get beat. have a bath. do something stupid in your underwear.
get beat. have a bath. do something stupid in your underwear.
Losers
jensen/cougar (ish)
crack (mostly)
Roy/V2's fault. (completely)
Jensen's not fucking talking about his black eye. In fact, what black eye?
He has threatened Cougar with serious and permanent maiming. Maybe even threatened the hat. He's also bribed the fuck out of the mexican motherfucker because threats don't work for shit when you can kill a guy without him even knowing you're trying.
This will NEVER be spoken of.
But seriously. How the fuck do you fight a seven year old? You don't. You don't at fucking all if you ever want to a) live, b) boast about having balls, or even fucking c) have your niece ever speak to you again.
So he, Cougar and Bethy come home from the park with one third of the group in serious pain, and seriously? Jesus Christ, who the fuck gives baseball bats to psychotic little kids anyway?
And his sister laughs. And laughs. And laughs some more.
And then everyone fucking laughs. Except for Jensen. Who doesn't find anything amusing about being beat by someone he's not allowed to hit back. Fuck, last person who tried that found out pretty fucking quickly that hiding behind shit like Diplomatic Immunity just meant Jensen got creative with his fucking payback. And Jensen was a fucking genius at creative.
Maybe he should fucking find where the kid lives and burn all his fucking toys in the front yard.
He maybe says that out aloud because his sister hits him. Ow. Really? Beat up the hurt guy? Which just makes her laugh more. Jensen has feelings too. Somewhere. Jesus.
So he has a bath.
..which is weird because he always feels like he should have a titty mag or something because he's just sitting there. Waiting for the water to get cold. And he can't even fiddle around on his computer because of last time and now it's on the Forbidden Bathroom Items list.
But then Cougar comes in and, okay, fucking awkward.
Where the fuck does he fit his legs? WHAT ABOUT HIS FEET? Jensen doesn't know about Cougar but he just isn't prepared for castration by toenails. In fact it's going straight into the LETS NEVER DO THAT OK? category. No matter how sharp they might be.
He thinks about texting his sister - and okay, his phone isn't a computer so STFU - text her and demand she get a bigger bath. Maybe a wider one too. Then they could sit next to each other.
Jensen thinks drowning in a bath tub while attempting sex is probably going to be an embarrassing way to go
There is a knock at the door and Jensen answers it. This is normal and not at all fucking abnormal.
And okay, he's not actually completely dressed. Jensen's not being demeaning or like anti-religious but who the fuck seriously knocks on a door at fucking six in the evening?
In his defense, he kind of expected it to be like, pizza, or something. Pizza would've been good. But no, instead he gets crisp white shirts, plastered on smiles and would you like to hear about Jesus?
So he's silently bemoaning his sudden need for pizza in a pizza-less enviroment, leaning on the door jam and politely listening to their speel. They seem especially fucking speel-y. Like. A lot.
It's been awhile since Jensen's gotten to listen to religious fanatics - they don't exactly knock on doors in the Ukraine, Guatemala or, fuck, even on base - but these ones seem especially after his soul.
He can see movement in the way the shadows change, someone's walking around behind him. He twists slightly, just enough to see Cougar wondering around the living room.
Motherfucker is wearing his hat and a fucking towel. And the fucking towel isn't even properly wrapped around and tucked in, he's just lazily holding it together with one hand. Jensen can't help but want to throw something at him just to see if he dodges it or drops his towel trying to catch it.
So, yeah okay, that maybe explains the sudden switch to super zealous soul saving.
Jacks comes out of the kitchen, wanting to know who the fuck is at the door. She's in a tanktop, but - hallelujah - she's got pants on!
"Goddamn it Jake stop answering the goddamned door in your underwear." His sister, ladies and gentlemen, because that sentence isn't at all offensive or anything towards Christ lovers.
"What the fuck? You do it all the time!"
"Yes, but I'm a girl."
"And tits make it okay?" Jensen needs to know the mechanics of this reasoning.
"Seriously no one ever says no to the tits."
"Gay men would!"
"I don't know, your boyfriend seems pretty fucking appreciative."
"Not my boyfriend!"
She rolls her eyes and goes to talk to Cougar, who is smugly smirking and totally fucking pretending to be looking for something. Every person in this house that is not named Jake is a fucking asshole. Jensen needs the fucking upper hand in this arguement.
"Jesus, wear a bra for fuck's sake."
For the record, Jensen does not give a fuck if his sister is doing the female equivalent of free-balling. He does like pissing her off though.
"I'm working! I have a fucking right to be comfortable!"
"It's probably offensive or some shit! Like, beliefs and stuff. I don't know!
"Yeah, because God wants my boobs to be uncomfortable."
He turns to apologise for his sister's heathen, god blaspheming, free boobing ways. But the fucking hallway is empty. Deserted even. Damn those fuckers move quick when faced with the devil's fucking den of hedonism.
Fuck it, Jensen thinks, there are more important things that worrying about upsetting Jesus-selling christians with nearly naked people.
