My Only Exception 4/20
If you didn’t already notice, Quinn’s love for piano is a projection of my obsession with the instrument. I recommend listening to this while reading this chapter for the full effect.
Quinn rested her elbow upon the oak table in the McKinely High School library.
Honestly, algebra was the last thing on her mind. The day before she had performed her funk number, and in her opinion it sort of went well. She had managed to keep it together, which was good. The entire time she had felt a pair of brown eyes staring at her and it took all she had not to return the look because if she did she’d lose it; once, just once, she had opened her eyes enough to see Rachel staring and swaying with that same sparkle in her eyes. Surprisingly, her child was silent during the entire performance, neither kicking nor rolling.
While she had belted out the song, she had felt herself disappearing, the audience fading away leaving her alone to sing her piece. The notes had flowed out of her mouth and the words followed. The music was ringing in her ears, the brass and strings, the piano and percussion. It felt good and at that moment she was so thankful she hadn’t quit the Glee club. There are two reasons why Quinn didn’t quit. One, she had no where else to go. Once off the Cheerios, she had nothing left, no more claim to fame. Two, she loved to sing and she loved music. It warmed her soul just listening to it, whether it was Sleepyhead by Passion Pit or Dreaming with a Broken Heart by John Mayer. Her iPod was always on her person because she listened to it constantly; she was listening to it in the library as Paramore flowed from the ear phones into her mind distracting her from her math homework.
Now she found herself thinking of everything except her school work. Her eyes gazed down at her notebook. All that was written was her name and the date. She sighed and rubbed her temples trying to ease her stress somehow. After five more minutes of work, Quinn decided she’d wait until she got back to Puck’s to finish it. For now, she rested her head on the table and let the music overtake her and transport her to a world where she wasn’t pregnant, where she wasn’t a loser, to a world where she was accepted.
Suddenly, her baby moved slightly in her stomach, the first sign of movement all day, and it pulled Quinn back to reality. Quinn looked up and gazed around the library. It was ninth period so it was basically empty except for the librarian and a few scattered underclassmen. The door to the facility opened and in walked Rachel Berry who was clutching a book tightly to her chest. She wore a pink and purple checkered skirt and a green cashmere sweater. The brunette walked over to the desk and returned her book. Just as Rachel made her way further into the library, Quinn quickly snapped her head down and tried to look as though she hadn’t been staring at the diva.
Rachel approached Quinn apprehensively, biting her nails, eyes glued to the floor. The iPod was still on and in Quinn’s ears. A soft finger tapped at her shoulder. Quinn pulled the ear phones out and looked up at Rachel.
“Hello, Quinn,” she said softly.
She seemed shy, which was weird because, well, she’s Rachel Berry and is known for her motor mouth and outgoing personality.
“Hey.”
“Uhm, can I sit here?”
She still made no eye contact with the blonde which only made the situation more awkward.
Quinn nodded and Rachel took the seat opposing the ex-cheerleader. A silence washed over the two, but it wasn’t comfortable like it had been in the restroom two days earlier. Rachel looked like she wanted to say something but she was trying her hardest to keep quiet.
“Hey, Quinn?”
Quinn looked up again and saw the brunette gazing at her from across the table with uncertainty in her usually confident face.
“Yeah?”
Rachel took a deep breath, always the drama queen.
“You-“
Did she just stutter? Rachel Berry never stutters.
“You were remarkable yesterday.”
The compliment was said so quietly that Quinn had to strain to hear it, and that was saying something because they were sitting in an almost empty, silent library. Quinn was speechless. Had she finally gained Rachel Berry’s approval? Was it that simple? It couldn’t be that easy.
“What?”
The brunette seemed to have gained back some confidence.
“I said you were remarkable, Quinn.”
“I know what you said, but why?” the blonde asked, still not believing that Rachel Berry thought she was remarkable.
Rachel was at a loss for words. She hadn’t expected Quinn to think she was lying.
“Because you were. I would never lie.”
Quinn smiled softly before hardening her features, reminding herself that it was Rachel Berry she was talking to. The brunette had seen the smile and returned it with a grin twice as big. Quinn looked back down at her paper as her eyes filled with tears. God, she hated the hormones. Why was she such a wreck? So Man Hands complimented her? What was the big deal?
