Now and Always- Chapter 12
I heard that LJ was going to be down tomorrow, and so I'm posting the last chapter of Now and Always today. I have a feeling that I'll probably come back to this 'verse at some point. There's too many possibilities to explore.
Previous parts can be found here.
Chapter 12
“I’m not counting days anymore. It feels weird come back to this, to write it down. It was a substitute for Spike while he was gone, but now that he’s back, I don’t feel like I need it anymore. But he’s back, and we’re together, and I think we’re both going to be okay.” ~Excerpt from the diary of Buffy Summers
They said goodbye to everyone in L.A. amidst promises to visit again, and then flew to Cleveland. Although Spike wasn’t sorry that they were stopping to see Dawn, he was beginning to yearn for home.
It was strange to think of Council headquarters as home, but it was as close to it as anything else.
Another airport, another gate, and Spike could see Dawn and Willow waving to them by the baggage claim. “Buffy!” Dawn crossed the intervening space quickly, throwing her arms around her sister.
“I just saw you a few weeks ago,” Buffy replied laughingly, returning Dawn’s embrace. “How are you? Is Oliver still driving you crazy?”
“Depends on the day,” Dawn admitted, shrugging. “Right now we’re good, though.”
“I’m glad to hear it,” Buffy replied with a smile.
Dawn turned to look at him. “So. Have you remembered me yet?”
“Yeah, Nibblet. I remember you.” He raised his eyebrow. “What? Don’t I get a hug?”
She threw her arms around him in lieu of a response. “I missed you.”
“Missed you, too,” he murmured into her hair. “I’m sorry, pet.”
“Don’t be,” she murmured into his chest. “I’m glad you’re okay.”
“Yeah. I am. I’m okay.” For the first time in a long time, he was.
~~~~~
“So tell me. What are your intentions towards Dawn?”
Oliver did his best not to squirm. Dawn had warned him that Spike would likely try to intimidate him, and that his best bet was to stand firm and be honest.
Metaphorically speaking, anyway, since they were both seated.
“I, uh, I want to make her happy.”
Spike crossed his arms over his chest. “Uh huh.”
Oliver realized that it wasn’t the right answer. “I want to marry her?” he hazarded. As Spike’s eyebrows went up, he quickly added, “Someday. When we’re older.”
“You’re how much older ‘n her?”
Oliver swallowed, knowing that there was no right answer to this question. “Four years.”
“And you know how important she is to us.”
“She’s just as important to me,” he replied sincerely. “Dawn’s everything to me.”
Spike’s eyes softened then. “Just remember that, then.”
“Yes, I will.”
“Right. You know the drill. Hurt her, an’ I will rip out your heart with my bare hands.” Spike followed up that pronouncement with a beatific smile. “Welcome to the family.”
Oliver stayed seated after Spike left the room, still feeling a little stunned, and not clear on whether he’d been let off easy or not.
“Spike’s smiling, so you must not have done too badly,” Dawn said, coming into the study.
He raised his eyebrows. “Thanks for the warning.”
Dawn shrugged. “There was no way I could prepare you for Spike. I had no idea what he’d be like, given that the last time I saw him, he didn’t even remember me.”
Oliver sighed and slouched down in his chair a little farther. “I thought you said he’d mellowed.”
Dawn shrugged. “He has, actually. Other than the obligatory warning, he’s not going to do anything. I call that mellow-for Spike.”
“Maybe I should be grateful that he wasn’t around when we started dating.”
“Oh, I am,” Dawn said with a grin. “Come on, we’re dishing up dinner.”
Oliver levered himself up with his crutches. “Who cooked?”
“Rachel did most of the work, but Oz helped. Whatever it is, it smells amazing.”
Oliver swung himself out of the room and smiled as he thought about Spike’s parting words. As crazy as it was, he did feel like he was part of a family again.
~~~~~
Smoking was no longer an option, at least according to Buffy, but there were times when Spike still wanted a cigarette so badly he could taste it. It wasn’t the nicotine fix he wanted, but the ritual: hunt for pack of cigarettes, shake one out, hunt for lighter, light it up.
Spike had perfected the show over the years, and the production was as much a part of him as his duster had been. There were times when he wondered who he was, he’d left so much of himself behind over the last few years.
