supernatural: crackfic
Yeah. I guess my fanfic mojo is coming back with a vengeance.
This is total crack!fic.
Supernatural crossed over with the world in the Temeraire novels.
This is what happens when I drink too much coffee.
EDIT: Fic has been edited and proper headers attached.
Title: Finders Keepers
Author: Epeeblade
Category: crack!fic, crossover, gen
Characters: Sam, Dean, Bobby
Rating: G
Disclaimer: I don’t own these characters or the Supernatural universe. This work of fiction is not written for profit.
Summary: Ever since he was a little kid, Dean wanted a dragon.
Notes: This is a crossover with the world of the Temeraire series of novels by Naomi Novik. (Read them, they’re wonderful!). There are no characters from those novels here, but I’ve speculated what a modern US would do with dragons.
Finders Keepers
By Epeeblade
They’d been in the desert for two weeks looking for the corpses of those murdered bikers. They didn’t have much to go on, just pieces of information from what Sam could glean from the ghosts haunting the stretch of road between Vegas and nowhere.
Dean threw his shovel aside and gulped down the last of his bottled water. It looked like this site was going to be a bust too. Strange, because it looked like someone had buried something here, there was a huge heap of dirt where it shouldn’t be, nestled in the center of a stretch of dunes.
“Dean!” Sam called. “I found something!”
“About time,” Dean called back, trotting over to where Sam was hip deep in sand. Where he expected to find badly decomposing corpses, or hell, bones by this time, instead he saw Sam carefully brushing sand from a gigantic gleaming egg.
“Holy shit, Sammy. Is that what I think it is?” Dean slid the rest of the way into the hole, running his fingers along the cream-colored eggshell. It was warm to his touch.
“It’s a dragon egg,” Sam said.
“Sweet, I’ve always wanted one of these!” Dean grinned. Every since he was a kid, he had watched the dragon races on TV, read anything he could about the Air Corps, hell, he probably would have joined up if it hadn’t been for hunting.
“Dean, you can’t…” Sam sputtered. “It’s a dragon! What are we going to do with a dragon? And isn’t it technically the property of the US Air Corps anyway?”
Dean rolled his eyes. “There are ferals in the desert, bro. Only place in the country where they haven’t been herded into pens and sold off to the rich and famous. Freakin’ Paris Hilton has a dragon.” He shook his head. “What a goddamn shame.”
“Dean, we can’t keep it.”
But Dean had already pulled Dad’s journal from his jacket, flipping through the pages until he got to the entry about dragons. “Hmm,” he muttered.
“Hmmm?” Sam repeated. “What does it say?”
“We could be waiting a long time, some eggs take up to ten years to hatch.” Dean chewed on his lip, then winced. He was chapped from being in the sun for so long. “But they learn in the shell, so just by talking around it we’re teaching it.” He leaned over and caressed the egg. “Can you hear me, baby?” he crooned.
Sam rolled his eyes and tugged the journal out of Dean’s hands. “Huh,” he said. “There’s a Winchester breed.”
“See, Sammy, it’s meant to be!”
“Dean, the odds of this Dragon being a Winchester…they don’t even breed those in this part of the country. It’s probably a feral egg, like you said…”
“I wonder if it breathes fire,” Dean was all but hugging the egg. “Would make salting and burning very easy.”
“You’re insane.” Sam continued to skim the entry. “It says they feed shortly after they hatch. So if you’re serious about trying to keep this, we need to find a cow or something.”
“Ah-hah, you DO want to keep her!”
“How do you know it’s a her?”
“All eggs are ‘hers’. It’s kinda like the Impala.”
“You are not naming the dragon Impala.”
“Nah, I’ve got something better.” Dean flashed him a grin.
Sam closed the journal. “The odds are we feed ‘her’ and then she’ll fly off to join the rest of the ferals in the desert.”
“So what’s the harm in trying? C’mon, I think it’ll fit in the backseat of the Impala…”
“Dean…”
“Isn’t there a cattle ranch not too far from Bobby’s?”
“What about the ghosts?” Sam reminded him.
“Help me move this baby into the car, and then we can keep looking.”
***
Sam had grumbled the entire time, but Dean knew his brother was just as eager as he at the prospect of the dragon. Bobby wasn’t too keen when they brought the egg to his place, but he let them set up shop there. Sam spent time doing more research on the egg. He still couldn’t pinpoint a specific breed, but guessing by the state of the shell, he figured it had about another month or so to hatch.
Bobby called them when the egg started to crack. They were a state away, following up on some leads, but Dean turned the car around and made it back with time to spare.