It was a big deal because the only time people regarded her was either to tell her she was fat, gossip about her, or slushy her in the face. None had complimented her since the pregnancy, shown that they approved of her. If anything it was the exact opposite. People laughed at her when she walked into the cafeteria as all eyes fell to her stomach. Rachel, the only person justified to hate her, was praising her, approving of her. Her heart began to beat rapidly. The tears were welling up and Quinn willed them to stop. She didn’t want to cry in front of Rachel. Quinn could have told her to leave at that moment and spare herself further humiliation, like she did when the brunette had confessed to telling Finn about the paternity of the child she had conceived with Puck; but she didn’t want to. Quinn felt content at the moment to be sitting with Rachel in the quiet library. She didn’t want her to leave because for the first time in a while she felt somewhat whole again.
“Thank you,” she breathed, a small tear falling from her hazel eye and hitting the notebook with a soft splash.
Rachel saw it and flinched with pain. She didn’t really understand why she felt the need to comfort her former torturer; but she wasn’t going to ignore it. Slowly, she reached her hand across the table and placed it on the girl’s arm.
“You’re not alone, Quinn,” she said with compassion, truly meaning each word.
Quinn snapped her head up, not caring that her tears were now exposed. The dream rushed back into her mind, the open field, the piano, the brown hair. Her throat was dry and her chest was in pain from holding in her sobs.
Rachel looked at her knowingly, well aware that the blonde was on the verge of a break down. She took a quick breath, as if preparing for some speech she had already written before seeking out the blonde.
“I know we haven’t exactly been…”
Quinn raised her eyebrow.
“friends…but I want you to have my phone number, you know, like, in case something happens, or you just want to talk, or you needed advice on which foods to eat or vitamins to take, or what exercise would be suitable for a girl in your-“
“Rachel!”
The brunette blushed upon realizing that she had just been rambling like an idiot.
“Thank you,” Quinn said as she took out her cell phone to get the number.
Quinn handed her phone over to Rachel who eagerly grabbed the piece of plastic and began to dial viciously. Quinn thought she’d break the poor thing.
“Here,” she said proudly and got up out of her chair.
Quinn’s heart stopped. Why was she leaving? Wait, why did she not want Rachel to leave? She didn’t know the answer to either question; all she wanted was for Rachel to stay. It was just like in the bathroom; Quinn suddenly felt okay, somewhat happy when she was with the diva and she didn’t want that empty feeling to come back.
“Wait-where are you going?” she blurted, her cheeks turning red.
Rachel whipped around, her brown locks following her head. She looked confused for a moment but then composed herself.
“I am going to the choir room. As you know, we have a two hour Glee rehearsal today and I would like to be there early so I can warm up before everyone else,” she paused for a breath, “Why?”
The ex-cheerleader was at a loss for words. She couldn’t admit that she wanted the girl to stay with her in the library. It would be too embarrassing. So she chose a different option.
“Nothing. Do- do you think I could join you?” she asked, her eyes glued to the now extremely interesting puke green and gray carpet.
Rachel was taken aback. Did Quinn Fabray want to spend time with her? Not that that was a bad thing; it was just…weird.
“Sure.”
Quinn’s head shot up and she smiled softly as she put her notebook in her bag. Then she walked over to Rachel and the two walked towards the choir room. Quinn grew uncomfortable. Should she make small talk? No, that would be lame. She did it anyway.
“How was your day?”
Shit that was stupid.
Rachel stopped in her tracks, but immediately began walking again, choosing to respond rather than be shocked and look like a deer in head lights.
“F-fine. Fine. My day was fine.”
Quinn giggled. The brunette was cute when she was nervous. They finally arrived at the familiar room and Quinn opened the door for Rachel. Quinn didn’t see it, but Rachel blushed at the gesture of courtesy. Rachel walked to the piano and emptied her bag onto it. Sheet music, iPod, sheet music, water bottle, sheet music, and a gold starred pen. Quinn smiled at the pen. It was just so Rachel. Quinn realized she hadn’t moved from the door and walked over to her usual spot and slung her bag over the back of her chair, dropping her pen in the process.
Rachel stared at the blonde, how even though she was eight months pregnant she still could be graceful. Her face was hidden by blonde hair as she carefully bent down to pick up the writing utensil. Rachel sighed audibly and the blonde was now standing upright, looking curiously at the starlet.