But anytime he started thinking about what he had left behind, he was immediately reminded of what he’d gained, and that outweighed his losses by a long shot.
“Hey. I thought I might find you out here.”
Spike looked up to see Dawn. “Gonna join me?”
“Sure. You’re not smoking, huh?”
“Your sister put her foot down, said she wasn’t going to lose me any sooner than she had to.”
“Makes sense.”
They sat in companionable silence. Dawn was the one to break it. “Is it weird?”
He didn’t have to ask what she was referring to. “Not as much as you’d think,” he admitted. “It’d be different if I didn’t have the same strength as before.”
“I guess so.”
“How is it being in Cleveland?”
“Kind of like being in Sunnydale, only without the big sister who insists I stay behind.” Dawn grinned at him. “I’m glad you guys could stop through.”
“Wouldn’t have missed it for anything, Bit.” Spike smirked. “Don’t tell your boy this, but I like him.”
Dawn knew that was as close to a blessing as Spike would ever utter, and coming from him, it meant a lot. “I’m glad.” She paused. “Buffy said you guys are going to get married.”
“In a year or two.” The way he said it told Dawn just how much the idea thrilled him, no matter how nonchalant he tried to sound. “Not right away. We both figure we need some time to get settled in Bath, see what our lives are gonna look like.”
“Makes sense. You both have been going non-stop the last couple of years.”
There was another long silence, but this time, Dawn simply rested her head on Spike’s shoulder, feeling his warm arm pull her close. It was just what she’d needed.
~~~~~
“So, you guys are staying here?” Buffy asked.
Willow nodded. “We’ve worked out a system. I don’t know how much Dawn needs us right now, but Giles said that there wasn’t anywhere else he needed us more.” She flushed a little bit. “And it’s good for me to stay in one place right now.”
Buffy’s eyebrows went up. “What are you talking about?” Something about Willow’s expression gave her a clue. “You-are you pregnant?” she asked in a whisper.
Willow’s face turned a deeper shade of red. “Yeah. It’s not something we planned for, but it’s okay.”
Buffy couldn’t quite believe that one of her oldest friends was pregnant, but at the same time, it felt right. Willow was clearly excited about the possibility, in spite of her embarrassment. “What did Oz say?”
Willow grinned, her face full of mischief. “He didn’t say anything, but he did have to sit down.”
Buffy’s eyes widened. “Really?”
She laughed at the memory. “Yep. Definitely went weak in the knees.”
“I didn’t think that was possible!”
“Me neither.”
They grinned at each other, and for a moment, it felt like it had back in high school, before things had really gone to hell, when they could sit and talk about boys for hours.
Willow sobered quickly. “Buffy?”
“Yeah?”
“Are-are we okay?”
Buffy smiled. “Yeah, Will. We’re good.”
She thought it might finally be time to move on.
~~~~~
As much as Buffy had enjoyed the time spent in Los Angeles and Cleveland, she was grateful to get out of the car in front of Council headquarters. What she wanted most was a few weeks of sleeping in the same bed-with Spike. That alone would be heaven.
She felt strong arms grab her from behind as she unpacked, and Spike nipped at her ear. “Forget that.”
“We’re supposed to have dinner with Giles and Miriam tonight,” she reminded him, although she wasn’t opposed to blowing it off.
Spike worked his way down the side of her neck. “Who cares? We’ll tell them we’re too tired.”
“Are we?”
“We will be.”
She giggled as he hit a particularly sensitive spot, then twisted in his arms so that she was facing him. Twining her arms around his neck, she raised an eyebrow. “We’ll get into trouble.”
“What can he do to us?” Spike asked, his eyes bright with desire and mischief. “He can’t fire us, an’ he knows that he won’t get away with sending us on different missions again.”
“Good point.” She turned them both, and with a good push, sent Spike tumbling back onto the bed. He pulled her with him, and they lay sprawled and laughing, kissing breathlessly, desperately.
Buffy felt seventeen again-which is probably why they were interrupted just then by a brief knock and Nora’s head poking inside. “Come quick! Two of the Watchers are fighting!”
There was real alarm in the girl’s voice, and so Buffy hurriedly straightened her clothes, running her fingers through her hair as she followed Spike and Nora down the hallway towards the training room.
