All That I Ever Wanted
Title: All That I Ever Wanted
Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Rating: R
Word Count: 5300
Disclaimer: I can only fantasize that this is really going on. Alas, it's not. Unless it is, and if so, I want photographic evidence, dammit!
Summary: Supernatural is over, and the boys aren't as close as they used to be. An unexpected phone call may change everything, if Jensen can stop freaking out long enough.
A/N 1: Title from the Steve Carlson song.
“Cut!” Jensen yells, and everyone around him groans in obvious relief. He ignores it, clapping to get their already-wandering attention. “That’s it for today, guys. See you bright and early tomorrow morning!”
He grins maniacally at the groans this time. With a 5 a.m. call time, tomorrow morning is more like later tonight, since the sky is darkening toward dusk.
“You’re a sadistic bastard,” Amy whines, pouting up at him. “Some of us need our beauty sleep.”
He taps her nose and smiles, just like every other day they do this. It’s become a thing with them, as has the way she glares and threatens to break his fingers. Watching her and the rest of the cast trudge off to their trailers, Jensen chuckles quietly to himself. This isn’t the direction he expected his career to take after Supernatural, the director on the next up-and-coming family drama on ABC and back in Vancouver, but this is probably the happiest he’s ever been, career-wise and life-wise. Things are good here, and he really likes what he’s doing, who he’s working with.
Of course, his director of photography, Bryan, has to ruin his day, and possibly his week, with a list of problems they need to fix before filming tomorrow. Except it doesn’t ruin anything, because Jensen loves finding solutions and discussing technical crap with his crew. God, who knew he’d like it so much better behind a camera instead of in front of it?
They’re in the middle of a debate about the lighting for scene three when his phone rings. The producers call him constantly about one thing or another, and he doesn’t even think about checking the caller ID when he answers.
“Yeah? What’s wrong now?” he asks distractedly, pointing out a particular cue in the script he wants Bryan to focus on.
“Jensen?”
He hasn’t heard that voice in a long time, not directly anyway, not in real time and right in his ear. It’s been a lot of phone-tag and texts and emails, sneaking into the back of theaters to watch his movies, and he nearly drops the phone in shock. Bryan looks up at him, frown etching lines in his forehead, but Jensen waves him away and walks to a private corner of the set.
“Jared?” he finally gets out, after realizing he’d been breathing creepily into the phone without saying anything.
“Uh, yeah. Hey.”
Jensen hears Jared shifting around on the other end and wonders where he is, which exotic country he’s filming in this month. He lost track of Jared’s whereabouts a long time ago. He pretends that doesn’t hurt him as much as it does, this ache and hollowness in his stomach where he always feels Jared’s absence.
“What’s up?” Casual, like he doesn’t want to curl up and let Jared’s voice wash over him, deep and smooth, for hours.
“I know you’re busy and everything, freezing your ass off up there in Vancouver still-”
“It’s July, asshole,” he interrupts, and Jared laughs. It hits Jensen like a punch in the gut, his breathing suddenly too fast and shallow.
“Yeah, I know. That’s kinda why I’m calling.”
“Yeah?”
“Even though I’m trying desperately to forget this fact, Chad keeps reminding me that my 30th birthday is in a couple weeks. He’s throwing me this ridiculously big party in LA that weekend, and I want you to come. If you’re not too busy and-”
“Of course I’ll be there. Did you think I’d miss that, dude?”
“I don’t know. Maybe,” Jared says quietly.
He’d bailed on Jared a few times over the years, right after Supernatural ended because everything still felt too immediate and he needed some space to sort everything out, to have some Jared-free time to figure out what he was gonna do without Jared crowding into his life all the time. It’d stretched into months before he got his head on straight and decided he was being stupid, but they were both busy by then, Jensen directing his first independent movie in LA and Jared filming his first award-nominated role in New York. They’ve managed to see each other since then but not much, not nearly enough. And he knows Jared knows it has nothing to do with conflicting schedules.
“Just tell me where and when. I’ll be there.”
“Really? Cool. I’ll get you the details.” Muffled voices come over the line, and Jared swears. “Shit. I’ve gotta get back on set. See you in a couple weeks then?” he asks, like he wants to make sure one last time that Jensen hasn’t changed his mind.
“I’ll be there,” he promises.
“Cool.”
The line cuts off, and Jensen closes his eyes, stomach churning with emotions he shouldn’t still feel, not after this long, not after he learned to repress them.
::
“I am an idiot and an asshole and stupid and this is a big, big mistake,” Jensen moans into the tabletop, breath fogging the glass.
“This is news how?” Kyle asks, setting a plate full of eggs and bacon next to Jensen’s elbow.
Jensen flips him off without lifting his head and groans. Kyle is always good at keeping Jensen’s ego in check for him, if he ever seems to let his minimal celebrity go to his head. They met after Jensen came back to Vancouver after his movie, and Kyle nicely filled the Jared-sized hole in his life. It’d been while waiting in the long line at the grocery store and commiserating on the slowness of the woman at the checkout. It was a strange place to pick up a new friend, but there was something about Kyle that he instantly liked and trusted. A few days later, they ran into each other at the post office. They went for coffee that day and started hanging out when Jensen wasn’t too tired from filming. He was a good replacement for Jared and never resented the fact that he was a replacement for Jensen’s (maybe) former best friend.
“I hate you.”
“No, you don’t or you wouldn’t keep showing up at my door. Come on, eat, and tell me what has you so mopey and miserable this time.”
“Jared,” he says simply and knows Kyle’s giving him that look of pity again. He can feel it burning the back of his neck.
“Jensen-”
“He called me.” He finally raises his head, resting it back on the chair and pushing the plate away. He’s not hungry, but Kyle always tries to feed him when he comes over, no matter the time. Jensen usually teases him about playing mother hen, but he’s not in the mood tonight. He feels weary and tired, like his skin is stretched too tight over his bones. Jared always did get under his skin too easily. “He asked me to come to his birthday party in a couple weeks. I said yes.”
Kyle nods, moves from where he’s leaning against the counter to sit across the table from him. “Maybe it’s time you stop running from him, Jensen.” He pitches his voice low, gentle, the counselor in him coming to the surface. Jensen wonders, not for the first time, why he hangs out with someone that constantly analyzes him and tries to fix him, but Kyle’s really not a bad guy. Jensen’s just being unfair and bitchy. “Listen, I know how you feel about him, okay? It didn’t take a degree in psychology for me to notice you have some serious unfinished business with the guy. And I know why you’ve been avoiding him, but you can’t keep hiding from him. He deserves better and so do you. If nothing else, he’s a good friend, Jensen, and he wants you there for his birthday. That’s a good thing.”
