Top of the World 09/18
Work was hell that morning. I had not slept and my head hurt. There’s so much make-up covering my face and I‘m not sure if there bruise is still visible. I can’t even look at Reita. Uruha just glares at me and I keep away from the couch he’s sitting on. Aoi looks just as upset. Kai is at his drum set.
So I stand there, my head working too slow. I go and sit by Reita. Uruha makes me nervous. How could he have set me up to go home to an angry Reita? I stare over at my boyfriend’s lap trying to gauge how he’s feeling.
“Let’s start,” Kai says.
Everyone is up quicker than me. I’m still making my way to the microphone stand. Maybe it’s the pain pills and the tranquilizers. Plus the lack of sleep.
The new songs go off well we had to stop at some points and practice individually to work out some spots. I left the room during one point to use the bathroom. There wasn’t need for vocals during the individual.
I don’t realize what bathroom I’m going to until I’m in the stall. It’s an old bathroom with the traditional in floor toilets. There’s more room in here. Uruha fucked me up against this stall wall. I regret that I forgot how much more important love was.
I walk back in the room; it looks like everyone is getting ready for break. I walk over to Kai.
“Thanks for coming last night.”
“No problem,” he says giving me a quick hug before leaving the room with Aoi.
Reita and Uruha are left in here with me.
Uruha is moving closer like he wants to talk. I can’t see him right now.
“Ruki,”
I catch a glimpse of Reita’s angry face as Uruha moves closer. He stays in the room to watch. Uruha grabs my arm.
“Listen, I didn’t know Reita would hurt you.”
“What did you expect?” I say pulling roughly out of his grasp.
“You can’t blame this one me, you lied.”
I glare at him. Fuck Uruha, why can’t he be out with the flu or something.
“Get the hell away from me. What’s wrong with you?”
My voice raises and I become more aggressive towards him. “My boyfriend beat me and it’s my fault?”
My finger is not longer point at his face as Reita grabs my arms and holds them to my chest.
“Get out Uruha,” he says coldly and Uruha leaves.
He squeezes my chest. I scream.
“Ow…get off me!”
“You need to calm down.”
I kick his legs and he pushes me. “Ow, you bitch.”
I turn around to face him.
“You need to stop calling me names. I don’t do that to you,” I say overemphasizing the words in my anger.
“Fine, I won’t.”
I take a deep breath, feeling surprisingly calmer after getting that off my chest. I stare at him my breathing still not okay. He watches me, and I hope he knows better than to bring up Uruha.
“Are you alright?” he asks.
I shake my head, exhale and run my hand through my hair.
He hugs me and my arms wrap around him. My face disappearing in his shirt. I miss him and I want him to come back. He pushes me back slightly and I stare up curiously. His eyes close and he kisses me. My mouth opens letting his forceful wet tongue inside. The kiss is strong as he continues.
He stops and I almost fall, my back bent for the kiss.
“Rei…” I say feeling slightly out of breath.
I’m pulled back to his chest and he just rubs my hair.
“Ruki, how are you feeling?”
“I took pain pills for my back and something to help me feel calm. But I don’t feel very calm.”
“It’s stressful right now.”
“I should take another one,” I say and start to pull out of his grasp. I realized he’s grabbed me tighter and I’m not moving.
“Don’t,” he warns.
“But it’s not working,” I whine.
“Ruki, you’ll just feel worse if you do.”
“Then come home. I wouldn’t feel this way if you would come home.”
He sighs and moves away.
“I don’t know. I’m still a little angry.”
I can’t help it the sudden rush of sadness that I feel. I’d need that whole bottle to calm down.
“You’re making me sad,” I say before going to sit on the couch. I wish he wasn’t here. I pull my knees up and cry hard into my arms. There’s too much guilt, sadness, and regret around me.
Reita
I stand there shocked as Ruki just cries. Is this supposed to make me feel sorry, because it does. I walk over to the couch.
“Don’t you think you’ve made me sad?”
He looks up, “Yes Reita, because you remind me everyday when you start calling me a whore or a slut.”
“What is this about?” I ask when I realize it isn’t to do with Uruha.