Sure enough, two of the younger Watchers were facing off. Buffy didn’t recognize either of them, although that wasn’t surprising. Most of the ones who had been at headquarters before she’d gone to L.A. were out in the field now, or had been killed. She and Spike hadn’t been around enough recently to get to know any of the new ones.
It looked as though the fight had already started in earnest. The boy, who looked about fourteen, had a split lip, and the girl, who looked a little younger, had a bruise blossoming across her cheek.
“What the hell is going on here?” Buffy demanded in her best drill instructor voice.
The two combatants looked startled. “Who are you?” the boy demanded rebelliously.
She looked at Spike, and he cocked an eyebrow. Buffy read his intentions before he even opened his mouth. “I’m Spike, that’s Buffy, an’ we’re the new teachers,” he said. “You’ve probably heard of us.”
There was a sudden hush in the room, and Buffy spoke into it. “If you two want to fight so badly, you can gear up. Pads and quarterstaffs.”
Her tone of voice left no room for arguing, and she was gratified when the two went to get the equipment. She hid a sigh, thinking longingly of their bed and interrupted activities.
Spike met her eyes, then leaned in close. “We’re gonna have to get a ‘do not disturb’ sign.”
“I’ll discuss it with Giles.”
And with identical rueful smiles, they began showing the two troublesome Watchers exactly how it was done.
~~~~~
“I didn’t think you were s’posed to be smoking.”
Talia deliberately took another drag on her cigarette. “Want one?”
“God, yes.” Spike took the proffered pack and shook one out. “Don’t tell Buffy.”
“You pulling my leg? If I did that, I’d have to admit that I’m smoking.” She shrugged uncomfortably. “We both know I’m not going to make it into the field again.”
Spike winced in sympathy. He didn’t mind being relegated to a teacher’s position at this point, not after centuries of action. Talia, on the other hand, was heartbreakingly young to be placed on the permanent disability list. “You’ve got options, luv.”
“I know. I just miss the fight.” She tipped her head back to look up at the night sky. “Don’t you?”
“Believe it or not, it does get old eventually. I’ve seen more than anybody should. There comes a point when you’re grateful for a soft bed at night and three squares a day.”
“Besides, you’re so old you probably creak when you get up,” Talia responded with a smirk.
“Hey! You take that back. I’ll have you know I’m a young man in my prime.”
She gave him a considering look. “How old are you?”
“Are we includin’ the centuries spent in a hell dimension?”
“Let’s say no.”
Spike did the math quickly. “Uh, ‘bout 126 years spent as a vampire, and about 28 as a human.”
“So, when is your birthday, then?”
He shrugged. “Hell if I know. Does it matter?”
“I guess not.”
“Why do you ask?”
Talia shrugged. “Just curious, I guess. Maybe that can be my new job-remembering everybody’s birthdays.” She ground her cigarette out under her heel. “I should get inside. I’m supposed to be helping Nora with her homework. I can go into a healing trance better than any other Slayer, you know. Lots of practice.”
Spike watched her leave, feeling a deep sorrow. So many of the Slayers and Watchers had lost so much-their health, their childhoods, even their lives. He’d lost quite a bit himself, although he counted himself among the lucky ones. He still had his health-and Buffy.
They had survived; he wasn’t sure whether it was a testament to their luck, their skill, or something else. He didn’t think he cared.
“Those things will kill you.”
Spike took a final drag and put the cigarette out. “It’s just one.”
“Bummed from Talia?” Buffy leaned up against the outside of the building next to him.
“She wasn’t supposed to say anything.”
“She didn’t have to.” Buffy appeared more amused than anything else. “I saw her coming in, and I followed the scent of smoke.”
“Sorry.”
“I don’t mind, just as long as it’s only an occasional thing.”
Spike turned to face her. “Is that right?”
“It brings back memories.”
He could see the nostalgia in her eyes, and felt a wave of the same. “Indeed it does.”
“So does this.” Buffy moved so quickly that he didn’t have time to figure out what she was doing until her lips were pressed roughly to his, devouring. Spike felt an answering need, and he ran his hands down her arms, seizing her waist, pulling her against him.
He pulled her up, her legs locked around him, and Spike could feel her fumbling with his belt. They both froze for a moment, remembering a night in a broken-down house, and Buffy smiled, the light in her eyes soft. “I love you, Spike. Always.”
