My Only Exception 7/20
The New Directions sat anxiously backstage as Oral Intensity performed their number.
Rachel was fumbling trying to turn off the speakers that currently were blasting the opponent’s performance. Quinn giggled at the girl struggling to reach the volume dial. God, she’s adorable. As Rachel raised herself onto her tippy toes, biting her lip in concentration, Quinn found it harder to hate Rachel. Well, she never hated Rachel; if anything she hated herself for what she had said in the auditorium. Now she found herself admiring the girl; guilty was an understatement to how she felt. All she wanted now was to apologize. Mr. Schuester helped Rachel out and proceeded to give the nervous group a much needed pep talk.
The baby was fussy and hadn’t stopped kicking all day. Quinn had gone to the restroom three times already since they arrived at the venue and she had to go again.
“I’ll be right back,” she told Kurt who nodded and smiled at her.
She rushed down the hallway to the bathroom and found refuge in a small stall. After plopping down onto the toilet she began to rub her stomach, trying to comfort her distressed child.
“Shhh, baby. It’s alright, sweetheart. I’m right here, baby. I’m right here,” she whispered, praying no one would walk in on her.
As she continued rubbing her stomach, she leaned her head against the wall. Even after talking to Kurt, a boy she never in a million years saw herself confiding in, Quinn still had no idea how she was going to get Rachel to forgive her. Looking back, she realized how ignorant she had been; it frightened her because what she had done was exactly something her father would have done.
Quinn focused her attention back to her child. The baby was still moving but Quinn couldn’t figure out what her child needed. It was a different kind of movement than she was used to. When she was happy it was a softer movement. When she was fussy it was a more random movement. When she was with Rachel it felt like her child wanted to escape and fly into the brunette’s arms. The movement now, however, was none of these. It scared Quinn but she swallowed her fear and decided to sing to her child, remembering a lullaby her mother used to sing to her when she was a little girl when life was void of teen pregnancy and homosexuality. If that didn’t work she didn’t know what would.
Goodnight my angel, time to close your eyes,
And save these questions for another day.
I think I know what you've been asking me,
I think you know what I've been trying to say.
I promised I would never leave you,
And you should always know
Wherever you may go, no matter where you are
I never will be far away.
Tears fell quietly down Quinn’s cheeks as she leaned down to kiss her stomach.
Goodnight my angel, now it's time to sleep,
And still so many things I want to say.
Remember all the songs you sang for me,
When we went sailing on an emerald bay.
And like a boat out on the ocean,
I'm rocking you to sleep
The water's dark and deep, inside this ancient heart
You'll always be a part of me.
Her voice echoed through the empty restroom as she hummed lovingly to her daughter. The kicking was slowing down but the infant still tossed and turned in her mother’s stomach.
Goodnight my angel, now it's time to dream,
And dream how wonderful your life will be.
Someday your child may cry, and if you sing this lullaby,
Then in your heart there will always be a part of me.
Someday we'll all be gone
But lullabies go on and on
They never die
That's how you and I will be.
Quinn bowed her head and cried softly, knowing her time with her baby was coming to a close. She had one more month before she would give her child up; the thought of this made her nauseous. Suddenly, the kicking ceased. Quinn got up and exited the stall, faltering once she got to the sink. She leaned on the porcelain for support, unable to understand what she was feeling. A sharp pain shot through the cheerleader, causing her to fall to her knees as she caressed her stomach protectively. The room was spinning, her vision blurring.
“Quinn? Come on, we’re almost on!” a voice said from outside.
Quinn wanted to call out but her voice was caught in her throat. She shuddered as another wave of pain came over her causing her to gag.
The door burst open and Kurt froze at the sight in front of him. Quinn was lying on the ground, her hands still around her belly, in a pool of dark crimson blood.
“Kurt, what the hell are you - oh shit.”
Puck rushed to her side and held up the blonde.
