The Better Half of Me | Ryan/Alex | R
Title: The Better Half of Me
Author: emmyatthedisco
Pairing: Ryan/Alex
Rating: R
Summery: Ryan had trouble not making bad decisions on his own. Together, at least, Alex could usually stop him from fucking up so utterly and completely that the backlash would be after him for weeks. And if he couldn’t, well, as long as they were together, Alex would usually help Ryan pick up the mess.
Warning: Allusions to previous drug use.
Beta: afterxbirth <3
A/N: A new take on Ryan/Alex. Alex is actually the one who helps Ryan know his limits, rather then the one who encourages him to break them. Inspired by Ryan’s tweet: “turns out it only costs a grand to park your car at LAX for a month”
Ryan sighed, sweat cooling on his skin as he sank into the mattress. The familiar smells of the bed creeping around him lazily, soap and sex and an undefinable tang filed in his brain as the smell of the two of them, and he leaned back into the warm press of skin behind him. He could feel Alex’s breath dusting across his neck, one of Alex’s hands settled carelessly on his naked hip, fingers playing absentmindedly with the bone.
Ryan’s eyes swept around the room, looking more carefully at the blinds and shelves than he had in at least a month. Alex’s apartment felt more familiar than Ryan’s own condo did right now. “Are you sure you can’t come back to LA,” Ryan asked in a hush, not wanting to break the fragile quiet that had settled around them.
“Yes,” came the other man’s response. The apology came in the form of a gentle kiss pressed to Ryan’s bare shoulder, right were the skin was starting to be cool enough to feel cold. Alex fit his head in against Ryan’s neck, so his lips were resting right against Ryan’s ear. “You know that.”
Ryan did. He just didn’t like it. But he couldn’t stay in NYC anymore, not really, couldn’t justify it to himself. He’d been hoping to find some record execs in NYC who be interested in picking up the album, give him another reason to stick around for a while. But that wasn’t happening and really, the best chance lay in LA anyway.
“Don’t want to live without me, Ross?”Alex teased, curling his arm around Ryan’s stomach to pull him back tighter against Alex’s chest.
Ryan didn’t want to live without Alex, was the thing. He felt restless and awkward in his skin whenever they were apart for too long. That level of codependency wasn’t healthy, and he knew that. Still, Ryan had trouble not making bad decisions on his own. Together, at least, Alex could usually stop him from fucking up so utterly and completely that the backlash would be after him for weeks. And if he couldn’t, well, as long as they were together, Alex would usually help Ryan pick up the mess.
It wasn’t fair of him, really, the way Ryan was acting. He knew that. Alex had been given some really amazing opportunities, like playing with Weezer for fuck’s sake. He couldn’t really ask Alex to turn down things like that because it made Ryan feel sick to think about leaving him.
Ryan just sighed, thinking about LA. Zee would be there, he knew, so would Michael and maybe Eric, if he didn’t decide to skip out again. Jon was in Chicago, but he’d probably be heading to LA soon. Brendon and Spencer weren’t that far away, would probably come hang if Ryan asked. That would require Ryan growing the balls to ask, though, and that was another thing he had trouble doing without Alex. He wasn’t very good at being brave on his own.
The thought of the loneliness was already making him itch, asking to be soothed away by bliss in a way Ryan had sworn to himself he would stop doing after the last time Alex came back to find the wreck Ryan became when left to his own devices. I know I’m better than this he’d said to Alex, scared and confused as Alex held him through the convulsions.
And he had been, he was better, Ryan was so much better when Alex was around. He rolled over, tucking his face into the space between Alex’s neck and the pillow. The air was musky there, not enough oxygen, but the feeling of suffocation only served to remind Ryan that he was human, that his body was fragile. Sometimes he need help remembering that.
One of Alex’s broad hands smoothed down Ryan’s back, lazy in the way that meant he was almost asleep. Ryan didn’t want to sleep. This was their last night together until god knew when, whenever Alex could make it to LA again. Ryan wanted to kiss and fuck and talk and cry and fuck some more. He wanted to loose himself so completely in Alex that they’d never have to be apart again. And that scared him. Ryan didn’t deal with fear well.