“Stop making sense,” he complains, then drops his head back onto the table. “Okay, okay. I’ll go, but I’m blaming anything bad that happens on you.”
“That’s all I ask.” Laughing, Kyle stands and squeezes Jensen’s shoulder. “Now eat, or I’ll call your mother and tell her you’re not taking care of yourself.”
“Underhanded bastard,” Jensen mutters as he picks up a slightly cold piece of bacon.
“Yep.”
He stays for a couple more hours that night, determined not to talk, or think, about Jared anymore. Easier said than done, but he can’t spend these next couple weeks freaking out and brooding. He will, he knows he will. He can lie to himself for now, though. Kyle hands him a beer and turns on ESPN, settling onto the couch next to Jensen. They talk shit about the opposing team and discuss Kyle’s many girlfriend woes and it’s fun. But Jared’s there, just under the surface, this constant weight on his shoulders he can’t ignore or put down.
::
LA’s just as noisy and dirty as he remembers. He can’t breathe properly here, and it isn’t just because he’s seeing Jared in a few hours. He likes the hotel room and the view from the deck, so it’s not all bad. He’s too keyed up to fully appreciate anything, though, and after his shower, he starts pacing the room. He’s not sure why he said yes to Jared this time when he’s declined so often before. Maybe because he spoke to him directly, instead of through texts or emails. If he’s that affected by him over the phone, he’s afraid of what will happen face-to-face. He knows he owes Jared an explanation, but he can’t come up with anything and he can’t tell him the truth. The more he paces and worries, the more agitated he gets. This was a mistake. He should just go back to Vancouver, call Jared later to apologize, and keep hiding.
An hour before the party, Jensen breaks down and calls Kyle, who barely gets out a hello before Jensen admits shakily, “I don’t think I can do this.” He’s not sure if he called him so Kyle can convince him to go or for Kyle to tell him it’s okay if he runs away like the coward he knows he is. Kyle sighs so loudly, Jensen thinks he might’ve hurt himself.
“Jensen, you’re my friend and I just want you to be happy, so don’t take this the wrong way.”
“What?” Jensen stops his pacing and prepares himself for the inevitable lecture.
“What the hell is wrong with you? Even leaving out all the crap between you two, you’re being an asshole. This guy was your best friend for years, and you haven’t exactly treated him like that lately. But he hasn’t given up on you. He wants you there for his birthday, Jensen, so get over yourself. Stop being a selfish bastard, put on your big boy underwear, and go face Jared.”
Jensen bangs his head on the closest wall and mutters, “I hate when you’re right.”
“I know you do. You okay now?” he asks gently.
Jensen thinks about it for awhile before answering. “Yeah. I’ll be fine. Thanks, Kyle.” Maybe it’s time he stopped thinking of Kyle as Jared’s replacement and started appreciating him on his own. Maybe it’s time for a lot of things.
“So, are you gonna get off your ass and actually go to this party or sit here talking to me till it’s too late to go so you might as well not bother?”
“I’m going. I promise,” he adds when Kyle huffs disbelievingly. He doesn’t need to know that Jensen was sorta planning to do just that.
“I might check up on you later.”
“I’m going to the party, mother. You don’t need to worry.”
Kyle snorts. “So get off the phone and leave me alone, dude. And dress pretty!”
“Shut up, asshole,” Jensen tells him and flips his phone closed. He finishes getting dressed and grabs his wallet before he changes his mind.
He hasn’t been to Chad’s new house, so it takes him awhile to find it. The place is pulsing with music and too many bodies by the time Jensen walks in the open front door. He’s surprised to see several people from Supernatural, including Clif and two of the three actresses that played Ruby. He finds Jim and Kripke and talks to them for a long time. And not because he’s avoiding Jared. He recognizes some of Jared’s other cast mates from his movies and a few of his friends from back home. Chad catches his eye from over the crowd and nods at him, but he doesn’t come over. Jensen’s okay with that, because he can see Jared notice him from across the room, and he’s suddenly more concerned with the spike in his pulse rate. Grinning, Jared shoves away from the wall and heads in his direction, then wraps him up in a tight hug as soon as he’s close enough. Jensen grunts as he’s crushed to Jared’s chest, arms automatically coming around Jared like so many times in the past.
And if Jensen turns his head slightly into Jared’s collar to breathe in his cologne, nobody has to know.
“Jensen! You’re here!”
Jensen winces at that, at the fact that Jared is so genuinely surprised he’d actually come. He thinks about the other birthdays and holidays he’s missed, the premiers he skipped and offers of coffee or dinner he ignored. He’s been such a dick, and Jared didn’t deserve any of it.
He wants to apologize, but all he says is “Of course I’m here. Now put me down, Sasquatch, before I get sick from such a high altitude.”
Jared laughs and sets him back on his feet, ruffling his hair and calling him shorty. “You look good, Jen. Must be the fresh air up north.”
“I wouldn’t know. I’m actually stuck in a studio most of the time. And thanks. You look good, too.” He does, he really does, now that Jensen can look him over properly. He’s lost some of the bulky muscle he had towards the end of the show, but he’s still lean and toned, still has the same shaggy hair and brilliantly white smile, still makes Jensen’s heart beat ridiculously fast and palms sweat. Staying away from Jared hasn’t diminished his feelings at all, and he wonders if maybe it was a stupid plan after all.
Jared’s grin brightens even more, showing his dimples. “You were right back then. 30 feels pretty fucking fantastic.”
“So things are good?”
“Yep. Better now, though,” he says, his eyes softening for a moment, and pulls Jensen into another one-armed hug.
He worried about this for months, about what would happen and how he’d feel finally seeing Jared again. So far, it’s a little anti-climatic. The world hasn’t ended and he hasn’t said anything stupid or too revealing and Jared seems happy and excited he’s there, not mad and accusatory like he feared. It can’t possibly be this easy, though, and Jensen wonders when the storm will hit.
“Jenny!”
He raises his head at that shout and spots Mike barreling his way through the crowd toward them. Speaking of unpredictable forces…
“Jenny!” Mike yells again, grabbing him in a headlock and kissing his forehead.
“What did I tell you about calling me that, asshole? And get off me before you mess up my hair,” Jensen grumbles, but he’s smiling, which Mike takes as the go ahead to give him a noogie.
“You love it when I call you that, so don’t deny it, dude.” Releasing him, Mike steps back and grins maniacally. “It’s been too long, man. You too busy being Mr. Hotshot Director to visit your friends?”
“You’ve been trekking all over Europe for the last four months, finding yourself or whatever, so don’t get on my case. And I’m not exactly Mr. Hotshot Director. Two independent movies most people have never heard of and working for ABC don’t really put me up there with Steven Spielberg and George Clooney.”
