Between the River and the Stream
Disclaimer: I don’t own Grey’s Anatomy
Summary: Callie opens a door and Arizona has something to say. Spoilers: 7x10 Adrift and at Peace, with all the fun of speculation for future episodes.
Between the River and the Stream-
-A Story
Arizona Robbins wondered of the healing power of tears.
She knew, as a woman who cried when frustrated, that the body felt no greater relief of tension then a good cry. But of physical healing powers she did not know.
She knew it was ridiculous, to think that a physical wound could be healed by applying tears. It was ridiculous. But as she stood over this little boy, abdomen open to her on a table, she wondered what would happen if she simply leaned forward and let her tears fall.
She had been fine. It had been the first morning she hadn’t woken with a heavy heart since arriving in Malawi. But then she had come to her clinic and she had been told of a fatal accident a few miles away. A small boy hit by a car. And she had been put to work.
Even then she had been fine, immediately getting into surgery mode. But then they had begun to operate and she had seen the extent of this young boy’s injuries and she knew for him to make a full recovery he would have needed a far better orthopedic surgeon than either she or her team could be.
But they didn’t have anyone better and they would be good enough.
Though Arizona could distinctly think of someone better.
And then it had started. The tingling prick of tears in her eyes. The tightness in her chest. The closing of her throat. All of it, an assault on her senses, as images of wide-brown eyes danced before her.
And so she stood, over this poor child who was silently asking her to help him, as she tried to keep them from falling. She sniffled behind her mask and her Adam looked to her from across the operating table; his eyes wide with inquisition. She shook her head, closed her eyes and refocused.
She could not let her emotions get the best of her.
She would not allow it to happen.
Not when a tiny human depended on her.
Arizona opened her eyes once again. Rather than disappear, the tears seemed to multiply; lining her blue orbs.
Yes, Arizona wondered what would happen if she simply leaned forward and allowed her tears to fall.
Would the boy’s wounds magically heal? Would the incision across his abdomen, a narrow slit that she had created, sow itself without leaving so much as a scar?
The answer, she knew, was no.
For tears did nothing but remind us of our greatest moments of despair.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Arizona’s head lulled to the side as she sat slumped against the hard, cold wall.
It hit her luggage and her eyes snapped open, holding her head up she blinked.
She was exhausted. Beyond exhausted. Words-couldn’t-even-describe-it-exhausted.
She wanted nothing more than to check into a hotel and sleep.
But she couldn’t.
She wouldn’t move until the door she sat beside opened again.
A hurried day of packing, an eighteen hour anxiety filled flight, no sleep, and now she sat on a hallway floor, eyes puffy and dry; with nothing
to say of herself except for a door slammed in her face.
Perhaps she should have started with “I’m sorry.”
Arizona’s eyes sagged and her head lulled once more.
And then the door opened.
She jumped before she even realized she was moving and once again came face-to-face with Calliope.
Brown eyes filled with a mix of surprise and horror. “You’re still here?” she asked, and Arizona had the feeling it was despite her best efforts not to.
“Well…yeah.” Arizona replied, wiping the last remnants of tears from her face.
Calliope snorted and averted her eyes; disbelief gracing her features.
“I’m sorry,” Arizona continued quickly, as her cloudy mind finally began to catch up with her second chance.
Calliope’s eyes flew back to her, laced with an anger Arizona hadn’t been expecting. Her bottom lip stuck out and she nodded, as if considering Arizona’s words.
“Sure.”
“Sure?” Arizona’s held tilted to the side as a strange sense of déjà vu engulfed her.
Calliope shrugged. “I’m not quite sure you even believe you’re sorry,” she said, finally closing the door behind her. Arizona’s mouth fell slightly as she listened. “So, yeah…that’s all I have to say.”
“I came back, didn’t I?” Arizona replied, her words meaning for more than they sounded and she saw a particular brand of hurt flash before her.
“So you did,” Callie said, slinging her purse higher on her shoulder. “But I need to go. So, you know, I’ll see you around.”
Arizona stood dumbfounded as Calliope pushed past her. Her tired brain scurried to comprehend what was happening.
Apparently this second chance was going to do nothing more then bite her in the ass.
“Hey!” Arizona called after her, jogging a few steps to catch up. She felt a small sense of satisfaction settle within her when the taller woman
paused. “I’m trying to fix this.”
Calliope twisted to look over her shoulder, her brow high.
Arizona knew an opportunity when she saw one.
“I’m sorry,” Arizona started again. “I left. But I’m back. I’m back for good. I gave it up. All of it, years of work and research. Something I have waited my entire career for because of you. That has to count for something. I gave it all up because you are far more important than some stupid grant. And I’m sorry, a million times sorry, but I’m here.” Arizona slowly took a step forward, invading Calliope’s space. “I’m here and I’m sorry.”