He didn’t deal with very much well, he thought bitterly. “I think I had to grow up too soon,” he muttered, apropos to nothing, and realized a moment too late that Alex probably wouldn’t be able to follow Ryan’s train of thought, especially half asleep.
Alex just hummed quietly though, like an invitation to continue. Ryan didn’t really have much more too say. He just really didn’t want to leave for LA in the morning. He told Alex as much. Alex laughed a little. “You’ve said.”
“I’m going to fuck up so badly without you,” Ryan muttered half hoping Alex wouldn’t hear him.
No luck though. Alex pulled away enough to blink down at Ryan. Fighting down the instinct to look away, Ryan met the other man’s eyes. “You realize that if you’re in trouble, I will come help you, no matter where I am, right? You do get that, right, Ryan?” Alex’s voice was firm and chastising, like he was saying something Ryan should already know.
Ryan shrugged, noncommittally, and Alex rolled his eyes. He pushed Ryan onto his back and kissed him, hard and bruising, in just the right way to leave Ryan sort of stunned and breathless. “Sometimes you’re dense as fuck,” Alex informed Ryan, before slipping down to mouth at Ryan’s collar bones.
“Whatever trouble you might get into, I’d help you out of it.” Alex nipped at Ryan’s collar bones, sucked at a relatively fresh bruise left there earlier in the evening. “Whatever you might break, I’d help you fix it.” Now Alex had his mouth on one of Ryan’s nipples, biting a little until all the breath left Ryan in a shaky hiss. “That’s what we do, Ryan. We help each other.”
Ryan let his eyes drop shut. He really should point out that he never did much to help Alex out of any trouble, but the thoughts died on his lips as Alex’s tongue swirled around his navel. It had been less then an hour since he’d come, but Alex knew his body perfectly, knew just how to touch to make Ryan’s cock twitch with interest.
“You don’t need me to, though.” Alex sounded pretty confident, and Ryan hoped he deserved Alex’s faith. “I think you’ll be fine. You’re stronger than you give yourself credit for.”
Only for you Ryan thought, as Alex mouthed at the head of his cock, coaxing it to hardness. If i can do it, it’s for you. Cause you deserve better than that. A wordless groan spilled out of Ryan’s mouth as Alex sucked Ryan’s half-erect dick into his mouth. Delicious wet heat filled Ryan’s consciousness, the clever little things Alex did with his tongue making Ryan shake. He let himself go, melting into the bed and letting Alex take care of him.
Considering how little time had past since his last orgasm, it took a surprisingly small amount of time to get him right on the edge. Alex wasn’t teasing tonight. He had a good rhythm, fast and strong, perfectly designed to get Ryan there as fast as he could. Ryan reached down to carefully curl his fingers through Alex’s hair, just resting them there. He cried out wordlessly, giving in to the pleasure of orgasm lazily.
Alex smiled, kissing Ryan’s hip before crawling back up to lay on top of him. Ryan made a disgruntled noise of protest at the weight, but he didn’t really mind. “Will you sleep now and stop worrying?” Alex asked, nosing at Ryan’s ear. Ryan nodded, reaching up to wrap his arms around the older man’s chest. He would try.
Still it wasn’t until he was sure Alex was asleep that he whispered “I really am going to miss you.”
The next morning, Ryan woke to an empty bed and the smell of coffee. Alex was already dressed when Ryan made his way into the greater apartment area. Ryan’s suitcases sat by the door, an oddity in the familiar atmosphere of the rooms. Ryan bit his lip and went to fetch himself some coffee.
Alex drove him to the airport. They didn’t go in together, neither one of them really liked drawn out goodbyes, but Alex kissed him softly before he got out, and Alex knew he’d be clutching to the memory until they saw each other again. Ryan spent the entire plane ride feeling like he was leaving behind his better half.
