Comments | elricest: First Story to Post

middaydawn in elricest

First Story to Post

Apr 18, 2006 01:20

My first Elricest! That's right I made it myself! *doofy grin* It's different from most of the stuff I've written so here goes nothing . . .
Title: Bed of Lies
Pairing: Edward/Alphonse
Rating: R . . . I guess . . .
Summary: The boys stop for a rest from the rain . . .

( Bed of Lies )

fanfiction

Comments 12

lostjune April 18 2006, 17:16:25 UTC

amazing. There's no other word for it.
You made me cry... this was so.. full of love and affection. Like the true nature of love.
And absolutely in character.

middaydawn April 18 2006, 21:10:10 UTC

Ah yes, a little thing I forgot to add in the author's note! I wrote this fic entirely without use of the words cock or cum! *does a little dance and points at elfinragdoll* HA!

Not that I don't mind those words, I just hate it sometimes when they're every other word in the fic. I mean, there's such a broad spectrum of language out there to be exploited why focus on those words!

elfinragdoll April 19 2006, 12:13:03 UTC

cockcockitycockcockersonmccocksalot. TAKE THAT!

(The comment has been removed)

middaydawn April 21 2006, 04:56:59 UTC

^^ Thank you very much! Yeah, I noticed that it was a bit corny too but I figured, what the hell, ya know? Might as well give them their moment *laughs*. I hope to post more eventually, as soon as these last two weeks of finals are up ^^. I actually have a human Al elricest fic I'm working on too, maybe I can get that one done soon . . .

metal_star_seed April 23 2006, 23:47:45 UTC

This was great for a first time trip into the... "ooo"... flesh. Great job on your wording. I know that this comment it late. I got so far behind in the community and now I'm trying to catch up. The descriptions that you used kept things clarified and yet still a bit "in the dark" at the beginning. Nice touch. The ending was deserved as well. Thank you. Look forward to more. ^_^

One tip though. Try to space out your paragraphs and dialogue. It looks really crowded and, while I am not one to do this, some people tend to start skipping stuff when there is no separation in the text. I was corrected on this in one of my first fics too. ^^

middaydawn April 25 2006, 05:39:52 UTC

Thanks! I just copy pasted it into the journal update form so I think all the spacing and stuff was sacrificed to the Gate for compensation. I'm used to uploading on fanfiction.net so things are a bit different here. Normally, I strive for perfect spacing but it was late when I posted and I got sloppy. Is there any way to fix the copy-paste issue?
And thank you very much for the comments ^^ I loved your drabble and fic about Alphonse and Armor!Alphonse. Very intense.