“You were so disgusted after what happened with those men. You were leaving even if I didn’t go with Uruha.”
“Ruki,” I kneel in front of him, and rest my hands on his legs. “I wasn’t going to leave you.”
I rest my head on his shoulder. His face is so close, with tears and shaking.
“I’ll come home.”
I climb on the couch, and lead him to lie down. I lie above him, and kiss his chin.
“You need to calm down, we have work.”
He nods and tries to force a smile. It only breaks and more tears flow.
“Come on, get up. Let’s go to the bathroom, okay?”
I feel his warm hand in mine and we make our way to the bathroom. Once inside he goes to the sink and turns it on. He splashes cold water on his face.
I stand off to the side with my arms crossed.
“Why didn’t you tell me it bothered you?”
“The rape thing?”
“Yes, because I was bothered too and we could have talked.
“I’d do anything to take it back,” he says and I just sigh.
“It isn’t possible.”
“I’ll make it better.”
I notice that he is becoming calmer. He’s leaning against the sink, his face dry because he’s no longer crying. He looks down.
“It was scary.”
I walk closer and grab his arm.
“I’m sorry…Let’s go have a smoke.”
“Okay.”
We walk outside to the side of the building and sit down on the arm bench. The sun is hot on our faces. I pull out a cigarette and look over at Ruki. He reaches for my pack.
“Is it okay? Mine are in my jacket.”
I nods and he takes one.
The sweet smell of nicotine swims around our faces. At times, I really wish the building was next to a park, and not just another building. I’d like to look into endless green trees and not the dirty brick of the building next store. It’s ugly here.
I wonder what thoughts are running through Ruki’s head. He sits there smoking off in his own world. Life is precarious and delicate; one simple thing could really cause it to spinning. Maybe this relationship with Ruki isn’t healthy any more. But I just can’t let go.
He puts his cigarette out and looks over at me. There is this look of constant sadness on his face. Wasn’t I the one supposed to be hurt by this? I stare back cautiously. He stands up and looks around.
There is a strange feeling at the apartment. Like my leaving had already thrown it off the balance. Things were scattered since Ruki didn’t care to clean it up Silence runs through and the light didn’t seem to penetrate. Too late in the evening for it anyways. Dinner was eaten in silence as we readily ignored each other.
Ruki’s bruise is swollen and bright; it seems to become the focal point. I never thought myself capable of hurting him like that. Refusing to hear his screams or pleas I went at him. Ruki is too small to be bullied like that.
I don’t realize I’ve been sitting at the table in the dark kitchen with my head in my hand, until the light is turned on. I look over to see Ruki and he just stands there staring. Like he doesn’t know why he came in here.
“Why are you sitting in the dark?” he finally speaks.
“The sun must have gone down.”
I was hoping he would talk more, anything over this dead silence. He sighs and shuts the heavy curtain over the kitchen window. He turns and watches me. His hair messy and unkempt. I drink from my glass of water.
“What do you want to do tonight?” I ask him.
He sits at the table and twirls around a pen that was sitting on it.
“I was watching something on TV,” he says.
“Okay…”
“We could watch a movie.”
I stand up and he seems to get nervous. I lean down and seem to get nervous. I lean down and kiss his forehead, closing my eyes as I remain there for a few seconds.
“Go pick one out.”
We lay together on the couch; he’s picked out, “Pan’s Labyrinth” to watch. I hug him tightly for a second before relaxing and focusing on the movie.
It’s almost up to the part that Ruki hates. He says the sickness outweighs the shock factor. His hand goes over his eyes as the soldier beats the man’s face in with a bottle. I tickle him trying to get him to pull his hand away.
“It’s not that bad,” I say laughing.
He rolls onto his back, squishing me back into the couch. I stop and just smile at him. He returns a small smile. My eyes must have stayed on the bruise too long, watching it closely. I notice the sudden panic in his face.
He rolls back on his side and I scoot up to him. Reflexively, his hand goes to rub the bruise. I slide his hand down and kiss his cheek. His eyes close and he pulls away.
