Hold on Hope (4/4)
Part IV
Jack arrived at the SGC to find an urgent message from General Hammond, and he quickly changed into his uniform and headed for Hammond’s office. He knocked on the door perfunctorily and entered when Hammond waved at him. “Have a seat, Jack,” Hammond said. “Detective Ellison should be joining us shortly.”
Jack raised his eyebrows. “Do we have an update, sir?”
“Dr. Frasier let me know that Ellison’s sight is back to normal. She says it will take time for the drugs to completely leave his system, but he’ll be cleared for duty soon.”
“Which means he’ll be going home.”
“We haven’t determined that,” Hammond replied. “I haven’t made the offer to Ellison.”
“I assume that’s what you called me in here for, sir,” Jack said carefully.
Hammond nodded. “Dr. Frasier told Ellison to come to my office as soon as he finishes breakfast. I expect him any minute now.”
Jack leaned back in his chair. “Did you get authorization to bump up his grade?”
“Quite frankly, the President wants to keep Ellison’s skills within the SGC, and he doesn’t want it getting out that we have a rogue element going around kidnapping American citizens willy-nilly.” Hammond looked about as grave as Jack had ever seen him. “I can’t say as I blame him. If the media were to get wind of this-a decorated Army Ranger, and police detective, being experimented on by his own government?”
Jack grimaced. “It would be bad. I take it that the President wants to buy his silence.”
“Not in so many words, but yes.” Hammond shook his head. “On the other hand, this has underscored just how imperative it is to run down these people and bring them to justice.”
He fell silent as a knock came on the door. Ellison hovered in the doorway, dressed in green fatigues, already looking every inch the soldier. “You wanted to see me, sir?”
“Come on in, Detective,” Hammond said. “And, please, have a seat.”
Ellison cast a wary look at Jack, but he sat down in the second chair across from Hammond’s desk. “I assume this is about the job offer you made Sandburg, General.”
“Partially,” Hammond replied. “But it’s more about the offer we want to make you.”
Ellison sat ramrod straight. “No offense, sir, but while I really appreciate everything you’ve done for me, I’m not sure what would ever compel me to work for the government again.”
“You work for the city of Cascade now,” Jack felt compelled to point out. “So, technically, you still work for the government.”
The flicker of a smile made its way to Ellison’s face. “You have a point, Colonel, but I trust my captain.”
“If it makes you feel any better, you would be working for the SGC, and you’d be under my command,” Hammond said.
Ellison hitched a shoulder. “That makes me feel a little better,” he admitted. “I’m a little old for a captain’s rank, though.”
“You’d be given the rank of major, with a possibility for promotion in one year,” Hammond countered.
Ellison’s cool façade cracked a bit. “That’s generous. What’s the catch?”
“You sign a nondisclosure agreement promising not to reveal anything about the SGC or your experiences at the hands of the NID,” Hammond replied.
Ellison barked out a short, bitter laugh. “I don’t think you have to worry about that, sir, whether or not I take the job. I have no desire to be back in the middle of a media circus. If the press hears about this, they’ll figure out I’m a Sentinel.”
“How are you going to explain your disappearance?” Jack asked.
Ellison suddenly slumped back in his chair. “I have no idea. I was kind of hoping that everybody would be so glad to have me back that they wouldn’t ask a lot of questions.”
Jack smirked. “You were Cop of the Year. Twice. They’re going to ask questions.”
Ellison looked so disconsolate that Jack felt a certain sympathy. The man had been through hell, and now he was facing the prospect of not being able to go home. Jack wouldn’t be happy in Ellison’s shoes.
“What would I be doing?” he asked wearily.
Hammond pulled out their ace in the hole in the form of a stack of mission reports, each one representing a situation where someone of Ellison’s capabilities might have made a difference. “Last month, we lost three men to a mining accident off-world because we couldn’t find them in time. We think you might have been able to find them when the equipment malfunctioned. Every time we send a team through the gate, we risk running up against Jaffa and Goa’uld. Being able to sense them coming would be a help.”
Ellison took the stack of reports, his expression unreadable. “Can I have a day to think about this?”
“You can have two,” Hammond replied, placing another file on top of the stack of reports. “That’s our offer, in writing.”
Ellison took a deep breath. “You can’t protect us if we go back to Cascade.”
“No, son, we can’t,” Hammond said gently.
Ellison nodded. “And Sandburg can get his doctorate?”
“His dissertation will be deemed classified. He’ll be given an opportunity to defend it in front of those who have security clearance,” Hammond said quietly. “And if he’s successful, he’ll have a doctorate from an accredited university.”
Ellison smiled. “And you’d hire him to do anthropology.”
“We always have need for people with Mr. Sandburg’s skills,” Hammond replied.
“Can I take these, sir?” Ellison asked.
“You can’t take them off the base, but yes, you may take them,” Hammond said.
“I’d like to discuss things with my partner.”
“Of course. You do whatever you need to do,” Hammond said. “You can check out a fleet vehicle if you’d like. Just be sure to check out when you leave the base.”
“Yes, sir,” Ellison said, and then left.
Hammond waited until Ellison was gone before he asked, “Do you think he’ll take the offer, Jack?”
“Yeah, I do,” Jack replied. “But I think he’ll take it for Sandburg’s sake and not his own.”
~~~~~
Jim turned up outside of Daniel’s lab and hovered in the doorway, waiting for them to notice his presence. Blair had his hair pulled back and his glasses on, and he was bent over an artifact, shoulder-to-shoulder with Daniel. From what Jim had seen, the two of them were kindred spirits, and Jim knew he was getting a glimpse of what Blair’s life could be if he took Hammond’s offer.
Blair could be happy here, Jim thought. Maybe he was happy with the PD, too. He was certainly a good cop.
When Blair glanced up, he grinned when he caught sight of Jim in the doorway. “Hey. How’d the meeting go?”
Jim shrugged. “Good. Do you have a little time? I’d kind of like to go for a walk.”
Blair looked over at Daniel, who smiled. “Go ahead. It’s almost lunch time anyway.”
Jim waited until they were in the elevator before he said, “The general gave us permission to leave the base, but I’m not sure I want to risk it just yet.”
“No, I get that,” Blair assured him. “We’ll just go for a little stroll.”
They strolled along the corridors of the complex, and Jim said in a low voice. “I haven’t seen the sun in months, but there’s no way I’m going out without being armed.”
Blair winced. “I’m sorry, man. You know, I’ve got my service weapon. We could-”
“No,” Jim said. “Is there-is there anywhere private?”
“Your quarters or mine?”
Jim didn’t like the idea of being cooped up, but he didn’t see that he had a lot of other choices at the moment. “Mine. That’s where I’ve got the files.”
Blair didn’t ask any questions. He just followed Jim back to his quarters where the stack of reports was scattered over his bed, along with the offer from the SGC. Jim wasn’t surprised when Blair zeroed in on the offer. “I see you got one of those.”
“Yeah. They offered to bump up my grade to major, effective immediately, and they’d make me eligible for a promotion in a year.”
Blair whistled appreciatively. “Not too bad. They’d probably hire you as a civilian contractor if you bucked for it if that’s not what you want, though.”
Jim shook his head. “No, if I’m going to stay, I’ll reactivate my commission. General Hammond-he seems like a quality leader.”
“I think he is,” Blair agreed quietly. “What do you want to do, Jim?”
Jim shook his head. “No. I want you to tell me what you want.”
“Jim, you deserve to have a say in this, too,” Blair protested.
