The First and The Last-chapter 8

[emerald_love_96]

Title: The First and The Last-chapter 8

Author: me ;)

Pairing: Yamada/oc, Chinen/fc (Kawashima Umika), Yuto/fc (Ohgo Suzuka)

Genre: Friendship, Romance

Rating: G-PG13

Warning: Broken English :’(

Summary: love story at the train to Okinawa~~ (This is one of my fav chap!)

Disclaimer: only the story and the OC! :D

A/N: this is FIC, my

Comments

[urufuchinen]

You're improved!!
I see you used past tense for all sentences... ^0^
Keep the good work!
Aww UmiChii and OhgoJima were soo lovey dovey~ LOL XD

Btw, I was confused when I read the 5th paragraph. Why the subject turned into "I"? But then I noticed, ohh it changed into Yuto's POV... My suggestion, you should have warned us for the change of POV... Usually you use third person right? It would be better if you typed "Yuto's POV" above the 5th paragraph...^^
Umika-suzuka's fighting scene?? I... don't really wanna see that... Even though it would be fine for adding some conflicts... :p
But it's up to you ;D

[emerald_love_96]

hehe~ thanks~
even if I dont think already correct or not... -_-
Ohgojima=stupid couple here... or kind of shy? ^^

Ah, I will edit :3
I already typed it on word but... I dont know~ lalala~
I think I would not add conflict for a while because this their holiday... but who knows??? ^.~

thanks for reading... and leaving a comment!!! *hugs tight*

[urufuchinen]

No, OhgoJima was okay there^^
I didn't think of them as the stupid or shy couple maybe because they're one of my OTP? XD

Hahaha it's up to you^^

*hugs back*