“What?” she asked, this time minus her usual venom.
Rachel looked down.
“Nothing.”
Quinn walked over to the piano while Rachel collected her music into a pile and went to her seat to put her school bag down. The blonde sat down at the lovely piano once again letting her fingers touch each key without pressing down. She dreamed of owning one like it someday, when she had a home, a family.
“You play?”
Now Rachel was looking at her curiously. She brushed her hair behind her ear nervously and leaned against the back of the piano.
“A little,” Quinn answered humbly. She wouldn’t admit that she’s been playing since she was four years old.
“Well, play me something,” Rachel demanded confidently.
Quinn suddenly became nervous. It was one thing to play in an empty house with only the baby as her audience. Having to play in front of Rachel terrified her. The baby gave her a little kick, almost encouraging her to play. Quinn inhaled deeply, trying to clam herself down.
“Okay,” she breathed before placing her hands gently on the first of many keys she was about to press.
Quinn took another deep breath. Her fingers were shaking but she began the song anyway.
It began with steady eighth notes. Rachel noted the rise and fall of the girl’s chest as her fingers danced across the white keys. She was flawless. Her shoulders uncoiled as her hard and rough exterior melted away. Quinn carefully tended to each note, making each one perfect. The way her body moved with the melody left Rachel in awe. The blonde’s eyes closed slowly, playing the song by memory, her face void of any sign of stress. A strange calm fell over the girls. Quinn felt herself melting away with each note, each chord her stress being transferred from her mind through her fingers into the keys of the piano. Emotion poured out of the girl as she continued playing. It was remarkable how Quinn caused this seemingly inanimate object to evoke such fierce emotions and feelings. The piano became alive with each note as Quinn connected deeply with the instrument. Rachel saw Quinn losing herself, the walls falling down, as the keys moved up and down obediently.
Finally, Quinn played the last three notes, pausing in between each one for just a moment. Her foot remained on the pedal and the final note lingered in the air, ringing in the brunette’s ears.
Quinn released the pedal which caused the room to become deafeningly silent. Her hazel eyes opened, remembering where she was, who she had just played for. She looked up at the brunette leaning into the piano. Tears were streaming down her face and yet she still looked remarkable as the afternoon sunlight made her dark skin glisten. There was that familiar sparkle in the two tear-filled chocolate eyes.
On impulse, Quinn got up to comfort Rachel because her heart broke at the sight in front of her. The brunette made no effort to wipe her tears, so Quinn brushed them away for her with her slender finger. Rachel shivered at the touch, another tear escaping its chocolate chamber. Quinn caressed her face and tenderly rubbed her thumb across her cheek.
“Quinn,” the brunette breathed her eyes closed tightly, reveling in the touch of the blonde.
“Mhm.”
“That was beautiful.”
Quinn smiled, finally achieving Rachel’s approval. It was all she wanted. Suddenly she noticed the girl’s lips, plump and pink. She felt the impulse to kiss them, taste them.
No, it’s a sin.
It was though, wasn’t it? It was in the Bible, wasn’t it? Wasn’t it? In this moment as the two girls leaned against the piano, Rachel’s visage in Quinn’s soft hand, it didn’t feel like sinning. It felt like…heaven. The sunlight warmed her back which was exposed by her sundress and it just felt right.
“Hey, guys…” a curious Mr. Schuester asked as he walked into the choir room.
The two girls immediately separated, Rachel wiping her tears viciously as her cheeks reddened. Quinn backed away as quickly as she could. Before they knew it the entire club was standing at the door, looking at the two oddly.
“What?” Quinn hissed and the group chose to ignore the obvious tension in the room and go to their seats. Rachel and Quinn followed and a wide gap formed between them once they sat down.
Mr. Schuester began the rehearsal rambling about regionals or something; neither girl was listening. Rachel gazed across the room at Quinn who was staring right back, losing herself in the dark brown eyes. A small smile formed on the cheerleader’s face, leaving the brunette even more speechless than she already was and her face mimicked Quinn’s . Neither knew what had just happened, what might have happened had Mr. Schue not walked in; but they didn’t care because looking into each other’s eyes made both realize that no matter what they had a connection, a connection neither understood, a connection both Quinn and Rachel knew they needed, even though trying to understand it was as daunting as climbing Mount Everest.
