Fic: The Forsaken (Charles/Eloise)

[elliotsmelliot]

Title: The Forsaken (4/6)
Characters: Charles/Eloise, Ensemble
Disclaimer: Lost is not mine. Seriously? Seriously.
Rating: PG13
Words: 4700
Spoilers: Up to The Incident
Summary: It starts and ends with a prophecy, but there’s really nothing divine about the mess Charles and Eloise made over the course of sixty-five years. Many thanks to angeldylan628 for her

Comments

[elliotsmelliot]

Thank you so much for your kind words and for your prompt originally triggering this story for me. It has been lots of fun to work within this history and pairing. Plus your detailed feedback gives me such joy because it is 1) simply awesome 2) way too flattering, and 3)is interesting because you offer thoughtful ideas about the mechanics are having this all make sense and where it can go.

And with that you explained the horse!!!

There was actually more about the horse, but I cut it out because the opening got too wordy. Since it is the same horse from part one, I had a bit about it's spryness and not aging. Charles had an aside where he thinks Antigone was the animal equivalent to Richard. I also originally had it be the only tamed horse on the island, and will only let Charles ride it, but then I rewatched Follow the Leader and stupid Erik had one too. If only Sayid had shot him sooner.

And yes, you caught that his daughter would get the mythic name!

I really liked how his serving feels so britle and futile to him. its like

[valhalla37]

Oh my god, your characterization of Charles is now firming cemented in my absolute favourites. Why he rides, naming Daniel after his father, the interactions with Ben (especially when he asks him to sit with the body), the simple "do it" to Eloise and his misguided attempt at the Orchid -- I wish I could be more eloquent, but everything about this just works, not a word out of place.

And this -- Charles feels like he’s aged a hundred years in as many seconds. Gaaaaaah. So incredible. I haven't come across a phrase so effective and evocative in a long, long time.

I also love that it's Charles' actions -- guided by his desire to save his son -- that causes the final flash (I hope I'm reading that right) and sends everyone back to 2007. That makes a thousand times more sense than the bomb going off.

As per usual, fantastic, fantastic work. Can't wait until the next installment.

[elliotsmelliot]

Thank you so much. Your feedback means so much to me. Yes, I am speculating that something else must have happened at the end of The Incident to provoke a change because I really don't see how detonating a bomb could do anything but kill everyone and destroy the island. Involving the Orchid is not much more sensible but I think I would trust island magic over destructive plutonium. Plus I needed to give Charles something to do.

I'm so glad this works for you as a Daniel fan. Writing this chapter was hard because I so hated how he died. Thanks so much for reading and commenting. It just made my day!

[sedauny]

You managed to make Charles sympathetic! Still IC, pompous and self-centered, but not a total pr*ck. I'm starting to get an understanding of why Richard would trust him as leader and why at least two women would want to be around him long enough to conceive by him. His resentful love for the island comes out clearly; one can see some of the foundation of his resentment that Ben could disobey Jacob and still take the leadership from him. Speaking of Ben, I liked his interactions with Charles, especially for a boy with little body weight and a gaping wound, Ben does a tremendous job of remaining where he is and, of course, “A good man always has a plan, Ben.” Don't give him any ideas, Charles!--and, does that imply that if you always have a plan, you are therefore a "good" man? Perhaps he is, in his way--trusting Ellie as she goes to change the past and going forth himself to slight the Orchid to prevent future messing with spacetime. However, the plot is messy, his mess is going to be messed with, and, uhmm, this is going nowhere good

[elliotsmelliot]

I am not very good at writing unsympathetic characters. Once I get inside their heads and try to understand/guess their motivations, I become sympathetic to their thought processes, if not their causes.

I'm starting to get an understanding of why Richard would trust him as leader and why at least two women would want to be around him long enough to conceive by him.

I have to address the Richard thing and Penny's mom in the next part. To put it lightly, neither choices are made because they think Charles is awesome.

For Charles, having a plan is an indication of being a good man, not in the moral sense, but in that one is doing something productive. I definitely wanted that line to later echo Ben's dialogue about always having a plan. And yes, it is just going to get messier for these two. They are better off with no plans.

Once again, thanks for reading and commenting. It is great to have you continue to follow this monster and offer such thoughtful feedback along the way.