My Only Exception 6/20
“Quinn, are you okay?”
Rachel looked at Quinn with concern because she still hadn’t opened her eyes. Suddenly, they snapped open; this time, however, fear was not mixed in with the hypnotizing hazel swirls. Rachel wanted so desperately to make everything okay. Carefully she raised her hand to brush a stray strand of blonde hair away from Quinn’s face.
“Don’t touch me,” she whispered as her body flinched away from Rachel’s touch.
“Quinn, please…”
The blonde stood up and backed away slowly, tears running down her face. Her hands were shaking violently.
“I-I can’t. I just-I can’t do this,” she whispered and bowed her head to the floor in shame.
The rejection stung Rachel and the pain of Quinn not wanting her hit her like a brick wall. The brunette tried to reach out once more to hold the girl she firmly believed she was falling for.
“Don’t touch me!” Quinn shrieked and her fear turned into anger.
Rachel stood in the same spot in shock as the sound of Quinn’s cry echoed throughout the venue.
“What have you done to me? You think you can turn me gay, you freak! You and your fucking fathers are freaks. My Daddy warned me about you guys. You’re going to hell! All of you!”
Rachel winced in pain from the insult. Tears spilled out of her brown eyes that were now filled with hurt and confusion.
“What-what are you talking about? Being gay isn’t a sin.”
Quinn laughed at the brunette.
“Do you even read the Bible? It’s right in there. It’s wrong. You are wrong. You are a freak. Stay the fuck away from me, Man Hands. Stay the fuck away from me and go try to turn some other cheerleader gay!”
“You have no right to be mad at me, Quinn! All my life people have bullied me for being different. My parents are gay and I have accepted that a long time ago. Unfortunately, people like you and your father have not. You go around spreading filthy lies about us. Do you remember in sixth grade you went around and told the entire school that my family murdered straight people and hid them in our basement? Well no one came to my birthday party that year or any year after that for that matter. People avoided me like the plague. You are a hypocrite! You are gay and you have to accept that!”
“I am not gay!” Quinn screamed, her face flushed with anger and soaked with tears.
“Then why did you kiss me?”
Quinn was suddenly silent, save for her heavy breathing. She had no answer. Every time she tried to convince herself that she isn’t gay, that one exception popped up. Why do I like Rachel? Why did I want to kiss her? And then she simply ignored it.
Rachel looked into Quinn’s eyes, hoping that the blonde would admit her feelings. It was silent and both girls’ breathing was labored.
“Fuck you, Man Hands,”
With that the blonde stormed out, her face wet with tears; but these tears were not of anger. They were of confusion and guilt. She never meant to take it that far. The fact that she might be gay not only terrified her it infuriated her. Her parents kicked her out for the pregnancy. Quinn had planned on asking them if she could go back home once the baby was born. All she has ever wanted is her parents’ acceptance and approval. Being gay would not only jeopardize that it would kill any hope of it happening. So she yelled at Rachel and called her a freak and cursed her out.
She just wanted it to all go away. She wanted to erase all the feelings, the guilt, the lust, the anger, the confusion, from her mind. She wanted to be a Cheerio again dating the quarterback, making fun of Rachel like things were before; but it would never be like before. It could never be like it was before.
Quinn walked away and left Rachel alone in the same position, a look akin to a deer in head lights plastered on her normally perky face. She should be fuming. She should want to run after Quinn and smack her in the face for calling her and her family freaks; but that was the last thing on her mind.
Did that just happen?
Had she again been rejected in the same auditorium by yet another person she cared too much about? The fact finally registered. Rachel collapsed onto the floor, burying her head in her hands. Was she a freak? All she wanted was Quinn but apparently that was wrong now. Everything Quinn said to her felt like daggers to her heart and yet she still ached for Quinn, the touch of her lips, the softness of her hair. Her petite frame shuddered as a sob released from her lips. All she wanted was to hold Quinn and tell her everything was going to be okay; then again, all she really wanted was for Quinn to apologize to her and hold her and tell her everything was going to be okay. Rachel may have two gay dads, but that doesn’t mean she is okay with being gay. It scared her and falling for Quinn Fabray of all people was not helping the situation.