Author: emmyatthedisco
Pairing: Ryan/Alex
Rating: R
Summery: Ryan had trouble not making bad decisions on his own. Together, at least, Alex could usually stop him from fucking up so utterly and completely that the backlash would be after him for weeks. And if he couldn’t, well, as long as they were together, Alex would usually help Ryan pick up the mess.
Warning: Allusions to previous drug use.
Beta: afterxbirth <3
A/N: A new take on Ryan/Alex. Alex is actually the one who helps Ryan know his limits, rather then the one who encourages him to break them. Inspired by Ryan’s tweet: “turns out it only costs a grand to park your car at LAX for a month”
Ryan sighed, sweat cooling on his skin as he sank into the mattress. The familiar smells of the bed creeping around him lazily, soap and sex and an undefinable tang filed in his brain as the smell of the two of them, and he leaned back into the warm press of skin behind him. He could feel Alex’s breath dusting across his neck, one of Alex’s hands settled carelessly on his naked hip, fingers playing absentmindedly with the bone.
Ryan’s eyes swept around the room, looking more carefully at the blinds and shelves than he had in at least a month. Alex’s apartment felt more familiar than Ryan’s own condo did right now. “Are you sure you can’t come back to LA,” Ryan asked in a hush, not wanting to break the fragile quiet that had settled around them.
“Yes,” came the other man’s response. The apology came in the form of a gentle kiss pressed to Ryan’s bare shoulder, right were the skin was starting to be cool enough to feel cold. Alex fit his head in against Ryan’s neck, so his lips were resting right against Ryan’s ear. “You know that.”
Ryan did. He just didn’t like it. But he couldn’t stay in NYC anymore, not really, couldn’t justify it to himself. He’d been hoping to find some record execs in NYC who be interested in picking up the album, give him another reason to stick around for a while. But that wasn’t happening and really, the best chance lay in LA anyway.
“Don’t want to live without me, Ross?”Alex teased, curling his arm around Ryan’s stomach to pull him back tighter against Alex’s chest.
Ryan didn’t want to live without Alex, was the thing. He felt restless and awkward in his skin whenever they were apart for too long. That level of codependency wasn’t healthy, and he knew that. Still, Ryan had trouble not making bad decisions on his own. Together, at least, Alex could usually stop him from fucking up so utterly and completely that the backlash would be after him for weeks. And if he couldn’t, well, as long as they were together, Alex would usually help Ryan pick up the mess.
It wasn’t fair of him, really, the way Ryan was acting. He knew that. Alex had been given some really amazing opportunities, like playing with Weezer for fuck’s sake. He couldn’t really ask Alex to turn down things like that because it made Ryan feel sick to think about leaving him.
Ryan just sighed, thinking about LA. Zee would be there, he knew, so would Michael and maybe Eric, if he didn’t decide to skip out again. Jon was in Chicago, but he’d probably be heading to LA soon. Brendon and Spencer weren’t that far away, would probably come hang if Ryan asked. That would require Ryan growing the balls to ask, though, and that was another thing he had trouble doing without Alex. He wasn’t very good at being brave on his own.
The thought of the loneliness was already making him itch, asking to be soothed away by bliss in a way Ryan had sworn to himself he would stop doing after the last time Alex came back to find the wreck Ryan became when left to his own devices. I know I’m better than this he’d said to Alex, scared and confused as Alex held him through the convulsions.
And he had been, he was better, Ryan was so much better when Alex was around. He rolled over, tucking his face into the space between Alex’s neck and the pillow. The air was musky there, not enough oxygen, but the feeling of suffocation only served to remind Ryan that he was human, that his body was fragile. Sometimes he need help remembering that.
One of Alex’s broad hands smoothed down Ryan’s back, lazy in the way that meant he was almost asleep. Ryan didn’t want to sleep. This was their last night together until god knew when, whenever Alex could make it to LA again. Ryan wanted to kiss and fuck and talk and cry and fuck some more. He wanted to loose himself so completely in Alex that they’d never have to be apart again. And that scared him. Ryan didn’t deal with fear well.
