Keep It Together - Chapter 10
Chapter 10: Farewells
“No one wanted Cam to take that mission. No one wanted to say it out loud, but a lot of us were thinking that they might not come back. O’Neill barely escaped, and we had been held by the Goa’uld for two weeks. We talked about going back as a team, but it was judged to be too risky. We were a family, and it’s hard to see someone who’s a member of your family leave, especially if you don’t know if they’re ever coming back.”
~Interview with Vala Mal Doran
Cam scratched his face, annoyed at the itching. He’d never grown a beard before, mostly because the itching drove him crazy, and he’d never had reason or opportunity in the past. Now, he figured the fact he’d never had a beard made growing one a viable disguise, especially since he hadn’t had a haircut in a while.
But first he had to get through this damn itching phase, and it might drive him nuts before he managed it.
There was no sense in packing yet, mostly because he didn’t have anything to pack. He had his uniforms from the SGC, and a couple of uniforms that he’d been given on Atlantis, but they would have to steal or buy civvies once they were back on Earth. Jon was set, but Cam hadn’t thought to pack a pair of jeans on their last mission.
Besides, he had a couple of days before they were scheduled to leave.
The door chime sounded, and he called out, “Come in.”
Sam stepped inside, leaning up against the wall. “You know, if I didn’t know you as well as I do, I’d be pretty hurt right now.”
Cam winced. “Sam-”
“You’ve been avoiding us.”
He didn’t see the point in denying it. “I’m sorry,” he said instead of explaining.
Sam drifted over to his bed, perching on the edge. “You’re family, Cam. We might not want to let you go, but we understand why you volunteered.”
Cam was a little ashamed of his choice to avoid his teammates, especially when faced with Sam’s real distress. “I’d say I was sorry again, but-I’m sorry.”
“Don’t worry about it,” Sam said immediately. “I know what it’s like to avoid people who might talk you out of something you really want to do.”
“So, you’re going to talk me out of it?” Cam asked.
“Could I?” Sam countered quickly.
Cam shrugged and sat down next to her. “Probably not.”
“There you go, then,” Sam replied. “Why should I try to convince you to do something you don’t want to do?”
Cam bumped his shoulder against hers. “You shouldn’t, I guess.”
Sam hooked an arm around Cam’s neck. “I don’t have a lot of family, you know, but you’re part of it.”
Cam leaned his forehead against the top of Sam’s head. “Thanks,” he said, not arguing with her. If he could have chosen a sister, it would have been Sam, no question about it.
“The lottery results come out tomorrow,” she said softly.
Cam had been trying not to think about that. If he had to go back to Earth without the certainty that he could offer his family-or part of his family-asylum, he had no idea what he was going to do.
Then again, he had no idea how he would choose among his many relatives. Did he take his parents? His brother? His brother’s kids?
“My list is too long,” he confessed.
“Technically, so is mine,” Sam replied. “But my brother has never been anywhere near the Stargate program. I doubt he’ll be a target.”
Cam had no idea how the new regime quantified “threats,” and until he did, he wasn’t inclined to trust that his family was safe. But maybe it would be better to tell himself that they would be okay; if he could convince himself of that, he might be able to leave his family on Earth if that’s what was required.
“I hope you’re right,” Cam said finally. “Because if they’re not on that list…”
“You heard the plan,” Sam replied. “If it looks like they’re in trouble, exceptions will be made, the same way Teal’c made an exception for Cassie.”
Cam shook his head with a sigh. “And I’m just supposed to walk away and leave them?”
“I can’t answer that for you,” Sam replied. “No one can. In the end, we all have to be able to look at ourselves in the mirror.”
That was just the thing, Cam thought. If he didn’t come up on the lottery, he didn’t think he’d be able to look at himself in the mirror if he saved his family and not someone else’s. And he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to look at himself in the mirror if he didn’t save his family.
Maybe he never should have taken this job, but that decision was behind him now.
“It’s going to be okay,” Sam promised, as though sensing his internal turmoil. “Maybe you won’t get them out this trip, but there’s always the next.”
Cam let out a breath. “Next trip, huh?”
“You’re not thinking this is going to be one-way, are you?”
“You never know,” Cam dodged.
Sam pulled back. “No! You don’t get to do that. If you’re planning on not coming back, I’m going to talk Elizabeth into scrapping the mission. And don’t try to placate me, because I’ll know.”
And she would, too, Cam thought. Sam always seemed to know those sorts of things. “I’m coming back,” he insisted, a little surprised by the conviction in his own voice. Until he’d actually said it, he hadn’t believed it.
“Okay,” Sam said. “You’re coming back. And if we need to go back, we’ll go back.”
Cam liked the sound of that. “It’s a plan.”
~~~~~
Daniel entered the mess alone; Vala was training with the Athosians, and she enjoyed it so much that Daniel wasn’t incline to interrupt. He had no idea where Cam was, or Sam, or Jack.
Not that he wasn’t perfectly happy to eat lunch alone, of course, There were plenty of other people he knew on Atlantis, and he spotted a couple of them as he looked around. And then he spotted Cassie eating lunch with Jon.
His brain stuttered to a halt as he considered the implications. They looked to be the same age, but Jack’s clone probably still looked at Cassie as the kid he’d rescued. And hell, how weird would that be, to be mentally well into middle age and yet find that the girls your own physical age were young enough to be your daughter. It was no wonder that Jon had gone off the grid.
How could anyone forget forty years of experience overnight? Daniel wasn’t entirely sure the SGC had done right by Jack’s clone.
Daniel might not have joined them, but Cassie saw him and waved insistently, and it had been a while since he’d checked up on her. Daniel grabbed his lunch and sat down next to Cassie. “How are you two getting along?”
Jon fixed him with a look that was very reminiscent of his counterpart. “Don’t even go there.”
Cassie rolled her eyes. “We’re friends. We spent a lot of time together, waiting for Jack to recover.”
Daniel hadn’t thought of it quite that way. “I guess you did.”
“And besides,” Cassie continued. “Jon is the only one who isn’t talking about the lottery results.”
“In that case, I’m in the right place,” Daniel replied.
The whole city was buzzing over the lottery results, which was better than all the speculation over the explosion on the South pier. Lieutenant Cadman had taken over the investigation, since she had some expertise with explosives, but so far the results had been inconclusive. Then again, Daniel had seen the damage; he didn’t expect them to find anything.
Since then, however, they had been gearing up, getting supplies together for Cam and Jon’s trip back to Earth. Sam had been going over Jack’s tel’tak with a fine-toothed comb to make sure Cam and Jon didn’t have the problems they’d had getting to Atlantis.
The tel’tak was in better shape than the ship they’d stolen from the arms dealers, though, and Sam seemed confident that it would get Jon and Cam to Earth and back.
But that meant that the city was abuzz with talk about the mission, and the lottery. Nearly everybody on the city had a list, and had asked for family to be brought back to Atlantis.
Jon, Cassie, and Daniel were in a different boat, and Daniel didn’t want to listen to the speculation as to who might win.
Daniel wondered if it really was winning; it would probably depend on how dangerous Earth was at the moment.
“It’s weird,” Cassie said. “I mean, I get why it’s all people can talk about, but I get strange looks when I tell them I don’t have anybody back on Earth.”
Jon shrugged. “Just ignore them. I’ll bet there’s more than a few who with they were in our shoes.”
“Maybe,” Cassie replied dubiously.
“Look at it this way,” Daniel said. “You’ve got your family here already. You’re one of the lucky ones.”
Cassie smiled and ducked her head. “Yeah, I guess I am.”
“How are things going in the infirmary?” Daniel asked.
“Carson is really nice,” Cassie said brightly. “And I’m learning a lot, like how to draw blood and give injections, and I’m working through a couple of chemistry and biology textbooks.”
“I see your plan to be a doctor is going ahead,” Daniel observed with a smile.
Cassie shrugged. “Carson said that all doctors used to be apprenticed, and that’s how they trained. He thinks I can do the same.”
“I don’t see why not,” Jon said. “You’re a smart kid.”
Cassie rolled her eyes, but she didn’t voice a protest at Jack’s comment.
Daniel shot a look at Jon, who wore a familiar smirk, as though he’d been deliberately irritating to tease Cassie.
That was Jack all over; Daniel wasn’t sure if that was scary or reassuring.
“I should get going,” Cassie said as she finished her meal. “I’m supposed to be learning how to run labs. See you later?”
Jon waved at her, and Daniel said, “Maybe at dinner.”
Daniel spent the afternoon finishing his translation of the entries on the manufacture of ZPMs, and he sent what he had off to McKay and Sam. He had no idea whether they had the resources to make the attempt, and he knew that decision was best left to the scientists.
Sam showed up in his office about fifteen minutes later. “You translated it?”
“It was slower going than I’d hoped,” Daniel admitted. “A lot of the scientific terms were difficult to translate, but I think I’ve got it right. Do you think you can duplicate their efforts?”
“Maybe,” Sam replied. “I’m going to talk with Zelenka and McKay now.” She paused. “We’re supposed to have the meeting in a couple of hours to discuss the results. Will you be there?”
Daniel nodded. “You?”
She shrugged. “We may have an update on the ZPM by then.”
Daniel was grateful that Corrigan was as clever with computers as he was with languages, and between the two of them, they were indexing the information in a way that made a lot more sense-at least to the people from Earth.
He noticed that Corrigan was shifting on his chair as the time for the meeting drew near. “Did you leave someone back on Earth?” Daniel asked.
Corrigan shook his head. “Not really. I didn’t put my name in.”
“But you seem nervous, Kevin.”
He shifted again. “I’ve been seeing Miko recently-Dr. Kusanagi.”
It took Daniel a moment to place the name, but he nodded. “And she has people on Earth.”
“Her parents,” Corrigan confirmed. “I’m worried on her behalf.”