“I was doing research for a script,” Mike protests futilely.
“I think your movies were really, really good, Jen,” Jared says quietly, and his pulse rate spikes again. It doesn’t matter what his family or fans or the industry thinks. Jared’s approval and opinion mean more to him than anything else. That hasn’t changed over the years.
“Thanks,” he replies, smiling. And he totally doesn’t get weak in the knees when Jared smiles softly back at him.
::
Chad knows how to throw a party- no surprise there- so there’s plenty of alcohol and food and good music. Jensen watches Jared float around the room and talk to everyone, big smile always in place. It doesn’t feel like they’re avoiding each other, and he’s grateful for that. He spends a lot of the night with Mike. They really haven’t seen each other much, due to various projects and Mike trekking through Europe. He didn’t realize how close Mike and Jared had gotten, and a ridiculous stab of jealousy causes his hand to convulse on his beer bottle briefly.
Jared giggles excitedly over his cake, a monstrous concoction with 30 little figures on the top, representing Jared through the years. Jensen’s slightly taken aback that Chad came up with such a good idea. He inspects every mini-Jared thoroughly, till someone shouts “Jesus, cut the damn thing already and let us eat!” Grinning, Jared grabs the knife Chad slaps into his palm and almost gleefully cuts into his own face. Jensen ends up with the torso part of Jared at 22, dressed as Sam with a little gun in his hand, and knows, somehow, that Chad passed him that piece on purpose.
He opens his presents next, with everyone gathered around him to ooh and ah over everything. He accumulates some pretty good stuff, and if they still lived together, Jensen would definitely be borrowing most of it. Jensen got him a watch, because everything else seemed too stupid or too personal. It’s not a big deal, but Jared pauses after opening it, turning it over in his hands with an unreadable expression on his face. It’s the first time since he arrived that he regrets coming. He can feel the weight of what’s between them, hanging in the air for everyone to see, and drops his head to stare at his feet and avoid reading too much into it.
Two hours later, most people have headed home, so there are only a handful of them left. They drift down to Chad’s basement. It seems like a good place to go, since he has comfortable couches, another big screen TV, and a wet bar. Jensen sprawls on one couch, Jared across from him, their legs kicked out and almost touching. Jensen’s reminded of nights on Jared’s couch like this, the two of them exhausted after a 16-hour day on set or ready to pass out after coming home from a bar. He misses that, misses the easy way their lives used to wrap around each other.
Chad shouts something unintelligible and trips over the edge of the throw rug, then plops heavily in a chair, giggling. Jensen thinks he’s the only sober one left. Since he was already jittery enough without alcohol, he only had a couple beers, and that was hours ago. He glances across at Jared and tilts his head, considering. Scratch that. Jared’s sober, too. Jensen wonders why, but doesn’t ask. Mostly because his thigh is vibrating. He pulls his phone out and reads the text from Kyle. hope ur at jareds and didnt wuss out. Jensen snorts and texts back. im here go away. Slipping his phone back in his pocket, Jensen glances up to find Jared staring at him, a small frown creasing his forehead.
“Just Kyle,” he says, shrugging.
“Kyle, he’s your-”
“My friend, Jared. He’s just my friend,” he interrupts. “We never…God, no. We never…He’s just a friend.” He’s not sure why he needs to explain that. Maybe it’s because Jared looks melancholy and introspective now that most people are gone. Maybe it’s because, even though it won’t make a difference, he wants Jared to know he’s not dating some random guy in Vancouver.
“That’s cool, Jen.”
While he’s thinking of a reply, Chad suddenly stands up and announces, “I’m bored. Let’s play a game, bitches!”
“Awesome!” Mike answers. “Like what? Quarters? Strip poker?”
Chad rolls his eyes, then does this weird head toss thing, like he’s trying to silently communicate with someone and not quite pulling it off. “How about spin the bottle? Or, or, or that kissing in the closet thing!”
“Seven minutes in heaven?” Kenzie supplies from her perch on the arm of Chad’s chair.
“Yeah, that one. Thanks, babe.”
Jensen gapes a little at him, because really, is Chad 12? Not to mention the serious lack of women still around. Next to Kenzie, there are only a few, compared to the dozen or so men here. Jared seems similarly perplexed.
“Excellent idea!” Mike pipes up, and that’s when Jensen knows something weird is going on. Mike and Chad never agree on anything. If Mike claimed the sky was blue, Chad would argue against it.
“Hey, wait a minute-” Jared starts, but Chad is already taking a vote and everyone apparently thinks it’s the best plan ever. “Chad, come on. This is stupid. Did you turn into a 14-year-old girl when I wasn’t paying attention?”
“It’ll be fun, Jared,” Chad insists, patting Jared’s chest on his way past.
Jared looks to him for confirmation that all of them have gone nuts, and he shrugs helplessly. He learned a long time ago it’s better to go along with Chad than try to change his mind, especially if he’s gonna have Mike on his side. Jared nods in reply and sits back. Chad grabs paper and pen, eyeing the room before writing names on little strips of paper, and Mike empties the bowl of chips onto the coffee table for Chad to dump them in.
“You go first, Jared. It is your birthday, after all,” Chad tells him and shoves the bowl in Jared’s face.
Jared stares at the slip of paper for a long time after he fishes it out of the bowl and reads it. Running his thumb over the name, he jumps when Chad claps him on the back, then swallows and looks right at Jensen.
“Who is it?” Mike asks, but Jensen already knows. He’s certain the whole room knows from the way Jared’s staring at him.
“Jensen,” he finally says, voice low and hesitant.
Jensen freezes. Hearing it out loud confirms what he suspected and makes his pulse rate spike again. Jared apparently has an adverse effect on his blood pressure.
“We don’t have to, Jen,” Jared murmurs.
“Of course you do!” Chad argues. “Rules of the game, man. Come on, don’t be a party pooper.”
Before Jensen can protest, somebody’s grabbing him from behind and propelling him toward the coat closet by the laundry room, Chad doing the same to Jared.
“Son of a bitch! Let go!” Jensen yells, but it doesn’t do any good. He stumbles into the closet after Jared and turns around just in time for the door to shut in his face. The click of the lock sounds unusually loud. “Bastards! Open the fucking door!”
“Nope. What you do in there is between ya’ll and the wall, but you’re not getting out till we say so.”
Jensen’s gonna kill Chad when this is over. Mike, too. It’s so completely stupid and ridiculous and clichéd in the worst way, and the last person he wants to be stuck in a small space with is Jared.
“I think we’ve been set up,” Jared declares weakly, reaching up to turn on the light.
