fic: we are responsbile for the lives we change (tvd, elena)
Title: we are responsible for the lives we change
Disclaimer: Not mine in any way, shape, or form.
Fandom/Characters: Vampire Diaries, Elena
Word Count: 442
Requested By: summerstorm
When she's confronted with Stefan's wall of death, Elena wants more than anything to be horrified. She wants to have revulsion turn her stomach, and to believe that no one could be so cruel. Elena can't.
Stefan's body count is writ in blood and plaster. Elena wears hers in her skin.
*
Her parents are first, because there will never be a day when Elena doesn't blame herself for their deaths. It doesn't matter how many people tell her that it wasn't her fault, that her parents were just doing what any good parents would have done, Elena knows better.
It was her fault that they were on the road that night, her fault that they were ever in that position to begin with. It's her fault, and Elena remembers, even if she's the only who who does.
*
Then there's her brother -- twice -- even if he came back to life both times. Both of Jeremy's deaths hang like a weight around Elena's neck; they're all each other has left in the world and she's his older sister. Elena was supposed to protect him.
There's never been anything Elena was able to do less.
*
Caroline's death is her fault too, because she was killed to send Elena a message. Elena remembers how Caroline used to plan their futures; houses next door to each other and their kids playing together across their yards, and now, for Caroline, none of that is possible.
The likelihood of Elena having any of that either dies by the day, but that's her choice. Caroline didn't get one.
It's just one more thing Elena can't forgive herself for.
*
John died so that she might live, and it's a gift that she didn't ask for and a burden she doesn't know how to carry.
More than anything, Elena wants to honor his sacrifice, to respect him in death the way she never did in life. She wants to live.
She doesn't remember how.
*
The death that haunts her most is Jenna's, because without question, it is Elena's fault. Elena is the reason that Jenna was in Mystic Falls, and not off being a carefree grad student only worried about her thesis and getting published and how to make her stipend stretch each month. Elena is the one that insisted that Jenna remain in the dark, oblivious to the dangers of vampires and werewolves and simply loving Elena.
She'll never forget the look on Jenna's face when Klaus pushed the stake into her chest. To forget would be to pretend like she wasn't to blame.
Truth is the least that Elena owes Jenna.
*
Remembrance is what Elena owes them all.
Disclaimer: Not mine in any way, shape, or form.
Fandom/Characters: Vampire Diaries, Elena
Word Count: 442
Requested By: summerstorm
When she's confronted with Stefan's wall of death, Elena wants more than anything to be horrified. She wants to have revulsion turn her stomach, and to believe that no one could be so cruel. Elena can't.
Stefan's body count is writ in blood and plaster. Elena wears hers in her skin.
*
Her parents are first, because there will never be a day when Elena doesn't blame herself for their deaths. It doesn't matter how many people tell her that it wasn't her fault, that her parents were just doing what any good parents would have done, Elena knows better.
It was her fault that they were on the road that night, her fault that they were ever in that position to begin with. It's her fault, and Elena remembers, even if she's the only who who does.
*
Then there's her brother -- twice -- even if he came back to life both times. Both of Jeremy's deaths hang like a weight around Elena's neck; they're all each other has left in the world and she's his older sister. Elena was supposed to protect him.
There's never been anything Elena was able to do less.
*
Caroline's death is her fault too, because she was killed to send Elena a message. Elena remembers how Caroline used to plan their futures; houses next door to each other and their kids playing together across their yards, and now, for Caroline, none of that is possible.
The likelihood of Elena having any of that either dies by the day, but that's her choice. Caroline didn't get one.
It's just one more thing Elena can't forgive herself for.
*
John died so that she might live, and it's a gift that she didn't ask for and a burden she doesn't know how to carry.
More than anything, Elena wants to honor his sacrifice, to respect him in death the way she never did in life. She wants to live.
She doesn't remember how.
*
The death that haunts her most is Jenna's, because without question, it is Elena's fault. Elena is the reason that Jenna was in Mystic Falls, and not off being a carefree grad student only worried about her thesis and getting published and how to make her stipend stretch each month. Elena is the one that insisted that Jenna remain in the dark, oblivious to the dangers of vampires and werewolves and simply loving Elena.
She'll never forget the look on Jenna's face when Klaus pushed the stake into her chest. To forget would be to pretend like she wasn't to blame.
Truth is the least that Elena owes Jenna.
*
Remembrance is what Elena owes them all.