The first time she ever thought of Quinn that way was when she saw Quinn get slushied. She saw the hurt, the pain, the humiliation all bundled up into one genuine look that made Rachel’s heart wrench. On impulse she had ran in to help her formal torturer, unable to understand why she felt such an impulse. The instant she saw Quinn curled up against the wall, tears streaming down her porcelain skin, Rachel knew she had it bad. The feelings only tripled when she felt Quinn’s child kick. It felt as if all the warmth from the sun rushed into her and her mind clouded with happiness. She pictured the infant walking, then talking, then singing, and growing up and soon enough she had fallen even harder. There was no way out now. Too late to turn around and chase after Finn. After kissing Quinn how could she return to the quarterback?
She leaned her head into the piano, stared at the ceiling and cried. The tears fell easily and the brunette made no effort to wipe them away. She needed this. She needed to let out all of the pain of rejection and the desire for something she couldn’t have. Then she closed her eyes tightly. Images of Quinn, her blonde hair, hazel eyes, smooth skin, soft lips, vanilla lip gloss, greeted her even though all she wanted was to forget about the girl. Her body shook once more, and at that moment she believed that it was truly and sincerely over and that she had lost the potential love of her life.
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Mr. Schuester had invited the glee club over to his house for a song nomination party to lift the morale of the kids. Ever since it was revealed that Sue Sylvester would be one of the four judges of the Regional Competition, the kids felt they had no shot. Sue Sylvester would not let them win and in the words of Brittany, Sue would with out a doubt crush glee club.
Once all of the kids arrived, the pizza following soon after, Quinn volunteered to get the plates from the kitchen. Slowly, she made her way to the kitchen and looked out the window as the rain trickled down; her mind transported her to a night similar to this one, except she was at least ten pounds lighter and sporting a William McKinley Cheerio’s uniform.
“I can’t do this,” she breathed as Puck was feeling her up on her bed.
“Sure you can, have another wine cooler,” he offered, thinking that getting the girl more drunk would increase his chances of getting laid.
“I’m president of the celibacy club. I took a vow.”
“So did Santana and Brittany and I did them.”
“What about Finn? He’s your best friend,” she asked also questioning herself. What about Finn? He’s your boyfriend? This is wrong, this is so wrong.
“Come on, we’re in high school. You think either one of us is going to give a damn about Finn in three years? Life’s just a bunch of experiences, you know? You don’t get a metal at the finish line for being good. You just get dead.”
Somehow these idiotic words made sense to one drunk Quinn Fabray and she actually consented to cheating on her boyfriend with a douche bag with a Mohawk.
“Okay, but you can’t tell anybody. I can’t lose my rep.”
“Our secret, baby,” he breathed, the heavy scent of alcohol bombarding her senses as his hard lips crashed into hers. Then she realized something and pushed him back.
“What about protection?” she asked.
“I got it. Trust me.”
Then Puck’s expression softened.
“This isn’t just another hook up for me.”
And Quinn let him kiss her again, her heart pounding in her chest, her conscience screaming at her to stop; but it felt good. It felt good being with Puck. He made her feel pretty and no one made her feel pretty. Finn sure as hell didn’t make her feel pretty. He was too busy drooling over Man Hands to compliment Quinn or tell her that he loved her.
“Tell me one more time,” she breathed desperately wanting to feel pretty again.
“You’re not fat.”
“Quinn? Quinn?”
Quinn whipped around and found Mr. Schuester staring at her with concern.
“You alright?”
She nodded, even though it was a lie. She felt fatter than ever, glee club, the one place she sort of felt comfortable, was over, and then there was Rachel, an issue she couldn’t bare to think about.
“It’s been a long year…” she started, but couldn’t finish her sentence.
“Yeah,” her teacher agreed.
Quinn decided she really didn’t want to get into her deepest secrets and troubles with her Spanish teacher so she grabbed the plates and began to walk towards to the living room.
“Oh, do you need some help with those plates?”
“I’m not due for a month. I think I can handle a stack of plates.”
“Right,” he responded, obviously embarrassed.