“I don’t know what I want,” Jim said baldly. “I want to go back to Cascade. I want to go back to my life. But I also want you to be safe, and I want you to get your doctorate. So, you tell me what you want.” Jim frowned when Blair refused to meet his eyes. “Blair-”
Blair sighed. “You’ve had a lot taken away from you, man. I’m not going to be the guy that makes a decision that means you lose everything else.”
“Chief, you’re not deciding anything. We decide together, just like we talked about. But I need to know what you want.”
“I want this,” Blair said softly. “God, Jim, the opportunities here! Staying means the chance to visit alien cultures, to learn new languages and study-everything. So many things.”
“It means getting your doctorate,” Jim said softly.
“Yeah, I guess it does,” Blair admitted. “But if you say you want to go back to Cascade, put all this behind us, and just be cops-that’s what we’ll do.”
Jim shook his head. “We’ll-I’ll always wonder, though.”
“We’ll wonder if we stay, too,” Blair countered. “You can do a lot of good as a detective, Jim. We both can. That’s why I accepted the badge in the first place.”
Jim looked at the reports scattered on the bed. “There’s a lot we can do here. I don’t know.” He met Blair’s eyes, reading his expression easily in the dim light from the lamp they’d turned on. There was uncertainty, even fear, but there was also a spark of new discovery, something Jim hadn’t seen for far too long.
There was no guarantee that they would be safe if they stayed with the SGC, of course. They seemed destined to have dangerous jobs. Blair would say that Jim was compelled to protect the tribe, but mostly Jim just wanted to protect Blair.
And if that meant packing up and moving to Colorado Springs, starting all over again-well, it was no less than what Blair had done for him.
“General Hammond said he’d give me a couple of days,” Jim said quietly. “But I think I’m ready to give him my answer now.”
“Man, I’m sorry,” Blair said, sounding miserable. “This sucks.”
“I’ll live,” Jim said dryly. “Which is more than I could have said a few days ago.”
Blair looked stricken. “Not funny.”
Jim sighed. “No, not really.”
“We’re going to have to tell Simon.” Blair rubbed his eyes. “Seriously, this is going to suck.”
“Simon will deal with it,” Jim replied. “Especially if we tell him this is the only way we can be sure we’re protected.”
“Which would be true.” Blair gave him an impish smile that wasn’t quite as bright as usual. “Not it.”
“Coward,” Jim accused.
Blair shrugged. “Shoot me.”
“Not even on a bet,” Jim replied. “I’m going to read these reports first. Then I’ll call Simon and let him know. We’ll still need to go back to Cascade, pack everything up. I’d prefer to rent out the loft, instead of selling it.”
Blair stared at him. “You’ve already got a plan?”
Jim hesitated, and then admitted, “I’ve had a plan since your press conference. I thought-I knew there might be people who wouldn’t believe you.”
“How extensive is this plan?” Blair demanded.
“I gave Simon power of attorney if we both went missing,” Jim said. “After a month, he was supposed to rent out our place and route the money to an offshore account. Dividends from the stocks Dad gave me are routed there as well, and…”
When Jim trailed off, Blair demanded, “No, tell me all of it, Jim.”
“I have a trust,” Jim said in a rush. “I haven’t touched it because-I don’t know.”
“Because you’re a stubborn bastard?” Blair suggested.
“Yeah, that too.” He shrugged. “I have a couple of accounts. I was going to tell you, but things seemed to be okay, and I didn’t want to freak you out. Your name’s on the accounts,” he added as an afterthought. “Dad was supposed to contact you with the information if I was gone for more than three months.”
Blair shook his head. “Man, I knew you were anal, but this is something else.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” Jim said. “I just-it never seemed like the right time, and I hoped-I hoped it wouldn’t happen.”
“Yeah, I get that.” Blair scrubbed his hands over his face. “Did you say anything to Simon?”
“I left instructions with my attorney to give to Simon,” Jim said. “I didn’t want to worry him, either, and you know Simon.”
“Yeah, I do.” Blair reached out and put his hand on Jim’s arm. “If you want to go back to Cascade, we’ll find a way to make it work. We’ll stay sharp, and we’ll make sure they don’t get to us.”
“No one can make that guarantee,” Jim said quietly. “And there’s no way I’m going to risk you.”
Blair shook his head. “I don’t want you to give up who you are.”
“Blair,” Jim said gently. “I don’t know who I am right now.”
Jim thought it might be a long time before he did.
~~~~~
Sam spotted Jim and Blair across the commissary. They were seated side by side with a stack of reports between them, and she figured she was better off not interrupting.
By the time she’d grabbed lunch, however, most of the tables were occupied, and Blair waved her over from across the crowded room. She gave a mental shrug and sat down across from Jim. “Hey, guys.”
“Hey, Sam,” Blair said readily. “It’s busy in here today.”
“We had a couple of teams coming back this morning, and another set leaving this afternoon,” she explained.
She caught Jim’s eye, and was charmed by his sweet grin. “It’s good to finally put a face to the voice,” he said.
Blair elbowed him, and Sam was well enough versed in guy-speak to read the gesture as an “I told you so.”
“I had heard you were pretty much back to normal,” Sam replied.
Blair smirked and opened his mouth, probably to make a smartass remark of some kind, and then seemed to think better of it. Jim winced and said, “I’m doing a lot better.”
Sam glanced at Blair, who gave a quick shake of his head. “What are you working on?” she asked, deciding that a change in subject was in order.
“We’re reading mission reports that General Hammond and Colonel O’Neill gave me,” Jim explained.
“Job offer?”
“Job offer,” Jim confirmed.
Blair grinned. “They said they’d make Jim a major.”
“He’d have the rank if he’d stayed in the service,” Sam said. “So, really, it only makes sense. If you stay with the SGC, you’ll probably make colonel without too much trouble.”
Jim raised his eyebrows. “Do you go through officers that quickly?”
“Pretty much every gate team is led by a light colonel or a full bird,” Sam replied. “And we’ve got some off world mining operations where the same is true. We tend to take the best of the best from the Academy, so we tend to have plenty of young officers.”
Jim raised an eyebrow. “And you lose a lot.”
“We have dangerous jobs,” Sam hedged. “But we try not to lose anybody.” She nodded at the stack of reports. “I imagine that’s what those are about.”
Jim drummed his fingers on the stack. “General Hammond seems to think I-we can make a difference.” His eyes darted to Blair, and Sam could see the wordless apology in his eyes.
Sam frowned. “Do you want my honest opinion?”
Jim nodded. “Yeah, I do.”
“Then, yes, I think you could make a difference here,” Sam replied. “But I think you probably make a difference in Cascade, too.”
Jim smiled. “Great. Think I’m going to grab a piece of pie, Sandburg. Do you want one?”
“No thanks,” Blair replied.
Jim made his way through the crowded commissary, and Sam looked at Blair. “So, what was that about earlier?”
Blair winced. “I’m pretty sure Jim knew I was about to make a crack about him not being anywhere near normal, which is a touchy subject at the best of times.”
“And this isn’t the best of times,” Sam supplied.
“Not even remotely,” Blair confirmed.
Sam gave Blair a sharp look. “How are you?”
“I’ve just been offered everything I wanted most on a silver platter, but in order to get it, Jim has to give up almost everything that he wants.” Blair shook his head. “It’s not fair.”
“I told you. What I want most is for you to be safe,” Jim said, sliding back into his seat, a piece of pecan pie in front of him. “And it’s not much of a life if we’re always looking over our shoulders.” He shrugged. “Besides, it might be nice to actually be able to use my senses without hiding them.”
Blair’s expression was skeptical. “Uh huh.”
“Give it up, Chief,” Jim insisted. “I’ve already made my decision, and you’ve already said that you want this.”
Sam felt a flare of hope. She liked Jim-a lot-and having him stick around could only be a good thing. “So, you’re staying?”