“Quinn, please, baby, stay with me,” he pleaded as Quinn went in and out of consciousness.
“Rachel,” she murmured.
“Don’t just stand there, dammit, call an ambulance you idiot!” Puck screamed at Kurt as tears ran down his tan face.
“Quinn, please, baby, please be strong. Don’t leave me, Quinn. You can’t leave me.”
Kurt ran out and got Mr. Schuester who pulled out his cell phone and frantically dialed 911. The entire club was gathered around the bathroom door, each panicking at the sight of Quinn so vulnerable, so pale, so helpless.
“Out of my way!”
Rachel pushed through the crowd of kids and stopped dead in her tracks once she laid her eyes upon Quinn. She let out a cry of pain, the sight causing her collapse; fortunately Finn caught her before she hit the floor. Quinn’s eyes rolled back into her head as she fell unconscious.
“Quinn! Quinn! No!” Puck screamed as he shook her desperately.
***
Rachel found herself in a dimly lit waiting room in Finn’s arms, vaguely remembering the events. The walls were a pale green and decorated with pictures of flowers and nature meant to brighten the mood; the mood remained dark. Above her the lights flickered and the sounds of the secretary’s nails tapping against the key board were amplified due to the painful silence of the room. Finn gazed down at her and gave her a tiny smile.
“Hey, Rach,” he said softly as he brushed her hair out of her face.
She smiled back, still not remembering what had happened.The two sat with the rest of the glee club in the emergency room. Puck was no where to be found; Tina was sitting in Artie’s lap as he rubbed her back affectionately. Brittany and Santana were also together, the blonde looking like a scared child in the brunette’s sturdy arms.
"What happened to me?" she asked absentmindedly.
"Well you sort of fainted so I brought you on the bus with me. We've only been here for like an hour. You've been sleeping the whole time. "
Rachel pulled herself up, still in the quarterback’s arms, and looked around for Quinn. All she found was a pacing Mr. Schuester and Kurt and Mercedes huddling together in the corner of the room.
“Where’s Quinn?” she asked obliviously.
Finn was stunned by the question.
“Uh-uh” he stammered, avoiding Rachel’s eyes.
And that’s when everything came rushing back, the blood on the bathroom floor, the blonde hair splayed over Puck’s broad shoulders, Quinn’s pale and drained face.
“Oh my God,” she breathed and Finn pulled her closer as the brunette cried.
Her tears soaked the boy’s shirt, but it didn’t matter to Finn. He was more than content to hold the petite starlet forever. Now that Jesse was out of the picture, Finn believed he had more than a good chance to win Rachel back. Starting then he decided he would be dedicated to Rachel and make her happy.
“It’s okay, Rachel. Everything is going to be okay,” he reassured.
Rachel practically jumped out of Finn’s arms.
“How do you know that, Finn? You can’t know that! What if she dies Finn? Will everything be okay then? How can you just sit there and hold me and tell me everything is going to be okay when you very well know it won’t be?”
With that, Rachel stormed out of the waiting room leaving not only a dumbfounded Finn, but a confused glee club as well. She raced down the hallway, her vision blurred by her tears, unsure of where she was going. All she knew was that she had to get out of there. Being in Finn’s arms felt wrong; it was almost like she was betraying him. She couldn’t bring herself to tell Finn how she felt about him. The fact was that she didn’t love him like that anymore; no longer was he her knight in shining amour. Now she saw him for the naive and selfish boy he really was. She knew the only reason he had said it was going to be okay was because he wanted to get back together with her. The only problem was that he was too late. Someone else haunted her dreams and made her heart skip a beat.
Rachel turned a corner and opened the door to a stairwell and flew down the stairs, nearly plowing over someone she hadn’t noticed and falling head first; but before that could happen, a set of strong arms caught her and placed her safely on the ground. Rachel looked up and realized who had saved her.
“Hey,” she whispered softly, unsure how to treat the boy.
