Allowing people to get to you

[emma_rainbow]

I should avoid reading threads like this: http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?t=610060

They just depress me.

First off, almost everyone equates ase with no sex.

Secondly, someone not having/enjoying sex because of their orientation is seen as a ridiculously insurmountable thing, although someone not doing, or putting off those things

Comments

sex! woo

[anonymous]

Just a thought on the whole asexual thing from your friendly friend-friend Redwin. Yes its me.
I always figured that sex was set in the foundations of every healthy relationship. The relationship grows and changes and moves on with time and sometimes you can even forget that the foundation is there... but take it away and the whole thing crumbles.
How many marriages have ended because the sex stopped? Men and women are different, but there's at least one thing they can do together and have fun. ...Generally.
It's not chess. :P
Sorry if i'm knocking your self-esteem. I just can't help but think all that stuff about sex not being important is... how to word it...
bullshit?
lol no offense

Re: sex! woo

[emma_rainbow]

I like to think there have been marriages that have stayed together and strong despite the sex stopping though...

Yikes!

[ext_106392]

I've just been looking around that forum and there are some scary opinions there - I forget how sheltered I am sticking to the various LGBT-centric sites on the net.

Cheers for sticking up for trans-peeps in the relevant threads over there! And keep giving 'em what-for on the ase front!

Re: Yikes!

[emma_rainbow]

TSR is an unforgiving place... but you can watch opinions change very quickly. When I first started talking about asexuality on there, there was a lot of ignorance, now people usually accept it as existing, if not as something acceptable. And every now and again I get pms saying 'Thanks, you've helped me' which is worth more than anything in that thread.

I try and do the same with trans and gay stuffs, although I'm less knowledgable and there's a lot more prejudice already there, alas (though the gay folks are in enough numbers to get there first and shout down people).

Ignorance is where you find it, and to quote xkcd: http://www.xkcd.com/386/
I can't let people carry on being wrong!
(honestly, that bint saying she couldn't date a transman cos he'd still be a woman on the inside... *headdesk*)

[kathy_h]

I have a question. I suck at the whole words thing, so I really hope it makes sense and comes across as I want it to...

You've talked a lot about people having wrong ideas about what being asexual means, but haven't said anything about what you actually say it means... From what you have said it sounds like it'd be pretty impossible to explain properly, but if you were asked to explain to someone who didn't understand but was open-minded and wanted to learn, how would you define "asexual"?

[emma_rainbow]

That's a very good question!

The simple definition is, quite simply, 'someone who is not attracted to anyone of any gender'. Everything else is fluid - whether you wish to be in a relationship or not, whether you have a gender preference for that relationship, whether you have a sex drive, whether you enjoy sexual activity, whether you are polyamorous, whether you have a fetish... there's a huge amount of variability in the ase community that I reckon is in all communities - we're just a little further off the map so we are forced to discuss it more to work out where we relate.

And I have a leaflet! :D www.thestudentroom.co.uk/wiki/asexuality

I'm always happy to explain to people who want to learn - it's when you explain and noone listens that it's heart-wrenching. Sorry I've angsted more than explained! :P

[kathy_h]

Oh good, so I've been thinking mostly along the right lines (I have met some ase people before, but I've never really talked about it with them). I read your whole leaflet! I think it was very informative and well-written. I wish I could explain as well what being bi means!

I like to learn :) And I like to listen.

Don't worry about the angst, as you said a while back, LJ is pretty much half made for angsting!

[emma_rainbow]

Heh, I was intending to have a private and public blog though, and mainly keep the angst off the more thinky half. :P Ah well.

Thanks! :) We need more learny/listeny people in the world. :)

[erradhadh]

I'm someone from TSR that goes by the same name.

Let me say, truthfully, TSR is often too cynical, or too idealistic; people of thos age group tend towards the extreme.

I am sure, in real life, most, upon meeting you, would have no problem. Even if sex was important, you say yourself to be compromising.

Furthermore, those asexuals who do are not compromising, there are many men (and women!)who are either themselves fairly asexual or fear sex. Unfortunately, often, this is not found out on forums, but through contact in real life.

Don't loose hope!

[emma_rainbow]

Thanks. :)

[gentlest_sin]

Wow. People are dumb. especially on the internet. Thank god for people like xkcd-man :)
This makes me realise how sheltered I am, sticking to AVEN...where even when I don't agree with people, at least they're not (for the most part) telling me my orientation doesn't exist and that I'm fundamentally un-dateable...
thanks for fighting the good fight.