“I can understand that,” Daniel replied. “The results will be broadcast immediately, so you won’t have long to wait.”
“Thank you,” Corrigan murmured. “You’d better get going if you don’t want to be late.”
Daniel was, indeed, a few minutes late to the meeting, and he poured himself a cup of the not-coffee they’d traded for with the Donak before taking a seat next to Jack.
“We wanted to do this fairly,” Elizabeth began. “So, we’re doing it the old fashioned way.” She set a large bowl filled with slips of paper on the table. “Daniel, your name isn’t in here. I’d like you to do the honors.”
Daniel blinked, a little surprised at the request, although he supposed it only made sense since he didn’t have a stake. As far as he knew, of the members of SG-1, only Cam had put his name in.
“Sure,” Daniel said, rising to his feet, feeling a little trepidation. He didn’t like holding others’ lives in his hands.
He glanced around the table. Sheppard’s expression was blank, as was Jack’s, but everyone else wore expressions full of varying degrees of anxiety. Plunging his hand into the bowl, he pulled out the first slip of paper and unfolded it, feeling a bit of relief when he saw the name. “Miko Kusanagi,” he read.
No one made a sound, and Daniel reached in for a second slip of paper. “Rose Dawson,” he read.
Elizabeth made a small sound, and Daniel thought she seemed pleased. No wonder, since Corporal Dawson would be pleased to have family around when she had the baby.
Daniel took a deep breath and pulled out the third slip, hoping for Mitchell’s sake that it was his name, but instead he read, “Rodney McKay.”
“Me?” McKay squeaked out. “I-really?”
Daniel wondered what kind of family McKay had back on Earth to appear both anxious and elated in equal measure. Sheppard squeezed McKay’s shoulder. “Breathe, Rodney,” he ordered, sounding amused. “I guess this means we’ll finally get to meet your sister.”
Mitchell was staring down at the table, his face pale, and the muscle in his jaw ticking wildly, and Daniel felt a stab of sympathy. Sam, who was sitting next to Mitchell, put a hand on his arm.
Daniel noticed that no one else at the table could quite look at Mitchell.
McKay cleared his throat. “We have some news about the ZPM. I think we may be able to build one.”
~~~~~
As far as Sam was concerned, they’d needed a break, and the idea of being able to produce their own ZPMs would solve a lot of problems. The plans that Daniel had translated were just what they needed to bridge that final gap.
“You see?” Zelenka was saying, calling up the map of Atlantis that Daniel had found and mostly translated. “Here. This is where we will find the lab, and perhaps the materials we need.”
“If the Ancients didn’t take it all with them,” McKay commented sourly, although his eyes were sparkling with excitement. “But it’s worth checking into. In this case, I think it should be me.”
Sam frowned. “Why you?”
“Because I’m the only person I trust not to touch something that shouldn’t be touched,” Rodney replied.
Sam was beginning to be able to read McKay, and she knew that he felt the loss of those scientists more than he’d let on. “Which is why it should probably be me or Zelenka,” Sam pointed out. “Neither of us have the gene, so we’re a lot less likely to set something off.”
“You’ll need someone with the gene to get you inside most likely,” McKay replied, but he didn’t disagree with her reasoning.
Sam hesitated, then suggested, “Why don’t I ask Jack? He has the gene.” She didn’t say that Jack would probably be grateful to get out of the office and get out from behind a desk.
McKay looked thoughtful. “I suppose I can trust you to keep him from touching something he shouldn’t.”
“He wouldn’t put a teammate in danger,” Sam insisted. Jack would risk his own life, but not one of theirs, not unless he had a good reason.
McKay nodded. “All right. I’ll let you handle it, but I think the sooner we know, the better off we’ll be.”
“This section of the city was damaged by the storm,” Zelenka said. “I will send Esposito with you to check the integrity of that area.”
“We’ll take Daniel, too,” Sam replied. “If there’s something in Ancient, he’ll be able to read it better than anyone else.”
McKay nodded. “Good, good. What are you waiting for?”
Sam checked the time. “I’ll set it up tonight, and we’ll head out tomorrow morning.”
She found Jack in Elizabeth’s office with Sheppard. They were going over the mission roster and rotation, and she knocked. “Sorry to interrupt,” she began.
Elizabeth waved her inside. “It’s fine. I’m assuming you have news about the chances of building our own ZPMs.”
“We think we know the location of the lab the Ancients used to build them,” Sam confirmed. “After what happened with the South pier, McKay doesn’t want to send an inexperienced team.” She looked at Jack. “Are you up for it?”
Jack straightened in his chair. “Seriously?”
“Why not?” she countered. “We need someone with the gene just in case, but we also need someone who isn’t going to get us killed.” Sam grinned, adding, “With age comes wisdom, right?”
Jack’s eyes narrowed. “Are you giving me a hard time about my age, Colonel?”
“I wouldn’t do that, sir,” she replied innocently, not missing Sheppard’s smirk, or the smile Elizabeth hid behind her hand.
Jack shrugged. “I’m all yours, Carter.”
“Is Cam still leaving the day after tomorrow?” Sam asked.
Elizabeth nodded. “That’s the plan. I’ve asked Carson to review the medical supplies, and I’m asking everyone to go over their inventory, just in case Cam and Jon have the chance to go shopping.”
Elizabeth’s tone was light, but Sam could hear the worry in her voice.
“Mitchell is going to be fine,” Jack insisted. “He’s a smart guy, and if there’s anyone who can fly under the radar, it’s my clone.”
“I wouldn’t send them if I didn’t think they would come back,” Elizabeth said, but to Sam it seemed almost as though she was trying to convince herself. “If you want to put off the exploration for another day or two, I’d understand.”
“You might, but McKay wouldn’t,” Sam replied wryly. “And no, I’m as anxious to see this lab as McKay is to know what’s in it.”
“Take Vala, too,” Sheppard suggested. “She’s got a lot of energy, and she’s not on the roster for tomorrow. Plus, she doesn’t have the gene, and she knows how to keep her hands to herself.”
Sam smiled. It had been too long since she’d been on a mission with Vala, and she’d missed Vala these last few weeks. “I can do that.”
“Good,” Sheppard said. “Keep us in the loop, Colonel Carter.”
She nodded. “Of course.”
It felt a little strange to walk out, and to not be a part of the decision-making process; it was even stranger not to see Cam there, making those decisions.
Sam wondered if she’d ever see Cam in that position again. Even if he didn’t return to Atlantis, Sam didn’t think she could see him sitting behind a desk. Jack was different; Jack had taken a desk job before things had gone to hell. He might be in more pain now, or in pain all the time even if he hadn’t been before, but Jack had been prepared to sit behind a desk.
Cam still had a lot of good years left in him, and if he succeeded in this mission, she wouldn’t be surprised if he kept volunteering for things like this. And that worried her.
Sam wandered by the infirmary, poking her head in to check on Cassie. Cassie was in the middle of a lesson from Beckett on suturing, and Sam took a moment just to watch them. Beckett was a patient, if exacting, teacher, and Cassie’s forehead was furrowed in concentration as she practiced on a small pillow.
Sam decided not to interrupt, and she decided that she really wanted to see Vala. Tapping her radio, she called, “Vala?”
“Yes, Sam?” Vala replied on the private channel, and her voice held an undercurrent of amusement.
Sam grinned. “I’m bored.”
“We’ll have to fix that, won’t we?” Vala replied, chuckling. “How long has it been since you had a good workout?”
Sam made a face. “Too long. What do you have in mind?”
“Teyla and I were going to spar,” Vala replied. “Why don’t you join us?”
Sam wasn’t sure she wanted to hang out with anyone other than Vala, but she liked what she’d seen of Teyla, and she’d heard stories about Teyla’s prowess with the bantos. Sam had trained with Teal’c on occasion, and she thought it might be just as instructive to learn from Teyla.
“I’d like that,” she said. “When should I meet you?”
“I’m on the way now,” Vala replied.
“I’ll see you there,” Sam promised.
Teyla was already present when Sam arrived, but Vala wasn’t there yet. Teyla was wearing a skirt split high on both sides, and a tank top of Athosian make. She was barefoot and graceful, and Sam felt more intimidated than was probably warranted.
“Vala invited me,” Sam explained awkwardly.
Teyla smiled. “You are welcome, Colonel Carter.”
“It’s Sam,” she said. “Please.”
“Sam,” Teyla agreed. “Vala has spoken highly of you.”
Sam wasn’t sure how to respond, other than to say, “I’ve heard good things about you, too.” She shifted nervously. “Should I take my boots off?”
“It might be easier,” Teyla replied. “But it’s not required.”
Sam sat down to unlace her boots, and while she was at it, she removed her socks and uniform shirt as well. Vala showed up as she dropped her shirt on the floor, grinning widely.
“I see we’re all present and accounted for,” Vala said cheerfully. She started to remove her boots as well, and she’d left her uniform shirt behind. “I’m glad you could come, Sam.”
Vala’s sincerity undid her. “I’m glad I could make it,” Sam replied. “It should be fun.”
Sam hadn’t revised that opinion an hour later, even though Teyla was a hard taskmaster. Not that Teyla wasn’t kind-she was-but she didn’t let up, and she pushed Sam to work harder, do better, and Sam appreciated that.
When they finished, Sam’s muscles were aching, and her arms and legs were trembling with exhaustion. “Thank you,” she said, inclining her head towards Teyla, as she would have done for Teal’c. “That was great.”
“You are welcome to join us any time,” Teyla assured her.
Sam thought of the long hours spent in her lab; she’d been focusing on that work and neglecting her physical training recently, and that wasn’t smart. “If we could set up a regular time, that would be good,” Sam said. “I’ve been neglecting my physical training of late.”
Teyla smiled. “Rodney also does the same.”
Sam grimaced, not really liking the comparison to McKay. “Then I should probably set a better example,” she replied, making a joke out of it. “If we’ve got a regular schedule, I’ll actually be forced to make the time for it.”