The two walked into the living room. In front of them sat twelve depressed looking teenagers. Quinn took a seat and glanced over at Rachel. Her long brown locks fell beneath her shoulders. She was leaning against Finn who seemed more than content with the situation he was in. Bastard. No. I should be happy for them. They have obviously found each other. I am not jealous because I am not gay. I am not gay.
These thoughts were not unfamiliar to Quinn. Ever since that day in the auditorium she couldn’t stand looking at Rachel. It frustrated her. She couldn’t like Rachel. It is wrong. It goes against everything she was taught. It went against the ways her parents raised her. The Bible specifically states that being gay is a sin. Quinn had already sinned enough. She cheated on her boyfriend, had sex before marriage breaking her vow of celibacy, and is now impregnated with an illegitimate child. Being gay would be the worst possible sin. Her father had bashed Rachel’s fathers ever since Quinn was a little girl who didn’t even know what being gay meant. Of course Quinn never questioned her father’s problem with the Berrys. He was her father; everything he said must have been true.
But if being gay is a sin, then why did kissing Rachel feel so good? The baby kicked at the thought and it snapped her back to reality. Tina was crying about not having friends on Facebook or something. Quinn glanced back over to Rachel, who was obviously having a hard time keeping it together as well but not for the same reasons as Tina or the rest of the club.
Rachel was afraid of losing her friends too; but it was more about losing Quinn then anyone else. Quinn had finally started to be nice to her, save for the past couple days where the blonde barely made eye contact with her and if she did it was to glare at her. Rachel still didn’t really understand why she had gotten so mad. Before they had kissed, Rachel was enjoying being Quinn’s semi-friend or whatever they were. When glee club was over, what would happen? Would she resume being slushied, being called Man Hands or Stubbles or Treasure Trail? Would Quinn snicker at her outfits or publically humiliate her like before? Obviously, Rachel didn’t want this to happen; but after what had happened in the auditorium it seemed more than likely to happen.
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“Quinn?”
Kurt Hummel found a broken Quinn Fabray in the choir room during lunch the day before Regionals. The girl looked up in shock and then immediately looked down trying to conceal her tears.
“What do you want?” she hissed.
Kurt sat down next to the cheerleader and sighed.
“It’s Rachel isn’t it?” he asked knowingly.
“What?” Quinn asked incredulously.
“Honey, I know we’re not exactly friends but it’s more than obvious that something is going on between the two of you. I mean the other day you were practically having eye sex when we were rehearsing Loving Touching Squeezing. Plus, I saw Rachel wearing sweat pants, sweat pants! What happened?”
Quinn was quiet. Should she tell him? Should she admit to someone other than herself what she had done?
“Yesterday I found Rachel singing and crying alone in the auditorium,” she began.
“Go on…”
“And, well we talked and she found out what I did to Jesse and…”
“Wait what? What did you do that skeezeball?”
Quinn laughed. Skeezeball certainly was the correct word for the guy.
“I sort of beat him up a couple days ago.”
Kurt burst into a fit of laughter.
“It’s not funny!” she said defensively before laughing herself. It was pretty funny.
“Sorry, sorry, but why did you beat him up?”
“He egged Rachel! And abandoned her!” she explained.
“Oh, I see. You were protecting her.”
“Was not!”
Kurt looked at her with one eye brow raised. Damn he’s good.
“Well, if things were going so well, please explain how I found you alone here crying.”
Quinn sighed and looked down at her hands.
“We-we kissed,” she whispered and a tear slid down her face.
Kurt remained silent and let the girl tell him the rest.
“I sort of freaked out. We got into a huge fight and I called her a freak and she told me being gay wasn’t a sin but it is because it’s in the Bible and I can’t be gay, Kurt. I just can’t be gay. My parents hate me enough as it is. I can’t be gay. I just can’t be gay. I can’t be…”
“Quinn, can I tell you something?” Kurt interrupted.
Quinn nodded slowly and began wiping her tears away.
“I was terrified when I found out I liked Finn.”
“You were? Wait, you liked Finn?” she asked.
He nodded and sighed.
