This is your brain on Psychotic Major Depression

[emerald1972]

Something I wrote on my Facebook page in response to a question someone had, I thought I'd share it here as well for educational purposes. 

Comments

[mscatmoon]

I hope you don't mind my saying so, but you have one of the most fascinating forms of mental illness. No boring depression for you. ;) I can imagine it must be tough to deal with though, but at least you're blessed in that you do *know* what you're seeing and hearing probably isn't real and outside of the depressive episode you don't have those symptoms.

Do you think it's easier, or harder to get others to understand about your illness? I've just been annoyed today by people expecting me to act normal (I'm not normal, I'm just me). Mind you, they don't know about my depression and anxiety because I know it would be absolutely impossible for them to fathom that no, I really *can't* get out of bed some weekends, and I can barely take care of the important things I need to do (like paying bills, etc.). I make a lot of excuses like I'm really busy all the time. I would imagine if you have more physical symptoms (like hallucinations) it would be easier for people to understand, but I could be wrong?

[emerald1972]

Most of the people IRL who do know about my condition understand that I have days where I really can't function properly, even without the hallucination factor on top of everything else. I don't/can't work so I don't have to explain things to a boss or co-workers, and my friends and I tend to sort of drift in and out of each other's lives a lot, for one reason or another, so I suppose I don't have anyone I really need to justify myself to. My Mum is probably the only person who doesn't get it, and even knowing about the psychosis part of my diagnosis hasn't made any difference. She just seems to have the blinders on when it comes to the fact that her daughter as a mental illness, although she's quick enough to remind people of her own battles with anxiety and depression.

Mostly I feel trapped in a limbo state between two different diagnosis/worlds. My diagnosis of depression is more than just depression, and my diagnosis of the psychotic side of things isn't quite schizophrenia.