Jim nodded. “Looks like. We’ll have to put our affairs in order in Cascade, and Simon’s probably not going to want to let us go without at least two weeks’ notice, but this seems like the best option.”
He froze, his head tilting to the side.
“What is it, Jim?” Blair asked.
Jim shook his head. “Just the gate alarm.”
Sam raised her eyebrows. “You can tell that from here?”
“It’s-SG-5,” Jim said after a moment. “They’re in one piece, but-covered in mud?”
Sam couldn’t help but be impressed. “You can hear all that?”
“I can hear a lot,” Jim said, his expression cold. But then that same sweet grin crossed his face, and he added, “I don’t get to show off very often.”
Sam grinned and glanced over at Blair, who was watching Jim with an indulgent, proud smile.
Jim shook himself. “Gotta be careful with that,” he muttered. “Too easy to zone.”
“Not with me right here,” Blair assured him. “I’ve got your back.”
Jim nodded and started in on his pie. “I guess you do.” He met Sam’s eyes. “But when we get back, I wouldn’t mind trying out that bike you were telling me about.”
Sam grinned. “I’ll look forward to it.”
~~~~~
In the end, Dr. Frasier released Jim to return to Cascade just a few days after his sight returned. Blair knew that Jim had been in contact with Simon, but he had no idea what Jim had said to him. General Hammond sent them back to Cascade with a military escort, and the promise of protection.
“You won’t see us, but we’ll be there,” General Hammond had said.
Hammond appeared to be keeping his promise, because not only did they take the SGC’s jet back to Cascade, but there was a government SUV waiting for them.
“You know, I could get used to this,” Blair said, relaxing back into leather seat.
“Don’t,” Jim said dryly. “Once we’re back in Colorado Springs, we aren’t going to get this kind of treatment.”
“I’m aware of that,” Blair protested. “I’m not getting used to it. I’m just saying that it would be nice.”
Jim smiled. “It would be nice, I’ll give you that.”
“Have you told Simon yet?” Blair asked.
“I hinted,” Jim said defensively. “I told him we probably wouldn’t be safe in Cascade.”
Blair laughed. “That’s not a hint, Jim.”
“I thought I’d do Simon the courtesy of saying it to his face,” Jim replied, closing his eyes.
“We’re going home first?” Blair asked. He hadn’t asked until now because he’d wanted to give Jim as much control as he could.
“Simon is going to meet us there,” Jim confirmed.
Blair sighed. “You can still change your mind.”
“I’m not going to,” Jim replied evenly. “I told you already.”
“Yeah, but maybe you’ve changed your mind now that we’re back in your own territory,” Blair countered. “Maybe you’ll decide to stay here.”
“Are you accusing me of being wishy-washy?”
“Never, man,” Blair said immediately. “I just-if you wanted to stay, I’d understand.”
“Do you want to stay?” Jim countered.
“I don’t know.” Blair sighed. “We’ve-we’re good here, aren’t we?”
“Yeah, we’re good,” Jim insisted. “Simon will understand, Blair. Eventually.”
Blair snorted. “He’s going to blame me.”
“Not when I explain it,” Jim said. “We talked about this. It’s an opportunity you can’t pass up, and I don’t want to be looking over my shoulder for as long as it takes the government to find the bad apples.”
Blair subsided. When Jim made up his mind, there was no changing it, especially when he was being motivated by a combination of fear and guilt.
The fear was natural; Jim had been through hell and then some over the last few months, and he naturally didn’t want the same thing to happen again, or to happen to Blair. The guilt-well, Blair knew that Jim still thought it was his fault that Blair had to scuttle his academic career, and Jim had a habit of self-sacrifice.
The SUV pulled up in front of their building, and the driver twisted around. “Do you have the contact information, sir?”
“I do,” Jim said. “Thank you for the ride, airman.”
“Not a problem, Major Ellison. Have a good vacation.”
Jim smiled but didn’t bother to correct him. “You got your keys, Sandburg?”
“Right here, man,” Blair replied, holding up his keys. “I just have to get my bag.”
He had his duffel, but Jim didn’t have anything but the clothes on his back. The NID had apparently destroyed Jim’s personal effects; a search of the lab hadn’t turned up anything Jim had with him when he’d been kidnapped. Jim had been wearing a uniform all week, but ever since he’d accepted Hammond’s offers, his uniforms sported a major’s insignia and his last name.
Blair unlocked the door, wrinkling his nose at the musty odor. “I hate that smell,” he complained.
Jim shrugged. “Open up the balcony doors. We’ll air the place out for a little while, if you don’t mind the cold.”
“I’ll see if I can find some candles, too,” Blair said. “I have a couple that won’t aggravate your allergies.”
“If you don’t mind, I’m going to grab a shower and get into civvies,” Jim said.
“No, man, go ahead.”
The breeze coming in through the balcony doors was unusually warm for early spring in Cascade, and the sun shone brightly. Blair stood by the doors and looked out at the harbor, and the familiar horizon. The loft had been the first place he’d ever felt truly at home, and he didn’t want to give that up.
He sighed, knowing that while neither of them wanted to leave Cascade, they would, but only because it was the only way to ensure the other’s safety.
There was a brief knock on the door, and Blair glanced through the peephole to see Simon.
“Hey, Simon.” Blair waved him inside. “Thanks for looking after the place while we were gone.”
“I was happy to help,” Simon replied. “How is he?”
“He’s in the shower,” Blair said. “I think he was ready to get back into his own clothes.”
Simon raised his eyebrows. “You didn’t take him a change of clothing?”
“I had a lot on my mind!” Blair defended. “I didn’t think about it.”
“It’s fine, Sandburg,” Jim said, emerging from the bathroom in a cloud of steam, fully dressed in a pair of jeans and a gray t-shirt. “No harm done. Hey, Simon.”
Blair hadn’t been sure what Simon’s reaction was going to be-would Simon shake Jim’s hand, or give him a hug?
His question was answered soon enough. Simon closed the distance between him and Jim in two long strides and pulled Jim into a bear hug.
After a moment, Jim returned the embrace, holding on to Simon tightly. Blair had to look away, blinking away the moisture in his own eyes.
“It’s good to see you,” Jim said as Simon pulled back.
Simon looked him up and down, and Blair knew he was noting the way Jim’s clothing hung just a little too loose, the new lines in his face, the gray in his hair. “Welcome back,” Simon finally said.
“It’s good to be back,” Jim said after a brief hesitation.
Blair wasn’t sure that anyone else would have noticed it, but Simon hadn’t been made captain of Major Crimes without good reason. “You’re not coming back, are you?” he asked.
Jim sighed. “We aren’t sure they won’t come after us again,” he replied. “The SGC can offer us protection.”
Simon grimaced. “I suspected as much. Are you two hungry? My treat.”
“That would be great,” Blair said immediately.
Jim nodded, looking a little reluctant, but Blair knew that was because he was seriously paranoid at the moment. It was like he didn’t want to go out in public. Blair had actually been surprised when Jim hadn’t been interested on getting out of the mountain, almost like he hadn’t wanted to leave the security that a couple of hundred armed soldiers provided.
“I’ll call up the others,” Simon said. “They’ll want to see you, too.”
“That would be great.” Jim’s smile actually reached his eyes. “I’d like that.”
Blair almost believed it.
~~~~~
Jim figured it was probably going to take a long time before he felt safe being out in public, even when he was surrounded by cops. Blair seemed to know that instinctively, because he’d had a quick word with the hostess at the steakhouse, and made sure they got a table in a corner, so that Jim could put his back to the wall.
