Ensimmäinen työviikko kesäloman jälkeen on melkein takana. Villi ja uninen katseeni alkaa terävöityä ja sisäinen löysäilijäni hautautuu tiedostamattoman syvempiin kerroksiin. En ole pian enää lomalainen. Pian tuntuu, kuin en koskaan olisi ollut poissakaan. Ensimmäisten päivien hehkeys on ainakin kadonnut; tänä iltana töistä palatessani katselin ( Read more... )

Ahdistus ja unettomuus ovat palanneet taas.

Kehäpäätelmä: En voi pyytää mitään, koska en ole ok, ja en voi olla ok, koska en voi... En pysty pääsemään irti pinttyneestä mielteestä, että tasapainottomuus on säälittävää ja silloin on paras pysytellä muista kaukana. Vaikka kuinka tekisi mieli yrittää lohduttautua ja tulla lohdutetuksi.

People have really set their heart to drag me out of my hole. I don't know what little elf has been sending secret messages to all the people near me; they all want to have something to do with me at the same time. It's really nothing special, rather sweet, of course. To me it's the same difference; moping besides the pool or moping at home. ( Read more... )

I woke up from a dream where I lost my front teeth. It had the flesh eating bacteria in it, too. Someone told me that by Finnish folklore tradition of interpreting dream, loosing teeth equals death. I'm frighten and I'm stressed and scared.

First I have a therapist appointment, then I have work till seven. When it rains it pours.

It's not enough there's a boogey under my bed. I'm a little afraid of going to the kitchen these days. Every time I open up a packege of bread there's mold inside.

:(

I've reached (two) Decisions. One doesn't touch me at all, until possibly in the far future, but the second decision carves my insides with a small spoon. But I've now started making choices I've been stalling for -how long? I am now small and terrified, waiting for the consequences.

The parties lifted up my spririt up a little last week and the week before. It's funny how focusing on those points scare the gloom away -for a while. Or perhaps it was all the  baking  that made me happy. There was our Pumpkin party and last weekend we were at a Halloween costume party / 30's birthdays.

I can't say if it's the party season - seems ( Read more... )

This news has shock value!

I just realized that it's been two months since I bought new clothes. EIGHT WEEKS SINCE LAST TIME I SHOPPED CLOTHES for myself. No wonder I've been feeling bit depressed.

I've applied for student support at the beginning of my studies, but I'm beginning to harbour some suspicious - the letter got lost in the post, a ( Read more... )

Oh, gwah, this is a situation: I'm so stuffed with home work and A BIT of a stress for the next month or so, especially for the weekend.  Even so my brother INSISTS I'll attend to his house warming-birthday party on Satruday. (He threatens to order me a taxi driwing to location.) I know I'm horrible company 'cause all I do is moan (about school, ( Read more... )

My true hair colour is ash blonde. This little trivial, yet annoying fact of life still proves to be strong and can now be observed as it's been too long since I last dyed hair. Special shows late at nights @ our local bathroom.