“You think?” Jensen snaps, putting his back to the door and crossing his arms.
“It’s not my fault, Jensen, so don’t bite my head off.”
“Sorry.” Jared does seem equally pissed about the situation, but it doesn’t calm him down. The closet’s too small and Jared’s too close, too big, too gorgeous in the muted light from the bare bulb over his head. He needs out of here. Right now.
Jared sighs and leans back against the row of coats. “Looks like we have some time to kill.”
“Yeah.” Except Jensen can’t think of a thing to say or do. He can only shift uncomfortably and pray Mike and Chad give up quickly.
::
“Why’d you really call me, Jared?” he asks quietly. He hates to continue with the teenage girl trend here, but they’re stuck in this closet for God knows how long and the silence is getting awkward. He’s wondered about it since that day on set, why he called and didn’t send an email, why he still bothered after the way Jensen’s acted lately. And maybe Kyle’s right. He needs to stop running from Jared.
“You know why,” Jared answers just as quietly, glancing over at him from his spot by the coats.
He swallows at the look in Jared’s eyes. He knows, yeah, and he’s tired of denying it. But that doesn’t make it less difficult or scary. “It’s never gonna be that easy, Jared. Our careers-”
Jared interrupts him with a snort, shaking his head. “What’s the point of having a career if you can’t share it with the person you love?”
Jensen pauses with his hand halfway to his face. That’s the closest either of them have ever come to acknowledging what’s between them, and it sets his heart racing. They’ve danced around it and blatantly ignored it, but never put it into words.
“I’ve been in love with you for four years,” Jared admits, not facing him, his head bowed and staring at his hands. Jensen’s heart threatens to beat right out of his chest. “You were outside playing with Sadie and Harley, and I thought This is it. This is what I want. This, right here. I’ve been waiting for you for four years, Jen, for you to say something, do something, to stop hiding behind excuses. I can’t anymore, though.”
He finally turns around and takes a step closer. In the small closet, it puts him practically on top of Jensen. He tries not to shrink away, to stand his ground and not hide from what Jared’s saying.
Jared shifts, staring at him intently. “I can’t wait for you forever, Jensen. So, this is your last chance. One more night and if you don’t…I’m walking away and figuring out how to move on.”
He doesn’t know how to respond to that, because, God, Jared’s in love with him and he’s wanted to hear that for a long time. But he’s not sure he’s ready for what that means. Jared smiles sadly at him when he remains silent, then drops his head, but not before Jensen sees the wounded expression on his face. Jensen slides down the door to sit on the floor, resting his head on his bent knees and attempting to sort out everything in his head and in his heart.
“Everybody Loves a Clown,” he murmurs after a long moment.
“What?”
“That’s when I-” He stops and swallows, looking up to meet Jared’s eyes. “It was after that scene in the graveyard and smashing the Impala. I disappeared into my trailer as soon as I could. You brought me coffee and didn’t tease me when I fell asleep on your shoulder while watching the Brady Bunch. You’ve always been there for me, but that day I fell, hard. But you had Sandy and there was Danneel and the show and even if you think it’s just an excuse, our careers as well.”
“Jen-”
“After the show ended, it was easier to run away and hide from you and how I felt than to stay and ache for what I couldn’t have.”
“But we can have it, Jen. I know it’s scary as hell, but you don’t have to be afraid with me. You know that.” Jared kneels beside him and cups his face gently, brushing his thumbs along his cheekbones.
“We can’t go into this half-cocked and blind, Jared. There are things to consider,” Jensen insists, but he leans into Jared’s touch.
“I wanna be with you, Jen. I don’t care about the rest of it. And before you say anything else, Tom Cruise’s career survived him going completely batshit insane. I think mine can handle me being with you.”
Jensen makes a noise half laugh and half what he doesn’t want to admit is a whimper. Jared’s fingertip grazes over his bottom lip, and Jensen’s breath hitches painfully in his chest. Jared’s getting closer, slowly, giving him time to pull away, but Jensen only moves enough to close the couple inches separating them and press his lips to Jared’s. Finally. It’s nothing like he imagined, those times he let himself think about it. It’s not desperate and needy. It’s not all tongues and a rush to get into each other’s pants. They don’t automatically fit perfectly. They bump noses trying to angle the same way, their lips don’t line up right, and Jensen’s not sure where to put his hands, but none of that matters. Jensen is kissing Jared, whom he’s been in love with for much longer than he ever admitted to himself, and they’ll have other chances to get things better. He knows that from the way Jared hums against his mouth, the way Jared keeps caressing his jaw, the way it all just feels right, even if it’s not perfect.
“Jay.” It comes out more like a moan than anything else, and Jared growls deep in his throat, shifting to straddle Jensen’s hips. “Oh, Christ.” This position puts a whole new spin on things. Slipping his hands from Jared’s waist down to cup his ass, Jensen tugs him forward to kiss him again. This isn’t the slow, exploratory kiss from before. Jared’s tongue slides wet and slick against his, Jared’s fingers like firebrands on his skin wherever they touch. It’s feels so fucking good. Jensen wonders why he didn’t give in a long time ago, why he didn’t let himself have what he wanted. And then Jared rocks into him, and his brain explodes from the white-hot pleasure that shoots up his spine. They both groan, barely maintaining their kiss, as they find a rhythm that works. Jensen grips Jared’s ass hard, and Jared breaks away to suck a line of heated kisses along his jaw and collarbone.
He’s so caught up in Jared that he doesn’t hear the noises outside and isn’t prepared when the door opens suddenly.
He and Jared spill out into the room, Jensen on his back with Jared on top of him and their legs still tangled. They just came out of the closet. Literally. The irony of this is not lost on Jensen.
“Oho! I think they made nice, Chad!” Mike yells excitedly. He looks down at them and smirks, rubbing his hands together and way too fucking smug.
“I was just about to get lucky, you assholes,” Jared complains. It’s muffled, since he still has his nose buried in Jensen’s neck.
“Not in my house, you’re not. Go back to your own place and fuck, dude,” Chad says, making a disgusted face, but he can’t suppress his smile for long.
A shudder rips through Jared’s body, and his fingers convulse on Jensen’s hip. “Shit. Can we?” he moans desperately.
Jensen barely holds in his whimper at that. “Later, definitely,” he promises, and Jared moans again.
“So, you guys good now?” Chad asks, about as serious as he ever gets.
Jared’s about to answer, but Jensen beats him to it. “Yeah, we’re good.” He slips his hands into Jared’s hair and tilts his head up to kiss him, right there on the floor with who knows how many people watching. Jared smiles against his mouth and hums, and Jensen couldn’t care less who sees them.
Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Rating: R
Word Count: 5300
Disclaimer: I can only fantasize that this is really going on. Alas, it's not. Unless it is, and if so, I want photographic evidence, dammit!
Summary: Supernatural is over, and the boys aren't as close as they used to be. An unexpected phone call may change everything, if Jensen can stop freaking out long enough.
A/N 1: Title from the Steve Carlson song.
“Cut!” Jensen yells, and everyone around him groans in obvious relief. He ignores it, clapping to get their already-wandering attention. “That’s it for today, guys. See you bright and early tomorrow morning!”
He grins maniacally at the groans this time. With a 5 a.m. call time, tomorrow morning is more like later tonight, since the sky is darkening toward dusk.
“You’re a sadistic bastard,” Amy whines, pouting up at him. “Some of us need our beauty sleep.”
He taps her nose and smiles, just like every other day they do this. It’s become a thing with them, as has the way she glares and threatens to break his fingers. Watching her and the rest of the cast trudge off to their trailers, Jensen chuckles quietly to himself. This isn’t the direction he expected his career to take after Supernatural, the director on the next up-and-coming family drama on ABC and back in Vancouver, but this is probably the happiest he’s ever been, career-wise and life-wise. Things are good here, and he really likes what he’s doing, who he’s working with.
Of course, his director of photography, Bryan, has to ruin his day, and possibly his week, with a list of problems they need to fix before filming tomorrow. Except it doesn’t ruin anything, because Jensen loves finding solutions and discussing technical crap with his crew. God, who knew he’d like it so much better behind a camera instead of in front of it?
They’re in the middle of a debate about the lighting for scene three when his phone rings. The producers call him constantly about one thing or another, and he doesn’t even think about checking the caller ID when he answers.
“Yeah? What’s wrong now?” he asks distractedly, pointing out a particular cue in the script he wants Bryan to focus on.
“Jensen?”
He hasn’t heard that voice in a long time, not directly anyway, not in real time and right in his ear. It’s been a lot of phone-tag and texts and emails, sneaking into the back of theaters to watch his movies, and he nearly drops the phone in shock. Bryan looks up at him, frown etching lines in his forehead, but Jensen waves him away and walks to a private corner of the set.
“Jared?” he finally gets out, after realizing he’d been breathing creepily into the phone without saying anything.
“Uh, yeah. Hey.”
Jensen hears Jared shifting around on the other end and wonders where he is, which exotic country he’s filming in this month. He lost track of Jared’s whereabouts a long time ago. He pretends that doesn’t hurt him as much as it does, this ache and hollowness in his stomach where he always feels Jared’s absence.
“What’s up?” Casual, like he doesn’t want to curl up and let Jared’s voice wash over him, deep and smooth, for hours.
“I know you’re busy and everything, freezing your ass off up there in Vancouver still-”
“It’s July, asshole,” he interrupts, and Jared laughs. It hits Jensen like a punch in the gut, his breathing suddenly too fast and shallow.
“Yeah, I know. That’s kinda why I’m calling.”
“Yeah?”
“Even though I’m trying desperately to forget this fact, Chad keeps reminding me that my 30th birthday is in a couple weeks. He’s throwing me this ridiculously big party in LA that weekend, and I want you to come. If you’re not too busy and-”
“Of course I’ll be there. Did you think I’d miss that, dude?”
“I don’t know. Maybe,” Jared says quietly.
He’d bailed on Jared a few times over the years, right after Supernatural ended because everything still felt too immediate and he needed some space to sort everything out, to have some Jared-free time to figure out what he was gonna do without Jared crowding into his life all the time. It’d stretched into months before he got his head on straight and decided he was being stupid, but they were both busy by then, Jensen directing his first independent movie in LA and Jared filming his first award-nominated role in New York. They’ve managed to see each other since then but not much, not nearly enough. And he knows Jared knows it has nothing to do with conflicting schedules.
“Just tell me where and when. I’ll be there.”
“Really? Cool. I’ll get you the details.” Muffled voices come over the line, and Jared swears. “Shit. I’ve gotta get back on set. See you in a couple weeks then?” he asks, like he wants to make sure one last time that Jensen hasn’t changed his mind.
“I’ll be there,” he promises.
“Cool.”
The line cuts off, and Jensen closes his eyes, stomach churning with emotions he shouldn’t still feel, not after this long, not after he learned to repress them.
::
“I am an idiot and an asshole and stupid and this is a big, big mistake,” Jensen moans into the tabletop, breath fogging the glass.
“This is news how?” Kyle asks, setting a plate full of eggs and bacon next to Jensen’s elbow.
Jensen flips him off without lifting his head and groans. Kyle is always good at keeping Jensen’s ego in check for him, if he ever seems to let his minimal celebrity go to his head. They met after Jensen came back to Vancouver after his movie, and Kyle nicely filled the Jared-sized hole in his life. It’d been while waiting in the long line at the grocery store and commiserating on the slowness of the woman at the checkout. It was a strange place to pick up a new friend, but there was something about Kyle that he instantly liked and trusted. A few days later, they ran into each other at the post office. They went for coffee that day and started hanging out when Jensen wasn’t too tired from filming. He was a good replacement for Jared and never resented the fact that he was a replacement for Jensen’s (maybe) former best friend.
“I hate you.”
“No, you don’t or you wouldn’t keep showing up at my door. Come on, eat, and tell me what has you so mopey and miserable this time.”
“Jared,” he says simply and knows Kyle’s giving him that look of pity again. He can feel it burning the back of his neck.
“Jensen-”
“He called me.” He finally raises his head, resting it back on the chair and pushing the plate away. He’s not hungry, but Kyle always tries to feed him when he comes over, no matter the time. Jensen usually teases him about playing mother hen, but he’s not in the mood tonight. He feels weary and tired, like his skin is stretched too tight over his bones. Jared always did get under his skin too easily. “He asked me to come to his birthday party in a couple weeks. I said yes.”
Kyle nods, moves from where he’s leaning against the counter to sit across the table from him. “Maybe it’s time you stop running from him, Jensen.” He pitches his voice low, gentle, the counselor in him coming to the surface. Jensen wonders, not for the first time, why he hangs out with someone that constantly analyzes him and tries to fix him, but Kyle’s really not a bad guy. Jensen’s just being unfair and bitchy. “Listen, I know how you feel about him, okay? It didn’t take a degree in psychology for me to notice you have some serious unfinished business with the guy. And I know why you’ve been avoiding him, but you can’t keep hiding from him. He deserves better and so do you. If nothing else, he’s a good friend, Jensen, and he wants you there for his birthday. That’s a good thing.”