Still, he was enjoying being out with friends, and the very large steak he’d ordered. Blair hadn’t even made a smart remark about Jim’s red meat intake. Jim was torn between wanting to milk that as long as he could, and wanting things to go back to normal.
Not that things would be normal any time soon, although Jim suspected Blair would start nagging him again as soon as Jim put on the weight he’d lost.
“Did Blair tell you about his big narcotics bust?” H asked with a grin.
Jim raised his eyebrows. “Narcotics? Chief, is there something you forgot to tell me?”
Blair stammered a bit. “It wasn’t a big deal. I just helped them out. For a few days.”
“And helped make one of the biggest coke busts in the last three years,” Simon said. “Go ahead, Sandburg. Tell him.”
Blair blushed, and Jim grinned, although he felt a pang. Apparently, Blair had been doing just fine at the PD in Jim’s absence. Although Blair tried to downplay his role in the bust-involving several hundred kilos of cocaine-H, Simon, Rafe, and Connor refused to let him get away with it. It turned out that Blair’s connections at Rainier, his skills in spotting patterns, and his fast-talking had managed to bust up a drug pipeline that Narcotics hadn’t been able to pinpoint, even after months of work.
“And Sandburg just waltzes in and nails the head honcho!” H crowed.
Jim smiled, knowing that Blair’s prowess reflected well on Major Crimes as a whole, as well as putting to rest complaints that Blair didn’t deserve the badge.
“I didn’t waltz!” Blair protested. “They asked me to help out since I still know people at the university.”
“Take the compliment, Sandburg,” Simon ordered.
Blair shifted, finally saying, “It was nice to show that asshole Marsh a thing or two.”
Jim laughed, because he knew Detective Marsh, and the guy was a grade-A asshole. “I’m sorry I couldn’t be there to see it.”
Blair winced. “Yeah. I’ll be right back.”
The silence that fell was uncomfortable, and Jim braced himself for the questions that were sure to come. His co-workers had held off until now, but they were all detectives, and they wanted to know what happened.
“Jim?” Joel prompted. “Can you tell us what happened?”
Trust Joel to be the one smart enough and sensitive enough to ask the question in just that way. “No, I can’t,” Jim admitted. “I agreed I wouldn’t.”
“Agreed? With who?” Megan asked. “You disappear off the face of the planet, and come back looking like-” She stopped. “What happened?”
Jim didn’t have an answer for her, but he knew he had to give them something. “Not everyone believed Blair’s press conference,” he said, knowing he was fast approaching the line. “And everything else is classified.”
“Classified,” H echoed. “What the hell, Jim?”
Jim kept his eyes on the table. He didn’t need to see the expressions of pity they wore. “Let’s just say it wasn’t fun,” he finally said.
“When are you coming back to work?” Joel asked.
Jim finally looked up. “I’m not.”
Blair slid back into his seat next to Jim, looking a little pale. “Neither of us are coming back,” he added. “We can’t. It’s not safe.”
“What are you going to do?” Megan demanded.
Jim shrugged. “I re-upped as a major, and they’re going to work it out so that Blair can get his Ph.D.”
“And in return?” Simon asked shrewdly.
Jim shrugged. “We get protection.”
“And you don’t talk about what happened,” Simon said.
“It was a good deal,” Blair insisted. “And these are good people. Maybe once we catch whoever’s behind this…”
Jim risked a glance around the table, seeing identical expressions of disbelief and dismay on all their faces. “We don’t want to leave you in the lurch,” he began apologetically. “We don’t want to leave at all.”
“Then don’t,” Joel protested. “We can protect you.”
“No, we can’t,” Simon said quietly. “Can these people really keep their promises, Jim?”
Jim nodded. “I think they can. They found me, and they got me out-with a lot of help from Blair. I won’t go back there again. I can’t.”
The party broke up soon after that. Jim could tell that no one knew quite what to say to him or Blair. He could tell they felt betrayed, but Jim wasn’t willing to share more details about his time in captivity to get his point across.
Simon drove them back to the loft and followed Jim and Blair up to their place when Jim invited him for a nightcap.
“I really am sorry, Simon,” Jim said miserably.
“How bad was it, Jim?” he asked.
Jim shrugged. “About as bad as you can imagine. I didn’t make this decision lightly.”
“I know you didn’t,” Simon replied heavily. “I hate losing you, but I know there’s no way we can protect you both long term. We don’t have the budget, and you know as well as I do that you can’t maintain a heightened state of alert forever.”
Blair brought over three glasses of whiskey and passed them out. “We’d stay if we could.”
“I know that,” Simon replied. “You’ll keep in touch?”
“You could come visit,” Jim countered. “It’s Colorado Springs, not the other side of the world. I hear they have good fishing.”
“I’m going to take you up on that,” Simon said.
They talked idly for the next few hours-about Daryl, and the station, and other minor matters. Simon refused a second drink and said, “I should get going. How soon do you have to be back in Colorado?”
“Two weeks,” Blair replied. “Although General Hammond told Jim he could take up to a month. They won’t start the next orientation class until the beginning of next month anyway.”
Simon nodded. “Let me know if you two need any help moving.”
“Will do,” Jim promised, and walked him to the door.
The silence Simon left behind seemed all too loud to Jim, and he looked at Blair helplessly. “Dammit, Blair. I’m sorry.”
“Sorry for what?”
“You’re still one of the best cops I’ve ever known,” Jim said. “Tonight just proved it. You could-”
“I could what?” Blair demanded, interrupting him. “I could stay? Yeah, I could. So could you. And then we spend the next however long until they try again. Maybe they succeed, maybe they don’t. Maybe next time, we find the assholes in charge, and we chuck them into a deep, dark hole-deeper and darker than the one they held you in.”
At this point, Jim didn’t have any secrets, not from Blair. “I can’t go back, and I can’t stand the thought of you in that place.”
“That makes two of us,” Blair shot back. “What do you think it did to me to find out what they’d done to you, huh? They used you like a lab rat, like what you accused me of doing!”
“You have nothing in common with them,” Jim said furiously. “What you did-you were helping me! You did help me!”
Blair ran his hands through his hair. “I hate this.”
“Yeah, me too,” Jim replied quietly. He looked out the balcony doors, his eyes on the horizon. He’d miss this view.
“It’s our only choice,” Blair insisted. “And you’ll rent this place out. Maybe you’ll come back someday.”
Jim swallowed. “It’s our place. If we come back, we’ll do it together.”
“And when we’re in Colorado Springs?” Blair asked quietly. “Do you-I mean, I suppose you’ll want your own place.”
“I don’t,” Jim said immediately. “I don’t. I-” He fell silent, unable to explain. If Blair was close, his senses were easier to control, and Jim would know that Blair was safe.
“Okay,” Blair said. “I just wondered. I thought you might appreciate the opportunity to finally get rid of me.”
“No.” Jim took a deep breath. “Please.”
Blair’s eyes grew concerned. “Hey, no, man. Whatever you need. I wouldn’t mind sharing expenses again, and you’re the best roommate I’ve ever had-and I’ve had a lot of roommates.”
“Thanks,” Jim said gruffly. “Thank you.”
“Don’t ever thank me for being your friend, Jim,” Blair said hotly. “And while we might be making plenty of money at the SGC, I don’t mind saving half the rent.”
“A mortgage,” Jim insisted. “With both our names on the title.”
Blair laughed. “Won’t that be something. Naomi’s son owning property.”
“You okay with that?” Jim asked.
“More than,” Blair assured him. “I figured out a while ago that this partnership was for-well, it was long term.”
“Very long term,” Jim replied. “Maybe for always, Chief.”
And Blair’s bright, sweet smile was all the confirmation Jim needed.
