sorry lj represents such painful experiences for you. sorry you have so many to begin with. i want so badly to tell you to try focusing on the positives and maybe it'll help but i know it's hard and so much easier said than done. The path of life doesn't Always have to be lonely. Temptations don't Always have to detract from other sectors of life.
jfc i can't believe it took me 10 days to notice your update. There has been literally No new posts in my friends list since maybe 2 or 3 months ago. What friend's list? It's not a list. Where is everyone? Probably twitter. A quaint reflection of my dwindling social life, tbh. Part of me wishes I had old flames like yours to rekindle. The other part is glad I don't have to deal with that mess. It definitely sounds like an awful mess.
I wish we communicated more like we did as teenagers, but I'm scared it'll all devolve into small talk or just fly over my head.
Wow I can't believe I just saw this comment now, after you visited in February! Haha. I think everyone is just busy living their own lives rather than writing their ponders. Well, that was a moderately old kindling? Not even flame. It was mostly unrequited on my side. But now there's this prospect of the remaining ashes of a fucking forest fire from a past life. I even wrote extensively about it 3 years ago so I'm too embarrassed to write about it now. I'm very impulsive, thus I collect many life experiences, mostly bad. Small talk? Have we ever small talked as trenagers?
Ha. And *I* apologized for not seeing your update. Dunno which situation you're talking about, but I have a few guesses... I think we talked about it face to face too... Can't Really remember the details, but I'm sure it's not That bad. Well. Maybe it is. Maybe in 30 years it won't. At least, I Hope that time takes away the embarrassment. For something so good at being invisible, shame is darn heavy. More and more I believe in the power of trying to live without regrets or apologies, but it seems idealistic... And mostly just difficult.
I thought everything we said was small talk. Or there's no such thing as small talk. There's no real boundary in my mind. Sometimes conversations are not rewarding and I think that's what I meant by small talk. I'm not afraid of it anymore. Loneliness is a most loyal friend, hahaha!
The recent one is a German ajusshi. The older one is the girl... I went to Europe to get rid of her, and now she's also in Europe and we reconnected. She wants to be my visa option, but that's a very scary and probably ridiculous thing to do on my part.
>For something so good at being invisible, shame is darn heavy. What do you mean?
Okay... Following your logic: small talk = unrewarding conversation, everything we had = small talk, therefore everything we had were unrewarding conversations? /Sad face/
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jfc i can't believe it took me 10 days to notice your update. There has been literally No new posts in my friends list since maybe 2 or 3 months ago. What friend's list? It's not a list. Where is everyone? Probably twitter. A quaint reflection of my dwindling social life, tbh. Part of me wishes I had old flames like yours to rekindle. The other part is glad I don't have to deal with that mess. It definitely sounds like an awful mess.
I wish we communicated more like we did as teenagers, but I'm scared it'll all devolve into small talk or just fly over my head.
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Well, that was a moderately old kindling? Not even flame. It was mostly unrequited on my side. But now there's this prospect of the remaining ashes of a fucking forest fire from a past life. I even wrote extensively about it 3 years ago so I'm too embarrassed to write about it now. I'm very impulsive, thus I collect many life experiences, mostly bad.
Small talk? Have we ever small talked as trenagers?
Reply
Dunno which situation you're talking about, but I have a few guesses... I think we talked about it face to face too... Can't Really remember the details, but I'm sure it's not That bad. Well. Maybe it is. Maybe in 30 years it won't. At least, I Hope that time takes away the embarrassment. For something so good at being invisible, shame is darn heavy. More and more I believe in the power of trying to live without regrets or apologies, but it seems idealistic... And mostly just difficult.
I thought everything we said was small talk. Or there's no such thing as small talk. There's no real boundary in my mind. Sometimes conversations are not rewarding and I think that's what I meant by small talk. I'm not afraid of it anymore. Loneliness is a most loyal friend, hahaha!
Reply
>For something so good at being invisible, shame is darn heavy.
What do you mean?
Okay... Following your logic: small talk = unrewarding conversation, everything we had = small talk, therefore everything we had were unrewarding conversations? /Sad face/
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