Spike gave her an answering smile, knowing that whatever else came to pass, their love was a constant-now and always.
Previous parts can be found here.
Chapter 12
“I’m not counting days anymore. It feels weird come back to this, to write it down. It was a substitute for Spike while he was gone, but now that he’s back, I don’t feel like I need it anymore. But he’s back, and we’re together, and I think we’re both going to be okay.” ~Excerpt from the diary of Buffy Summers
They said goodbye to everyone in L.A. amidst promises to visit again, and then flew to Cleveland. Although Spike wasn’t sorry that they were stopping to see Dawn, he was beginning to yearn for home.
It was strange to think of Council headquarters as home, but it was as close to it as anything else.
Another airport, another gate, and Spike could see Dawn and Willow waving to them by the baggage claim. “Buffy!” Dawn crossed the intervening space quickly, throwing her arms around her sister.
“I just saw you a few weeks ago,” Buffy replied laughingly, returning Dawn’s embrace. “How are you? Is Oliver still driving you crazy?”
“Depends on the day,” Dawn admitted, shrugging. “Right now we’re good, though.”
“I’m glad to hear it,” Buffy replied with a smile.
Dawn turned to look at him. “So. Have you remembered me yet?”
“Yeah, Nibblet. I remember you.” He raised his eyebrow. “What? Don’t I get a hug?”
She threw her arms around him in lieu of a response. “I missed you.”
“Missed you, too,” he murmured into her hair. “I’m sorry, pet.”
“Don’t be,” she murmured into his chest. “I’m glad you’re okay.”
“Yeah. I am. I’m okay.” For the first time in a long time, he was.
~~~~~
“So tell me. What are your intentions towards Dawn?”
Oliver did his best not to squirm. Dawn had warned him that Spike would likely try to intimidate him, and that his best bet was to stand firm and be honest.
Metaphorically speaking, anyway, since they were both seated.
“I, uh, I want to make her happy.”
Spike crossed his arms over his chest. “Uh huh.”
Oliver realized that it wasn’t the right answer. “I want to marry her?” he hazarded. As Spike’s eyebrows went up, he quickly added, “Someday. When we’re older.”
“You’re how much older ‘n her?”
Oliver swallowed, knowing that there was no right answer to this question. “Four years.”
“And you know how important she is to us.”
“She’s just as important to me,” he replied sincerely. “Dawn’s everything to me.”
Spike’s eyes softened then. “Just remember that, then.”
“Yes, I will.”
“Right. You know the drill. Hurt her, an’ I will rip out your heart with my bare hands.” Spike followed up that pronouncement with a beatific smile. “Welcome to the family.”
Oliver stayed seated after Spike left the room, still feeling a little stunned, and not clear on whether he’d been let off easy or not.
“Spike’s smiling, so you must not have done too badly,” Dawn said, coming into the study.
He raised his eyebrows. “Thanks for the warning.”
Dawn shrugged. “There was no way I could prepare you for Spike. I had no idea what he’d be like, given that the last time I saw him, he didn’t even remember me.”
Oliver sighed and slouched down in his chair a little farther. “I thought you said he’d mellowed.”
Dawn shrugged. “He has, actually. Other than the obligatory warning, he’s not going to do anything. I call that mellow-for Spike.”
“Maybe I should be grateful that he wasn’t around when we started dating.”
“Oh, I am,” Dawn said with a grin. “Come on, we’re dishing up dinner.”
Oliver levered himself up with his crutches. “Who cooked?”
“Rachel did most of the work, but Oz helped. Whatever it is, it smells amazing.”
Oliver swung himself out of the room and smiled as he thought about Spike’s parting words. As crazy as it was, he did feel like he was part of a family again.
~~~~~
Smoking was no longer an option, at least according to Buffy, but there were times when Spike still wanted a cigarette so badly he could taste it. It wasn’t the nicotine fix he wanted, but the ritual: hunt for pack of cigarettes, shake one out, hunt for lighter, light it up.
Spike had perfected the show over the years, and the production was as much a part of him as his duster had been. There were times when he wondered who he was, he’d left so much of himself behind over the last few years.
But anytime he started thinking about what he had left behind, he was immediately reminded of what he’d gained, and that outweighed his losses by a long shot.