“Stop making sense,” he complains, then drops his head back onto the table. “Okay, okay. I’ll go, but I’m blaming anything bad that happens on you.”
“That’s all I ask.” Laughing, Kyle stands and squeezes Jensen’s shoulder. “Now eat, or I’ll call your mother and tell her you’re not taking care of yourself.”
“Underhanded bastard,” Jensen mutters as he picks up a slightly cold piece of bacon.
“Yep.”
He stays for a couple more hours that night, determined not to talk, or think, about Jared anymore. Easier said than done, but he can’t spend these next couple weeks freaking out and brooding. He will, he knows he will. He can lie to himself for now, though. Kyle hands him a beer and turns on ESPN, settling onto the couch next to Jensen. They talk shit about the opposing team and discuss Kyle’s many girlfriend woes and it’s fun. But Jared’s there, just under the surface, this constant weight on his shoulders he can’t ignore or put down.
::
LA’s just as noisy and dirty as he remembers. He can’t breathe properly here, and it isn’t just because he’s seeing Jared in a few hours. He likes the hotel room and the view from the deck, so it’s not all bad. He’s too keyed up to fully appreciate anything, though, and after his shower, he starts pacing the room. He’s not sure why he said yes to Jared this time when he’s declined so often before. Maybe because he spoke to him directly, instead of through texts or emails. If he’s that affected by him over the phone, he’s afraid of what will happen face-to-face. He knows he owes Jared an explanation, but he can’t come up with anything and he can’t tell him the truth. The more he paces and worries, the more agitated he gets. This was a mistake. He should just go back to Vancouver, call Jared later to apologize, and keep hiding.
An hour before the party, Jensen breaks down and calls Kyle, who barely gets out a hello before Jensen admits shakily, “I don’t think I can do this.” He’s not sure if he called him so Kyle can convince him to go or for Kyle to tell him it’s okay if he runs away like the coward he knows he is. Kyle sighs so loudly, Jensen thinks he might’ve hurt himself.
“Jensen, you’re my friend and I just want you to be happy, so don’t take this the wrong way.”
“What?” Jensen stops his pacing and prepares himself for the inevitable lecture.
“What the hell is wrong with you? Even leaving out all the crap between you two, you’re being an asshole. This guy was your best friend for years, and you haven’t exactly treated him like that lately. But he hasn’t given up on you. He wants you there for his birthday, Jensen, so get over yourself. Stop being a selfish bastard, put on your big boy underwear, and go face Jared.”
Jensen bangs his head on the closest wall and mutters, “I hate when you’re right.”
“I know you do. You okay now?” he asks gently.
Jensen thinks about it for awhile before answering. “Yeah. I’ll be fine. Thanks, Kyle.” Maybe it’s time he stopped thinking of Kyle as Jared’s replacement and started appreciating him on his own. Maybe it’s time for a lot of things.
“So, are you gonna get off your ass and actually go to this party or sit here talking to me till it’s too late to go so you might as well not bother?”
“I’m going. I promise,” he adds when Kyle huffs disbelievingly. He doesn’t need to know that Jensen was sorta planning to do just that.
“I might check up on you later.”
“I’m going to the party, mother. You don’t need to worry.”
Kyle snorts. “So get off the phone and leave me alone, dude. And dress pretty!”
“Shut up, asshole,” Jensen tells him and flips his phone closed. He finishes getting dressed and grabs his wallet before he changes his mind.
He hasn’t been to Chad’s new house, so it takes him awhile to find it. The place is pulsing with music and too many bodies by the time Jensen walks in the open front door. He’s surprised to see several people from Supernatural, including Clif and two of the three actresses that played Ruby. He finds Jim and Kripke and talks to them for a long time. And not because he’s avoiding Jared. He recognizes some of Jared’s other cast mates from his movies and a few of his friends from back home. Chad catches his eye from over the crowd and nods at him, but he doesn’t come over. Jensen’s okay with that, because he can see Jared notice him from across the room, and he’s suddenly more concerned with the spike in his pulse rate. Grinning, Jared shoves away from the wall and heads in his direction, then wraps him up in a tight hug as soon as he’s close enough. Jensen grunts as he’s crushed to Jared’s chest, arms automatically coming around Jared like so many times in the past.
And if Jensen turns his head slightly into Jared’s collar to breathe in his cologne, nobody has to know.
“Jensen! You’re here!”
Jensen winces at that, at the fact that Jared is so genuinely surprised he’d actually come. He thinks about the other birthdays and holidays he’s missed, the premiers he skipped and offers of coffee or dinner he ignored. He’s been such a dick, and Jared didn’t deserve any of it.
He wants to apologize, but all he says is “Of course I’m here. Now put me down, Sasquatch, before I get sick from such a high altitude.”
Jared laughs and sets him back on his feet, ruffling his hair and calling him shorty. “You look good, Jen. Must be the fresh air up north.”
“I wouldn’t know. I’m actually stuck in a studio most of the time. And thanks. You look good, too.” He does, he really does, now that Jensen can look him over properly. He’s lost some of the bulky muscle he had towards the end of the show, but he’s still lean and toned, still has the same shaggy hair and brilliantly white smile, still makes Jensen’s heart beat ridiculously fast and palms sweat. Staying away from Jared hasn’t diminished his feelings at all, and he wonders if maybe it was a stupid plan after all.
Jared’s grin brightens even more, showing his dimples. “You were right back then. 30 feels pretty fucking fantastic.”
“So things are good?”
“Yep. Better now, though,” he says, his eyes softening for a moment, and pulls Jensen into another one-armed hug.
He worried about this for months, about what would happen and how he’d feel finally seeing Jared again. So far, it’s a little anti-climatic. The world hasn’t ended and he hasn’t said anything stupid or too revealing and Jared seems happy and excited he’s there, not mad and accusatory like he feared. It can’t possibly be this easy, though, and Jensen wonders when the storm will hit.
“Jenny!”
He raises his head at that shout and spots Mike barreling his way through the crowd toward them. Speaking of unpredictable forces…
“Jenny!” Mike yells again, grabbing him in a headlock and kissing his forehead.
“What did I tell you about calling me that, asshole? And get off me before you mess up my hair,” Jensen grumbles, but he’s smiling, which Mike takes as the go ahead to give him a noogie.
“You love it when I call you that, so don’t deny it, dude.” Releasing him, Mike steps back and grins maniacally. “It’s been too long, man. You too busy being Mr. Hotshot Director to visit your friends?”
“You’ve been trekking all over Europe for the last four months, finding yourself or whatever, so don’t get on my case. And I’m not exactly Mr. Hotshot Director. Two independent movies most people have never heard of and working for ABC don’t really put me up there with Steven Spielberg and George Clooney.”