Ruki
It stays pretty calm for a bit, as we’re wrapped in the movie. Reita is leaning his heavy ass more and more on my back. I’m about to slip right off the couch. I try to move a bit to look up at him.
“Reita…”
He’s crushing me.
“Reita,” I say a little louder.
I push him back, he’s big it won’t hurt him. He shakes his head and jumps a little.
“What the fuck?”
“You were sleeping on me,” I whine craning my neck to look at him. He moves and I begin to slide under him as he gets on top.
I stare at his mouth for a second before it’s on mine. Forcing my lips apart. His unshaven skin rough against mine. After a few seconds he’s pulling back. My mouth just hangs open.
“What did you wake me up for?”
“You were about to knock me off the couch.”
Another quick kiss.
“I’m tired.”
I sigh and reach for the remote, “Let’s get to bed.”
“You little pervert,” he teases as he licks my chin.
And it’s not me; it’s him, as I feel his warm erection shoved into my thigh.
“Rei…” I groan, “You didn’t have that a second ago.”
He laughs and lays his head on my chest. Acting innocent until he starts to rub it on my thigh.
“You missed it baby,” he says before kissing my neck.
“Bedroom, baby,” I say.
My shirt is pushed up and his rough lips are on my nipples. His finger is playing roughly with the other.
Reita
It’s hard to be mad at your lover and refuse the sexual advances. We shouldn’t be doing this. Ruki took control as we got into his room. Removing my clothes, pushing me onto the bed.
“Pervert,” he mumbles as he looks over at me. He gasps in surprise as I tackle him to the bed. Undoing his pants and freeing his penis. I pump him quickly, his legs curl up and he moans.
He can’t stand it at this pace.
“Reita, Reita, please let me fuck you.”
My hand stops.
“Let you fuck me?”
Ruki smiles and slips his pants off.
“Lie down and spread your legs,” he says like he says it every night.
I move back to the pillows and lay down. He moves between my legs.
I know it’s wrong as he’s thrusting hard into me. My hand holding a bunch of the sheets, moaning as he kisses my neck.
“Ruki…”
“Rei,’
I thrust my hips back to his.
It never lasts long enough. All too soon he’s climaxing and I’m dirtying my stomach. He’s collapsing on me, still partly in. He’s breathing so heavy and his body is on fire. Even after a minute, he still is.
“Ruki, are you okay?’
“I’m so tired,” he mumbles.
I sit up and he moves back.
“I’ll get you some water.”
After coming back, we drink some water. I rub his shoulder, staring at his flushed skin. When Ruki is feeling anxious, he won’t eat.
“Have you eaten today?”
He stares at me shocked before shaking his head. I put my water down.
“Then you need juice instead of that, your blood sugar is low.”
I’m disappearing again, wondering what kind of juice we have. He should probably just eat, but he’ll say he’s too tired. I peer in the fridge, my eyes fall on a bottle of melon soda. I grab that, it’s easier than pouring something.
I hand it to him.
“I wish you wouldn’t do that.”
He opens the pop and drinks.
“You know I worry about you.”
“I know,” he says and I wait for him to finish drinking before we to go the shower. He’s making me feel tired.
We shower quickly, I help Ruki because he says he has no energy. He crawls into the bed and snuggles up.
“Reita hurry up.”
“Give me a minute,”
“You’re going to wake me up when you come in.”
I leave the room to go take my contacts out. Then I brush my teeth. The water is running and I’m rinsing out my mouth.
“Reita!” Ruki yells loudly from the bedroom.
I spit the water out.
“Shut up. I’ll be there in a minute.”
Even when I’m undressing in the room, he’s harassing me. I slam the drawer shut having enough of it.
“Ruki!”
I scold before I jump on the bed on top of him. His body with the bed bounces beneath me. He smiles.
“Ruki, you little bitch.”
He kisses my chin. I laugh and turn off the lamp.
I lay on my back under the covers. Ruki moves close and I turn to my side to snuggle with him. He’s asleep way before I can. My mind riddled with thoughts.
“I love you,” I whisper against his wet hair.
AN: I split up this chapter because it’s way too long. So the next morning is in its own chapter. My grammar has been atrocious lately, so beware.