“I’ll message you with the times,” Teyla replied. “It was a pleasure, Sam.”
“Same here,” Sam said, and meant it.
She didn’t mind that Vala hooked her arm through hers as they both headed towards their quarters. Thankfully, they were headed for the same tower, and the same floor.
“I could tell you enjoyed it,” Vala said cheerfully.
Sam smiled. “You knew I would.”
“I thought you might,” Vala replied. “But I’m glad you did.”
“How are you?” Sam asked, checking in with Vala as she hadn’t done in too long.
Vala leaned into her just for a moment. “I’m okay, really. Better every day.”
“That’s good to hear,” Sam replied. “Very good to hear.”
Vala smiled. “Daniel had been good to me, and for me, an I do know the difference between the two.”
“No doubt,” Sam agreed. “And it’s good that you’re happy. That’s all that matters.”
“And you?” Vala asked. “Is that general of yours treating you well?”
Sam shrugged. “We’re okay. We’ve both changed, and we’re still figuring out how we fit together.”
“I know just what you mean,” Vala replied, real feeling in her voice. “I think Daniel is still realizing that he can’t work all hours of the day and night, and then expect me to be waiting for him.”
Sam smiled. “You’ve made a place for yourself on Atlantis. I know Sheppard speaks highly of you.”
“We’re going to be going on a mission together soon, aren’t we?” Vala asked. “You’ve barely been off the city since we arrived.”
“I think after Cam leaves,” Sam replied. “It’s been hard to go without him.”
“Oh, I agree,” Vala said immediately. “Putting the team back together without Cam would have been heartless, and I’ve never been accused of being heartless.”
Sam smiled. “No, no one would ever accuse you of that.”
“Are you okay with Cam leaving?” Vala asked.
“No,” Sam said bluntly, knowing that she could tell the truth to Vala, even if she couldn’t tell anybody else-even Jack. Maybe especially Jack, because he had been the one to suggest the mission in the first place.
Vala wrapped an arm around Sam’s waist. “I’m not okay with it either.”
Sam put an arm around Vala’s shoulders. “It’s nice to know that someone is on my side.”
“I’m always on your side,” Vala replied loyally. “You just let me know what you need.”
Sam appreciated the support. “Thanks. I’ll let you know. The reverse is also true, you know.”
Vala gave her one last squeeze. “I know. I’ll talk to you later.”
Sam slipped into her quarters, a little surprised to see Jack lying on their bed. “Hey,” she said.
“Hey,” he replied, not lifting his head or opening his eyes.
“You okay?” she asked, sitting down on the edge of the bed.
Jack was quiet for a long moment. “I think I should be asking you that.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean that I’m an old man, and you can probably do better,” Jack replied. “And that even though I know you’re close to Mitchell, I have no problem sending him back to Earth-and that you’re technically going to be in my chain of command again.”
“And I still don’t care,” she insisted. “Jack-”
“I just needed to hear you say that,” he confessed, cutting her off, his eyes opening. “I don’t much like the idea of this mission, but I think it’s necessary.”
“It is,” Sam replied, trying to swallow past the lump in her throat. “Cam wouldn’t have agreed to go otherwise, and I don’t think Jon would have either.”
Jack sighed. “Now you’re lying to me, because you know Mitchell would have taken any job that made him feel useful again, even if it meant it was a suicide run. And Jon has been on his own too long to take orders from anybody.”
“You speak from experience,” Sam observed.
“Maybe,” Jack agreed. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize,” she ordered. “Just-don’t. Cam didn’t have to volunteer. None of us had to come to Atlantis. We made our decisions, for good or bad, and we’ll live with them.”
“I wish it was that simple,” Jack replied, but he held an arm out in invitation. “I just hope you can live with my decisions. I’m not always sure I can.”
“I can live with your decisions,” Sam replied. “If only because I know you have our best interests at heart.”
Jack pulled her close. “I just hope you’re right,” he murmured into Sam’s hair.
She didn’t bother arguing with him; she knew how much Jack doubted himself right now. “I’m always right,” she teased, keeping her tone light.
“Sure you are,” he replied, but she could hear the smile in his voice, and she knew they were okay.
At least for now.
~~~~~
Jack woke tangled up with Sam, their limbs entwined, and her breath puffing on his collarbone. Even though his bladder was insistent, Jack had no intention of moving. He liked being near Sam-waking up next to Sam-too much to want to cut it short.
He pulled back just enough to see Sam’s face, and she was beautiful. Jack wasn’t sure he’d ever get used to having her next to him; he hoped he never did. Getting used to something meant taking it for granted, and he never wanted to take Sam for granted.
Jack had taken Sara and Charlie for granted; he’d expected them to always be waiting when he got home. And then Charlie was gone, and Sara had left, and Jack had learned not to take anybody for granted.
He had his team, of course, and he’d learned to count on them, but even then, he’d held something back.
Now he had Sam, and he knew he couldn’t afford to take her for granted or hold anything back. He’d learned his lesson with Sara, but a lifetime’s habits were hard to leave behind.
Sam stirred in his arms, and Jack waited until her eyes fluttered open before pressing a kiss to her forehead. “Hey.”
“Hey,” she said, smiling. “What time is it?”
“0730,” Jack replied. “So, not too late.”
“No, I guess not,” Sam replied, pressing her lips to Jack’s.
He thought about protesting, at least until he brushed his teeth, and then he decided that he didn’t care. Jack tangled his fingers in her long hair and rolled so that she sprawled on top of him.
His knees weren’t up to him being on top, and he was in too much pain to really make a go of things. But if Sam was on top, Jack could at least manage to maintain an erection for a little while, depending on what the pain medication allowed.
Sam didn’t seem to mind, though. She straddled him and rubbed up against him, until his dick was leaking. And then Sam took him inside, moving slowly and carefully, too slow for Jack to come right away.
“Sam,” he said quietly, hearing the hoarseness in his own voice. “Come on, Sam.”
Sam moved a little faster, leaning down so her breasts brushed against his chest. It was a huge turn-on, and it didn’t take too much longer until he was coming, and Jack just managed to reach down, playing with Sam’s clit until she came, too.
Jack pulled her close, running his fingers through her hair. “You okay?”
“Thank you,” Sam countered. “That was good.”
“I’m sorry,” Jack said. “I know it’s harder, and-”
“Don’t,” Sam replied shortly. “I have you here. It’s enough. Don’t doubt that.”
Jack took a breath. “Then I won’t.”
“Want to save on water?”
Jack grinned. “I’m right behind you.”
As soon as Sam disappeared into the bathroom, Jack scrubbed his hands over his face, trying to set aside the guilt once again. He knew that Mitchell was leaving today, and he’d have to be there for that, knowing he’d essentially forced Mitchell and his clone into taking this mission.
At least he had known that Mitchell and his clone would be likely to volunteer, and he’d felt no compunction about sending his clone at least. Jack would never get used to there being more than one of him, and the sooner he could go back to forgetting his clone existed, the happier he’d be.
Even though he fully expected the guilt to linger awhile longer.
“Jack?” she called. “Are you coming?”
“I’ll be right there,” he replied, raising his voice. “Suck it up, O’Neill,” he muttered to himself.
They showered quickly, because they both had places to be, and they exchanged a quick kiss at the door. “Be careful today,” Jack said.
“I wouldn’t worry about me,” Sam said. “I’m going over the ship one last time.”
“I’m sorry,” Jack blurted out.
Sam brushed her lips over his. “It’s going to be okay,” she insisted.
“Thanks,” Jack replied, absurdly grateful for the reassurance.
He went to Elizabeth’s office because he didn’t have anywhere else to go, and plopped down in the chair across from her desk.
She raised her eyebrows. “Let me guess. You’re bored.”
“More than a little,” he admitted. “I’d even do inventory.”
Elizabeth’s mouth quirked up in a smile. “I think we can find something else for you to do. I just don’t know what it might be at the moment.”
“The truth is, a general is pretty useless in this kind of situation,” Jack said quietly. “I’d be more use as a colonel.”
Elizabeth raised her eyebrows. “It’s not your rank that’s keeping you out of the field, General,” she said gently.
“No, it’s not,” he agreed. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t need something to keep me out of trouble.”
“I can see that,” Elizabeth replied. “Not to be rude, but you’ve had ten years of experience going off-world. How would you feel about sharing some of that knowledge?”
Jack raised his eyebrows. “You mean teaching classes?”
“Why not?” Elizabeth countered. “We haven’t been able to provide much training to those who have recently transferred to Atlantis. Maybe you should do that.”
Jack thought about it. “Maybe I should,” he agreed. He’d always enjoyed briefing young pilots, and training them on the most recent technology. Although he didn’t know much about the Pegasus galaxy, he had experienced a lot. There might be useful knowledge that he could pass along.
“Good,” Elizabeth said. “And in the meantime, you can help me go over inventory logs. I know it’s boring, but Cam is prepping for the mission back to Earth, and I need to make sure he has an up-to-date list of mission-critical items-assuming he can get them, of course.”
“Of course,” Jack agreed immediately, although he wondered if Elizabeth was using his guilt against him. Not that it mattered. He knew that he’d be the one taking Mitchell’s place in the long run, and ensuring Mitchell and his clone had a list of things to bring back to Atlantis, if at all possible, was an important task.
Then again, Jack was fairly certain that Elizabeth didn’t care what motivated him-whether it was guilt, or a desire to be useful or something else. She just wanted the job done.
And to be fair, Jack would have taken the same position in Elizabeth’s place.
“Let’s go over what you’ve got,” Jack said. “And then we’ll see.”
~~~~~
Vala had always hated saying goodbye, so much so that she normally avoided protracted farewells. She couldn’t get out of it with Cam, however. O’Neill had commandeered one of the rec rooms for the remaining members of SG-1 and anyone else who wanted to join them.