He and Sam stood around the egg, Dean all but bouncing on the balls of his feet. Sam told him to stop it. Dean just gave him the finger and kept bouncing.
Bobby came up behind them, leading one of the cows they had purchased with one of their many credit cards. “I still think this is not one of your better ideas,” he drawled. “What are you going to do with it anyway?”
“Fly!” Dean answered. “We’ve got a forged license ready to go.”
“And how are you going to keep her fed?” Bobby questioned. “Cows aren’t cheap you know.”
“Bobby,” Sam started to speak, then stopped. The egg began to crack all over; it was all but vibrating as the life inside it tried to force its way out.
Dean reached forward to help it, but Sam took his arm and shook his head. They couldn’t approach the dragon until it was completely hatched. Dean held his breath, watching as limbs began to emerge from the crumbling shells.
One bronze head emerged from the rumble, and then a second. Just when he thought they had gotten a mutant dragon, Dean realized that there were two dragons. Twins. He grinned.
Bobby slit the cow’s throat, and let the hatchlings go to town on the meat. None of them said a word, waiting until the key moment after the dragons ate.
Finally, Dean stepped forward. “Hi,” he said, “I’m Dean and this is my brother Sam.”
The hatchlings looked at each other for a moment, then turned to stare at Dean. One moved forward. Dean reached out a hand and stroked its neck hesitantly, the skin smooth under his fingertips. It was about the size of a large dog, although he knew they would both grow quickly. “Can I give you a name?” If the dragon accepted, that meant he had bonded with Dean.
“If you give my brother a name as well,” the dragon said.
Well, he had been wrong about the girl thing. But this was his chance. “Can I call you Zeppelin?”
Sam groaned loudly behind him. “Don’t even think about it…”
But Dean pressed forward. “And your brother Led?”
The dragon twins stared at each other once again, and then nodded as one. “Like the music you played for us,” Zeppelin said. “We liked it.”
Led moved closer to Sam, tucking his head like a shy puppy. Sam imitated his brother and scratched Led’s neck. “I think we’re going to need to get another license.”
“This is going to be awesome!” Dean grinned.
“That’s one word for it,” Sam murmured.
Bobby turned around and started walking back towards the house. “I guess I’m heading back to the cattle ranch. We’re going to need a few more cows.”
end
This is total crack!fic.
Supernatural crossed over with the world in the Temeraire novels.
This is what happens when I drink too much coffee.
EDIT: Fic has been edited and proper headers attached.
Title: Finders Keepers
Author: Epeeblade
Category: crack!fic, crossover, gen
Characters: Sam, Dean, Bobby
Rating: G
Disclaimer: I don’t own these characters or the Supernatural universe. This work of fiction is not written for profit.
Summary: Ever since he was a little kid, Dean wanted a dragon.
Notes: This is a crossover with the world of the Temeraire series of novels by Naomi Novik. (Read them, they’re wonderful!). There are no characters from those novels here, but I’ve speculated what a modern US would do with dragons.
Finders Keepers
By Epeeblade
They’d been in the desert for two weeks looking for the corpses of those murdered bikers. They didn’t have much to go on, just pieces of information from what Sam could glean from the ghosts haunting the stretch of road between Vegas and nowhere.
Dean threw his shovel aside and gulped down the last of his bottled water. It looked like this site was going to be a bust too. Strange, because it looked like someone had buried something here, there was a huge heap of dirt where it shouldn’t be, nestled in the center of a stretch of dunes.
“Dean!” Sam called. “I found something!”
“About time,” Dean called back, trotting over to where Sam was hip deep in sand. Where he expected to find badly decomposing corpses, or hell, bones by this time, instead he saw Sam carefully brushing sand from a gigantic gleaming egg.
“Holy shit, Sammy. Is that what I think it is?” Dean slid the rest of the way into the hole, running his fingers along the cream-colored eggshell. It was warm to his touch.
“It’s a dragon egg,” Sam said.
“Sweet, I’ve always wanted one of these!” Dean grinned. Every since he was a kid, he had watched the dragon races on TV, read anything he could about the Air Corps, hell, he probably would have joined up if it hadn’t been for hunting.
“Dean, you can’t…” Sam sputtered. “It’s a dragon! What are we going to do with a dragon? And isn’t it technically the property of the US Air Corps anyway?”
Dean rolled his eyes. “There are ferals in the desert, bro. Only place in the country where they haven’t been herded into pens and sold off to the rich and famous. Freakin’ Paris Hilton has a dragon.” He shook his head. “What a goddamn shame.”