"Can we get some pizza up in here?"
Losers
jensen/cougar (ish)
crack (mostly)
Roy/V2's fault. (completely)
Jensen's not fucking talking about his black eye. In fact, what black eye?
He has threatened Cougar with serious and permanent maiming. Maybe even threatened the hat. He's also bribed the fuck out of the mexican motherfucker because threats don't work for shit when you can kill a guy without him even knowing you're trying.
This will NEVER be spoken of.
But seriously. How the fuck do you fight a seven year old? You don't. You don't at fucking all if you ever want to a) live, b) boast about having balls, or even fucking c) have your niece ever speak to you again.
So he, Cougar and Bethy come home from the park with one third of the group in serious pain, and seriously? Jesus Christ, who the fuck gives baseball bats to psychotic little kids anyway?
And his sister laughs. And laughs. And laughs some more.
And then everyone fucking laughs. Except for Jensen. Who doesn't find anything amusing about being beat by someone he's not allowed to hit back. Fuck, last person who tried that found out pretty fucking quickly that hiding behind shit like Diplomatic Immunity just meant Jensen got creative with his fucking payback. And Jensen was a fucking genius at creative.
Maybe he should fucking find where the kid lives and burn all his fucking toys in the front yard.
He maybe says that out aloud because his sister hits him. Ow. Really? Beat up the hurt guy? Which just makes her laugh more. Jensen has feelings too. Somewhere. Jesus.
So he has a bath.
..which is weird because he always feels like he should have a titty mag or something because he's just sitting there. Waiting for the water to get cold. And he can't even fiddle around on his computer because of last time and now it's on the Forbidden Bathroom Items list.
But then Cougar comes in and, okay, fucking awkward.
Where the fuck does he fit his legs? WHAT ABOUT HIS FEET? Jensen doesn't know about Cougar but he just isn't prepared for castration by toenails. In fact it's going straight into the LETS NEVER DO THAT OK? category. No matter how sharp they might be.
He thinks about texting his sister - and okay, his phone isn't a computer so STFU - text her and demand she get a bigger bath. Maybe a wider one too. Then they could sit next to each other.
Jensen thinks drowning in a bath tub while attempting sex is probably going to be an embarrassing way to go
There is a knock at the door and Jensen answers it. This is normal and not at all fucking abnormal.
And okay, he's not actually completely dressed. Jensen's not being demeaning or like anti-religious but who the fuck seriously knocks on a door at fucking six in the evening?
In his defense, he kind of expected it to be like, pizza, or something. Pizza would've been good. But no, instead he gets crisp white shirts, plastered on smiles and would you like to hear about Jesus?
So he's silently bemoaning his sudden need for pizza in a pizza-less enviroment, leaning on the door jam and politely listening to their speel. They seem especially fucking speel-y. Like. A lot.
It's been awhile since Jensen's gotten to listen to religious fanatics - they don't exactly knock on doors in the Ukraine, Guatemala or, fuck, even on base - but these ones seem especially after his soul.
He can see movement in the way the shadows change, someone's walking around behind him. He twists slightly, just enough to see Cougar wondering around the living room.
Motherfucker is wearing his hat and a fucking towel. And the fucking towel isn't even properly wrapped around and tucked in, he's just lazily holding it together with one hand. Jensen can't help but want to throw something at him just to see if he dodges it or drops his towel trying to catch it.
So, yeah okay, that maybe explains the sudden switch to super zealous soul saving.
Jacks comes out of the kitchen, wanting to know who the fuck is at the door. She's in a tanktop, but - hallelujah - she's got pants on!
"Goddamn it Jake stop answering the goddamned door in your underwear." His sister, ladies and gentlemen, because that sentence isn't at all offensive or anything towards Christ lovers.
"What the fuck? You do it all the time!"
"Yes, but I'm a girl."
"And tits make it okay?" Jensen needs to know the mechanics of this reasoning.
"Seriously no one ever says no to the tits."
"Gay men would!"
"I don't know, your boyfriend seems pretty fucking appreciative."
"Not my boyfriend!"
She rolls her eyes and goes to talk to Cougar, who is smugly smirking and totally fucking pretending to be looking for something. Every person in this house that is not named Jake is a fucking asshole. Jensen needs the fucking upper hand in this arguement.
"Jesus, wear a bra for fuck's sake."
For the record, Jensen does not give a fuck if his sister is doing the female equivalent of free-balling. He does like pissing her off though.
"I'm working! I have a fucking right to be comfortable!"
"It's probably offensive or some shit! Like, beliefs and stuff. I don't know!
"Yeah, because God wants my boobs to be uncomfortable."
He turns to apologise for his sister's heathen, god blaspheming, free boobing ways. But the fucking hallway is empty. Deserted even. Damn those fuckers move quick when faced with the devil's fucking den of hedonism.
Fuck it, Jensen thinks, there are more important things that worrying about upsetting Jesus-selling christians with nearly naked people.
"Can we get some pizza up in here?"