She noticed that Cam appeared more animated than she’d seen him since before they’d left Earth. Whatever disappointment he’d felt over not being one of those chosen in the lottery was nowhere to be seen-or at least had been subsumed by his excitement for the moment.
Sheppard had dropped by briefly to deliver a jug of ruus wine and a large bottle of something that Zelenka had distilled, although he hadn’t stayed long. Dr. Weir had remained, and Vala wondered how close Weir and Cam had become, because Weir seemed to be touching Cam a lot.
But then they might just be friends.
Vala sat down next to Cassie, who looked a little uncomfortable, sitting off to the side while Cam held an intense conversation with O’Neill and Sam. “How are you getting along?” Vala asked.
Cassie shrugged. “Okay.”
Vala raised her eyebrows at the noncommittal tone, but she didn’t press. “Did you try the wine?”
Cassie shook her head. “I’m not twenty-one yet.”
“What does that have to do with anything?” Vala asked.
Cassie grinned. “That’s the drinking age.”
“On Earth,” Vala countered.
“Actually, just in the U.S. It’s younger just about anywhere else.” Cassie looked thoughtful. “Do you think they’d mind?”
“I have no idea,” Vala admitted. “But you look like an adult to me.”
“I am an adult,” Cassie replied. “Just-don’t say anything.”
Vala handed over her mostly-full glass. “I won’t breathe a word. It’s strong.”
“Thanks,” Cassie said. “I guess I’m still getting used to the fact that we’re not on Earth anymore.” She took a breath. “So, where’s Daniel?”
“He should be here any minute,” Vala replied. “He probably got caught up in his translating again.”
Cassie smiled. “That’s Daniel.”
Jon plopped down on the other side of Cassie. “You kids having fun?” he asked.
Cassie gave Jon a dirty look, but she said nothing other than, “Sure. Are you excited about leaving?”
Jon shrugged, his dark eyes shrewd. “It isn’t going to be a pleasure cruise, that’s for sure, but it will be good to be doing something productive.”
Vala decided to leave them to their conversation in favor of locating Daniel, who still hadn’t shown up. Tapping her radio, she called, “Daniel? You do remember that we were supposed to be wishing Cam farewell.”
There was a long pause, and Daniel said, “Give me a few minutes. I’m right in the middle of something.”
The radio cut out, and Vala sighed. She loved Daniel, but he irritated the hell out of her at times, like right now. They were saying goodbye to one of their own, with the possibility that they wouldn’t see him again, and Daniel was caught up in one of his projects.
“Hey, Vala!” Cam said, putting an arm around her shoulders.
Vala stiffened slightly, and then relaxed, reminding herself that this was Cam, and it was okay.
She didn’t flinch from Daniel’s touch these days, and she was getting better with other men, too. Vala knew how to distinguish friend from foe-but she couldn’t always control her involuntary responses.
Cam dropped his arm quickly, but Vala responded by threading her arm through his. “Sorry.”
“God, don’t apologize, Vala,” Cam said in a low voice. “Your pace, your space. Always.”
She rested her forehead against his shoulder. “Thanks.”
“Where’s Jackson?” Cam asked.
If Vala didn’t know him as well as she did, she would have missed the hurt in his voice, and on his face. “Tied up in a project,” Vala replied. “He’ll be here soon.”
Cam nodded. “Typical Jackson, huh?”
“He should be here,” Vala said stoutly. “Are you looking forward to this trip?”
Cam hitched a shoulder. “I guess I am.”
“Doesn’t it seem strange to go back to a place you fled from?” Vala queried.
Cam’s lips twitched up into a smile. “We didn’t exactly flee, you know. We just didn’t go back.”
Vala grinned. “That’s a fine distinction.”
“It’s one that had to be made,” Cam replied. “You okay, Vala?”
She nodded. “I’m okay.”
“Well, I’m not going to be around, but you know you can count on Sheppard to kick Jackson’s ass if he doesn’t treat you right,” Cam said. “I’ll have a word with him before I leave.”
Vala rolled her eyes. “You don’t have to do that, Cameron.”
“Someone has to look out for you,” Cam replied. “And okay, Sam could kick his ass, too, but I figure between the two of them, they’ll keep Daniel in line.”
“You don’t think I can keep him in line?” Vala countered.
Cam grinned. “I’m certain you can, but it never hurts to have backup.”
She smiled at that. “No, it never does. Thank you.”
“Don’t mention it,” Cam replied. “Now, can I get you a drink?”
“I’d love one,” Vala replied. “Surprise me.”
“You’ve got it,” Cam promised.
Daniel entered just as Cam was handing Vala her drink, and he offered Cam a sheepish grin. “Sorry I’m late. There was something I had to finish.”
Vala caught the underlying tension in his voice, and she frowned, realizing that this wasn’t just another project, or another example of Daniel being distracted with work. Before she could ask, though, Daniel clapped Cam on the shoulder. “So, where does a guy go to get a drink?”
Vala waited until later, when Daniel wasn’t in the middle of a conversation, to pull him aside.
“I’m sorry I was late,” he said immediately.
Vala frowned. “I wasn’t going to say anything about that,” she replied. “I just wanted to know what was keeping you.”
Daniel glanced around. “Later, I promise. I don’t want to talk about it now.”
Normally, Daniel wouldn’t shut up when he’d made an important discovery, or had an opinion, and his reticence alarmed Vala.
When the party finally broke up, it was nearly midnight, and Vala waited until they were back in her quarters before she pressed for answers. “What is it?” she asked. “What did you find?”
“The Ancients’ research on Wraith biology,” Daniel replied soberly. “They’d done more than we thought. You know that Carson is working on a means to end the Wraith threat, right?”
Vala shrugged. “I assumed he was.”
“They’d been working on a way to turn the Wraith human,” Daniel said, sounding distracted and upset. “Elizabeth recommended that Carson refocus his attention on a poison.”
Vala didn’t see the problem. “You planned to do the same to the Goa’uld, didn’t you?”
Daniel ran a hand through his hair. “Yeah, but-”
“You didn’t have a problem killing the Goa’uld,” Vala continued inexorably.
“No, of course not,” Daniel replied. “They wanted to kill or enslave us.”
“And the Wraith want to eat us,” Vala countered. “I’m not seeing the difference. In fact, since the Wraith apparently can’t live without eating us, it’s even more important that we kill them first.”
Vala had heard the rumors about Daniel’s wife, and how she’d been taken as a host. He had every reason to hate the Goa’uld, and it would make sense that he would want every one of them dead.
“It’s because you haven’t seen the Wraith at work.” Vala said quietly. “You haven’t seen the threat up close and personal.”
“Maybe!” Daniel shot back, sounding defensive. “I know they’re a threat, as big as the Goa’uld are. But-we’re talking about the destruction of an entire race.”
Vala raised her eyebrows. “No, we’re talking about the survival of Atlantis,” she countered. “When something wants to eat you, you kill it.” She paused, then added, “And if it’s appropriate, you eat it.”
Daniel grimaced. “That’s one way of looking at it.”
“It’s the only way to look at it,” Vala replied. “In any case, you have to tell Dr. Weir what you found. What happens if the Wraith attack us, and we have no means to protect ourselves?”
“You’re right,” Daniel admitted. “I know you’re right. I’ll talk to her tomorrow, after Cam leaves.”
Vala nodded. “Good. Come to bed, Daniel.”
Daniel spooned her from behind, wrapping an arm around her waist, and burying his face in her hair.
Strangely enough, Vala rarely had nightmares when she and Daniel slept so close together. Maybe it was knowing there was someone else to watch her back, even in sleep. Maybe it was because she knew she was safe with Daniel, and if he was there, it was a silent reminder that she was okay. She didn’t know, and she didn’t really care.
That night, though-she woke with her heart beating double time, and a scream lodged in her throat, Daniel’s worried face hovering just next to her.
“Vala?” he said softly. “Are you okay?”
She took a deep breath, and then another. “Yes, I’m fine. It was just-a bad dream.”
Daniel reached out for her, and she flinched away, remembering the insistent hands in her dream, touching her even though she screamed her protests.
He withdrew immediately. “Vala?”
“Just a minute,” she said, trying to get her breathing under control. “I’ll be okay.”
“Take all the time you need,” Daniel replied, keeping his hands to himself. “Just tell me what I can do.”
After a moment, when Vala was certain she’d pushed the fear aside, she reached out for him, and Daniel pulled her in close. “I’m sorry,” she said.
“You don’t have anything to be sorry for,” Daniel countered immediately. “I love you.”
He didn’t say it often, so it meant a lot when he did say it, even though she had to have a nightmare to wring the words out of him. “I know,” she replied. “What time is it?”
“It’s only six,” Daniel replied. “You could go back to sleep.”
Vala shook her head. “No, I can’t sleep now. Cam is leaving in just a few hours, anyway.”
“We were up late last night,” Daniel countered. “You should get a little more sleep.”
Vala shuddered. “I really can’t sleep.” Maybe after she’d been awake all day, and had left the dream behind her, she’d be able to sleep, but not now.
Daniel hesitated. “We could go work out?” he suggested hesitantly.
She was grateful that he didn’t suggest sex, because she didn’t think she could handle that right now. But physical exertion sounded like the perfect suggestion. “That would be great,” Vala replied. Maybe, after they had run or sparred or done yoga or something, Vala could deal with being touched again.
“Okay,” Daniel said, sounding relieved that he’d made the right call. “Let’s go work out, then. Your call what we do.”
Vala took another deep breath. “Let’s start at the gym, and then go from there.”
She was making progress, she thought, but some days were still hard. Some days were harder than others.
But at least she had Daniel. She reached out and gripped his hand. “Thanks.”
“No need to thank me,” Daniel replied. “Come on, let’s go work out.”
Vala smiled. “Just another day, right?”
No matter what happened, it was always just another day, as far as Vala could tell. They just had to keep living. That was all that mattered.