Quinn rested her elbow upon the oak table in the McKinely High School library.
Honestly, algebra was the last thing on her mind. The day before she had performed her funk number, and in her opinion it sort of went well. She had managed to keep it together, which was good. The entire time she had felt a pair of brown eyes staring at her and it took all she had not to return the look because if she did she’d lose it; once, just once, she had opened her eyes enough to see Rachel staring and swaying with that same sparkle in her eyes. Surprisingly, her child was silent during the entire performance, neither kicking nor rolling.
While she had belted out the song, she had felt herself disappearing, the audience fading away leaving her alone to sing her piece. The notes had flowed out of her mouth and the words followed. The music was ringing in her ears, the brass and strings, the piano and percussion. It felt good and at that moment she was so thankful she hadn’t quit the Glee club. There are two reasons why Quinn didn’t quit. One, she had no where else to go. Once off the Cheerios, she had nothing left, no more claim to fame. Two, she loved to sing and she loved music. It warmed her soul just listening to it, whether it was Sleepyhead by Passion Pit or Dreaming with a Broken Heart by John Mayer. Her iPod was always on her person because she listened to it constantly; she was listening to it in the library as Paramore flowed from the ear phones into her mind distracting her from her math homework.
Now she found herself thinking of everything except her school work. Her eyes gazed down at her notebook. All that was written was her name and the date. She sighed and rubbed her temples trying to ease her stress somehow. After five more minutes of work, Quinn decided she’d wait until she got back to Puck’s to finish it. For now, she rested her head on the table and let the music overtake her and transport her to a world where she wasn’t pregnant, where she wasn’t a loser, to a world where she was accepted.
Suddenly, her baby moved slightly in her stomach, the first sign of movement all day, and it pulled Quinn back to reality. Quinn looked up and gazed around the library. It was ninth period so it was basically empty except for the librarian and a few scattered underclassmen. The door to the facility opened and in walked Rachel Berry who was clutching a book tightly to her chest. She wore a pink and purple checkered skirt and a green cashmere sweater. The brunette walked over to the desk and returned her book. Just as Rachel made her way further into the library, Quinn quickly snapped her head down and tried to look as though she hadn’t been staring at the diva.
Rachel approached Quinn apprehensively, biting her nails, eyes glued to the floor. The iPod was still on and in Quinn’s ears. A soft finger tapped at her shoulder. Quinn pulled the ear phones out and looked up at Rachel.
“Hello, Quinn,” she said softly.
She seemed shy, which was weird because, well, she’s Rachel Berry and is known for her motor mouth and outgoing personality.
“Hey.”
“Uhm, can I sit here?”
She still made no eye contact with the blonde which only made the situation more awkward.
Quinn nodded and Rachel took the seat opposing the ex-cheerleader. A silence washed over the two, but it wasn’t comfortable like it had been in the restroom two days earlier. Rachel looked like she wanted to say something but she was trying her hardest to keep quiet.
“Hey, Quinn?”
Quinn looked up again and saw the brunette gazing at her from across the table with uncertainty in her usually confident face.
“Yeah?”
Rachel took a deep breath, always the drama queen.
“You-“
Did she just stutter? Rachel Berry never stutters.
“You were remarkable yesterday.”
The compliment was said so quietly that Quinn had to strain to hear it, and that was saying something because they were sitting in an almost empty, silent library. Quinn was speechless. Had she finally gained Rachel Berry’s approval? Was it that simple? It couldn’t be that easy.
“What?”
The brunette seemed to have gained back some confidence.
“I said you were remarkable, Quinn.”
“I know what you said, but why?” the blonde asked, still not believing that Rachel Berry thought she was remarkable.
Rachel was at a loss for words. She hadn’t expected Quinn to think she was lying.
“Because you were. I would never lie.”
Quinn smiled softly before hardening her features, reminding herself that it was Rachel Berry she was talking to. The brunette had seen the smile and returned it with a grin twice as big. Quinn looked back down at her paper as her eyes filled with tears. God, she hated the hormones. Why was she such a wreck? So Man Hands complimented her? What was the big deal?
