In Sync, Gundam Wing, for gw500
Title: In Sync
Fandom: Gundam Wing
Characters/pairing: Heero Yuy/Duo Maxwell
Warnings: AU, angst, past 2xOC
Notes: Originally intended as a response to gw500 challenge 124 - What If, and a conclusion to my angsty Heero and Duo fic series, but that was an entire decade ago. An entire decade, oh my!
I don't think anyone is left on LJ anymore, and anyone who was ever hoping for this conclusion is probably long gone, but all my in-progress fics were lost in a computer hard drive crash years ago, and by the time I was up and running again, other things in my life had come first.
I don't remember exactly how I'd meant to end this, and it has been more than ten years since I left them hanging, but I needed to finish it. Hopefully it isn't terribly uneven as a result.
Part 1: To Cut Off One's Nose
Part 2: Yellow
Part 3: Belgian Waffles
Part 4: Frozen
Part 5: Ante Up
Part 6: Moon Jellies
Part 7: Motion Sickness
He was painfully aware of Duo’s nearness the entire time, and the walk to his apartment was paradoxically both agonizingly slow and over far too quickly. Duo had wanted to talk; he’d wanted to talk even back on That Night, but Heero hadn’t wanted to listen. He’d known what he’d seen, and Duo’s taunting had rubbed salt into a wound that had been festering for a very long time. Their relationship should have never lasted as long as it had, and Heero had, in the very back of his mind, been prepared for its end since its very beginning.
Except that he hadn’t been prepared. He’d walked into the apartment he’d shared with Duo, had seen the evidence that he’d been right all along, and it was with the utmost restraint that he’d stood there silently instead of ripping the arms off a man whose face Heero could no longer remember. He’d been stunned, then angry, and then furious, but he’d tamped it down. Savagely beating the man with Duo would have only proven that he was nothing more than the monster they’d tried to make him into, not to mention the stains it would have left on the furniture.
Duo tried to laugh it off, but Heero hadn’t seen any humor in it. Duo had not only casually dismissed the whole thing as not really cheating, but he’d seemed annoyed that Heero wasn’t agreeing with his viewpoint. Heero had needed time to process what he’d seen and what Duo had said. They’d known each other long enough for Heero to realize that Duo’s tendency to make light of a bad situation was his defense mechanism, but it hadn’t stopped there. While Heero tried to get his emotions under control, Duo had gone for the jugular, and still Heero had wanted him. Neither of them had held anything back that night, and the sex had been, to be quite honest, the best Heero had ever had.
Granted, the only sex he’d ever had was with Duo, but it had been different that night. To Heero, it had been a continuation of their argument, but also a resolution of sorts. The next morning he’d needed time to think about what had happened, and about what he wanted to say, but Duo had woken up just spoiling for a fight. It had disrupted everything Heero had sorted out in his brain the night before. What it had boiled down to, for Heero, was that Duo had simply moved on while he had not.
Should he have taken Duo’s words at face value? He’d asked himself that question countless times in the days immediately following his departure. What if he’d let waited out Duo’s tirade of angry words? What if he’d simply taken a walk around the block to digest both the things Duo had said and the things he hadn’t said? What if he’d confessed to Duo the reason that he’d been so off balance by the presence of another man in their apartment - that he’d been wanting to have a serious talk with Duo about their relationship and what exactly it was?
What if, what if, what if.
He punched in the passcode on his door but missed the keyhole on the first try, and then, with a deep breath, he pushed open the door and gestured for Duo to precede him into the apartment.
It was sparsely furnished, Duo noticed, but the pieces that were in the apartment were of high quality. The sofa looked plush and inviting, and the end tables on either side were of highly polished oak. He briefly wondered if the absence of an armchair meant that one or both of them would have to stand, but Heero motioned toward the sofa, and Duo sat down. To his surprise, Heero sat down as well, tucking one leg next to him so he could turn toward Duo, staring at him silently and unwaveringly.
It was clear Heero wasn’t going to initiate the conversation.
Duo had been the one the one that had wanted to talk, but now that he was given the chance, his throat clogged up. He licked his lips with a tongue gone dry, then cleared his throat, and still Heero just stared at him.
“Fuck,” Duo whispered, under his breath, and then he leaned back against the sofa and stared at the ceiling. “I don’t know what I’m doing.”
“You’re sitting on my couch,” Heero pointed out.