Epilogue
“No one wanted Cam to take that mission. No one wanted to say it out loud, but a lot of us were thinking that they might not come back. O’Neill barely escaped, and we had been held by the Goa’uld for two weeks. We talked about going back as a team, but it was judged to be too risky. We were a family, and it’s hard to see someone who’s a member of your family leave, especially if you don’t know if they’re ever coming back.”
~Interview with Vala Mal Doran
Cam scratched his face, annoyed at the itching. He’d never grown a beard before, mostly because the itching drove him crazy, and he’d never had reason or opportunity in the past. Now, he figured the fact he’d never had a beard made growing one a viable disguise, especially since he hadn’t had a haircut in a while.
But first he had to get through this damn itching phase, and it might drive him nuts before he managed it.
There was no sense in packing yet, mostly because he didn’t have anything to pack. He had his uniforms from the SGC, and a couple of uniforms that he’d been given on Atlantis, but they would have to steal or buy civvies once they were back on Earth. Jon was set, but Cam hadn’t thought to pack a pair of jeans on their last mission.
Besides, he had a couple of days before they were scheduled to leave.
The door chime sounded, and he called out, “Come in.”
Sam stepped inside, leaning up against the wall. “You know, if I didn’t know you as well as I do, I’d be pretty hurt right now.”
Cam winced. “Sam-”
“You’ve been avoiding us.”
He didn’t see the point in denying it. “I’m sorry,” he said instead of explaining.
Sam drifted over to his bed, perching on the edge. “You’re family, Cam. We might not want to let you go, but we understand why you volunteered.”
Cam was a little ashamed of his choice to avoid his teammates, especially when faced with Sam’s real distress. “I’d say I was sorry again, but-I’m sorry.”
“Don’t worry about it,” Sam said immediately. “I know what it’s like to avoid people who might talk you out of something you really want to do.”
“So, you’re going to talk me out of it?” Cam asked.
“Could I?” Sam countered quickly.
Cam shrugged and sat down next to her. “Probably not.”
“There you go, then,” Sam replied. “Why should I try to convince you to do something you don’t want to do?”
Cam bumped his shoulder against hers. “You shouldn’t, I guess.”
Sam hooked an arm around Cam’s neck. “I don’t have a lot of family, you know, but you’re part of it.”
Cam leaned his forehead against the top of Sam’s head. “Thanks,” he said, not arguing with her. If he could have chosen a sister, it would have been Sam, no question about it.
“The lottery results come out tomorrow,” she said softly.
Cam had been trying not to think about that. If he had to go back to Earth without the certainty that he could offer his family-or part of his family-asylum, he had no idea what he was going to do.
Then again, he had no idea how he would choose among his many relatives. Did he take his parents? His brother? His brother’s kids?
“My list is too long,” he confessed.
“Technically, so is mine,” Sam replied. “But my brother has never been anywhere near the Stargate program. I doubt he’ll be a target.”
Cam had no idea how the new regime quantified “threats,” and until he did, he wasn’t inclined to trust that his family was safe. But maybe it would be better to tell himself that they would be okay; if he could convince himself of that, he might be able to leave his family on Earth if that’s what was required.
“I hope you’re right,” Cam said finally. “Because if they’re not on that list…”
“You heard the plan,” Sam replied. “If it looks like they’re in trouble, exceptions will be made, the same way Teal’c made an exception for Cassie.”
Cam shook his head with a sigh. “And I’m just supposed to walk away and leave them?”
“I can’t answer that for you,” Sam replied. “No one can. In the end, we all have to be able to look at ourselves in the mirror.”
That was just the thing, Cam thought. If he didn’t come up on the lottery, he didn’t think he’d be able to look at himself in the mirror if he saved his family and not someone else’s. And he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to look at himself in the mirror if he didn’t save his family.
Maybe he never should have taken this job, but that decision was behind him now.
“It’s going to be okay,” Sam promised, as though sensing his internal turmoil. “Maybe you won’t get them out this trip, but there’s always the next.”
Cam let out a breath. “Next trip, huh?”
“You’re not thinking this is going to be one-way, are you?”
“You never know,” Cam dodged.
Sam pulled back. “No! You don’t get to do that. If you’re planning on not coming back, I’m going to talk Elizabeth into scrapping the mission. And don’t try to placate me, because I’ll know.”
And she would, too, Cam thought. Sam always seemed to know those sorts of things. “I’m coming back,” he insisted, a little surprised by the conviction in his own voice. Until he’d actually said it, he hadn’t believed it.
“Okay,” Sam said. “You’re coming back. And if we need to go back, we’ll go back.”
Cam liked the sound of that. “It’s a plan.”
~~~~~
Daniel entered the mess alone; Vala was training with the Athosians, and she enjoyed it so much that Daniel wasn’t incline to interrupt. He had no idea where Cam was, or Sam, or Jack.
Not that he wasn’t perfectly happy to eat lunch alone, of course, There were plenty of other people he knew on Atlantis, and he spotted a couple of them as he looked around. And then he spotted Cassie eating lunch with Jon.
His brain stuttered to a halt as he considered the implications. They looked to be the same age, but Jack’s clone probably still looked at Cassie as the kid he’d rescued. And hell, how weird would that be, to be mentally well into middle age and yet find that the girls your own physical age were young enough to be your daughter. It was no wonder that Jon had gone off the grid.
How could anyone forget forty years of experience overnight? Daniel wasn’t entirely sure the SGC had done right by Jack’s clone.
Daniel might not have joined them, but Cassie saw him and waved insistently, and it had been a while since he’d checked up on her. Daniel grabbed his lunch and sat down next to Cassie. “How are you two getting along?”
Jon fixed him with a look that was very reminiscent of his counterpart. “Don’t even go there.”
Cassie rolled her eyes. “We’re friends. We spent a lot of time together, waiting for Jack to recover.”
Daniel hadn’t thought of it quite that way. “I guess you did.”
“And besides,” Cassie continued. “Jon is the only one who isn’t talking about the lottery results.”
“In that case, I’m in the right place,” Daniel replied.
The whole city was buzzing over the lottery results, which was better than all the speculation over the explosion on the South pier. Lieutenant Cadman had taken over the investigation, since she had some expertise with explosives, but so far the results had been inconclusive. Then again, Daniel had seen the damage; he didn’t expect them to find anything.
Since then, however, they had been gearing up, getting supplies together for Cam and Jon’s trip back to Earth. Sam had been going over Jack’s tel’tak with a fine-toothed comb to make sure Cam and Jon didn’t have the problems they’d had getting to Atlantis.
The tel’tak was in better shape than the ship they’d stolen from the arms dealers, though, and Sam seemed confident that it would get Jon and Cam to Earth and back.
But that meant that the city was abuzz with talk about the mission, and the lottery. Nearly everybody on the city had a list, and had asked for family to be brought back to Atlantis.
Jon, Cassie, and Daniel were in a different boat, and Daniel didn’t want to listen to the speculation as to who might win.
Daniel wondered if it really was winning; it would probably depend on how dangerous Earth was at the moment.
“It’s weird,” Cassie said. “I mean, I get why it’s all people can talk about, but I get strange looks when I tell them I don’t have anybody back on Earth.”
Jon shrugged. “Just ignore them. I’ll bet there’s more than a few who with they were in our shoes.”
“Maybe,” Cassie replied dubiously.
“Look at it this way,” Daniel said. “You’ve got your family here already. You’re one of the lucky ones.”
Cassie smiled and ducked her head. “Yeah, I guess I am.”
“How are things going in the infirmary?” Daniel asked.
“Carson is really nice,” Cassie said brightly. “And I’m learning a lot, like how to draw blood and give injections, and I’m working through a couple of chemistry and biology textbooks.”
“I see your plan to be a doctor is going ahead,” Daniel observed with a smile.
Cassie shrugged. “Carson said that all doctors used to be apprenticed, and that’s how they trained. He thinks I can do the same.”
“I don’t see why not,” Jon said. “You’re a smart kid.”
Cassie rolled her eyes, but she didn’t voice a protest at Jack’s comment.
Daniel shot a look at Jon, who wore a familiar smirk, as though he’d been deliberately irritating to tease Cassie.
That was Jack all over; Daniel wasn’t sure if that was scary or reassuring.
“I should get going,” Cassie said as she finished her meal. “I’m supposed to be learning how to run labs. See you later?”
Jon waved at her, and Daniel said, “Maybe at dinner.”
Daniel spent the afternoon finishing his translation of the entries on the manufacture of ZPMs, and he sent what he had off to McKay and Sam. He had no idea whether they had the resources to make the attempt, and he knew that decision was best left to the scientists.
Sam showed up in his office about fifteen minutes later. “You translated it?”
“It was slower going than I’d hoped,” Daniel admitted. “A lot of the scientific terms were difficult to translate, but I think I’ve got it right. Do you think you can duplicate their efforts?”
“Maybe,” Sam replied. “I’m going to talk with Zelenka and McKay now.” She paused. “We’re supposed to have the meeting in a couple of hours to discuss the results. Will you be there?”
Daniel nodded. “You?”
She shrugged. “We may have an update on the ZPM by then.”
Daniel was grateful that Corrigan was as clever with computers as he was with languages, and between the two of them, they were indexing the information in a way that made a lot more sense-at least to the people from Earth.
He noticed that Corrigan was shifting on his chair as the time for the meeting drew near. “Did you leave someone back on Earth?” Daniel asked.
Corrigan shook his head. “Not really. I didn’t put my name in.”
“But you seem nervous, Kevin.”
He shifted again. “I’ve been seeing Miko recently-Dr. Kusanagi.”
It took Daniel a moment to place the name, but he nodded. “And she has people on Earth.”
“Her parents,” Corrigan confirmed. “I’m worried on her behalf.”
“I can understand that,” Daniel replied. “The results will be broadcast immediately, so you won’t have long to wait.”