Jack arrived at the SGC to find an urgent message from General Hammond, and he quickly changed into his uniform and headed for Hammond’s office. He knocked on the door perfunctorily and entered when Hammond waved at him. “Have a seat, Jack,” Hammond said. “Detective Ellison should be joining us shortly.”
Jack raised his eyebrows. “Do we have an update, sir?”
“Dr. Frasier let me know that Ellison’s sight is back to normal. She says it will take time for the drugs to completely leave his system, but he’ll be cleared for duty soon.”
“Which means he’ll be going home.”
“We haven’t determined that,” Hammond replied. “I haven’t made the offer to Ellison.”
“I assume that’s what you called me in here for, sir,” Jack said carefully.
Hammond nodded. “Dr. Frasier told Ellison to come to my office as soon as he finishes breakfast. I expect him any minute now.”
Jack leaned back in his chair. “Did you get authorization to bump up his grade?”
“Quite frankly, the President wants to keep Ellison’s skills within the SGC, and he doesn’t want it getting out that we have a rogue element going around kidnapping American citizens willy-nilly.” Hammond looked about as grave as Jack had ever seen him. “I can’t say as I blame him. If the media were to get wind of this-a decorated Army Ranger, and police detective, being experimented on by his own government?”
Jack grimaced. “It would be bad. I take it that the President wants to buy his silence.”
“Not in so many words, but yes.” Hammond shook his head. “On the other hand, this has underscored just how imperative it is to run down these people and bring them to justice.”
He fell silent as a knock came on the door. Ellison hovered in the doorway, dressed in green fatigues, already looking every inch the soldier. “You wanted to see me, sir?”
“Come on in, Detective,” Hammond said. “And, please, have a seat.”
Ellison cast a wary look at Jack, but he sat down in the second chair across from Hammond’s desk. “I assume this is about the job offer you made Sandburg, General.”
“Partially,” Hammond replied. “But it’s more about the offer we want to make you.”
Ellison sat ramrod straight. “No offense, sir, but while I really appreciate everything you’ve done for me, I’m not sure what would ever compel me to work for the government again.”
“You work for the city of Cascade now,” Jack felt compelled to point out. “So, technically, you still work for the government.”
The flicker of a smile made its way to Ellison’s face. “You have a point, Colonel, but I trust my captain.”
“If it makes you feel any better, you would be working for the SGC, and you’d be under my command,” Hammond said.
Ellison hitched a shoulder. “That makes me feel a little better,” he admitted. “I’m a little old for a captain’s rank, though.”
“You’d be given the rank of major, with a possibility for promotion in one year,” Hammond countered.
Ellison’s cool façade cracked a bit. “That’s generous. What’s the catch?”
“You sign a nondisclosure agreement promising not to reveal anything about the SGC or your experiences at the hands of the NID,” Hammond replied.
Ellison barked out a short, bitter laugh. “I don’t think you have to worry about that, sir, whether or not I take the job. I have no desire to be back in the middle of a media circus. If the press hears about this, they’ll figure out I’m a Sentinel.”
“How are you going to explain your disappearance?” Jack asked.
Ellison suddenly slumped back in his chair. “I have no idea. I was kind of hoping that everybody would be so glad to have me back that they wouldn’t ask a lot of questions.”
Jack smirked. “You were Cop of the Year. Twice. They’re going to ask questions.”
Ellison looked so disconsolate that Jack felt a certain sympathy. The man had been through hell, and now he was facing the prospect of not being able to go home. Jack wouldn’t be happy in Ellison’s shoes.
“What would I be doing?” he asked wearily.
Hammond pulled out their ace in the hole in the form of a stack of mission reports, each one representing a situation where someone of Ellison’s capabilities might have made a difference. “Last month, we lost three men to a mining accident off-world because we couldn’t find them in time. We think you might have been able to find them when the equipment malfunctioned. Every time we send a team through the gate, we risk running up against Jaffa and Goa’uld. Being able to sense them coming would be a help.”
Ellison took the stack of reports, his expression unreadable. “Can I have a day to think about this?”
“You can have two,” Hammond replied, placing another file on top of the stack of reports. “That’s our offer, in writing.”
Ellison took a deep breath. “You can’t protect us if we go back to Cascade.”
“No, son, we can’t,” Hammond said gently.
Ellison nodded. “And Sandburg can get his doctorate?”
“His dissertation will be deemed classified. He’ll be given an opportunity to defend it in front of those who have security clearance,” Hammond said quietly. “And if he’s successful, he’ll have a doctorate from an accredited university.”
Ellison smiled. “And you’d hire him to do anthropology.”
“We always have need for people with Mr. Sandburg’s skills,” Hammond replied.
“Can I take these, sir?” Ellison asked.
“You can’t take them off the base, but yes, you may take them,” Hammond said.
“I’d like to discuss things with my partner.”
“Of course. You do whatever you need to do,” Hammond said. “You can check out a fleet vehicle if you’d like. Just be sure to check out when you leave the base.”
“Yes, sir,” Ellison said, and then left.
Hammond waited until Ellison was gone before he asked, “Do you think he’ll take the offer, Jack?”
“Yeah, I do,” Jack replied. “But I think he’ll take it for Sandburg’s sake and not his own.”
~~~~~
Jim turned up outside of Daniel’s lab and hovered in the doorway, waiting for them to notice his presence. Blair had his hair pulled back and his glasses on, and he was bent over an artifact, shoulder-to-shoulder with Daniel. From what Jim had seen, the two of them were kindred spirits, and Jim knew he was getting a glimpse of what Blair’s life could be if he took Hammond’s offer.
Blair could be happy here, Jim thought. Maybe he was happy with the PD, too. He was certainly a good cop.
When Blair glanced up, he grinned when he caught sight of Jim in the doorway. “Hey. How’d the meeting go?”
Jim shrugged. “Good. Do you have a little time? I’d kind of like to go for a walk.”
Blair looked over at Daniel, who smiled. “Go ahead. It’s almost lunch time anyway.”
Jim waited until they were in the elevator before he said, “The general gave us permission to leave the base, but I’m not sure I want to risk it just yet.”
“No, I get that,” Blair assured him. “We’ll just go for a little stroll.”
They strolled along the corridors of the complex, and Jim said in a low voice. “I haven’t seen the sun in months, but there’s no way I’m going out without being armed.”
Blair winced. “I’m sorry, man. You know, I’ve got my service weapon. We could-”
“No,” Jim said. “Is there-is there anywhere private?”
“Your quarters or mine?”
Jim didn’t like the idea of being cooped up, but he didn’t see that he had a lot of other choices at the moment. “Mine. That’s where I’ve got the files.”
Blair didn’t ask any questions. He just followed Jim back to his quarters where the stack of reports was scattered over his bed, along with the offer from the SGC. Jim wasn’t surprised when Blair zeroed in on the offer. “I see you got one of those.”
“Yeah. They offered to bump up my grade to major, effective immediately, and they’d make me eligible for a promotion in a year.”
Blair whistled appreciatively. “Not too bad. They’d probably hire you as a civilian contractor if you bucked for it if that’s not what you want, though.”
Jim shook his head. “No, if I’m going to stay, I’ll reactivate my commission. General Hammond-he seems like a quality leader.”
“I think he is,” Blair agreed quietly. “What do you want to do, Jim?”
Jim shook his head. “No. I want you to tell me what you want.”
“Jim, you deserve to have a say in this, too,” Blair protested.