The Latina didn’t back away, but she stood taller; crossing her arms and tossing her hair slightly.
Arizona’s eyes fell to the shorter locks. Teddy was right, they were short. But God, Arizona was certain short had never looked so sexy.
Calliope nodded; a statue of nonchalance. “Just keep telling yourself that.”
“Why are you refusing to believe that I’m being honest?”
Calliope snorted in amusement. “You left without a backwards glance and I didn’t hear a word from you for almost three months,” she said,
sharply. “So yes, I don’t believe you’re sorry that you left.”
Arizona’s mouth dropped slightly and she felt frustration build in her chest. Didn’t she understand? Didn’t she see it? If she had looked back, if she had called, it would have broken her. She had been doing nothing but trying to survive.
Calliope shook her head when Arizona didn’t respond and turned to leave. The movement snapped the blonde from her thoughts and she reached out, snagging a black sleeved arm.
“You’re right,” she said, unable to stop the anger from rising in her words. “I’m not sorry that I left.” Calliope’s eyes widened and she tried to tear her arm away. Arizona held on tighter. “But I am sorry that I left you behind.”
“You still left.”
“And I’m sorry.”
Calliope shook her head and Arizona finally saw the cracks beginning to form in her resolve. “You can keep saying it, but it’s not going to
change anything,” she replied, looking to the ground.
“Tell me why,” Arizona practically begged.
Calliope’s eyes snapped up, hardening just as quickly as they had softened. “When I pushed, you looked at me and told me you liked your
life the way it was. You didn’t want it to change,” Calliope said and Arizona began to feel her stomach sink. She opened her mouth to talk but the woman before her shook her head; effectively silencing her before she began. “But that wasn’t the truth, was it? You didn’t care if your life changed, but only if it was on your terms.”
“No,” Arizona said, shaking her head faster than she knew she could. “No. That’s not true.”
“Isn’t it?” Calliope asked, her eyes widening. “I wanted to start a family with you and you wouldn’t hear of it. You’re asked to move across the world and you couldn’t imagine anything else.”
“Calliope,” Arizona said, her voice cracking again and her heart sinking as the woman flinched slightly at hearing her name. “I applied for this before we’d even met. Before I---of course I imagined something else. I imagined everything else. But I couldn’t say no.”
Calliope shook her head, averting her gaze. “I have to go,” she said, finally pulling her arm from Arizona’s grasp as she walked toward the elevator.
Arizona stood, rooted to the spot, unable to move; unable to think. How had her life become nothing more than a bundle of seemingly useless apologies? She watched as Calliope hit the down button repeatedly.
The doors opened and Arizona jumped forward; throwing her arm to keep the doors open just as Calliope turned to hit the lobby button.
“I came back,” Arizona said again, slowly; trying to make herself as clear as possible. “And I’m not leaving. Not again. I’m here.”
Calliope looked at her, with wide sad eyes and Arizona could practically see her own words being processed in her beautiful brain.
Slowly, Calliope opened her mouth. Averting her eyes, in a low, steady voice she spoke: “I slept with Mark.”
Arizona blinked. And blinked. And then she blinked again, not quite sure she had heard correctly.
“W-w-what?” she squeaked out, frightened to hear the response.
“I slept with Mark,” Calliope said again, her voice stronger than before. “I have been-for a few weeks.”
Arizona shook her head, trying to make the words stop. “You…you…”
“…slept with Mark.”
Arizona felt her breath leave her body, her entire strength running from her. She couldn’t move. She couldn’t think. Didn’t want to think. She had to be lying. It was a trick. To make her hurt. To even the playing field. And yet…
The look of certainty displayed in Calliope’s face told her it was nothing more than the sad truth.
She couldn’t breathe. She actually couldn’t breathe.
Her hand fell from the elevator and the doors began to move. A small flash of regret flashed across Calliope’s features, replaced by a shrug
of confidence and a single tear down her cheek.
The doors slid shut.
Arizona began to breathe heavily, in short, loud gasps. Her entire body was shaking and she couldn’t get it to stop. Her heart ached. It physically ached.
She felt it again, an increasingly familiar feeling; the prick of tears in her eyes. Only this time she couldn’t stop them.
They fell, hard and fast. Running down her cheeks in a steam of fear, regret, and truth. She felt them seep into her skin, into her veins, into her soul. Becoming nothing more than the dull ache of pain.
Pain unlike any she had ever experienced.
Tears.
More tears.
Nothing but tears.
After all the crying she had done lately she was surprised there were any left.
But here was the proof.
She was as far away from Malawi as she could be and yet the tears were still there; consuming her.
She was in Seattle and nothing had changed; not like she thought it would.
Arizona Robbins was back.