Puck simply nodded before looking the other way and wiping his eyes. Rachel took a step towards him and placed her hand on his arm.
“Are you alright?”
The boy looked at her for a moment, unsure whether to yell at her or confide in her. Suddenly he turned around and punched the wall, immediately holding his hand in pain.
“FUCK!” he screamed, the curse echoing through the stairwell.
“Noah,” Rachel began and walked towards him cautiously as she was afraid he’d lash out once more.
“I don’t know,” he whispered, sounding the most insecure Rachel had ever heard him.
His body shook viciously with anger, confusion, frustration, and grief. A tear rolled down his face as Rachel rubbed his arm tenderly.
“You don’t get it, Rachel. Quinn is the love of my life. I know I’m an asshole to her but it’s true. I haven’t found the right way to tell her this because she’s still pissed about the whole pregnancy thing. What if she dies, Rachel? What if I lose the two most important people in my life? I would die. I need her, Rachel. I need Quinn and I just can’t imagine losing her…I need her so much…”
Suddenly, Puck collapsed against the wall and it was Rachel’s turn to catch him. They sat on the floor at the bottom of the stairwell together. Puck burrowed himself into Rachel’s shoulder and wept as the girl gently rocked him in her arms. She didn’t know what to say. She couldn’t say it was going to be okay because that would make her a hypocrite. Rachel settled for remaining silent and holding the boy until the sobbing subsided and when it did, Puck detached himself from Rachel and leaned his head against the wall.
“Shit,” he said bluntly.
Rachel rested her head upon Puck’s shoulder and giggled softly.
“I couldn’t have put it more eloquently.”
Puck pulled her into his arms and squeezed her tightly.
“Thank you,” he mumbled into her hair.
Rachel released herself and took the boy’s now bloody hand and kissed it tenderly. The two fell asleep there for what felt like five minutes; in actuality it had been two hours. Rachel woke up even more disoriented than the first time but remembered what had happened the minute she saw the Mohawk. She smiled at the boy sleeping in her arms. In that moment his face was clear of stress, serene and calm. Then she thought about what he had said to her before he melted down, how Quinn was the love of his life, how he needed her more than anything. Rachel felt that way herself and in that moment hated herself for it. Noah deserves happiness but Rachel was in love with Quinn and she was hesitant to admit it. Not only would her relationship with Finn be destroyed, she’d feel incredibly stupid if it turned out that Quinn reciprocated Noah’s feelings.
She sighed and decided she’d figure that out later if Quinn would admit her feelings, if she decided to forgive the blonde. Obviously what Quinn had said hurt Rachel, more than she was willing to admit; but the thought of losing Quinn frightened the brunette to the core. If she got another chance to see the girl it would be hard to resist running into her arms and she’d forgive Quinn in a heart beat. She decided that would make her look entirely desperate; if Quinn really wanted to be with Rachel, she would have to prove it otherwise Rachel would simply give up.
“Noah,” she whispered as she rubbed his Mohawk affectionately.
“Mhm,” he mumbled and readjusted himself in Rachel’s arms.
“Noah, I really think it would be in our best interest to go back upstairs. It’s been two hours. I think the club will be quite worried and are wondering about our whereabouts.”
“Uh, fine, Berry. All you had to do was ramble in that obnoxious voice of yours to wake me up. That thing’s better than an alarm clock.”
Rachel giggled at the insult, noting that it was said lightly and not with the usual animosity.
“Come on,” she persisted as she extended her hand to pull the jock up.
He groaned as he was brought to his feet, surprised the girl could actually lift his wait. He made a mental note reminding him to go to the gym more often.
The two walked up the stairs arm in arm and headed back to the waiting room. It was just as Rachel left it, except now Brittany and Santana were asleep, Tina was sitting with Mercedes and Kurt was fixing Artie’s tie. Puck left Rachel and went over to the secretary to see if anything had changed. Quinn had been in surgery for over two hours and saying that Puck was anxious was an understatement. Rachel took a deep breath and walked over to Finn who was reading what seemed to be Sports Illustrated.