It was a big deal because the only time people regarded her was either to tell her she was fat, gossip about her, or slushy her in the face. None had complimented her since the pregnancy, shown that they approved of her. If anything it was the exact opposite. People laughed at her when she walked into the cafeteria as all eyes fell to her stomach. Rachel, the only person justified to hate her, was praising her, approving of her. Her heart began to beat rapidly. The tears were welling up and Quinn willed them to stop. She didn’t want to cry in front of Rachel. Quinn could have told her to leave at that moment and spare herself further humiliation, like she did when the brunette had confessed to telling Finn about the paternity of the child she had conceived with Puck; but she didn’t want to. Quinn felt content at the moment to be sitting with Rachel in the quiet library. She didn’t want her to leave because for the first time in a while she felt somewhat whole again.
“Thank you,” she breathed, a small tear falling from her hazel eye and hitting the notebook with a soft splash.
Rachel saw it and flinched with pain. She didn’t really understand why she felt the need to comfort her former torturer; but she wasn’t going to ignore it. Slowly, she reached her hand across the table and placed it on the girl’s arm.
“You’re not alone, Quinn,” she said with compassion, truly meaning each word.
Quinn snapped her head up, not caring that her tears were now exposed. The dream rushed back into her mind, the open field, the piano, the brown hair. Her throat was dry and her chest was in pain from holding in her sobs.
Rachel looked at her knowingly, well aware that the blonde was on the verge of a break down. She took a quick breath, as if preparing for some speech she had already written before seeking out the blonde.
“I know we haven’t exactly been…”
Quinn raised her eyebrow.
“friends…but I want you to have my phone number, you know, like, in case something happens, or you just want to talk, or you needed advice on which foods to eat or vitamins to take, or what exercise would be suitable for a girl in your-“
“Rachel!”
The brunette blushed upon realizing that she had just been rambling like an idiot.
“Thank you,” Quinn said as she took out her cell phone to get the number.
Quinn handed her phone over to Rachel who eagerly grabbed the piece of plastic and began to dial viciously. Quinn thought she’d break the poor thing.
“Here,” she said proudly and got up out of her chair.
Quinn’s heart stopped. Why was she leaving? Wait, why did she not want Rachel to leave? She didn’t know the answer to either question; all she wanted was for Rachel to stay. It was just like in the bathroom; Quinn suddenly felt okay, somewhat happy when she was with the diva and she didn’t want that empty feeling to come back.
“Wait-where are you going?” she blurted, her cheeks turning red.
Rachel whipped around, her brown locks following her head. She looked confused for a moment but then composed herself.
“I am going to the choir room. As you know, we have a two hour Glee rehearsal today and I would like to be there early so I can warm up before everyone else,” she paused for a breath, “Why?”
The ex-cheerleader was at a loss for words. She couldn’t admit that she wanted the girl to stay with her in the library. It would be too embarrassing. So she chose a different option.
“Nothing. Do- do you think I could join you?” she asked, her eyes glued to the now extremely interesting puke green and gray carpet.
Rachel was taken aback. Did Quinn Fabray want to spend time with her? Not that that was a bad thing; it was just…weird.
“Sure.”
Quinn’s head shot up and she smiled softly as she put her notebook in her bag. Then she walked over to Rachel and the two walked towards the choir room. Quinn grew uncomfortable. Should she make small talk? No, that would be lame. She did it anyway.
“How was your day?”
Shit that was stupid.
Rachel stopped in her tracks, but immediately began walking again, choosing to respond rather than be shocked and look like a deer in head lights.
“F-fine. Fine. My day was fine.”
Quinn giggled. The brunette was cute when she was nervous. They finally arrived at the familiar room and Quinn opened the door for Rachel. Quinn didn’t see it, but Rachel blushed at the gesture of courtesy. Rachel walked to the piano and emptied her bag onto it. Sheet music, iPod, sheet music, water bottle, sheet music, and a gold starred pen. Quinn smiled at the pen. It was just so Rachel. Quinn realized she hadn’t moved from the door and walked over to her usual spot and slung her bag over the back of her chair, dropping her pen in the process.
Rachel stared at the blonde, how even though she was eight months pregnant she still could be graceful. Her face was hidden by blonde hair as she carefully bent down to pick up the writing utensil. Rachel sighed audibly and the blonde was now standing upright, looking curiously at the starlet.