“Look, Quinn, being gay isn’t a sin because loving someone isn’t a sin. It is obvious to me that Rachel loves you and you have feelings for her as well. I am lucky to have a father that accepts me. Even if your parents don’t see past this you have me and glee club and Rachel. I’m not saying it’s going to be easy because then I’d be lying to you. It’s hard being gay; but so what? The sooner you accept who you are the better you’ll feel. Trust me, Quinn. The minute I came out I was relieved. Now I can be who I am.”
Now both of them were crying. Kurt wrapped his arms around the sobbing cheerleader and rubbed her back.
“It’s so hard,” she whimpered as the tears stung her eyes.
“I know, Quinn. I know.”
“What am I going to do? Rachel hates me. I-I said some awful things to her, Kurt. Like way worse than the things I normally say to her.”
Quinn laid her head in the crook of the boy’s shoulder and waited for his advice. She felt the rise and fall of his chest and it comforted her, made her feel safe.
“Well, it depends.”
“Depends on what?”
“Well, how do you feel about Rachel? Do you love her?”
Quinn contemplated this question for a few seconds before answering.
“I- she makes me feel whole. I don’t know how to explain it but when I see her, Kurt, the baby starts kicking really hard. And when we kissed it was perfect and shit I think I do love her.”
Kurt giggled softly at the insecurity of the girl he was holding.
“In that case, you have to win her back, Quinn. You have to prove to her that you want to be with her, even though you know it’ll destroy your reputation and your parents will never love you.”
Quinn frowned.
“Gee thanks, Kurt.”
He shrugged.
“I’m just being honest with you, Quinn. Being gay is no walk in the park; but it sure beats being in the closet and having the girl of your dreams hating you.”
Kurt was right. Quinn was sick of being in the closet; it hurt so much. Every time she looked at Rachel her heart pounded out of her chest and the baby rolled around. Everything about the girl was perfect right down to her silly wardrobe and sometimes annoying voice. The past two days had been hell for one reason and one reason only: Quinn hadn’t talked to Rachel. And that’s when it hit her.
“I’m gay,” she whispered into Kurt’s designer jacket and began crying and those cries evolved into sobs.
“I know, honey. I know.”
Rachel looked at Quinn with concern because she still hadn’t opened her eyes. Suddenly, they snapped open; this time, however, fear was not mixed in with the hypnotizing hazel swirls. Rachel wanted so desperately to make everything okay. Carefully she raised her hand to brush a stray strand of blonde hair away from Quinn’s face.
“Don’t touch me,” she whispered as her body flinched away from Rachel’s touch.
“Quinn, please…”
The blonde stood up and backed away slowly, tears running down her face. Her hands were shaking violently.
“I-I can’t. I just-I can’t do this,” she whispered and bowed her head to the floor in shame.
The rejection stung Rachel and the pain of Quinn not wanting her hit her like a brick wall. The brunette tried to reach out once more to hold the girl she firmly believed she was falling for.
“Don’t touch me!” Quinn shrieked and her fear turned into anger.
Rachel stood in the same spot in shock as the sound of Quinn’s cry echoed throughout the venue.
“What have you done to me? You think you can turn me gay, you freak! You and your fucking fathers are freaks. My Daddy warned me about you guys. You’re going to hell! All of you!”
Rachel winced in pain from the insult. Tears spilled out of her brown eyes that were now filled with hurt and confusion.
“What-what are you talking about? Being gay isn’t a sin.”
Quinn laughed at the brunette.
“Do you even read the Bible? It’s right in there. It’s wrong. You are wrong. You are a freak. Stay the fuck away from me, Man Hands. Stay the fuck away from me and go try to turn some other cheerleader gay!”
“You have no right to be mad at me, Quinn! All my life people have bullied me for being different. My parents are gay and I have accepted that a long time ago. Unfortunately, people like you and your father have not. You go around spreading filthy lies about us. Do you remember in sixth grade you went around and told the entire school that my family murdered straight people and hid them in our basement? Well no one came to my birthday party that year or any year after that for that matter. People avoided me like the plague. You are a hypocrite! You are gay and you have to accept that!”
“I am not gay!” Quinn screamed, her face flushed with anger and soaked with tears.