He didn’t deal with very much well, he thought bitterly. “I think I had to grow up too soon,” he muttered, apropos to nothing, and realized a moment too late that Alex probably wouldn’t be able to follow Ryan’s train of thought, especially half asleep.
Alex just hummed quietly though, like an invitation to continue. Ryan didn’t really have much more too say. He just really didn’t want to leave for LA in the morning. He told Alex as much. Alex laughed a little. “You’ve said.”
“I’m going to fuck up so badly without you,” Ryan muttered half hoping Alex wouldn’t hear him.
No luck though. Alex pulled away enough to blink down at Ryan. Fighting down the instinct to look away, Ryan met the other man’s eyes. “You realize that if you’re in trouble, I will come help you, no matter where I am, right? You do get that, right, Ryan?” Alex’s voice was firm and chastising, like he was saying something Ryan should already know.
Ryan shrugged, noncommittally, and Alex rolled his eyes. He pushed Ryan onto his back and kissed him, hard and bruising, in just the right way to leave Ryan sort of stunned and breathless. “Sometimes you’re dense as fuck,” Alex informed Ryan, before slipping down to mouth at Ryan’s collar bones.
“Whatever trouble you might get into, I’d help you out of it.” Alex nipped at Ryan’s collar bones, sucked at a relatively fresh bruise left there earlier in the evening. “Whatever you might break, I’d help you fix it.” Now Alex had his mouth on one of Ryan’s nipples, biting a little until all the breath left Ryan in a shaky hiss. “That’s what we do, Ryan. We help each other.”
Ryan let his eyes drop shut. He really should point out that he never did much to help Alex out of any trouble, but the thoughts died on his lips as Alex’s tongue swirled around his navel. It had been less then an hour since he’d come, but Alex knew his body perfectly, knew just how to touch to make Ryan’s cock twitch with interest.
“You don’t need me to, though.” Alex sounded pretty confident, and Ryan hoped he deserved Alex’s faith. “I think you’ll be fine. You’re stronger than you give yourself credit for.”
Only for you Ryan thought, as Alex mouthed at the head of his cock, coaxing it to hardness. If i can do it, it’s for you. Cause you deserve better than that. A wordless groan spilled out of Ryan’s mouth as Alex sucked Ryan’s half-erect dick into his mouth. Delicious wet heat filled Ryan’s consciousness, the clever little things Alex did with his tongue making Ryan shake. He let himself go, melting into the bed and letting Alex take care of him.
Considering how little time had past since his last orgasm, it took a surprisingly small amount of time to get him right on the edge. Alex wasn’t teasing tonight. He had a good rhythm, fast and strong, perfectly designed to get Ryan there as fast as he could. Ryan reached down to carefully curl his fingers through Alex’s hair, just resting them there. He cried out wordlessly, giving in to the pleasure of orgasm lazily.
Alex smiled, kissing Ryan’s hip before crawling back up to lay on top of him. Ryan made a disgruntled noise of protest at the weight, but he didn’t really mind. “Will you sleep now and stop worrying?” Alex asked, nosing at Ryan’s ear. Ryan nodded, reaching up to wrap his arms around the older man’s chest. He would try.
Still it wasn’t until he was sure Alex was asleep that he whispered “I really am going to miss you.”
The next morning, Ryan woke to an empty bed and the smell of coffee. Alex was already dressed when Ryan made his way into the greater apartment area. Ryan’s suitcases sat by the door, an oddity in the familiar atmosphere of the rooms. Ryan bit his lip and went to fetch himself some coffee.
Alex drove him to the airport. They didn’t go in together, neither one of them really liked drawn out goodbyes, but Alex kissed him softly before he got out, and Alex knew he’d be clutching to the memory until they saw each other again. Ryan spent the entire plane ride feeling like he was leaving behind his better half.