“Thank you,” Corrigan murmured. “You’d better get going if you don’t want to be late.”
Daniel was, indeed, a few minutes late to the meeting, and he poured himself a cup of the not-coffee they’d traded for with the Donak before taking a seat next to Jack.
“We wanted to do this fairly,” Elizabeth began. “So, we’re doing it the old fashioned way.” She set a large bowl filled with slips of paper on the table. “Daniel, your name isn’t in here. I’d like you to do the honors.”
Daniel blinked, a little surprised at the request, although he supposed it only made sense since he didn’t have a stake. As far as he knew, of the members of SG-1, only Cam had put his name in.
“Sure,” Daniel said, rising to his feet, feeling a little trepidation. He didn’t like holding others’ lives in his hands.
He glanced around the table. Sheppard’s expression was blank, as was Jack’s, but everyone else wore expressions full of varying degrees of anxiety. Plunging his hand into the bowl, he pulled out the first slip of paper and unfolded it, feeling a bit of relief when he saw the name. “Miko Kusanagi,” he read.
No one made a sound, and Daniel reached in for a second slip of paper. “Rose Dawson,” he read.
Elizabeth made a small sound, and Daniel thought she seemed pleased. No wonder, since Corporal Dawson would be pleased to have family around when she had the baby.
Daniel took a deep breath and pulled out the third slip, hoping for Mitchell’s sake that it was his name, but instead he read, “Rodney McKay.”
“Me?” McKay squeaked out. “I-really?”
Daniel wondered what kind of family McKay had back on Earth to appear both anxious and elated in equal measure. Sheppard squeezed McKay’s shoulder. “Breathe, Rodney,” he ordered, sounding amused. “I guess this means we’ll finally get to meet your sister.”
Mitchell was staring down at the table, his face pale, and the muscle in his jaw ticking wildly, and Daniel felt a stab of sympathy. Sam, who was sitting next to Mitchell, put a hand on his arm.
Daniel noticed that no one else at the table could quite look at Mitchell.
McKay cleared his throat. “We have some news about the ZPM. I think we may be able to build one.”
~~~~~
As far as Sam was concerned, they’d needed a break, and the idea of being able to produce their own ZPMs would solve a lot of problems. The plans that Daniel had translated were just what they needed to bridge that final gap.
“You see?” Zelenka was saying, calling up the map of Atlantis that Daniel had found and mostly translated. “Here. This is where we will find the lab, and perhaps the materials we need.”
“If the Ancients didn’t take it all with them,” McKay commented sourly, although his eyes were sparkling with excitement. “But it’s worth checking into. In this case, I think it should be me.”
Sam frowned. “Why you?”
“Because I’m the only person I trust not to touch something that shouldn’t be touched,” Rodney replied.
Sam was beginning to be able to read McKay, and she knew that he felt the loss of those scientists more than he’d let on. “Which is why it should probably be me or Zelenka,” Sam pointed out. “Neither of us have the gene, so we’re a lot less likely to set something off.”
“You’ll need someone with the gene to get you inside most likely,” McKay replied, but he didn’t disagree with her reasoning.
Sam hesitated, then suggested, “Why don’t I ask Jack? He has the gene.” She didn’t say that Jack would probably be grateful to get out of the office and get out from behind a desk.
McKay looked thoughtful. “I suppose I can trust you to keep him from touching something he shouldn’t.”
“He wouldn’t put a teammate in danger,” Sam insisted. Jack would risk his own life, but not one of theirs, not unless he had a good reason.
McKay nodded. “All right. I’ll let you handle it, but I think the sooner we know, the better off we’ll be.”
“This section of the city was damaged by the storm,” Zelenka said. “I will send Esposito with you to check the integrity of that area.”
“We’ll take Daniel, too,” Sam replied. “If there’s something in Ancient, he’ll be able to read it better than anyone else.”
McKay nodded. “Good, good. What are you waiting for?”
Sam checked the time. “I’ll set it up tonight, and we’ll head out tomorrow morning.”
She found Jack in Elizabeth’s office with Sheppard. They were going over the mission roster and rotation, and she knocked. “Sorry to interrupt,” she began.
Elizabeth waved her inside. “It’s fine. I’m assuming you have news about the chances of building our own ZPMs.”
“We think we know the location of the lab the Ancients used to build them,” Sam confirmed. “After what happened with the South pier, McKay doesn’t want to send an inexperienced team.” She looked at Jack. “Are you up for it?”
Jack straightened in his chair. “Seriously?”
“Why not?” she countered. “We need someone with the gene just in case, but we also need someone who isn’t going to get us killed.” Sam grinned, adding, “With age comes wisdom, right?”
Jack’s eyes narrowed. “Are you giving me a hard time about my age, Colonel?”
“I wouldn’t do that, sir,” she replied innocently, not missing Sheppard’s smirk, or the smile Elizabeth hid behind her hand.
Jack shrugged. “I’m all yours, Carter.”
“Is Cam still leaving the day after tomorrow?” Sam asked.
Elizabeth nodded. “That’s the plan. I’ve asked Carson to review the medical supplies, and I’m asking everyone to go over their inventory, just in case Cam and Jon have the chance to go shopping.”
Elizabeth’s tone was light, but Sam could hear the worry in her voice.
“Mitchell is going to be fine,” Jack insisted. “He’s a smart guy, and if there’s anyone who can fly under the radar, it’s my clone.”
“I wouldn’t send them if I didn’t think they would come back,” Elizabeth said, but to Sam it seemed almost as though she was trying to convince herself. “If you want to put off the exploration for another day or two, I’d understand.”
“You might, but McKay wouldn’t,” Sam replied wryly. “And no, I’m as anxious to see this lab as McKay is to know what’s in it.”
“Take Vala, too,” Sheppard suggested. “She’s got a lot of energy, and she’s not on the roster for tomorrow. Plus, she doesn’t have the gene, and she knows how to keep her hands to herself.”
Sam smiled. It had been too long since she’d been on a mission with Vala, and she’d missed Vala these last few weeks. “I can do that.”
“Good,” Sheppard said. “Keep us in the loop, Colonel Carter.”
She nodded. “Of course.”
It felt a little strange to walk out, and to not be a part of the decision-making process; it was even stranger not to see Cam there, making those decisions.
Sam wondered if she’d ever see Cam in that position again. Even if he didn’t return to Atlantis, Sam didn’t think she could see him sitting behind a desk. Jack was different; Jack had taken a desk job before things had gone to hell. He might be in more pain now, or in pain all the time even if he hadn’t been before, but Jack had been prepared to sit behind a desk.
Cam still had a lot of good years left in him, and if he succeeded in this mission, she wouldn’t be surprised if he kept volunteering for things like this. And that worried her.
Sam wandered by the infirmary, poking her head in to check on Cassie. Cassie was in the middle of a lesson from Beckett on suturing, and Sam took a moment just to watch them. Beckett was a patient, if exacting, teacher, and Cassie’s forehead was furrowed in concentration as she practiced on a small pillow.
Sam decided not to interrupt, and she decided that she really wanted to see Vala. Tapping her radio, she called, “Vala?”
“Yes, Sam?” Vala replied on the private channel, and her voice held an undercurrent of amusement.
Sam grinned. “I’m bored.”
“We’ll have to fix that, won’t we?” Vala replied, chuckling. “How long has it been since you had a good workout?”
Sam made a face. “Too long. What do you have in mind?”
“Teyla and I were going to spar,” Vala replied. “Why don’t you join us?”
Sam wasn’t sure she wanted to hang out with anyone other than Vala, but she liked what she’d seen of Teyla, and she’d heard stories about Teyla’s prowess with the bantos. Sam had trained with Teal’c on occasion, and she thought it might be just as instructive to learn from Teyla.
“I’d like that,” she said. “When should I meet you?”
“I’m on the way now,” Vala replied.
“I’ll see you there,” Sam promised.
Teyla was already present when Sam arrived, but Vala wasn’t there yet. Teyla was wearing a skirt split high on both sides, and a tank top of Athosian make. She was barefoot and graceful, and Sam felt more intimidated than was probably warranted.
“Vala invited me,” Sam explained awkwardly.
Teyla smiled. “You are welcome, Colonel Carter.”
“It’s Sam,” she said. “Please.”
“Sam,” Teyla agreed. “Vala has spoken highly of you.”
Sam wasn’t sure how to respond, other than to say, “I’ve heard good things about you, too.” She shifted nervously. “Should I take my boots off?”
“It might be easier,” Teyla replied. “But it’s not required.”
Sam sat down to unlace her boots, and while she was at it, she removed her socks and uniform shirt as well. Vala showed up as she dropped her shirt on the floor, grinning widely.
“I see we’re all present and accounted for,” Vala said cheerfully. She started to remove her boots as well, and she’d left her uniform shirt behind. “I’m glad you could come, Sam.”
Vala’s sincerity undid her. “I’m glad I could make it,” Sam replied. “It should be fun.”
Sam hadn’t revised that opinion an hour later, even though Teyla was a hard taskmaster. Not that Teyla wasn’t kind-she was-but she didn’t let up, and she pushed Sam to work harder, do better, and Sam appreciated that.
When they finished, Sam’s muscles were aching, and her arms and legs were trembling with exhaustion. “Thank you,” she said, inclining her head towards Teyla, as she would have done for Teal’c. “That was great.”
“You are welcome to join us any time,” Teyla assured her.
Sam thought of the long hours spent in her lab; she’d been focusing on that work and neglecting her physical training recently, and that wasn’t smart. “If we could set up a regular time, that would be good,” Sam said. “I’ve been neglecting my physical training of late.”
Teyla smiled. “Rodney also does the same.”
Sam grimaced, not really liking the comparison to McKay. “Then I should probably set a better example,” she replied, making a joke out of it. “If we’ve got a regular schedule, I’ll actually be forced to make the time for it.”