“Then why did you kiss me?”
Quinn was suddenly silent, save for her heavy breathing. She had no answer. Every time she tried to convince herself that she isn’t gay, that one exception popped up. Why do I like Rachel? Why did I want to kiss her? And then she simply ignored it.
Rachel looked into Quinn’s eyes, hoping that the blonde would admit her feelings. It was silent and both girls’ breathing was labored.
“Fuck you, Man Hands,”
With that the blonde stormed out, her face wet with tears; but these tears were not of anger. They were of confusion and guilt. She never meant to take it that far. The fact that she might be gay not only terrified her it infuriated her. Her parents kicked her out for the pregnancy. Quinn had planned on asking them if she could go back home once the baby was born. All she has ever wanted is her parents’ acceptance and approval. Being gay would not only jeopardize that it would kill any hope of it happening. So she yelled at Rachel and called her a freak and cursed her out.
She just wanted it to all go away. She wanted to erase all the feelings, the guilt, the lust, the anger, the confusion, from her mind. She wanted to be a Cheerio again dating the quarterback, making fun of Rachel like things were before; but it would never be like before. It could never be like it was before.
Quinn walked away and left Rachel alone in the same position, a look akin to a deer in head lights plastered on her normally perky face. She should be fuming. She should want to run after Quinn and smack her in the face for calling her and her family freaks; but that was the last thing on her mind.
Did that just happen?
Had she again been rejected in the same auditorium by yet another person she cared too much about? The fact finally registered. Rachel collapsed onto the floor, burying her head in her hands. Was she a freak? All she wanted was Quinn but apparently that was wrong now. Everything Quinn said to her felt like daggers to her heart and yet she still ached for Quinn, the touch of her lips, the softness of her hair. Her petite frame shuddered as a sob released from her lips. All she wanted was to hold Quinn and tell her everything was going to be okay; then again, all she really wanted was for Quinn to apologize to her and hold her and tell her everything was going to be okay. Rachel may have two gay dads, but that doesn’t mean she is okay with being gay. It scared her and falling for Quinn Fabray of all people was not helping the situation.
The first time she ever thought of Quinn that way was when she saw Quinn get slushied. She saw the hurt, the pain, the humiliation all bundled up into one genuine look that made Rachel’s heart wrench. On impulse she had ran in to help her formal torturer, unable to understand why she felt such an impulse. The instant she saw Quinn curled up against the wall, tears streaming down her porcelain skin, Rachel knew she had it bad. The feelings only tripled when she felt Quinn’s child kick. It felt as if all the warmth from the sun rushed into her and her mind clouded with happiness. She pictured the infant walking, then talking, then singing, and growing up and soon enough she had fallen even harder. There was no way out now. Too late to turn around and chase after Finn. After kissing Quinn how could she return to the quarterback?
She leaned her head into the piano, stared at the ceiling and cried. The tears fell easily and the brunette made no effort to wipe them away. She needed this. She needed to let out all of the pain of rejection and the desire for something she couldn’t have. Then she closed her eyes tightly. Images of Quinn, her blonde hair, hazel eyes, smooth skin, soft lips, vanilla lip gloss, greeted her even though all she wanted was to forget about the girl. Her body shook once more, and at that moment she believed that it was truly and sincerely over and that she had lost the potential love of her life.
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Mr. Schuester had invited the glee club over to his house for a song nomination party to lift the morale of the kids. Ever since it was revealed that Sue Sylvester would be one of the four judges of the Regional Competition, the kids felt they had no shot. Sue Sylvester would not let them win and in the words of Brittany, Sue would with out a doubt crush glee club.
Once all of the kids arrived, the pizza following soon after, Quinn volunteered to get the plates from the kitchen. Slowly, she made her way to the kitchen and looked out the window as the rain trickled down; her mind transported her to a night similar to this one, except she was at least ten pounds lighter and sporting a William McKinley Cheerio’s uniform.
“I can’t do this,” she breathed as Puck was feeling her up on her bed.
“Sure you can, have another wine cooler,” he offered, thinking that getting the girl more drunk would increase his chances of getting laid.
“I’m president of the celibacy club. I took a vow.”