“Dean, we can’t keep it.”
But Dean had already pulled Dad’s journal from his jacket, flipping through the pages until he got to the entry about dragons. “Hmm,” he muttered.
“Hmmm?” Sam repeated. “What does it say?”
“We could be waiting a long time, some eggs take up to ten years to hatch.” Dean chewed on his lip, then winced. He was chapped from being in the sun for so long. “But they learn in the shell, so just by talking around it we’re teaching it.” He leaned over and caressed the egg. “Can you hear me, baby?” he crooned.
Sam rolled his eyes and tugged the journal out of Dean’s hands. “Huh,” he said. “There’s a Winchester breed.”
“See, Sammy, it’s meant to be!”
“Dean, the odds of this Dragon being a Winchester…they don’t even breed those in this part of the country. It’s probably a feral egg, like you said…”
“I wonder if it breathes fire,” Dean was all but hugging the egg. “Would make salting and burning very easy.”
“You’re insane.” Sam continued to skim the entry. “It says they feed shortly after they hatch. So if you’re serious about trying to keep this, we need to find a cow or something.”
“Ah-hah, you DO want to keep her!”
“How do you know it’s a her?”
“All eggs are ‘hers’. It’s kinda like the Impala.”
“You are not naming the dragon Impala.”
“Nah, I’ve got something better.” Dean flashed him a grin.
Sam closed the journal. “The odds are we feed ‘her’ and then she’ll fly off to join the rest of the ferals in the desert.”
“So what’s the harm in trying? C’mon, I think it’ll fit in the backseat of the Impala…”
“Dean…”
“Isn’t there a cattle ranch not too far from Bobby’s?”
“What about the ghosts?” Sam reminded him.
“Help me move this baby into the car, and then we can keep looking.”
***
Sam had grumbled the entire time, but Dean knew his brother was just as eager as he at the prospect of the dragon. Bobby wasn’t too keen when they brought the egg to his place, but he let them set up shop there. Sam spent time doing more research on the egg. He still couldn’t pinpoint a specific breed, but guessing by the state of the shell, he figured it had about another month or so to hatch.
Bobby called them when the egg started to crack. They were a state away, following up on some leads, but Dean turned the car around and made it back with time to spare.
He and Sam stood around the egg, Dean all but bouncing on the balls of his feet. Sam told him to stop it. Dean just gave him the finger and kept bouncing.
Bobby came up behind them, leading one of the cows they had purchased with one of their many credit cards. “I still think this is not one of your better ideas,” he drawled. “What are you going to do with it anyway?”
“Fly!” Dean answered. “We’ve got a forged license ready to go.”
“And how are you going to keep her fed?” Bobby questioned. “Cows aren’t cheap you know.”
“Bobby,” Sam started to speak, then stopped. The egg began to crack all over; it was all but vibrating as the life inside it tried to force its way out.
Dean reached forward to help it, but Sam took his arm and shook his head. They couldn’t approach the dragon until it was completely hatched. Dean held his breath, watching as limbs began to emerge from the crumbling shells.
One bronze head emerged from the rumble, and then a second. Just when he thought they had gotten a mutant dragon, Dean realized that there were two dragons. Twins. He grinned.
Bobby slit the cow’s throat, and let the hatchlings go to town on the meat. None of them said a word, waiting until the key moment after the dragons ate.
Finally, Dean stepped forward. “Hi,” he said, “I’m Dean and this is my brother Sam.”
The hatchlings looked at each other for a moment, then turned to stare at Dean. One moved forward. Dean reached out a hand and stroked its neck hesitantly, the skin smooth under his fingertips. It was about the size of a large dog, although he knew they would both grow quickly. “Can I give you a name?” If the dragon accepted, that meant he had bonded with Dean.
“If you give my brother a name as well,” the dragon said.
Well, he had been wrong about the girl thing. But this was his chance. “Can I call you Zeppelin?”
Sam groaned loudly behind him. “Don’t even think about it…”
But Dean pressed forward. “And your brother Led?”
The dragon twins stared at each other once again, and then nodded as one. “Like the music you played for us,” Zeppelin said. “We liked it.”
Led moved closer to Sam, tucking his head like a shy puppy. Sam imitated his brother and scratched Led’s neck. “I think we’re going to need to get another license.”
“This is going to be awesome!” Dean grinned.
“That’s one word for it,” Sam murmured.
Bobby turned around and started walking back towards the house. “I guess I’m heading back to the cattle ranch. We’re going to need a few more cows.”
end