And she was beginning to think that she had made yet another mistake.
Fin
Summary: Callie opens a door and Arizona has something to say. Spoilers: 7x10 Adrift and at Peace, with all the fun of speculation for future episodes.
Between the River and the Stream-
-A Story
Arizona Robbins wondered of the healing power of tears.
She knew, as a woman who cried when frustrated, that the body felt no greater relief of tension then a good cry. But of physical healing powers she did not know.
She knew it was ridiculous, to think that a physical wound could be healed by applying tears. It was ridiculous. But as she stood over this little boy, abdomen open to her on a table, she wondered what would happen if she simply leaned forward and let her tears fall.
She had been fine. It had been the first morning she hadn’t woken with a heavy heart since arriving in Malawi. But then she had come to her clinic and she had been told of a fatal accident a few miles away. A small boy hit by a car. And she had been put to work.
Even then she had been fine, immediately getting into surgery mode. But then they had begun to operate and she had seen the extent of this young boy’s injuries and she knew for him to make a full recovery he would have needed a far better orthopedic surgeon than either she or her team could be.
But they didn’t have anyone better and they would be good enough.
Though Arizona could distinctly think of someone better.
And then it had started. The tingling prick of tears in her eyes. The tightness in her chest. The closing of her throat. All of it, an assault on her senses, as images of wide-brown eyes danced before her.
And so she stood, over this poor child who was silently asking her to help him, as she tried to keep them from falling. She sniffled behind her mask and her Adam looked to her from across the operating table; his eyes wide with inquisition. She shook her head, closed her eyes and refocused.
She could not let her emotions get the best of her.
She would not allow it to happen.
Not when a tiny human depended on her.
Arizona opened her eyes once again. Rather than disappear, the tears seemed to multiply; lining her blue orbs.
Yes, Arizona wondered what would happen if she simply leaned forward and allowed her tears to fall.
Would the boy’s wounds magically heal? Would the incision across his abdomen, a narrow slit that she had created, sow itself without leaving so much as a scar?
The answer, she knew, was no.
For tears did nothing but remind us of our greatest moments of despair.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Arizona’s head lulled to the side as she sat slumped against the hard, cold wall.
It hit her luggage and her eyes snapped open, holding her head up she blinked.
She was exhausted. Beyond exhausted. Words-couldn’t-even-describe-it-exhausted.
She wanted nothing more than to check into a hotel and sleep.
But she couldn’t.
She wouldn’t move until the door she sat beside opened again.
A hurried day of packing, an eighteen hour anxiety filled flight, no sleep, and now she sat on a hallway floor, eyes puffy and dry; with nothing
to say of herself except for a door slammed in her face.
Perhaps she should have started with “I’m sorry.”
Arizona’s eyes sagged and her head lulled once more.
And then the door opened.
She jumped before she even realized she was moving and once again came face-to-face with Calliope.
Brown eyes filled with a mix of surprise and horror. “You’re still here?” she asked, and Arizona had the feeling it was despite her best efforts not to.
“Well…yeah.” Arizona replied, wiping the last remnants of tears from her face.
Calliope snorted and averted her eyes; disbelief gracing her features.
“I’m sorry,” Arizona continued quickly, as her cloudy mind finally began to catch up with her second chance.
Calliope’s eyes flew back to her, laced with an anger Arizona hadn’t been expecting. Her bottom lip stuck out and she nodded, as if considering Arizona’s words.
“Sure.”
“Sure?” Arizona’s held tilted to the side as a strange sense of déjà vu engulfed her.
Calliope shrugged. “I’m not quite sure you even believe you’re sorry,” she said, finally closing the door behind her. Arizona’s mouth fell slightly as she listened. “So, yeah…that’s all I have to say.”
“I came back, didn’t I?” Arizona replied, her words meaning for more than they sounded and she saw a particular brand of hurt flash before her.
“So you did,” Callie said, slinging her purse higher on her shoulder. “But I need to go. So, you know, I’ll see you around.”
Arizona stood dumbfounded as Calliope pushed past her. Her tired brain scurried to comprehend what was happening.
Apparently this second chance was going to do nothing more then bite her in the ass.
“Hey!” Arizona called after her, jogging a few steps to catch up. She felt a small sense of satisfaction settle within her when the taller woman
paused. “I’m trying to fix this.”
Calliope twisted to look over her shoulder, her brow high.
Arizona knew an opportunity when she saw one.
“I’m sorry,” Arizona started again. “I left. But I’m back. I’m back for good. I gave it up. All of it, years of work and research. Something I have waited my entire career for because of you. That has to count for something. I gave it all up because you are far more important than some stupid grant. And I’m sorry, a million times sorry, but I’m here.” Arizona slowly took a step forward, invading Calliope’s space. “I’m here and I’m sorry.”
