hc_bingo extra: postage stamp 1
Title: Paradise Lost
Fandom: Saiyuki
Pairing: Gonou/Kanan
Prompt: Mental Health Issues, Ostracised from Society, Loss of Possessions, Difficult Pregnancy
Rating: R
Word Count: 540
Summary: Kanan knew Gonou would come for her. How could he not? But she didn’t want him to. She was dirty, now, tainted. How could he love her now?
AN: Written, as the subject and tag say, for hc_bingo. Masterpost with game card is here.
She could feel the thing moving within her. She knew what it was, although she denied it to herself even now. It grew more inside of her every day.
It moved like a centipede, like its creator because she refused to think of such a beast as a father. It twisted and roiled, and she could feel the waves if she put her hand to her stomach. If it lived, would it eat her, use the rest of her living husk the way his seed infected and used her now? Sometimes she dreamed that it would crawl out of her at night while she slept. She did not sleep often. She stared at the walls of her prison and let her thoughts overtake her.
When the villagers had first betrayed her to the beasts, she’d hoped, even wished, that Gonou would come right then, that Gonou would save her. As the monsters destroyed her home and ripped her from it, she prayed for salvation that would not come.
As the villagers turned away and pretended not to see as she screamed for help that never came, she prayed for vengeance, upon them and upon their children a hundredfold for what they did to her.
Now... Now she wished only for death. She wished and prayed to die before the thing growing inside of her could mature and emerge and make her see the horror that had used her womb against her will. She could not kill herself. The guards would stop her. If she damaged the thing inside of her, she would only be forced to bear again and again these vile fruits. She could not stand another night being taken by the monsters. She would bite her tongue off first. Instead she waited. She was sure she would not have to wait long.
Indeed, before the thing could even show itself in her stomach, he came. Her Gonou came, just as she knew he would. Too late, always too late, but now, she could look upon the beloved face of her brother one more time.
He knelt in front of her, his words washing over her like a warm blanket. He spoke of safety and love, but the thing inside of her writhed at his words, reminding her that there was no love, no safety, nothing right in this world. Certainly not for two sinners like them. The illusion of a safe home, a warm bed, the good company of neighbors, these were only tools of a cruel and evil world made to punish and hurt. The only comfort was in death.
She smiled at him and took his knife. He was too worried, too distracted to notice. He was drenched in the blood of monsters. For her. For her and only her, so she would end this infected existence for him, so that he would never have to look upon her tainted body and cringe in horror. He could not reach her in this cage and for once she was grateful for it.
She loved him. He was her brother and her lover and her world, so she would do this. For him.
It was an ending worthy of their sins. It was a comfort. Salvation.
She smiled.
This entry was originally posted at http://envious-muses.dreamwidth.org/13138.html.
Fandom: Saiyuki
Pairing: Gonou/Kanan
Prompt: Mental Health Issues, Ostracised from Society, Loss of Possessions, Difficult Pregnancy
Rating: R
Word Count: 540
Summary: Kanan knew Gonou would come for her. How could he not? But she didn’t want him to. She was dirty, now, tainted. How could he love her now?
AN: Written, as the subject and tag say, for hc_bingo. Masterpost with game card is here.
She could feel the thing moving within her. She knew what it was, although she denied it to herself even now. It grew more inside of her every day.
It moved like a centipede, like its creator because she refused to think of such a beast as a father. It twisted and roiled, and she could feel the waves if she put her hand to her stomach. If it lived, would it eat her, use the rest of her living husk the way his seed infected and used her now? Sometimes she dreamed that it would crawl out of her at night while she slept. She did not sleep often. She stared at the walls of her prison and let her thoughts overtake her.
When the villagers had first betrayed her to the beasts, she’d hoped, even wished, that Gonou would come right then, that Gonou would save her. As the monsters destroyed her home and ripped her from it, she prayed for salvation that would not come.
As the villagers turned away and pretended not to see as she screamed for help that never came, she prayed for vengeance, upon them and upon their children a hundredfold for what they did to her.
Now... Now she wished only for death. She wished and prayed to die before the thing growing inside of her could mature and emerge and make her see the horror that had used her womb against her will. She could not kill herself. The guards would stop her. If she damaged the thing inside of her, she would only be forced to bear again and again these vile fruits. She could not stand another night being taken by the monsters. She would bite her tongue off first. Instead she waited. She was sure she would not have to wait long.
Indeed, before the thing could even show itself in her stomach, he came. Her Gonou came, just as she knew he would. Too late, always too late, but now, she could look upon the beloved face of her brother one more time.
He knelt in front of her, his words washing over her like a warm blanket. He spoke of safety and love, but the thing inside of her writhed at his words, reminding her that there was no love, no safety, nothing right in this world. Certainly not for two sinners like them. The illusion of a safe home, a warm bed, the good company of neighbors, these were only tools of a cruel and evil world made to punish and hurt. The only comfort was in death.
She smiled at him and took his knife. He was too worried, too distracted to notice. He was drenched in the blood of monsters. For her. For her and only her, so she would end this infected existence for him, so that he would never have to look upon her tainted body and cringe in horror. He could not reach her in this cage and for once she was grateful for it.
She loved him. He was her brother and her lover and her world, so she would do this. For him.
It was an ending worthy of their sins. It was a comfort. Salvation.
She smiled.
This entry was originally posted at http://envious-muses.dreamwidth.org/13138.html.