Duo turned to look at him, wondering if Heero was being serious, because it couldn’t possibly be a joke. Heero’s Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed, and Duo stared at it until he could feel the bead of sweat trickle from his temple to his jaw, down his neck and under his collar. Without breaking his gaze, Heero reached behind him, picked up a remote control, and aimed it at the air conditioning unit in the wall.
Without thinking, Duo plucked the remote from Heero’s hand and turned it right back off. It was uncomfortably warm in here, but it was Heero’s nearness, not the temperature in the apartment, and the noise of the air conditioner would only make this harder. Duo raked his fingers through sweaty bangs and clasped his hands together, accidentally turning the AC back on.
The corners of Heero’s lips quirked, just slightly, and Duo blinked several times.
“This isn’t funny,” Duo said, and then clamped his mouth shut so hard he bit his tongue. He hadn’t meant it to come out sounding peevish; he’d just been letting Heero know that he felt it too, the awkwardness where once there had been easy comradery.
“I know,” Heero said quietly, his mouth no longer on the verge of smiling. “I never thought it was.”
“Oh,” Duo said in an exhalation of breath. “I, uh, I didn’t either, you know.”
“I know.”
Heero was looking at him intently, his eyes searching Duo’s. Duo had forgotten how very blue they were.
“I miss you,” he blurted out. He jumped to his feet. “I mean, I’m not saying I want you back or anything, but you were kind of my best friend and I miss that. And I’m sorry.”
Heero just continued to stare at him, and Duo had to bite his tongue to keep himself from babbling every thought that was going through his mind. He’d forgotten how intimidating a Heero Yuy stare down could be. Even now Duo was shifting his weight from one foot to the other. He closed his eyes and took a bracing breath, trying to calm his nerves.
He heard Heero get to his feet, and he opened his eyes to see his ex standing in front of him.
“So am I,” Heero said quietly.
“You should be,” Duo said, crossing his arms.
“Isn’t that why we’re here?”
“I don’t know,” Duo whispered. “Honestly, Heero, I don’t know.”
They stared at each other, Duo with his arms still crossed and Heero with his held stiffly at his side. Finally, Heero asked, “Does it matter?”
“Does what matter?”
Heero didn’t answer him, but he didn’t need to.
“No,” Duo sighed. “But…I’m glad we are.”
Heero nodded. He was glad, too. He’d been content with his life, which was more than he could have hoped for after the war, but he’d missed Duo, too. It was also a relief that Duo was as off-balance as he was.
“Is that all you wanted to say?” he asked Duo.
“No, but I can’t remember the rest when all I want to do is jump your bones. I’m not going to,” Duo added in a rush. “I don’t even know why I said that.”
“Did you mean it? Not about the sex,” Heero clarified, “but earlier, when you said there was more between us than that.”
“Not was, Heero. There is more between us than that.”
“That’s why we’re here.” Heero stated it as a fact.
“Yeah. I guess it is.”
“Sex between us would be a bad idea.”
“I know that, Heero. I told you, I don’t even know why I said that.”
“I am sorry, Duo.”
“Yeah, I know.”
“Do you?” Heero asked. “I blamed you for everything. It takes two.”
Duo glanced away. “Well, I kind of started it.”
“I finished it.”
“You did. I didn’t really want you to leave, you know.”
“I didn’t really want to leave.”
“Then why did you?” Duo swallowed and then shook his head. “Because I told you to. Of all the times for you to listen to me, why did you pick that one?”
“I always listened to you, Duo. Always.”
The lump in Duo’s throat had grown bigger. “I hated you,” he whispered. “I hated you so much. You were always so perfect. So confident, so self-assured. You didn’t even care.”
Heero grabbed both of Duo’s shoulders and slammed him against the wall.
“I cared,” Heero grit out. “Believe me, Duo, I cared.”
Nostrils flaring, Duo shoved him away. “Fine way of showing it.”
“I could have said the same about you.”
“I know!” Duo shouted. “Don’t you think I know that? I never thought you’d actually leave!”
It was like a dam breaking, like that terrible night, all over again, only this time Duo told Heero what he’d really been thinking, how angry he’d been that Heero barely seemed to care, how he’d only goaded Heero to get some kind of reaction, how sex that night had been the most incredible experience of his life, and how Heero had simply gone about his business like Duo hadn’t even mattered the next morning.
The shocked look on Heero’s face told Duo what he’d figured out only after Heero had left, that he’d made a horrible mistake that day.
