Pain revisited...

Aug 24, 2006 00:19

I posted some time ago in the middle of some other post** an idea Ghede and Freyr periodically put to me. It's an idea I'm dealing with again in my life, and I realized once again tonight that I'm not the only one struggling with this idea:

Pain IS. Once it's there, it must be felt, gone through, and out the other side, or it will simply remain. ( Read more... )

rants, seidh, odin, identity

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Comments 5

rhiannonmai August 24 2006, 14:02:50 UTC
"Nevertheless I curled up into a little ball of pain because "Virgin" was no longer a part of my identity, and nothing, nothing could prepare me for that pain."

That is such an interesting and powerful analogy!
Personal growth is part of the painful process of shedding old identities.
We all know this in the back of our minds, but it's such an epiphany
when it comes forward.

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songcoyote August 24 2006, 17:21:28 UTC
Wow - what a lovely expounding on "grief for what is lost".

Thank you again for your insight and sharing.

Light and laughter,
SongCoyote

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deirdremoon August 24 2006, 17:31:03 UTC
I understand this, although I haven't mourned the same things you have.

For some reason, I think it's worth saying that not every change has to be death. I considered my virgin -> lover status change a transformation rather than a death. And I mourned my loss of identity as "honorable", but then I got it back after a lot of work and self-examination. Or rather, it was reborn, rather than fixed. I believe that if you go down a road you later regret, you can regain the thing you were. But that doesn't sound like that's what you're talking about, and I won't claim to speak for whether you're on a road you want or not right now.

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emberleo August 24 2006, 17:48:31 UTC
I would say the Virgin -> Lover change is a transformation of the person, but the death of the Virgin aspect of my identity, and the initiation of the Lover aspect of my Identity.

So... I don't feel like you're dissagreeing with me at all, really, we're just focusing on different pieces of the picture.

I in no way regret that change. I rarely regret changes, even if I think the specific results aren't what I'd choose - every change is a factor in creating the me that I AM and I believe that's a good thing.

But sometimes focusing on how transformative it's supposed to be has a side affect of devaluing the pain, saying it's not okay to feel it. I believe that's a disservice to self. If focusing on the transformation aspect helps me get through the pain, I'm all for it. If focusing on the transformation aspect makes me feel stupid for being in pain, then I need to change my focus to honor what has been lost.

--Ember--

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lwood August 25 2006, 00:40:59 UTC
And the only solution is to give myself permission to be hurt, to feel that pain, acknowledge that I have a right to feel pain, that the piece of myself that just died was real, and is gone, and that it's supposed to hurt, and that's okay.

And let it go.

I'm still working on that now, losing pieces of myself. It isn't always my own choices that make pieces of me go away, and not having control over that scares me. I know considered consent can help prepare me for whatever is next, can speed the process of moving into who I am now, and getting over who I am no longer. But truely informed consent is impossible. Identity is a Mystery that can only be grokked through experience. That that experience is guaranteed to be painful.

Well, actually...

...

...yeah. That's about the size of it.

Love, and knowing hugs,

-- Lorrie

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