“I don’t know what I want,” Jim said baldly. “I want to go back to Cascade. I want to go back to my life. But I also want you to be safe, and I want you to get your doctorate. So, you tell me what you want.” Jim frowned when Blair refused to meet his eyes. “Blair-”
Blair sighed. “You’ve had a lot taken away from you, man. I’m not going to be the guy that makes a decision that means you lose everything else.”
“Chief, you’re not deciding anything. We decide together, just like we talked about. But I need to know what you want.”
“I want this,” Blair said softly. “God, Jim, the opportunities here! Staying means the chance to visit alien cultures, to learn new languages and study-everything. So many things.”
“It means getting your doctorate,” Jim said softly.
“Yeah, I guess it does,” Blair admitted. “But if you say you want to go back to Cascade, put all this behind us, and just be cops-that’s what we’ll do.”
Jim shook his head. “We’ll-I’ll always wonder, though.”
“We’ll wonder if we stay, too,” Blair countered. “You can do a lot of good as a detective, Jim. We both can. That’s why I accepted the badge in the first place.”
Jim looked at the reports scattered on the bed. “There’s a lot we can do here. I don’t know.” He met Blair’s eyes, reading his expression easily in the dim light from the lamp they’d turned on. There was uncertainty, even fear, but there was also a spark of new discovery, something Jim hadn’t seen for far too long.
There was no guarantee that they would be safe if they stayed with the SGC, of course. They seemed destined to have dangerous jobs. Blair would say that Jim was compelled to protect the tribe, but mostly Jim just wanted to protect Blair.
And if that meant packing up and moving to Colorado Springs, starting all over again-well, it was no less than what Blair had done for him.
“General Hammond said he’d give me a couple of days,” Jim said quietly. “But I think I’m ready to give him my answer now.”
“Man, I’m sorry,” Blair said, sounding miserable. “This sucks.”
“I’ll live,” Jim said dryly. “Which is more than I could have said a few days ago.”
Blair looked stricken. “Not funny.”
Jim sighed. “No, not really.”
“We’re going to have to tell Simon.” Blair rubbed his eyes. “Seriously, this is going to suck.”
“Simon will deal with it,” Jim replied. “Especially if we tell him this is the only way we can be sure we’re protected.”
“Which would be true.” Blair gave him an impish smile that wasn’t quite as bright as usual. “Not it.”
“Coward,” Jim accused.
Blair shrugged. “Shoot me.”
“Not even on a bet,” Jim replied. “I’m going to read these reports first. Then I’ll call Simon and let him know. We’ll still need to go back to Cascade, pack everything up. I’d prefer to rent out the loft, instead of selling it.”
Blair stared at him. “You’ve already got a plan?”
Jim hesitated, and then admitted, “I’ve had a plan since your press conference. I thought-I knew there might be people who wouldn’t believe you.”
“How extensive is this plan?” Blair demanded.
“I gave Simon power of attorney if we both went missing,” Jim said. “After a month, he was supposed to rent out our place and route the money to an offshore account. Dividends from the stocks Dad gave me are routed there as well, and…”
When Jim trailed off, Blair demanded, “No, tell me all of it, Jim.”
“I have a trust,” Jim said in a rush. “I haven’t touched it because-I don’t know.”
“Because you’re a stubborn bastard?” Blair suggested.
“Yeah, that too.” He shrugged. “I have a couple of accounts. I was going to tell you, but things seemed to be okay, and I didn’t want to freak you out. Your name’s on the accounts,” he added as an afterthought. “Dad was supposed to contact you with the information if I was gone for more than three months.”
Blair shook his head. “Man, I knew you were anal, but this is something else.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” Jim said. “I just-it never seemed like the right time, and I hoped-I hoped it wouldn’t happen.”
“Yeah, I get that.” Blair scrubbed his hands over his face. “Did you say anything to Simon?”
“I left instructions with my attorney to give to Simon,” Jim said. “I didn’t want to worry him, either, and you know Simon.”
“Yeah, I do.” Blair reached out and put his hand on Jim’s arm. “If you want to go back to Cascade, we’ll find a way to make it work. We’ll stay sharp, and we’ll make sure they don’t get to us.”
“No one can make that guarantee,” Jim said quietly. “And there’s no way I’m going to risk you.”
Blair shook his head. “I don’t want you to give up who you are.”
“Blair,” Jim said gently. “I don’t know who I am right now.”
Jim thought it might be a long time before he did.
~~~~~
Sam spotted Jim and Blair across the commissary. They were seated side by side with a stack of reports between them, and she figured she was better off not interrupting.
By the time she’d grabbed lunch, however, most of the tables were occupied, and Blair waved her over from across the crowded room. She gave a mental shrug and sat down across from Jim. “Hey, guys.”
“Hey, Sam,” Blair said readily. “It’s busy in here today.”
“We had a couple of teams coming back this morning, and another set leaving this afternoon,” she explained.
She caught Jim’s eye, and was charmed by his sweet grin. “It’s good to finally put a face to the voice,” he said.
Blair elbowed him, and Sam was well enough versed in guy-speak to read the gesture as an “I told you so.”
“I had heard you were pretty much back to normal,” Sam replied.
Blair smirked and opened his mouth, probably to make a smartass remark of some kind, and then seemed to think better of it. Jim winced and said, “I’m doing a lot better.”
Sam glanced at Blair, who gave a quick shake of his head. “What are you working on?” she asked, deciding that a change in subject was in order.
“We’re reading mission reports that General Hammond and Colonel O’Neill gave me,” Jim explained.
“Job offer?”
“Job offer,” Jim confirmed.
Blair grinned. “They said they’d make Jim a major.”
“He’d have the rank if he’d stayed in the service,” Sam said. “So, really, it only makes sense. If you stay with the SGC, you’ll probably make colonel without too much trouble.”
Jim raised his eyebrows. “Do you go through officers that quickly?”
“Pretty much every gate team is led by a light colonel or a full bird,” Sam replied. “And we’ve got some off world mining operations where the same is true. We tend to take the best of the best from the Academy, so we tend to have plenty of young officers.”
Jim raised an eyebrow. “And you lose a lot.”
“We have dangerous jobs,” Sam hedged. “But we try not to lose anybody.” She nodded at the stack of reports. “I imagine that’s what those are about.”
Jim drummed his fingers on the stack. “General Hammond seems to think I-we can make a difference.” His eyes darted to Blair, and Sam could see the wordless apology in his eyes.
Sam frowned. “Do you want my honest opinion?”
Jim nodded. “Yeah, I do.”
“Then, yes, I think you could make a difference here,” Sam replied. “But I think you probably make a difference in Cascade, too.”
Jim smiled. “Great. Think I’m going to grab a piece of pie, Sandburg. Do you want one?”
“No thanks,” Blair replied.
Jim made his way through the crowded commissary, and Sam looked at Blair. “So, what was that about earlier?”
Blair winced. “I’m pretty sure Jim knew I was about to make a crack about him not being anywhere near normal, which is a touchy subject at the best of times.”
“And this isn’t the best of times,” Sam supplied.
“Not even remotely,” Blair confirmed.
Sam gave Blair a sharp look. “How are you?”
“I’ve just been offered everything I wanted most on a silver platter, but in order to get it, Jim has to give up almost everything that he wants.” Blair shook his head. “It’s not fair.”
“I told you. What I want most is for you to be safe,” Jim said, sliding back into his seat, a piece of pecan pie in front of him. “And it’s not much of a life if we’re always looking over our shoulders.” He shrugged. “Besides, it might be nice to actually be able to use my senses without hiding them.”
Blair’s expression was skeptical. “Uh huh.”
“Give it up, Chief,” Jim insisted. “I’ve already made my decision, and you’ve already said that you want this.”
Sam felt a flare of hope. She liked Jim-a lot-and having him stick around could only be a good thing. “So, you’re staying?”