“I’ll message you with the times,” Teyla replied. “It was a pleasure, Sam.”
“Same here,” Sam said, and meant it.
She didn’t mind that Vala hooked her arm through hers as they both headed towards their quarters. Thankfully, they were headed for the same tower, and the same floor.
“I could tell you enjoyed it,” Vala said cheerfully.
Sam smiled. “You knew I would.”
“I thought you might,” Vala replied. “But I’m glad you did.”
“How are you?” Sam asked, checking in with Vala as she hadn’t done in too long.
Vala leaned into her just for a moment. “I’m okay, really. Better every day.”
“That’s good to hear,” Sam replied. “Very good to hear.”
Vala smiled. “Daniel had been good to me, and for me, an I do know the difference between the two.”
“No doubt,” Sam agreed. “And it’s good that you’re happy. That’s all that matters.”
“And you?” Vala asked. “Is that general of yours treating you well?”
Sam shrugged. “We’re okay. We’ve both changed, and we’re still figuring out how we fit together.”
“I know just what you mean,” Vala replied, real feeling in her voice. “I think Daniel is still realizing that he can’t work all hours of the day and night, and then expect me to be waiting for him.”
Sam smiled. “You’ve made a place for yourself on Atlantis. I know Sheppard speaks highly of you.”
“We’re going to be going on a mission together soon, aren’t we?” Vala asked. “You’ve barely been off the city since we arrived.”
“I think after Cam leaves,” Sam replied. “It’s been hard to go without him.”
“Oh, I agree,” Vala said immediately. “Putting the team back together without Cam would have been heartless, and I’ve never been accused of being heartless.”
Sam smiled. “No, no one would ever accuse you of that.”
“Are you okay with Cam leaving?” Vala asked.
“No,” Sam said bluntly, knowing that she could tell the truth to Vala, even if she couldn’t tell anybody else-even Jack. Maybe especially Jack, because he had been the one to suggest the mission in the first place.
Vala wrapped an arm around Sam’s waist. “I’m not okay with it either.”
Sam put an arm around Vala’s shoulders. “It’s nice to know that someone is on my side.”
“I’m always on your side,” Vala replied loyally. “You just let me know what you need.”
Sam appreciated the support. “Thanks. I’ll let you know. The reverse is also true, you know.”
Vala gave her one last squeeze. “I know. I’ll talk to you later.”
Sam slipped into her quarters, a little surprised to see Jack lying on their bed. “Hey,” she said.
“Hey,” he replied, not lifting his head or opening his eyes.
“You okay?” she asked, sitting down on the edge of the bed.
Jack was quiet for a long moment. “I think I should be asking you that.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean that I’m an old man, and you can probably do better,” Jack replied. “And that even though I know you’re close to Mitchell, I have no problem sending him back to Earth-and that you’re technically going to be in my chain of command again.”
“And I still don’t care,” she insisted. “Jack-”
“I just needed to hear you say that,” he confessed, cutting her off, his eyes opening. “I don’t much like the idea of this mission, but I think it’s necessary.”
“It is,” Sam replied, trying to swallow past the lump in her throat. “Cam wouldn’t have agreed to go otherwise, and I don’t think Jon would have either.”
Jack sighed. “Now you’re lying to me, because you know Mitchell would have taken any job that made him feel useful again, even if it meant it was a suicide run. And Jon has been on his own too long to take orders from anybody.”
“You speak from experience,” Sam observed.
“Maybe,” Jack agreed. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize,” she ordered. “Just-don’t. Cam didn’t have to volunteer. None of us had to come to Atlantis. We made our decisions, for good or bad, and we’ll live with them.”
“I wish it was that simple,” Jack replied, but he held an arm out in invitation. “I just hope you can live with my decisions. I’m not always sure I can.”
“I can live with your decisions,” Sam replied. “If only because I know you have our best interests at heart.”
Jack pulled her close. “I just hope you’re right,” he murmured into Sam’s hair.
She didn’t bother arguing with him; she knew how much Jack doubted himself right now. “I’m always right,” she teased, keeping her tone light.
“Sure you are,” he replied, but she could hear the smile in his voice, and she knew they were okay.
At least for now.
~~~~~
Jack woke tangled up with Sam, their limbs entwined, and her breath puffing on his collarbone. Even though his bladder was insistent, Jack had no intention of moving. He liked being near Sam-waking up next to Sam-too much to want to cut it short.
He pulled back just enough to see Sam’s face, and she was beautiful. Jack wasn’t sure he’d ever get used to having her next to him; he hoped he never did. Getting used to something meant taking it for granted, and he never wanted to take Sam for granted.
Jack had taken Sara and Charlie for granted; he’d expected them to always be waiting when he got home. And then Charlie was gone, and Sara had left, and Jack had learned not to take anybody for granted.
He had his team, of course, and he’d learned to count on them, but even then, he’d held something back.
Now he had Sam, and he knew he couldn’t afford to take her for granted or hold anything back. He’d learned his lesson with Sara, but a lifetime’s habits were hard to leave behind.
Sam stirred in his arms, and Jack waited until her eyes fluttered open before pressing a kiss to her forehead. “Hey.”
“Hey,” she said, smiling. “What time is it?”
“0730,” Jack replied. “So, not too late.”
“No, I guess not,” Sam replied, pressing her lips to Jack’s.
He thought about protesting, at least until he brushed his teeth, and then he decided that he didn’t care. Jack tangled his fingers in her long hair and rolled so that she sprawled on top of him.
His knees weren’t up to him being on top, and he was in too much pain to really make a go of things. But if Sam was on top, Jack could at least manage to maintain an erection for a little while, depending on what the pain medication allowed.
Sam didn’t seem to mind, though. She straddled him and rubbed up against him, until his dick was leaking. And then Sam took him inside, moving slowly and carefully, too slow for Jack to come right away.
“Sam,” he said quietly, hearing the hoarseness in his own voice. “Come on, Sam.”
Sam moved a little faster, leaning down so her breasts brushed against his chest. It was a huge turn-on, and it didn’t take too much longer until he was coming, and Jack just managed to reach down, playing with Sam’s clit until she came, too.
Jack pulled her close, running his fingers through her hair. “You okay?”
“Thank you,” Sam countered. “That was good.”
“I’m sorry,” Jack said. “I know it’s harder, and-”
“Don’t,” Sam replied shortly. “I have you here. It’s enough. Don’t doubt that.”
Jack took a breath. “Then I won’t.”
“Want to save on water?”
Jack grinned. “I’m right behind you.”
As soon as Sam disappeared into the bathroom, Jack scrubbed his hands over his face, trying to set aside the guilt once again. He knew that Mitchell was leaving today, and he’d have to be there for that, knowing he’d essentially forced Mitchell and his clone into taking this mission.
At least he had known that Mitchell and his clone would be likely to volunteer, and he’d felt no compunction about sending his clone at least. Jack would never get used to there being more than one of him, and the sooner he could go back to forgetting his clone existed, the happier he’d be.
Even though he fully expected the guilt to linger awhile longer.
“Jack?” she called. “Are you coming?”
“I’ll be right there,” he replied, raising his voice. “Suck it up, O’Neill,” he muttered to himself.
They showered quickly, because they both had places to be, and they exchanged a quick kiss at the door. “Be careful today,” Jack said.
“I wouldn’t worry about me,” Sam said. “I’m going over the ship one last time.”
“I’m sorry,” Jack blurted out.
Sam brushed her lips over his. “It’s going to be okay,” she insisted.
“Thanks,” Jack replied, absurdly grateful for the reassurance.
He went to Elizabeth’s office because he didn’t have anywhere else to go, and plopped down in the chair across from her desk.
She raised her eyebrows. “Let me guess. You’re bored.”
“More than a little,” he admitted. “I’d even do inventory.”
Elizabeth’s mouth quirked up in a smile. “I think we can find something else for you to do. I just don’t know what it might be at the moment.”
“The truth is, a general is pretty useless in this kind of situation,” Jack said quietly. “I’d be more use as a colonel.”
Elizabeth raised her eyebrows. “It’s not your rank that’s keeping you out of the field, General,” she said gently.
“No, it’s not,” he agreed. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t need something to keep me out of trouble.”
“I can see that,” Elizabeth replied. “Not to be rude, but you’ve had ten years of experience going off-world. How would you feel about sharing some of that knowledge?”
Jack raised his eyebrows. “You mean teaching classes?”
“Why not?” Elizabeth countered. “We haven’t been able to provide much training to those who have recently transferred to Atlantis. Maybe you should do that.”
Jack thought about it. “Maybe I should,” he agreed. He’d always enjoyed briefing young pilots, and training them on the most recent technology. Although he didn’t know much about the Pegasus galaxy, he had experienced a lot. There might be useful knowledge that he could pass along.
“Good,” Elizabeth said. “And in the meantime, you can help me go over inventory logs. I know it’s boring, but Cam is prepping for the mission back to Earth, and I need to make sure he has an up-to-date list of mission-critical items-assuming he can get them, of course.”
“Of course,” Jack agreed immediately, although he wondered if Elizabeth was using his guilt against him. Not that it mattered. He knew that he’d be the one taking Mitchell’s place in the long run, and ensuring Mitchell and his clone had a list of things to bring back to Atlantis, if at all possible, was an important task.
Then again, Jack was fairly certain that Elizabeth didn’t care what motivated him-whether it was guilt, or a desire to be useful or something else. She just wanted the job done.
And to be fair, Jack would have taken the same position in Elizabeth’s place.
“Let’s go over what you’ve got,” Jack said. “And then we’ll see.”
~~~~~
Vala had always hated saying goodbye, so much so that she normally avoided protracted farewells. She couldn’t get out of it with Cam, however. O’Neill had commandeered one of the rec rooms for the remaining members of SG-1 and anyone else who wanted to join them.