“I was doing research for a script,” Mike protests futilely.
“I think your movies were really, really good, Jen,” Jared says quietly, and his pulse rate spikes again. It doesn’t matter what his family or fans or the industry thinks. Jared’s approval and opinion mean more to him than anything else. That hasn’t changed over the years.
“Thanks,” he replies, smiling. And he totally doesn’t get weak in the knees when Jared smiles softly back at him.
::
Chad knows how to throw a party- no surprise there- so there’s plenty of alcohol and food and good music. Jensen watches Jared float around the room and talk to everyone, big smile always in place. It doesn’t feel like they’re avoiding each other, and he’s grateful for that. He spends a lot of the night with Mike. They really haven’t seen each other much, due to various projects and Mike trekking through Europe. He didn’t realize how close Mike and Jared had gotten, and a ridiculous stab of jealousy causes his hand to convulse on his beer bottle briefly.
Jared giggles excitedly over his cake, a monstrous concoction with 30 little figures on the top, representing Jared through the years. Jensen’s slightly taken aback that Chad came up with such a good idea. He inspects every mini-Jared thoroughly, till someone shouts “Jesus, cut the damn thing already and let us eat!” Grinning, Jared grabs the knife Chad slaps into his palm and almost gleefully cuts into his own face. Jensen ends up with the torso part of Jared at 22, dressed as Sam with a little gun in his hand, and knows, somehow, that Chad passed him that piece on purpose.
He opens his presents next, with everyone gathered around him to ooh and ah over everything. He accumulates some pretty good stuff, and if they still lived together, Jensen would definitely be borrowing most of it. Jensen got him a watch, because everything else seemed too stupid or too personal. It’s not a big deal, but Jared pauses after opening it, turning it over in his hands with an unreadable expression on his face. It’s the first time since he arrived that he regrets coming. He can feel the weight of what’s between them, hanging in the air for everyone to see, and drops his head to stare at his feet and avoid reading too much into it.
Two hours later, most people have headed home, so there are only a handful of them left. They drift down to Chad’s basement. It seems like a good place to go, since he has comfortable couches, another big screen TV, and a wet bar. Jensen sprawls on one couch, Jared across from him, their legs kicked out and almost touching. Jensen’s reminded of nights on Jared’s couch like this, the two of them exhausted after a 16-hour day on set or ready to pass out after coming home from a bar. He misses that, misses the easy way their lives used to wrap around each other.
Chad shouts something unintelligible and trips over the edge of the throw rug, then plops heavily in a chair, giggling. Jensen thinks he’s the only sober one left. Since he was already jittery enough without alcohol, he only had a couple beers, and that was hours ago. He glances across at Jared and tilts his head, considering. Scratch that. Jared’s sober, too. Jensen wonders why, but doesn’t ask. Mostly because his thigh is vibrating. He pulls his phone out and reads the text from Kyle. hope ur at jareds and didnt wuss out. Jensen snorts and texts back. im here go away. Slipping his phone back in his pocket, Jensen glances up to find Jared staring at him, a small frown creasing his forehead.
“Just Kyle,” he says, shrugging.
“Kyle, he’s your-”
“My friend, Jared. He’s just my friend,” he interrupts. “We never…God, no. We never…He’s just a friend.” He’s not sure why he needs to explain that. Maybe it’s because Jared looks melancholy and introspective now that most people are gone. Maybe it’s because, even though it won’t make a difference, he wants Jared to know he’s not dating some random guy in Vancouver.
“That’s cool, Jen.”
While he’s thinking of a reply, Chad suddenly stands up and announces, “I’m bored. Let’s play a game, bitches!”
“Awesome!” Mike answers. “Like what? Quarters? Strip poker?”
Chad rolls his eyes, then does this weird head toss thing, like he’s trying to silently communicate with someone and not quite pulling it off. “How about spin the bottle? Or, or, or that kissing in the closet thing!”
“Seven minutes in heaven?” Kenzie supplies from her perch on the arm of Chad’s chair.
“Yeah, that one. Thanks, babe.”
Jensen gapes a little at him, because really, is Chad 12? Not to mention the serious lack of women still around. Next to Kenzie, there are only a few, compared to the dozen or so men here. Jared seems similarly perplexed.
“Excellent idea!” Mike pipes up, and that’s when Jensen knows something weird is going on. Mike and Chad never agree on anything. If Mike claimed the sky was blue, Chad would argue against it.
“Hey, wait a minute-” Jared starts, but Chad is already taking a vote and everyone apparently thinks it’s the best plan ever. “Chad, come on. This is stupid. Did you turn into a 14-year-old girl when I wasn’t paying attention?”
“It’ll be fun, Jared,” Chad insists, patting Jared’s chest on his way past.
Jared looks to him for confirmation that all of them have gone nuts, and he shrugs helplessly. He learned a long time ago it’s better to go along with Chad than try to change his mind, especially if he’s gonna have Mike on his side. Jared nods in reply and sits back. Chad grabs paper and pen, eyeing the room before writing names on little strips of paper, and Mike empties the bowl of chips onto the coffee table for Chad to dump them in.
“You go first, Jared. It is your birthday, after all,” Chad tells him and shoves the bowl in Jared’s face.
Jared stares at the slip of paper for a long time after he fishes it out of the bowl and reads it. Running his thumb over the name, he jumps when Chad claps him on the back, then swallows and looks right at Jensen.
“Who is it?” Mike asks, but Jensen already knows. He’s certain the whole room knows from the way Jared’s staring at him.
“Jensen,” he finally says, voice low and hesitant.
Jensen freezes. Hearing it out loud confirms what he suspected and makes his pulse rate spike again. Jared apparently has an adverse effect on his blood pressure.
“We don’t have to, Jen,” Jared murmurs.
“Of course you do!” Chad argues. “Rules of the game, man. Come on, don’t be a party pooper.”
Before Jensen can protest, somebody’s grabbing him from behind and propelling him toward the coat closet by the laundry room, Chad doing the same to Jared.
“Son of a bitch! Let go!” Jensen yells, but it doesn’t do any good. He stumbles into the closet after Jared and turns around just in time for the door to shut in his face. The click of the lock sounds unusually loud. “Bastards! Open the fucking door!”
“Nope. What you do in there is between ya’ll and the wall, but you’re not getting out till we say so.”
Jensen’s gonna kill Chad when this is over. Mike, too. It’s so completely stupid and ridiculous and clichéd in the worst way, and the last person he wants to be stuck in a small space with is Jared.
“I think we’ve been set up,” Jared declares weakly, reaching up to turn on the light.