“Hey. I thought I might find you out here.”
Spike looked up to see Dawn. “Gonna join me?”
“Sure. You’re not smoking, huh?”
“Your sister put her foot down, said she wasn’t going to lose me any sooner than she had to.”
“Makes sense.”
They sat in companionable silence. Dawn was the one to break it. “Is it weird?”
He didn’t have to ask what she was referring to. “Not as much as you’d think,” he admitted. “It’d be different if I didn’t have the same strength as before.”
“I guess so.”
“How is it being in Cleveland?”
“Kind of like being in Sunnydale, only without the big sister who insists I stay behind.” Dawn grinned at him. “I’m glad you guys could stop through.”
“Wouldn’t have missed it for anything, Bit.” Spike smirked. “Don’t tell your boy this, but I like him.”
Dawn knew that was as close to a blessing as Spike would ever utter, and coming from him, it meant a lot. “I’m glad.” She paused. “Buffy said you guys are going to get married.”
“In a year or two.” The way he said it told Dawn just how much the idea thrilled him, no matter how nonchalant he tried to sound. “Not right away. We both figure we need some time to get settled in Bath, see what our lives are gonna look like.”
“Makes sense. You both have been going non-stop the last couple of years.”
There was another long silence, but this time, Dawn simply rested her head on Spike’s shoulder, feeling his warm arm pull her close. It was just what she’d needed.
~~~~~
“So, you guys are staying here?” Buffy asked.
Willow nodded. “We’ve worked out a system. I don’t know how much Dawn needs us right now, but Giles said that there wasn’t anywhere else he needed us more.” She flushed a little bit. “And it’s good for me to stay in one place right now.”
Buffy’s eyebrows went up. “What are you talking about?” Something about Willow’s expression gave her a clue. “You-are you pregnant?” she asked in a whisper.
Willow’s face turned a deeper shade of red. “Yeah. It’s not something we planned for, but it’s okay.”
Buffy couldn’t quite believe that one of her oldest friends was pregnant, but at the same time, it felt right. Willow was clearly excited about the possibility, in spite of her embarrassment. “What did Oz say?”
Willow grinned, her face full of mischief. “He didn’t say anything, but he did have to sit down.”
Buffy’s eyes widened. “Really?”
She laughed at the memory. “Yep. Definitely went weak in the knees.”
“I didn’t think that was possible!”
“Me neither.”
They grinned at each other, and for a moment, it felt like it had back in high school, before things had really gone to hell, when they could sit and talk about boys for hours.
Willow sobered quickly. “Buffy?”
“Yeah?”
“Are-are we okay?”
Buffy smiled. “Yeah, Will. We’re good.”
She thought it might finally be time to move on.
~~~~~
As much as Buffy had enjoyed the time spent in Los Angeles and Cleveland, she was grateful to get out of the car in front of Council headquarters. What she wanted most was a few weeks of sleeping in the same bed-with Spike. That alone would be heaven.
She felt strong arms grab her from behind as she unpacked, and Spike nipped at her ear. “Forget that.”
“We’re supposed to have dinner with Giles and Miriam tonight,” she reminded him, although she wasn’t opposed to blowing it off.
Spike worked his way down the side of her neck. “Who cares? We’ll tell them we’re too tired.”
“Are we?”
“We will be.”
She giggled as he hit a particularly sensitive spot, then twisted in his arms so that she was facing him. Twining her arms around his neck, she raised an eyebrow. “We’ll get into trouble.”
“What can he do to us?” Spike asked, his eyes bright with desire and mischief. “He can’t fire us, an’ he knows that he won’t get away with sending us on different missions again.”
“Good point.” She turned them both, and with a good push, sent Spike tumbling back onto the bed. He pulled her with him, and they lay sprawled and laughing, kissing breathlessly, desperately.
Buffy felt seventeen again-which is probably why they were interrupted just then by a brief knock and Nora’s head poking inside. “Come quick! Two of the Watchers are fighting!”
There was real alarm in the girl’s voice, and so Buffy hurriedly straightened her clothes, running her fingers through her hair as she followed Spike and Nora down the hallway towards the training room.
Sure enough, two of the younger Watchers were facing off. Buffy didn’t recognize either of them, although that wasn’t surprising. Most of the ones who had been at headquarters before she’d gone to L.A. were out in the field now, or had been killed. She and Spike hadn’t been around enough recently to get to know any of the new ones.