“So did Santana and Brittany and I did them.”
“What about Finn? He’s your best friend,” she asked also questioning herself. What about Finn? He’s your boyfriend? This is wrong, this is so wrong.
“Come on, we’re in high school. You think either one of us is going to give a damn about Finn in three years? Life’s just a bunch of experiences, you know? You don’t get a metal at the finish line for being good. You just get dead.”
Somehow these idiotic words made sense to one drunk Quinn Fabray and she actually consented to cheating on her boyfriend with a douche bag with a Mohawk.
“Okay, but you can’t tell anybody. I can’t lose my rep.”
“Our secret, baby,” he breathed, the heavy scent of alcohol bombarding her senses as his hard lips crashed into hers. Then she realized something and pushed him back.
“What about protection?” she asked.
“I got it. Trust me.”
Then Puck’s expression softened.
“This isn’t just another hook up for me.”
And Quinn let him kiss her again, her heart pounding in her chest, her conscience screaming at her to stop; but it felt good. It felt good being with Puck. He made her feel pretty and no one made her feel pretty. Finn sure as hell didn’t make her feel pretty. He was too busy drooling over Man Hands to compliment Quinn or tell her that he loved her.
“Tell me one more time,” she breathed desperately wanting to feel pretty again.
“You’re not fat.”
“Quinn? Quinn?”
Quinn whipped around and found Mr. Schuester staring at her with concern.
“You alright?”
She nodded, even though it was a lie. She felt fatter than ever, glee club, the one place she sort of felt comfortable, was over, and then there was Rachel, an issue she couldn’t bare to think about.
“It’s been a long year…” she started, but couldn’t finish her sentence.
“Yeah,” her teacher agreed.
Quinn decided she really didn’t want to get into her deepest secrets and troubles with her Spanish teacher so she grabbed the plates and began to walk towards to the living room.
“Oh, do you need some help with those plates?”
“I’m not due for a month. I think I can handle a stack of plates.”
“Right,” he responded, obviously embarrassed.
The two walked into the living room. In front of them sat twelve depressed looking teenagers. Quinn took a seat and glanced over at Rachel. Her long brown locks fell beneath her shoulders. She was leaning against Finn who seemed more than content with the situation he was in. Bastard. No. I should be happy for them. They have obviously found each other. I am not jealous because I am not gay. I am not gay.
These thoughts were not unfamiliar to Quinn. Ever since that day in the auditorium she couldn’t stand looking at Rachel. It frustrated her. She couldn’t like Rachel. It is wrong. It goes against everything she was taught. It went against the ways her parents raised her. The Bible specifically states that being gay is a sin. Quinn had already sinned enough. She cheated on her boyfriend, had sex before marriage breaking her vow of celibacy, and is now impregnated with an illegitimate child. Being gay would be the worst possible sin. Her father had bashed Rachel’s fathers ever since Quinn was a little girl who didn’t even know what being gay meant. Of course Quinn never questioned her father’s problem with the Berrys. He was her father; everything he said must have been true.
But if being gay is a sin, then why did kissing Rachel feel so good? The baby kicked at the thought and it snapped her back to reality. Tina was crying about not having friends on Facebook or something. Quinn glanced back over to Rachel, who was obviously having a hard time keeping it together as well but not for the same reasons as Tina or the rest of the club.
Rachel was afraid of losing her friends too; but it was more about losing Quinn then anyone else. Quinn had finally started to be nice to her, save for the past couple days where the blonde barely made eye contact with her and if she did it was to glare at her. Rachel still didn’t really understand why she had gotten so mad. Before they had kissed, Rachel was enjoying being Quinn’s semi-friend or whatever they were. When glee club was over, what would happen? Would she resume being slushied, being called Man Hands or Stubbles or Treasure Trail? Would Quinn snicker at her outfits or publically humiliate her like before? Obviously, Rachel didn’t want this to happen; but after what had happened in the auditorium it seemed more than likely to happen.
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“Quinn?”
Kurt Hummel found a broken Quinn Fabray in the choir room during lunch the day before Regionals. The girl looked up in shock and then immediately looked down trying to conceal her tears.