Jim nodded. “Looks like. We’ll have to put our affairs in order in Cascade, and Simon’s probably not going to want to let us go without at least two weeks’ notice, but this seems like the best option.”
He froze, his head tilting to the side.
“What is it, Jim?” Blair asked.
Jim shook his head. “Just the gate alarm.”
Sam raised her eyebrows. “You can tell that from here?”
“It’s-SG-5,” Jim said after a moment. “They’re in one piece, but-covered in mud?”
Sam couldn’t help but be impressed. “You can hear all that?”
“I can hear a lot,” Jim said, his expression cold. But then that same sweet grin crossed his face, and he added, “I don’t get to show off very often.”
Sam grinned and glanced over at Blair, who was watching Jim with an indulgent, proud smile.
Jim shook himself. “Gotta be careful with that,” he muttered. “Too easy to zone.”
“Not with me right here,” Blair assured him. “I’ve got your back.”
Jim nodded and started in on his pie. “I guess you do.” He met Sam’s eyes. “But when we get back, I wouldn’t mind trying out that bike you were telling me about.”
Sam grinned. “I’ll look forward to it.”
~~~~~
In the end, Dr. Frasier released Jim to return to Cascade just a few days after his sight returned. Blair knew that Jim had been in contact with Simon, but he had no idea what Jim had said to him. General Hammond sent them back to Cascade with a military escort, and the promise of protection.
“You won’t see us, but we’ll be there,” General Hammond had said.
Hammond appeared to be keeping his promise, because not only did they take the SGC’s jet back to Cascade, but there was a government SUV waiting for them.
“You know, I could get used to this,” Blair said, relaxing back into leather seat.
“Don’t,” Jim said dryly. “Once we’re back in Colorado Springs, we aren’t going to get this kind of treatment.”
“I’m aware of that,” Blair protested. “I’m not getting used to it. I’m just saying that it would be nice.”
Jim smiled. “It would be nice, I’ll give you that.”
“Have you told Simon yet?” Blair asked.
“I hinted,” Jim said defensively. “I told him we probably wouldn’t be safe in Cascade.”
Blair laughed. “That’s not a hint, Jim.”
“I thought I’d do Simon the courtesy of saying it to his face,” Jim replied, closing his eyes.
“We’re going home first?” Blair asked. He hadn’t asked until now because he’d wanted to give Jim as much control as he could.
“Simon is going to meet us there,” Jim confirmed.
Blair sighed. “You can still change your mind.”
“I’m not going to,” Jim replied evenly. “I told you already.”
“Yeah, but maybe you’ve changed your mind now that we’re back in your own territory,” Blair countered. “Maybe you’ll decide to stay here.”
“Are you accusing me of being wishy-washy?”
“Never, man,” Blair said immediately. “I just-if you wanted to stay, I’d understand.”
“Do you want to stay?” Jim countered.
“I don’t know.” Blair sighed. “We’ve-we’re good here, aren’t we?”
“Yeah, we’re good,” Jim insisted. “Simon will understand, Blair. Eventually.”
Blair snorted. “He’s going to blame me.”
“Not when I explain it,” Jim said. “We talked about this. It’s an opportunity you can’t pass up, and I don’t want to be looking over my shoulder for as long as it takes the government to find the bad apples.”
Blair subsided. When Jim made up his mind, there was no changing it, especially when he was being motivated by a combination of fear and guilt.
The fear was natural; Jim had been through hell and then some over the last few months, and he naturally didn’t want the same thing to happen again, or to happen to Blair. The guilt-well, Blair knew that Jim still thought it was his fault that Blair had to scuttle his academic career, and Jim had a habit of self-sacrifice.
The SUV pulled up in front of their building, and the driver twisted around. “Do you have the contact information, sir?”
“I do,” Jim said. “Thank you for the ride, airman.”
“Not a problem, Major Ellison. Have a good vacation.”
Jim smiled but didn’t bother to correct him. “You got your keys, Sandburg?”
“Right here, man,” Blair replied, holding up his keys. “I just have to get my bag.”
He had his duffel, but Jim didn’t have anything but the clothes on his back. The NID had apparently destroyed Jim’s personal effects; a search of the lab hadn’t turned up anything Jim had with him when he’d been kidnapped. Jim had been wearing a uniform all week, but ever since he’d accepted Hammond’s offers, his uniforms sported a major’s insignia and his last name.
Blair unlocked the door, wrinkling his nose at the musty odor. “I hate that smell,” he complained.
Jim shrugged. “Open up the balcony doors. We’ll air the place out for a little while, if you don’t mind the cold.”
“I’ll see if I can find some candles, too,” Blair said. “I have a couple that won’t aggravate your allergies.”
“If you don’t mind, I’m going to grab a shower and get into civvies,” Jim said.
“No, man, go ahead.”
The breeze coming in through the balcony doors was unusually warm for early spring in Cascade, and the sun shone brightly. Blair stood by the doors and looked out at the harbor, and the familiar horizon. The loft had been the first place he’d ever felt truly at home, and he didn’t want to give that up.
He sighed, knowing that while neither of them wanted to leave Cascade, they would, but only because it was the only way to ensure the other’s safety.
There was a brief knock on the door, and Blair glanced through the peephole to see Simon.
“Hey, Simon.” Blair waved him inside. “Thanks for looking after the place while we were gone.”
“I was happy to help,” Simon replied. “How is he?”
“He’s in the shower,” Blair said. “I think he was ready to get back into his own clothes.”
Simon raised his eyebrows. “You didn’t take him a change of clothing?”
“I had a lot on my mind!” Blair defended. “I didn’t think about it.”
“It’s fine, Sandburg,” Jim said, emerging from the bathroom in a cloud of steam, fully dressed in a pair of jeans and a gray t-shirt. “No harm done. Hey, Simon.”
Blair hadn’t been sure what Simon’s reaction was going to be-would Simon shake Jim’s hand, or give him a hug?
His question was answered soon enough. Simon closed the distance between him and Jim in two long strides and pulled Jim into a bear hug.
After a moment, Jim returned the embrace, holding on to Simon tightly. Blair had to look away, blinking away the moisture in his own eyes.
“It’s good to see you,” Jim said as Simon pulled back.
Simon looked him up and down, and Blair knew he was noting the way Jim’s clothing hung just a little too loose, the new lines in his face, the gray in his hair. “Welcome back,” Simon finally said.
“It’s good to be back,” Jim said after a brief hesitation.
Blair wasn’t sure that anyone else would have noticed it, but Simon hadn’t been made captain of Major Crimes without good reason. “You’re not coming back, are you?” he asked.
Jim sighed. “We aren’t sure they won’t come after us again,” he replied. “The SGC can offer us protection.”
Simon grimaced. “I suspected as much. Are you two hungry? My treat.”
“That would be great,” Blair said immediately.
Jim nodded, looking a little reluctant, but Blair knew that was because he was seriously paranoid at the moment. It was like he didn’t want to go out in public. Blair had actually been surprised when Jim hadn’t been interested on getting out of the mountain, almost like he hadn’t wanted to leave the security that a couple of hundred armed soldiers provided.
“I’ll call up the others,” Simon said. “They’ll want to see you, too.”
“That would be great.” Jim’s smile actually reached his eyes. “I’d like that.”
Blair almost believed it.
~~~~~
Jim figured it was probably going to take a long time before he felt safe being out in public, even when he was surrounded by cops. Blair seemed to know that instinctively, because he’d had a quick word with the hostess at the steakhouse, and made sure they got a table in a corner, so that Jim could put his back to the wall.