“Hey,” she said as she sat down next to the boy.
“Hey,” he replied, smiling that dopey smile Rachel had once adored “Listen, I need to tell you something.”
Finn nodded obliviously. Rachel reached for his hand and caressed it gently. The boy smiled at the gesture.
“Before you tell me whatever it is you need to tell me, I need to apologize for earlier. I mean I still don’t really get why you got all mad and stuff but I’m sorry. I-“ he looked down to the floor, obviously nervous, “I want to be with you. I was gunna ask you after we won Regionals but since we kind of didn’t sing I guess that plan’s over. Anyway, what I’m trying to say is will you go out with me?”
Rachel took a deep breath. This was going to be hard. Finn looked at her with hopeful eyes and she knew she couldn’t keep leading him on.
“We can’t be together.”
Finn’s mouth dropped as Rachel continued.
“ I understand that you have feelings for me and it is flattering to say the least. I too used to feel the same way about you, Finn, but…something changed in me. I don’t really know how to explain it but I will once I have a better understanding. I am sorry I yelled at you earlier. I was just scared and upset and was not thinking rationally. And I know this will sound utterly cliché but can we still be friends? I really enjoyed being your friend before this whole romance. I completely understand if it would be uncomfortable.”
Rachel was out of breath by the end of that and Finn stared at her with wide eyes in disbelief.
“You mean you don’t love me?” he asked, his expression heartbroken. He seemed more like a six year old boy rather than a sixteen year old teenager.
“I care about you, Finn, and I do love you, just not in the way you love me.”
Finn bowed his head. Rachel saw a tear land on his dress pants and his shoulders shake. Feeling guilty, Rachel wrapped her arms around the boy and comforted him.
“I’m sorry, Finn,” was all she could say.
Finn pulled out of the hugged and clumsily wiped his tears.
“I understand,” he said and got up out of the chair.
“Wait! Where are you going?” Rachel asked worriedly.
“I just need some air, okay?”
Rachel nodded as she watched Finn walk out of the building. She feared he was going to kick over a chair or punch a random stranger. Luckily he managed to make it outside without doing anything horrendous. As she sighed deeply, the chair next to her sunk. Puck looked down at her with glassy eyes.
“Anything?” she whispered.
“No,” he answered as a tear escaped his dark brown eyes.
Rachel grabbed his hand and gave it a squeeze.
“Where is the family of Quinn Fabray?”
Each student’s head shot up simultaneously and saw a doctor standing in the hallway wearing bloodied gloves and green scrubs. They all looked at each other wondering who would speak to the man. Puck slowly lifted himself out of his chair. Before anyone could join him, a frantic woman rushed into the room
“Where’s my daughter? Where’s my Quinnie?” she cried, her eyes darting about the room searching for an answer. The doctor responded calmly to the woman.
“Are you the mother of Quinn Fabray?”
The woman nodded earnestly.
“I’m the father,” Puck announced to the man.
“Okay, well can I speak with both of you in private please?”
Judy Fabray hurried over to the doctor. Puck remained standing and was more than hesitant.
“Noah, are you alright?” Rachel asked.
He looked down at her and held out his hand to Rachel.
“Noah, I hardly think it would be appropriate for me to be with you when you discover the condition of your child and lover.”
“Please, Rachel, just for once shut up. I don’t think I’ll be able to do this alone,” he whispered softly, his voice cracking on the word please.
Looking into Noah’s tear-filled eyes, Rachel could not reject his request. She nodded and took his hand. The two walked over and joined Mrs. Fabray and the doctor. Puck gave Rachel a look filled with worry. She nodded in encouragement as her heart began beating rapidly and her stomach was churning. She willed herself to calm down but it was useless; whatever was going to come out of the doctor’s mouth was out of her control. Rachel held her breath as the doctor opened his mouth to speak.
This is it.