“What do you want?” she hissed.
Kurt sat down next to the cheerleader and sighed.
“It’s Rachel isn’t it?” he asked knowingly.
“What?” Quinn asked incredulously.
“Honey, I know we’re not exactly friends but it’s more than obvious that something is going on between the two of you. I mean the other day you were practically having eye sex when we were rehearsing Loving Touching Squeezing. Plus, I saw Rachel wearing sweat pants, sweat pants! What happened?”
Quinn was quiet. Should she tell him? Should she admit to someone other than herself what she had done?
“Yesterday I found Rachel singing and crying alone in the auditorium,” she began.
“Go on…”
“And, well we talked and she found out what I did to Jesse and…”
“Wait what? What did you do that skeezeball?”
Quinn laughed. Skeezeball certainly was the correct word for the guy.
“I sort of beat him up a couple days ago.”
Kurt burst into a fit of laughter.
“It’s not funny!” she said defensively before laughing herself. It was pretty funny.
“Sorry, sorry, but why did you beat him up?”
“He egged Rachel! And abandoned her!” she explained.
“Oh, I see. You were protecting her.”
“Was not!”
Kurt looked at her with one eye brow raised. Damn he’s good.
“Well, if things were going so well, please explain how I found you alone here crying.”
Quinn sighed and looked down at her hands.
“We-we kissed,” she whispered and a tear slid down her face.
Kurt remained silent and let the girl tell him the rest.
“I sort of freaked out. We got into a huge fight and I called her a freak and she told me being gay wasn’t a sin but it is because it’s in the Bible and I can’t be gay, Kurt. I just can’t be gay. My parents hate me enough as it is. I can’t be gay. I just can’t be gay. I can’t be…”
“Quinn, can I tell you something?” Kurt interrupted.
Quinn nodded slowly and began wiping her tears away.
“I was terrified when I found out I liked Finn.”
“You were? Wait, you liked Finn?” she asked.
He nodded and sighed.
“Look, Quinn, being gay isn’t a sin because loving someone isn’t a sin. It is obvious to me that Rachel loves you and you have feelings for her as well. I am lucky to have a father that accepts me. Even if your parents don’t see past this you have me and glee club and Rachel. I’m not saying it’s going to be easy because then I’d be lying to you. It’s hard being gay; but so what? The sooner you accept who you are the better you’ll feel. Trust me, Quinn. The minute I came out I was relieved. Now I can be who I am.”
Now both of them were crying. Kurt wrapped his arms around the sobbing cheerleader and rubbed her back.
“It’s so hard,” she whimpered as the tears stung her eyes.
“I know, Quinn. I know.”
“What am I going to do? Rachel hates me. I-I said some awful things to her, Kurt. Like way worse than the things I normally say to her.”
Quinn laid her head in the crook of the boy’s shoulder and waited for his advice. She felt the rise and fall of his chest and it comforted her, made her feel safe.
“Well, it depends.”
“Depends on what?”
“Well, how do you feel about Rachel? Do you love her?”
Quinn contemplated this question for a few seconds before answering.
“I- she makes me feel whole. I don’t know how to explain it but when I see her, Kurt, the baby starts kicking really hard. And when we kissed it was perfect and shit I think I do love her.”
Kurt giggled softly at the insecurity of the girl he was holding.
“In that case, you have to win her back, Quinn. You have to prove to her that you want to be with her, even though you know it’ll destroy your reputation and your parents will never love you.”
Quinn frowned.
“Gee thanks, Kurt.”
He shrugged.
“I’m just being honest with you, Quinn. Being gay is no walk in the park; but it sure beats being in the closet and having the girl of your dreams hating you.”
Kurt was right. Quinn was sick of being in the closet; it hurt so much. Every time she looked at Rachel her heart pounded out of her chest and the baby rolled around. Everything about the girl was perfect right down to her silly wardrobe and sometimes annoying voice. The past two days had been hell for one reason and one reason only: Quinn hadn’t talked to Rachel. And that’s when it hit her.
“I’m gay,” she whispered into Kurt’s designer jacket and began crying and those cries evolved into sobs.
“I know, honey. I know.”