The Latina didn’t back away, but she stood taller; crossing her arms and tossing her hair slightly.
Arizona’s eyes fell to the shorter locks. Teddy was right, they were short. But God, Arizona was certain short had never looked so sexy.
Calliope nodded; a statue of nonchalance. “Just keep telling yourself that.”
“Why are you refusing to believe that I’m being honest?”
Calliope snorted in amusement. “You left without a backwards glance and I didn’t hear a word from you for almost three months,” she said,
sharply. “So yes, I don’t believe you’re sorry that you left.”
Arizona’s mouth dropped slightly and she felt frustration build in her chest. Didn’t she understand? Didn’t she see it? If she had looked back, if she had called, it would have broken her. She had been doing nothing but trying to survive.
Calliope shook her head when Arizona didn’t respond and turned to leave. The movement snapped the blonde from her thoughts and she reached out, snagging a black sleeved arm.
“You’re right,” she said, unable to stop the anger from rising in her words. “I’m not sorry that I left.” Calliope’s eyes widened and she tried to tear her arm away. Arizona held on tighter. “But I am sorry that I left you behind.”
“You still left.”
“And I’m sorry.”
Calliope shook her head and Arizona finally saw the cracks beginning to form in her resolve. “You can keep saying it, but it’s not going to
change anything,” she replied, looking to the ground.
“Tell me why,” Arizona practically begged.
Calliope’s eyes snapped up, hardening just as quickly as they had softened. “When I pushed, you looked at me and told me you liked your
life the way it was. You didn’t want it to change,” Calliope said and Arizona began to feel her stomach sink. She opened her mouth to talk but the woman before her shook her head; effectively silencing her before she began. “But that wasn’t the truth, was it? You didn’t care if your life changed, but only if it was on your terms.”
“No,” Arizona said, shaking her head faster than she knew she could. “No. That’s not true.”
“Isn’t it?” Calliope asked, her eyes widening. “I wanted to start a family with you and you wouldn’t hear of it. You’re asked to move across the world and you couldn’t imagine anything else.”
“Calliope,” Arizona said, her voice cracking again and her heart sinking as the woman flinched slightly at hearing her name. “I applied for this before we’d even met. Before I---of course I imagined something else. I imagined everything else. But I couldn’t say no.”
Calliope shook her head, averting her gaze. “I have to go,” she said, finally pulling her arm from Arizona’s grasp as she walked toward the elevator.
Arizona stood, rooted to the spot, unable to move; unable to think. How had her life become nothing more than a bundle of seemingly useless apologies? She watched as Calliope hit the down button repeatedly.
The doors opened and Arizona jumped forward; throwing her arm to keep the doors open just as Calliope turned to hit the lobby button.
“I came back,” Arizona said again, slowly; trying to make herself as clear as possible. “And I’m not leaving. Not again. I’m here.”
Calliope looked at her, with wide sad eyes and Arizona could practically see her own words being processed in her beautiful brain.
Slowly, Calliope opened her mouth. Averting her eyes, in a low, steady voice she spoke: “I slept with Mark.”
Arizona blinked. And blinked. And then she blinked again, not quite sure she had heard correctly.
“W-w-what?” she squeaked out, frightened to hear the response.
“I slept with Mark,” Calliope said again, her voice stronger than before. “I have been-for a few weeks.”
Arizona shook her head, trying to make the words stop. “You…you…”
“…slept with Mark.”
Arizona felt her breath leave her body, her entire strength running from her. She couldn’t move. She couldn’t think. Didn’t want to think. She had to be lying. It was a trick. To make her hurt. To even the playing field. And yet…
The look of certainty displayed in Calliope’s face told her it was nothing more than the sad truth.
She couldn’t breathe. She actually couldn’t breathe.
Her hand fell from the elevator and the doors began to move. A small flash of regret flashed across Calliope’s features, replaced by a shrug
of confidence and a single tear down her cheek.
The doors slid shut.
Arizona began to breathe heavily, in short, loud gasps. Her entire body was shaking and she couldn’t get it to stop. Her heart ached. It physically ached.
She felt it again, an increasingly familiar feeling; the prick of tears in her eyes. Only this time she couldn’t stop them.
They fell, hard and fast. Running down her cheeks in a steam of fear, regret, and truth. She felt them seep into her skin, into her veins, into her soul. Becoming nothing more than the dull ache of pain.
Pain unlike any she had ever experienced.
Tears.
More tears.
Nothing but tears.
After all the crying she had done lately she was surprised there were any left.
But here was the proof.
She was as far away from Malawi as she could be and yet the tears were still there; consuming her.
She was in Seattle and nothing had changed; not like she thought it would.
Arizona Robbins was back.
And she was beginning to think that she had made yet another mistake.
Fin