She noticed that Cam appeared more animated than she’d seen him since before they’d left Earth. Whatever disappointment he’d felt over not being one of those chosen in the lottery was nowhere to be seen-or at least had been subsumed by his excitement for the moment.
Sheppard had dropped by briefly to deliver a jug of ruus wine and a large bottle of something that Zelenka had distilled, although he hadn’t stayed long. Dr. Weir had remained, and Vala wondered how close Weir and Cam had become, because Weir seemed to be touching Cam a lot.
But then they might just be friends.
Vala sat down next to Cassie, who looked a little uncomfortable, sitting off to the side while Cam held an intense conversation with O’Neill and Sam. “How are you getting along?” Vala asked.
Cassie shrugged. “Okay.”
Vala raised her eyebrows at the noncommittal tone, but she didn’t press. “Did you try the wine?”
Cassie shook her head. “I’m not twenty-one yet.”
“What does that have to do with anything?” Vala asked.
Cassie grinned. “That’s the drinking age.”
“On Earth,” Vala countered.
“Actually, just in the U.S. It’s younger just about anywhere else.” Cassie looked thoughtful. “Do you think they’d mind?”
“I have no idea,” Vala admitted. “But you look like an adult to me.”
“I am an adult,” Cassie replied. “Just-don’t say anything.”
Vala handed over her mostly-full glass. “I won’t breathe a word. It’s strong.”
“Thanks,” Cassie said. “I guess I’m still getting used to the fact that we’re not on Earth anymore.” She took a breath. “So, where’s Daniel?”
“He should be here any minute,” Vala replied. “He probably got caught up in his translating again.”
Cassie smiled. “That’s Daniel.”
Jon plopped down on the other side of Cassie. “You kids having fun?” he asked.
Cassie gave Jon a dirty look, but she said nothing other than, “Sure. Are you excited about leaving?”
Jon shrugged, his dark eyes shrewd. “It isn’t going to be a pleasure cruise, that’s for sure, but it will be good to be doing something productive.”
Vala decided to leave them to their conversation in favor of locating Daniel, who still hadn’t shown up. Tapping her radio, she called, “Daniel? You do remember that we were supposed to be wishing Cam farewell.”
There was a long pause, and Daniel said, “Give me a few minutes. I’m right in the middle of something.”
The radio cut out, and Vala sighed. She loved Daniel, but he irritated the hell out of her at times, like right now. They were saying goodbye to one of their own, with the possibility that they wouldn’t see him again, and Daniel was caught up in one of his projects.
“Hey, Vala!” Cam said, putting an arm around her shoulders.
Vala stiffened slightly, and then relaxed, reminding herself that this was Cam, and it was okay.
She didn’t flinch from Daniel’s touch these days, and she was getting better with other men, too. Vala knew how to distinguish friend from foe-but she couldn’t always control her involuntary responses.
Cam dropped his arm quickly, but Vala responded by threading her arm through his. “Sorry.”
“God, don’t apologize, Vala,” Cam said in a low voice. “Your pace, your space. Always.”
She rested her forehead against his shoulder. “Thanks.”
“Where’s Jackson?” Cam asked.
If Vala didn’t know him as well as she did, she would have missed the hurt in his voice, and on his face. “Tied up in a project,” Vala replied. “He’ll be here soon.”
Cam nodded. “Typical Jackson, huh?”
“He should be here,” Vala said stoutly. “Are you looking forward to this trip?”
Cam hitched a shoulder. “I guess I am.”
“Doesn’t it seem strange to go back to a place you fled from?” Vala queried.
Cam’s lips twitched up into a smile. “We didn’t exactly flee, you know. We just didn’t go back.”
Vala grinned. “That’s a fine distinction.”
“It’s one that had to be made,” Cam replied. “You okay, Vala?”
She nodded. “I’m okay.”
“Well, I’m not going to be around, but you know you can count on Sheppard to kick Jackson’s ass if he doesn’t treat you right,” Cam said. “I’ll have a word with him before I leave.”
Vala rolled her eyes. “You don’t have to do that, Cameron.”
“Someone has to look out for you,” Cam replied. “And okay, Sam could kick his ass, too, but I figure between the two of them, they’ll keep Daniel in line.”
“You don’t think I can keep him in line?” Vala countered.
Cam grinned. “I’m certain you can, but it never hurts to have backup.”
She smiled at that. “No, it never does. Thank you.”
“Don’t mention it,” Cam replied. “Now, can I get you a drink?”
“I’d love one,” Vala replied. “Surprise me.”
“You’ve got it,” Cam promised.
Daniel entered just as Cam was handing Vala her drink, and he offered Cam a sheepish grin. “Sorry I’m late. There was something I had to finish.”
Vala caught the underlying tension in his voice, and she frowned, realizing that this wasn’t just another project, or another example of Daniel being distracted with work. Before she could ask, though, Daniel clapped Cam on the shoulder. “So, where does a guy go to get a drink?”
Vala waited until later, when Daniel wasn’t in the middle of a conversation, to pull him aside.
“I’m sorry I was late,” he said immediately.
Vala frowned. “I wasn’t going to say anything about that,” she replied. “I just wanted to know what was keeping you.”
Daniel glanced around. “Later, I promise. I don’t want to talk about it now.”
Normally, Daniel wouldn’t shut up when he’d made an important discovery, or had an opinion, and his reticence alarmed Vala.
When the party finally broke up, it was nearly midnight, and Vala waited until they were back in her quarters before she pressed for answers. “What is it?” she asked. “What did you find?”
“The Ancients’ research on Wraith biology,” Daniel replied soberly. “They’d done more than we thought. You know that Carson is working on a means to end the Wraith threat, right?”
Vala shrugged. “I assumed he was.”
“They’d been working on a way to turn the Wraith human,” Daniel said, sounding distracted and upset. “Elizabeth recommended that Carson refocus his attention on a poison.”
Vala didn’t see the problem. “You planned to do the same to the Goa’uld, didn’t you?”
Daniel ran a hand through his hair. “Yeah, but-”
“You didn’t have a problem killing the Goa’uld,” Vala continued inexorably.
“No, of course not,” Daniel replied. “They wanted to kill or enslave us.”
“And the Wraith want to eat us,” Vala countered. “I’m not seeing the difference. In fact, since the Wraith apparently can’t live without eating us, it’s even more important that we kill them first.”
Vala had heard the rumors about Daniel’s wife, and how she’d been taken as a host. He had every reason to hate the Goa’uld, and it would make sense that he would want every one of them dead.
“It’s because you haven’t seen the Wraith at work.” Vala said quietly. “You haven’t seen the threat up close and personal.”
“Maybe!” Daniel shot back, sounding defensive. “I know they’re a threat, as big as the Goa’uld are. But-we’re talking about the destruction of an entire race.”
Vala raised her eyebrows. “No, we’re talking about the survival of Atlantis,” she countered. “When something wants to eat you, you kill it.” She paused, then added, “And if it’s appropriate, you eat it.”
Daniel grimaced. “That’s one way of looking at it.”
“It’s the only way to look at it,” Vala replied. “In any case, you have to tell Dr. Weir what you found. What happens if the Wraith attack us, and we have no means to protect ourselves?”
“You’re right,” Daniel admitted. “I know you’re right. I’ll talk to her tomorrow, after Cam leaves.”
Vala nodded. “Good. Come to bed, Daniel.”
Daniel spooned her from behind, wrapping an arm around her waist, and burying his face in her hair.
Strangely enough, Vala rarely had nightmares when she and Daniel slept so close together. Maybe it was knowing there was someone else to watch her back, even in sleep. Maybe it was because she knew she was safe with Daniel, and if he was there, it was a silent reminder that she was okay. She didn’t know, and she didn’t really care.
That night, though-she woke with her heart beating double time, and a scream lodged in her throat, Daniel’s worried face hovering just next to her.
“Vala?” he said softly. “Are you okay?”
She took a deep breath, and then another. “Yes, I’m fine. It was just-a bad dream.”
Daniel reached out for her, and she flinched away, remembering the insistent hands in her dream, touching her even though she screamed her protests.
He withdrew immediately. “Vala?”
“Just a minute,” she said, trying to get her breathing under control. “I’ll be okay.”
“Take all the time you need,” Daniel replied, keeping his hands to himself. “Just tell me what I can do.”
After a moment, when Vala was certain she’d pushed the fear aside, she reached out for him, and Daniel pulled her in close. “I’m sorry,” she said.
“You don’t have anything to be sorry for,” Daniel countered immediately. “I love you.”
He didn’t say it often, so it meant a lot when he did say it, even though she had to have a nightmare to wring the words out of him. “I know,” she replied. “What time is it?”
“It’s only six,” Daniel replied. “You could go back to sleep.”
Vala shook her head. “No, I can’t sleep now. Cam is leaving in just a few hours, anyway.”
“We were up late last night,” Daniel countered. “You should get a little more sleep.”
Vala shuddered. “I really can’t sleep.” Maybe after she’d been awake all day, and had left the dream behind her, she’d be able to sleep, but not now.
Daniel hesitated. “We could go work out?” he suggested hesitantly.
She was grateful that he didn’t suggest sex, because she didn’t think she could handle that right now. But physical exertion sounded like the perfect suggestion. “That would be great,” Vala replied. Maybe, after they had run or sparred or done yoga or something, Vala could deal with being touched again.
“Okay,” Daniel said, sounding relieved that he’d made the right call. “Let’s go work out, then. Your call what we do.”
Vala took another deep breath. “Let’s start at the gym, and then go from there.”
She was making progress, she thought, but some days were still hard. Some days were harder than others.
But at least she had Daniel. She reached out and gripped his hand. “Thanks.”
“No need to thank me,” Daniel replied. “Come on, let’s go work out.”
Vala smiled. “Just another day, right?”
No matter what happened, it was always just another day, as far as Vala could tell. They just had to keep living. That was all that mattered.
Epilogue