“Sorry,” Duo said, rubbing his sleeve across his face. “Ah, Heero, I really am sorry. I don’t know where all that came from.”
Heero put his fingers under Duo’s chin and tilted Duo’s face upwards. “I wish you’d said all this earlier.” He lowered his hand and added, “I wish I’d given you the chance.”
“I wasn’t celibate,” Duo added. “After you left. I mean, not right away, but I thought you should know.”
“Why?”
“Because I was lonely? Because sex feels good? Because I knew you weren’t coming back? I don’t know.”
Heero waved his hand impatiently. “Why did you think I should know? You didn’t owe me anything.”
Duo shrugged. “I don’t know. In case you heard something. I just wanted to let you know it wasn’t until after you left.”
“Your sex life is none of my business, Duo.”
“It could be, though,” Duo suggested, and then bit his tongue again, this time on purpose.
Heero stared at him speculatively. “It could be,” he finally said, “but not right now.”
Duo’s mouth dropped open. He wanted to ask if Heero was honestly suggesting what Duo thought he was suggesting, but he was too afraid that the answer wouldn’t be to his liking. Even if Heero was suggesting that maybe one day they’d be sexually involved again, that didn’t mean anything more than the fact that Heero, too, liked having sex.
On the other hand, if it was just about sex, there was really no reason why Heero was putting it off to some unknown future date.
“So…friends?” Duo asked, cautiously holding out his hand.
Heero stared at it for a minute, and just when Duo was starting to feel like an idiot for keeping his hand held out so long, Heero’s hand grasped his firmly.
“Always,” Heero said, and without warning, he tugged Duo into a fierce hug.
It wasn’t what Duo had expected when Heero had agreed to meet him, and it certainly wasn’t what he’d hoped for, but it was a start. It was a start, he realized as he breathed in Heero’s scent. Maybe it wasn’t a fresh start, but it was a start nonetheless, which meant it was no longer an ending.
He squeezed his arms around Heero tighter at the thought.
Heero squeezed back as tightly as he dared. Duo wasn’t the only one with an active sex drive, but the last thing they needed were complications in their newly mended friendship. Later, perhaps, but not right now. He closed his eyes and breathed.
For now, it was enough to feel Duo’s heartbeat, thudding in sync against his own.
Fandom: Gundam Wing
Characters/pairing: Heero Yuy/Duo Maxwell
Warnings: AU, angst, past 2xOC
Notes: Originally intended as a response to gw500 challenge 124 - What If, and a conclusion to my angsty Heero and Duo fic series, but that was an entire decade ago. An entire decade, oh my!
I don't think anyone is left on LJ anymore, and anyone who was ever hoping for this conclusion is probably long gone, but all my in-progress fics were lost in a computer hard drive crash years ago, and by the time I was up and running again, other things in my life had come first.
I don't remember exactly how I'd meant to end this, and it has been more than ten years since I left them hanging, but I needed to finish it. Hopefully it isn't terribly uneven as a result.
Part 1: To Cut Off One's Nose
Part 2: Yellow
Part 3: Belgian Waffles
Part 4: Frozen
Part 5: Ante Up
Part 6: Moon Jellies
Part 7: Motion Sickness
He was painfully aware of Duo’s nearness the entire time, and the walk to his apartment was paradoxically both agonizingly slow and over far too quickly. Duo had wanted to talk; he’d wanted to talk even back on That Night, but Heero hadn’t wanted to listen. He’d known what he’d seen, and Duo’s taunting had rubbed salt into a wound that had been festering for a very long time. Their relationship should have never lasted as long as it had, and Heero had, in the very back of his mind, been prepared for its end since its very beginning.
Except that he hadn’t been prepared. He’d walked into the apartment he’d shared with Duo, had seen the evidence that he’d been right all along, and it was with the utmost restraint that he’d stood there silently instead of ripping the arms off a man whose face Heero could no longer remember. He’d been stunned, then angry, and then furious, but he’d tamped it down. Savagely beating the man with Duo would have only proven that he was nothing more than the monster they’d tried to make him into, not to mention the stains it would have left on the furniture.
Duo tried to laugh it off, but Heero hadn’t seen any humor in it. Duo had not only casually dismissed the whole thing as not really cheating, but he’d seemed annoyed that Heero wasn’t agreeing with his viewpoint. Heero had needed time to process what he’d seen and what Duo had said. They’d known each other long enough for Heero to realize that Duo’s tendency to make light of a bad situation was his defense mechanism, but it hadn’t stopped there. While Heero tried to get his emotions under control, Duo had gone for the jugular, and still Heero had wanted him. Neither of them had held anything back that night, and the sex had been, to be quite honest, the best Heero had ever had.
