Author's Note -- Cold
Cold -- Story Notes
When I wrote “Cold” I didn’t really think that I would need an explanation for Kurt’s motivation. Maybe this is because of how easily I could picture the events happening when I read the prompt, or maybe it is because I have been dealing with suicidal thoughts/tendencies for many years - especially as a teenager, when I was much more selfish and young.
I shouldn’t use the word “selfish” because that isn’t what I really mean (because suicide isn’t selfish). To commit suicide is to act on such pain and desperation that it seems the only way out. Many people, and I really must include myself here, have thoughts of suicide due to the effects of stressors in their lives and/or mental illness. Sometimes you really can’t think logically. It’s not (usually) because you are out to hurt the people around you.
The reasons for suicide are so varied that I could never cover them all, but in this instance you really have to empathize with Kurt’s situation and mindset to understand. He isn’t thinking clearly, he isn’t in the right state of mind to make the decision that he did. Kurt, as a character, cares very deeply for his father and his friends, and even though he exhibits some quite obvious flaws, I don’t think he would normally resort to this sort of action. Not with the knowledge of what it would do to the people he loves.
So this was really just to clarify: in “Cold” Kurt didn’t just decide to commit suicide with a clear mind.
I could add some links to articles on suicide and depression, but I figured this would be enough. If anyone wants to chat they can e-mail or message me, or drop a comment here.
And please be gentle. I have a really severe anxiety disorder that I am attempting to bring under control, and aggression is one of the main triggers. I hate using it as a shield, but I really appreciate all of the people here in the Glee fandom, and I very much so enjoy feeling comfortable here.
<3