Still, he was enjoying being out with friends, and the very large steak he’d ordered. Blair hadn’t even made a smart remark about Jim’s red meat intake. Jim was torn between wanting to milk that as long as he could, and wanting things to go back to normal.
Not that things would be normal any time soon, although Jim suspected Blair would start nagging him again as soon as Jim put on the weight he’d lost.
“Did Blair tell you about his big narcotics bust?” H asked with a grin.
Jim raised his eyebrows. “Narcotics? Chief, is there something you forgot to tell me?”
Blair stammered a bit. “It wasn’t a big deal. I just helped them out. For a few days.”
“And helped make one of the biggest coke busts in the last three years,” Simon said. “Go ahead, Sandburg. Tell him.”
Blair blushed, and Jim grinned, although he felt a pang. Apparently, Blair had been doing just fine at the PD in Jim’s absence. Although Blair tried to downplay his role in the bust-involving several hundred kilos of cocaine-H, Simon, Rafe, and Connor refused to let him get away with it. It turned out that Blair’s connections at Rainier, his skills in spotting patterns, and his fast-talking had managed to bust up a drug pipeline that Narcotics hadn’t been able to pinpoint, even after months of work.
“And Sandburg just waltzes in and nails the head honcho!” H crowed.
Jim smiled, knowing that Blair’s prowess reflected well on Major Crimes as a whole, as well as putting to rest complaints that Blair didn’t deserve the badge.
“I didn’t waltz!” Blair protested. “They asked me to help out since I still know people at the university.”
“Take the compliment, Sandburg,” Simon ordered.
Blair shifted, finally saying, “It was nice to show that asshole Marsh a thing or two.”
Jim laughed, because he knew Detective Marsh, and the guy was a grade-A asshole. “I’m sorry I couldn’t be there to see it.”
Blair winced. “Yeah. I’ll be right back.”
The silence that fell was uncomfortable, and Jim braced himself for the questions that were sure to come. His co-workers had held off until now, but they were all detectives, and they wanted to know what happened.
“Jim?” Joel prompted. “Can you tell us what happened?”
Trust Joel to be the one smart enough and sensitive enough to ask the question in just that way. “No, I can’t,” Jim admitted. “I agreed I wouldn’t.”
“Agreed? With who?” Megan asked. “You disappear off the face of the planet, and come back looking like-” She stopped. “What happened?”
Jim didn’t have an answer for her, but he knew he had to give them something. “Not everyone believed Blair’s press conference,” he said, knowing he was fast approaching the line. “And everything else is classified.”
“Classified,” H echoed. “What the hell, Jim?”
Jim kept his eyes on the table. He didn’t need to see the expressions of pity they wore. “Let’s just say it wasn’t fun,” he finally said.
“When are you coming back to work?” Joel asked.
Jim finally looked up. “I’m not.”
Blair slid back into his seat next to Jim, looking a little pale. “Neither of us are coming back,” he added. “We can’t. It’s not safe.”
“What are you going to do?” Megan demanded.
Jim shrugged. “I re-upped as a major, and they’re going to work it out so that Blair can get his Ph.D.”
“And in return?” Simon asked shrewdly.
Jim shrugged. “We get protection.”
“And you don’t talk about what happened,” Simon said.
“It was a good deal,” Blair insisted. “And these are good people. Maybe once we catch whoever’s behind this…”
Jim risked a glance around the table, seeing identical expressions of disbelief and dismay on all their faces. “We don’t want to leave you in the lurch,” he began apologetically. “We don’t want to leave at all.”
“Then don’t,” Joel protested. “We can protect you.”
“No, we can’t,” Simon said quietly. “Can these people really keep their promises, Jim?”
Jim nodded. “I think they can. They found me, and they got me out-with a lot of help from Blair. I won’t go back there again. I can’t.”
The party broke up soon after that. Jim could tell that no one knew quite what to say to him or Blair. He could tell they felt betrayed, but Jim wasn’t willing to share more details about his time in captivity to get his point across.
Simon drove them back to the loft and followed Jim and Blair up to their place when Jim invited him for a nightcap.
“I really am sorry, Simon,” Jim said miserably.
“How bad was it, Jim?” he asked.
Jim shrugged. “About as bad as you can imagine. I didn’t make this decision lightly.”
“I know you didn’t,” Simon replied heavily. “I hate losing you, but I know there’s no way we can protect you both long term. We don’t have the budget, and you know as well as I do that you can’t maintain a heightened state of alert forever.”
Blair brought over three glasses of whiskey and passed them out. “We’d stay if we could.”
“I know that,” Simon replied. “You’ll keep in touch?”
“You could come visit,” Jim countered. “It’s Colorado Springs, not the other side of the world. I hear they have good fishing.”
“I’m going to take you up on that,” Simon said.
They talked idly for the next few hours-about Daryl, and the station, and other minor matters. Simon refused a second drink and said, “I should get going. How soon do you have to be back in Colorado?”
“Two weeks,” Blair replied. “Although General Hammond told Jim he could take up to a month. They won’t start the next orientation class until the beginning of next month anyway.”
Simon nodded. “Let me know if you two need any help moving.”
“Will do,” Jim promised, and walked him to the door.
The silence Simon left behind seemed all too loud to Jim, and he looked at Blair helplessly. “Dammit, Blair. I’m sorry.”
“Sorry for what?”
“You’re still one of the best cops I’ve ever known,” Jim said. “Tonight just proved it. You could-”
“I could what?” Blair demanded, interrupting him. “I could stay? Yeah, I could. So could you. And then we spend the next however long until they try again. Maybe they succeed, maybe they don’t. Maybe next time, we find the assholes in charge, and we chuck them into a deep, dark hole-deeper and darker than the one they held you in.”
At this point, Jim didn’t have any secrets, not from Blair. “I can’t go back, and I can’t stand the thought of you in that place.”
“That makes two of us,” Blair shot back. “What do you think it did to me to find out what they’d done to you, huh? They used you like a lab rat, like what you accused me of doing!”
“You have nothing in common with them,” Jim said furiously. “What you did-you were helping me! You did help me!”
Blair ran his hands through his hair. “I hate this.”
“Yeah, me too,” Jim replied quietly. He looked out the balcony doors, his eyes on the horizon. He’d miss this view.
“It’s our only choice,” Blair insisted. “And you’ll rent this place out. Maybe you’ll come back someday.”
Jim swallowed. “It’s our place. If we come back, we’ll do it together.”
“And when we’re in Colorado Springs?” Blair asked quietly. “Do you-I mean, I suppose you’ll want your own place.”
“I don’t,” Jim said immediately. “I don’t. I-” He fell silent, unable to explain. If Blair was close, his senses were easier to control, and Jim would know that Blair was safe.
“Okay,” Blair said. “I just wondered. I thought you might appreciate the opportunity to finally get rid of me.”
“No.” Jim took a deep breath. “Please.”
Blair’s eyes grew concerned. “Hey, no, man. Whatever you need. I wouldn’t mind sharing expenses again, and you’re the best roommate I’ve ever had-and I’ve had a lot of roommates.”
“Thanks,” Jim said gruffly. “Thank you.”
“Don’t ever thank me for being your friend, Jim,” Blair said hotly. “And while we might be making plenty of money at the SGC, I don’t mind saving half the rent.”
“A mortgage,” Jim insisted. “With both our names on the title.”
Blair laughed. “Won’t that be something. Naomi’s son owning property.”
“You okay with that?” Jim asked.
“More than,” Blair assured him. “I figured out a while ago that this partnership was for-well, it was long term.”
“Very long term,” Jim replied. “Maybe for always, Chief.”
And Blair’s bright, sweet smile was all the confirmation Jim needed.