Granted, the only sex he’d ever had was with Duo, but it had been different that night. To Heero, it had been a continuation of their argument, but also a resolution of sorts. The next morning he’d needed time to think about what had happened, and about what he wanted to say, but Duo had woken up just spoiling for a fight. It had disrupted everything Heero had sorted out in his brain the night before. What it had boiled down to, for Heero, was that Duo had simply moved on while he had not.
Should he have taken Duo’s words at face value? He’d asked himself that question countless times in the days immediately following his departure. What if he’d let waited out Duo’s tirade of angry words? What if he’d simply taken a walk around the block to digest both the things Duo had said and the things he hadn’t said? What if he’d confessed to Duo the reason that he’d been so off balance by the presence of another man in their apartment - that he’d been wanting to have a serious talk with Duo about their relationship and what exactly it was?
What if, what if, what if.
He punched in the passcode on his door but missed the keyhole on the first try, and then, with a deep breath, he pushed open the door and gestured for Duo to precede him into the apartment.
It was sparsely furnished, Duo noticed, but the pieces that were in the apartment were of high quality. The sofa looked plush and inviting, and the end tables on either side were of highly polished oak. He briefly wondered if the absence of an armchair meant that one or both of them would have to stand, but Heero motioned toward the sofa, and Duo sat down. To his surprise, Heero sat down as well, tucking one leg next to him so he could turn toward Duo, staring at him silently and unwaveringly.
It was clear Heero wasn’t going to initiate the conversation.
Duo had been the one the one that had wanted to talk, but now that he was given the chance, his throat clogged up. He licked his lips with a tongue gone dry, then cleared his throat, and still Heero just stared at him.
“Fuck,” Duo whispered, under his breath, and then he leaned back against the sofa and stared at the ceiling. “I don’t know what I’m doing.”
“You’re sitting on my couch,” Heero pointed out.
Duo turned to look at him, wondering if Heero was being serious, because it couldn’t possibly be a joke. Heero’s Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed, and Duo stared at it until he could feel the bead of sweat trickle from his temple to his jaw, down his neck and under his collar. Without breaking his gaze, Heero reached behind him, picked up a remote control, and aimed it at the air conditioning unit in the wall.
Without thinking, Duo plucked the remote from Heero’s hand and turned it right back off. It was uncomfortably warm in here, but it was Heero’s nearness, not the temperature in the apartment, and the noise of the air conditioner would only make this harder. Duo raked his fingers through sweaty bangs and clasped his hands together, accidentally turning the AC back on.
The corners of Heero’s lips quirked, just slightly, and Duo blinked several times.
“This isn’t funny,” Duo said, and then clamped his mouth shut so hard he bit his tongue. He hadn’t meant it to come out sounding peevish; he’d just been letting Heero know that he felt it too, the awkwardness where once there had been easy comradery.
“I know,” Heero said quietly, his mouth no longer on the verge of smiling. “I never thought it was.”
“Oh,” Duo said in an exhalation of breath. “I, uh, I didn’t either, you know.”
“I know.”
Heero was looking at him intently, his eyes searching Duo’s. Duo had forgotten how very blue they were.
“I miss you,” he blurted out. He jumped to his feet. “I mean, I’m not saying I want you back or anything, but you were kind of my best friend and I miss that. And I’m sorry.”
Heero just continued to stare at him, and Duo had to bite his tongue to keep himself from babbling every thought that was going through his mind. He’d forgotten how intimidating a Heero Yuy stare down could be. Even now Duo was shifting his weight from one foot to the other. He closed his eyes and took a bracing breath, trying to calm his nerves.
He heard Heero get to his feet, and he opened his eyes to see his ex standing in front of him.
“So am I,” Heero said quietly.
“You should be,” Duo said, crossing his arms.
“Isn’t that why we’re here?”
“I don’t know,” Duo whispered. “Honestly, Heero, I don’t know.”
They stared at each other, Duo with his arms still crossed and Heero with his held stiffly at his side. Finally, Heero asked, “Does it matter?”
“Does what matter?”
Heero didn’t answer him, but he didn’t need to.
“No,” Duo sighed. “But…I’m glad we are.”
