even for a little while. That mental haze he's in, when Chief finishes up. Probably the best, most relaxing, refreshing hour Dean's had since waking up in his grave. And he chooses it. That's such a huge thing, when he tells Chief no bondage, because he wants, needs, to know in his head that ( ... )
Reply
I hadn't considered the scene being triggery for Dean, although now that you mentioned it, it makes sense. I viewed it a different way -- Dean had been exposed to real torture, the kind meant to destroy a person. The guy with the tiny whip couldn't hold a candle to that. But I wanted to explore what it would be like if Dean decided to choose it, to accept the pain on his own terms.
Thank you so much for the rec as well. I am really honored that you enjoyed the story so much!
Reply
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