“You think?” Jensen snaps, putting his back to the door and crossing his arms.
“It’s not my fault, Jensen, so don’t bite my head off.”
“Sorry.” Jared does seem equally pissed about the situation, but it doesn’t calm him down. The closet’s too small and Jared’s too close, too big, too gorgeous in the muted light from the bare bulb over his head. He needs out of here. Right now.
Jared sighs and leans back against the row of coats. “Looks like we have some time to kill.”
“Yeah.” Except Jensen can’t think of a thing to say or do. He can only shift uncomfortably and pray Mike and Chad give up quickly.
::
“Why’d you really call me, Jared?” he asks quietly. He hates to continue with the teenage girl trend here, but they’re stuck in this closet for God knows how long and the silence is getting awkward. He’s wondered about it since that day on set, why he called and didn’t send an email, why he still bothered after the way Jensen’s acted lately. And maybe Kyle’s right. He needs to stop running from Jared.
“You know why,” Jared answers just as quietly, glancing over at him from his spot by the coats.
He swallows at the look in Jared’s eyes. He knows, yeah, and he’s tired of denying it. But that doesn’t make it less difficult or scary. “It’s never gonna be that easy, Jared. Our careers-”
Jared interrupts him with a snort, shaking his head. “What’s the point of having a career if you can’t share it with the person you love?”
Jensen pauses with his hand halfway to his face. That’s the closest either of them have ever come to acknowledging what’s between them, and it sets his heart racing. They’ve danced around it and blatantly ignored it, but never put it into words.
“I’ve been in love with you for four years,” Jared admits, not facing him, his head bowed and staring at his hands. Jensen’s heart threatens to beat right out of his chest. “You were outside playing with Sadie and Harley, and I thought This is it. This is what I want. This, right here. I’ve been waiting for you for four years, Jen, for you to say something, do something, to stop hiding behind excuses. I can’t anymore, though.”
He finally turns around and takes a step closer. In the small closet, it puts him practically on top of Jensen. He tries not to shrink away, to stand his ground and not hide from what Jared’s saying.
Jared shifts, staring at him intently. “I can’t wait for you forever, Jensen. So, this is your last chance. One more night and if you don’t…I’m walking away and figuring out how to move on.”
He doesn’t know how to respond to that, because, God, Jared’s in love with him and he’s wanted to hear that for a long time. But he’s not sure he’s ready for what that means. Jared smiles sadly at him when he remains silent, then drops his head, but not before Jensen sees the wounded expression on his face. Jensen slides down the door to sit on the floor, resting his head on his bent knees and attempting to sort out everything in his head and in his heart.
“Everybody Loves a Clown,” he murmurs after a long moment.
“What?”
“That’s when I-” He stops and swallows, looking up to meet Jared’s eyes. “It was after that scene in the graveyard and smashing the Impala. I disappeared into my trailer as soon as I could. You brought me coffee and didn’t tease me when I fell asleep on your shoulder while watching the Brady Bunch. You’ve always been there for me, but that day I fell, hard. But you had Sandy and there was Danneel and the show and even if you think it’s just an excuse, our careers as well.”
“Jen-”
“After the show ended, it was easier to run away and hide from you and how I felt than to stay and ache for what I couldn’t have.”
“But we can have it, Jen. I know it’s scary as hell, but you don’t have to be afraid with me. You know that.” Jared kneels beside him and cups his face gently, brushing his thumbs along his cheekbones.
“We can’t go into this half-cocked and blind, Jared. There are things to consider,” Jensen insists, but he leans into Jared’s touch.
“I wanna be with you, Jen. I don’t care about the rest of it. And before you say anything else, Tom Cruise’s career survived him going completely batshit insane. I think mine can handle me being with you.”
Jensen makes a noise half laugh and half what he doesn’t want to admit is a whimper. Jared’s fingertip grazes over his bottom lip, and Jensen’s breath hitches painfully in his chest. Jared’s getting closer, slowly, giving him time to pull away, but Jensen only moves enough to close the couple inches separating them and press his lips to Jared’s. Finally. It’s nothing like he imagined, those times he let himself think about it. It’s not desperate and needy. It’s not all tongues and a rush to get into each other’s pants. They don’t automatically fit perfectly. They bump noses trying to angle the same way, their lips don’t line up right, and Jensen’s not sure where to put his hands, but none of that matters. Jensen is kissing Jared, whom he’s been in love with for much longer than he ever admitted to himself, and they’ll have other chances to get things better. He knows that from the way Jared hums against his mouth, the way Jared keeps caressing his jaw, the way it all just feels right, even if it’s not perfect.
“Jay.” It comes out more like a moan than anything else, and Jared growls deep in his throat, shifting to straddle Jensen’s hips. “Oh, Christ.” This position puts a whole new spin on things. Slipping his hands from Jared’s waist down to cup his ass, Jensen tugs him forward to kiss him again. This isn’t the slow, exploratory kiss from before. Jared’s tongue slides wet and slick against his, Jared’s fingers like firebrands on his skin wherever they touch. It’s feels so fucking good. Jensen wonders why he didn’t give in a long time ago, why he didn’t let himself have what he wanted. And then Jared rocks into him, and his brain explodes from the white-hot pleasure that shoots up his spine. They both groan, barely maintaining their kiss, as they find a rhythm that works. Jensen grips Jared’s ass hard, and Jared breaks away to suck a line of heated kisses along his jaw and collarbone.
He’s so caught up in Jared that he doesn’t hear the noises outside and isn’t prepared when the door opens suddenly.
He and Jared spill out into the room, Jensen on his back with Jared on top of him and their legs still tangled. They just came out of the closet. Literally. The irony of this is not lost on Jensen.
“Oho! I think they made nice, Chad!” Mike yells excitedly. He looks down at them and smirks, rubbing his hands together and way too fucking smug.
“I was just about to get lucky, you assholes,” Jared complains. It’s muffled, since he still has his nose buried in Jensen’s neck.
“Not in my house, you’re not. Go back to your own place and fuck, dude,” Chad says, making a disgusted face, but he can’t suppress his smile for long.
A shudder rips through Jared’s body, and his fingers convulse on Jensen’s hip. “Shit. Can we?” he moans desperately.
Jensen barely holds in his whimper at that. “Later, definitely,” he promises, and Jared moans again.
“So, you guys good now?” Chad asks, about as serious as he ever gets.
Jared’s about to answer, but Jensen beats him to it. “Yeah, we’re good.” He slips his hands into Jared’s hair and tilts his head up to kiss him, right there on the floor with who knows how many people watching. Jared smiles against his mouth and hums, and Jensen couldn’t care less who sees them.