It looked as though the fight had already started in earnest. The boy, who looked about fourteen, had a split lip, and the girl, who looked a little younger, had a bruise blossoming across her cheek.
“What the hell is going on here?” Buffy demanded in her best drill instructor voice.
The two combatants looked startled. “Who are you?” the boy demanded rebelliously.
She looked at Spike, and he cocked an eyebrow. Buffy read his intentions before he even opened his mouth. “I’m Spike, that’s Buffy, an’ we’re the new teachers,” he said. “You’ve probably heard of us.”
There was a sudden hush in the room, and Buffy spoke into it. “If you two want to fight so badly, you can gear up. Pads and quarterstaffs.”
Her tone of voice left no room for arguing, and she was gratified when the two went to get the equipment. She hid a sigh, thinking longingly of their bed and interrupted activities.
Spike met her eyes, then leaned in close. “We’re gonna have to get a ‘do not disturb’ sign.”
“I’ll discuss it with Giles.”
And with identical rueful smiles, they began showing the two troublesome Watchers exactly how it was done.
~~~~~
“I didn’t think you were s’posed to be smoking.”
Talia deliberately took another drag on her cigarette. “Want one?”
“God, yes.” Spike took the proffered pack and shook one out. “Don’t tell Buffy.”
“You pulling my leg? If I did that, I’d have to admit that I’m smoking.” She shrugged uncomfortably. “We both know I’m not going to make it into the field again.”
Spike winced in sympathy. He didn’t mind being relegated to a teacher’s position at this point, not after centuries of action. Talia, on the other hand, was heartbreakingly young to be placed on the permanent disability list. “You’ve got options, luv.”
“I know. I just miss the fight.” She tipped her head back to look up at the night sky. “Don’t you?”
“Believe it or not, it does get old eventually. I’ve seen more than anybody should. There comes a point when you’re grateful for a soft bed at night and three squares a day.”
“Besides, you’re so old you probably creak when you get up,” Talia responded with a smirk.
“Hey! You take that back. I’ll have you know I’m a young man in my prime.”
She gave him a considering look. “How old are you?”
“Are we includin’ the centuries spent in a hell dimension?”
“Let’s say no.”
Spike did the math quickly. “Uh, ‘bout 126 years spent as a vampire, and about 28 as a human.”
“So, when is your birthday, then?”
He shrugged. “Hell if I know. Does it matter?”
“I guess not.”
“Why do you ask?”
Talia shrugged. “Just curious, I guess. Maybe that can be my new job-remembering everybody’s birthdays.” She ground her cigarette out under her heel. “I should get inside. I’m supposed to be helping Nora with her homework. I can go into a healing trance better than any other Slayer, you know. Lots of practice.”
Spike watched her leave, feeling a deep sorrow. So many of the Slayers and Watchers had lost so much-their health, their childhoods, even their lives. He’d lost quite a bit himself, although he counted himself among the lucky ones. He still had his health-and Buffy.
They had survived; he wasn’t sure whether it was a testament to their luck, their skill, or something else. He didn’t think he cared.
“Those things will kill you.”
Spike took a final drag and put the cigarette out. “It’s just one.”
“Bummed from Talia?” Buffy leaned up against the outside of the building next to him.
“She wasn’t supposed to say anything.”
“She didn’t have to.” Buffy appeared more amused than anything else. “I saw her coming in, and I followed the scent of smoke.”
“Sorry.”
“I don’t mind, just as long as it’s only an occasional thing.”
Spike turned to face her. “Is that right?”
“It brings back memories.”
He could see the nostalgia in her eyes, and felt a wave of the same. “Indeed it does.”
“So does this.” Buffy moved so quickly that he didn’t have time to figure out what she was doing until her lips were pressed roughly to his, devouring. Spike felt an answering need, and he ran his hands down her arms, seizing her waist, pulling her against him.
He pulled her up, her legs locked around him, and Spike could feel her fumbling with his belt. They both froze for a moment, remembering a night in a broken-down house, and Buffy smiled, the light in her eyes soft. “I love you, Spike. Always.”
Spike gave her an answering smile, knowing that whatever else came to pass, their love was a constant-now and always.