The Soul Alchemist: CH. 5

Aug 07, 2006 04:59

I'm back! First of all, I'm really really sorry that this chapter took so long, but I have reasons. One reason was the heatwave, made it immpossible to stay in the computer room for days! Then (on a much sadder note) I got news that my grandmother is dying of old age. So as you can see, I haven't been in a writing mood, but amidst all the saddness ( Read more... )

fanfiction, fanfiction by author: frankie_the_cat, fanfiction by series: the soul alchemist

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Comments 11

esteltinuviel August 7 2006, 12:39:34 UTC
Yay! The plot begins to really develop! This chapter made me really excited being able to see whats happening and where things are going. I can't wait to fin out what happens next.

I loved the characterization in this one. You did a good job of prtraying an amnesia-Alphonse and his emotions and such. Edward was well done again, and I loved the part with Havoc. Everything was well written save a few errors. For constructive criticism, I've noticed in a few places where you switch tense. It's good grammar to keep it all in past or present tense, in description, not necessarily dialogue. Just thought that might help!

All in all, great chapter. Can't wait for the next!

Oh, and I loved the quote about Al's birthday gift. There is a song, "The gift" by Seether that matches that, and the mood of elricest, almost perfectly. Look up the lyrics online or get the song from somewhere. I think you'd like the lyrics, if anything.

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frankie_the_cat August 8 2006, 03:31:21 UTC
Thank you for reading! I like how the story is progressing nicely too. I was afraid to write about Alphonse with amnesia because I was afraid that I wouldn't do it right, thanks for liking that. Thanks for pointing out my errors, I knew it wouldn't be perfect. I wasn't in the mood to edit it due to my current situation. :(

Hmmm a song by seether that matches Elricest...Must listen! *goes to download song*

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esteltinuviel August 8 2006, 12:09:26 UTC
Yep. Now I've been getting tons of lyrics for Evanescence because I'm in a songifc kind of mode, and my sister told me about "Guardian Angle" by the Red Jumpsuit Apparatus. I don't lke the song, but the lyrics are perfect for armor love or elricest in general. Maybe we should do a frankie_the_cat OST!

Skeletons is doing one

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ssjkawaiitenshi August 7 2006, 14:08:37 UTC
aw poor Alphonse can't remember anything... and poor Edward for finding him that way..

oh and i just waan slug those other guyz lol

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frankie_the_cat August 8 2006, 03:33:01 UTC
Yeah they have terrible luck don't they? I really hoped I portrayed their emotions about that well. I hate those other guys too, tricking poor Alphonse and all!

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chrstphrl August 7 2006, 17:01:13 UTC
Wow. This is getting so interesting. Great job. I can't wait for the next chapter.

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frankie_the_cat August 8 2006, 03:33:38 UTC
Thanks! There's more interesting plot twists to come!

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meia_krane August 7 2006, 22:42:25 UTC
nee it was a wonderful chap xD Al has amnesia and Ed...nee if he hadnt beem cosplaying as Al, Al would have recognized him! and Al is cosplaying as the old Ed

dont woryy take your time I understand that of your granny, it's hard so dont you worry much about the fic you'll worte it when you get to wirte it ^^

-huggs-

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frankie_the_cat August 8 2006, 03:37:10 UTC
Thank you! Poor amnesia Alphonse! Doesn't that suck? Ed was walking around looking like Alphonse, yet Alphonse was walking around looking like Ed.

Thank you for understanding, she actually passed away today, so I don't know when I'll be able to write the next chapter. Please bare with me though, I promise it won't disappoint.

*hugs back*

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meia_krane August 10 2006, 02:46:44 UTC
I'mm sorry bout that (sorry i dont know the formal thing to say that) it kinda saddens me cuz your grann just passed away two years and one day after my gran died

*hugs really hard*

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(The comment has been removed)

frankie_the_cat August 8 2006, 03:40:26 UTC
Thanks for reading! I'll update as soon as I can, but it still might take a few days.

Thanks for pointing out the You're and your thing, I always get confused when it comes to that. X(

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