“What?” she asked, this time minus her usual venom.
Rachel looked down.
“Nothing.”
Quinn walked over to the piano while Rachel collected her music into a pile and went to her seat to put her school bag down. The blonde sat down at the lovely piano once again letting her fingers touch each key without pressing down. She dreamed of owning one like it someday, when she had a home, a family.
“You play?”
Now Rachel was looking at her curiously. She brushed her hair behind her ear nervously and leaned against the back of the piano.
“A little,” Quinn answered humbly. She wouldn’t admit that she’s been playing since she was four years old.
“Well, play me something,” Rachel demanded confidently.
Quinn suddenly became nervous. It was one thing to play in an empty house with only the baby as her audience. Having to play in front of Rachel terrified her. The baby gave her a little kick, almost encouraging her to play. Quinn inhaled deeply, trying to clam herself down.
“Okay,” she breathed before placing her hands gently on the first of many keys she was about to press.
Quinn took another deep breath. Her fingers were shaking but she began the song anyway.
It began with steady eighth notes. Rachel noted the rise and fall of the girl’s chest as her fingers danced across the white keys. She was flawless. Her shoulders uncoiled as her hard and rough exterior melted away. Quinn carefully tended to each note, making each one perfect. The way her body moved with the melody left Rachel in awe. The blonde’s eyes closed slowly, playing the song by memory, her face void of any sign of stress. A strange calm fell over the girls. Quinn felt herself melting away with each note, each chord her stress being transferred from her mind through her fingers into the keys of the piano. Emotion poured out of the girl as she continued playing. It was remarkable how Quinn caused this seemingly inanimate object to evoke such fierce emotions and feelings. The piano became alive with each note as Quinn connected deeply with the instrument. Rachel saw Quinn losing herself, the walls falling down, as the keys moved up and down obediently.
Finally, Quinn played the last three notes, pausing in between each one for just a moment. Her foot remained on the pedal and the final note lingered in the air, ringing in the brunette’s ears.
Quinn released the pedal which caused the room to become deafeningly silent. Her hazel eyes opened, remembering where she was, who she had just played for. She looked up at the brunette leaning into the piano. Tears were streaming down her face and yet she still looked remarkable as the afternoon sunlight made her dark skin glisten. There was that familiar sparkle in the two tear-filled chocolate eyes.
On impulse, Quinn got up to comfort Rachel because her heart broke at the sight in front of her. The brunette made no effort to wipe her tears, so Quinn brushed them away for her with her slender finger. Rachel shivered at the touch, another tear escaping its chocolate chamber. Quinn caressed her face and tenderly rubbed her thumb across her cheek.
“Quinn,” the brunette breathed her eyes closed tightly, reveling in the touch of the blonde.
“Mhm.”
“That was beautiful.”
Quinn smiled, finally achieving Rachel’s approval. It was all she wanted. Suddenly she noticed the girl’s lips, plump and pink. She felt the impulse to kiss them, taste them.
No, it’s a sin.
It was though, wasn’t it? It was in the Bible, wasn’t it? Wasn’t it? In this moment as the two girls leaned against the piano, Rachel’s visage in Quinn’s soft hand, it didn’t feel like sinning. It felt like…heaven. The sunlight warmed her back which was exposed by her sundress and it just felt right.
“Hey, guys…” a curious Mr. Schuester asked as he walked into the choir room.
The two girls immediately separated, Rachel wiping her tears viciously as her cheeks reddened. Quinn backed away as quickly as she could. Before they knew it the entire club was standing at the door, looking at the two oddly.
“What?” Quinn hissed and the group chose to ignore the obvious tension in the room and go to their seats. Rachel and Quinn followed and a wide gap formed between them once they sat down.
Mr. Schuester began the rehearsal rambling about regionals or something; neither girl was listening. Rachel gazed across the room at Quinn who was staring right back, losing herself in the dark brown eyes. A small smile formed on the cheerleader’s face, leaving the brunette even more speechless than she already was and her face mimicked Quinn’s . Neither knew what had just happened, what might have happened had Mr. Schue not walked in; but they didn’t care because looking into each other’s eyes made both realize that no matter what they had a connection, a connection neither understood, a connection both Quinn and Rachel knew they needed, even though trying to understand it was as daunting as climbing Mount Everest.