Heero nodded. He was glad, too. He’d been content with his life, which was more than he could have hoped for after the war, but he’d missed Duo, too. It was also a relief that Duo was as off-balance as he was.
“Is that all you wanted to say?” he asked Duo.
“No, but I can’t remember the rest when all I want to do is jump your bones. I’m not going to,” Duo added in a rush. “I don’t even know why I said that.”
“Did you mean it? Not about the sex,” Heero clarified, “but earlier, when you said there was more between us than that.”
“Not was, Heero. There is more between us than that.”
“That’s why we’re here.” Heero stated it as a fact.
“Yeah. I guess it is.”
“Sex between us would be a bad idea.”
“I know that, Heero. I told you, I don’t even know why I said that.”
“I am sorry, Duo.”
“Yeah, I know.”
“Do you?” Heero asked. “I blamed you for everything. It takes two.”
Duo glanced away. “Well, I kind of started it.”
“I finished it.”
“You did. I didn’t really want you to leave, you know.”
“I didn’t really want to leave.”
“Then why did you?” Duo swallowed and then shook his head. “Because I told you to. Of all the times for you to listen to me, why did you pick that one?”
“I always listened to you, Duo. Always.”
The lump in Duo’s throat had grown bigger. “I hated you,” he whispered. “I hated you so much. You were always so perfect. So confident, so self-assured. You didn’t even care.”
Heero grabbed both of Duo’s shoulders and slammed him against the wall.
“I cared,” Heero grit out. “Believe me, Duo, I cared.”
Nostrils flaring, Duo shoved him away. “Fine way of showing it.”
“I could have said the same about you.”
“I know!” Duo shouted. “Don’t you think I know that? I never thought you’d actually leave!”
It was like a dam breaking, like that terrible night, all over again, only this time Duo told Heero what he’d really been thinking, how angry he’d been that Heero barely seemed to care, how he’d only goaded Heero to get some kind of reaction, how sex that night had been the most incredible experience of his life, and how Heero had simply gone about his business like Duo hadn’t even mattered the next morning.
The shocked look on Heero’s face told Duo what he’d figured out only after Heero had left, that he’d made a horrible mistake that day.
“Sorry,” Duo said, rubbing his sleeve across his face. “Ah, Heero, I really am sorry. I don’t know where all that came from.”
Heero put his fingers under Duo’s chin and tilted Duo’s face upwards. “I wish you’d said all this earlier.” He lowered his hand and added, “I wish I’d given you the chance.”
“I wasn’t celibate,” Duo added. “After you left. I mean, not right away, but I thought you should know.”
“Why?”
“Because I was lonely? Because sex feels good? Because I knew you weren’t coming back? I don’t know.”
Heero waved his hand impatiently. “Why did you think I should know? You didn’t owe me anything.”
Duo shrugged. “I don’t know. In case you heard something. I just wanted to let you know it wasn’t until after you left.”
“Your sex life is none of my business, Duo.”
“It could be, though,” Duo suggested, and then bit his tongue again, this time on purpose.
Heero stared at him speculatively. “It could be,” he finally said, “but not right now.”
Duo’s mouth dropped open. He wanted to ask if Heero was honestly suggesting what Duo thought he was suggesting, but he was too afraid that the answer wouldn’t be to his liking. Even if Heero was suggesting that maybe one day they’d be sexually involved again, that didn’t mean anything more than the fact that Heero, too, liked having sex.
On the other hand, if it was just about sex, there was really no reason why Heero was putting it off to some unknown future date.
“So…friends?” Duo asked, cautiously holding out his hand.
Heero stared at it for a minute, and just when Duo was starting to feel like an idiot for keeping his hand held out so long, Heero’s hand grasped his firmly.
“Always,” Heero said, and without warning, he tugged Duo into a fierce hug.
It wasn’t what Duo had expected when Heero had agreed to meet him, and it certainly wasn’t what he’d hoped for, but it was a start. It was a start, he realized as he breathed in Heero’s scent. Maybe it wasn’t a fresh start, but it was a start nonetheless, which meant it was no longer an ending.
He squeezed his arms around Heero tighter at the thought.
Heero squeezed back as tightly as he dared. Duo wasn’t the only one with an active sex drive, but the last thing they needed were complications in their newly mended friendship. Later, perhaps, but not right now. He closed his eyes and breathed.
For now, it was enough to feel Duo’s heartbeat, thudding in sync against his own.