The third would be if it wasn't the husband that started the fire.
For the record: Frank did set the fire, though I suppose I could have made that more explicit.
And Richard may be a sociopathic pederast, but he'd NEVER do anything that would put little Johnny's life at risk. He loves the little guy too much to take that chance...
hopefully, you'll still vote for me despite my "telling" you all this.
I sure will vote for you, just... each and every time I read, well, anything, I keep hoping that the people will turn out better than... what hangs in the air of the story.
I do prefer having happy endings. I provided one in my Week One entry, and hope to do so again. But the LJ Idol subjects for last week and this one just didn't lend themselves to "feel good" endings.
I only made my previous comment because I am insecure about my work. It was not meant to be any sort of criticism against you or your reaction to the piece.
And I do thank you for commenting and letting me know how the piece affected you.
This got my suspicions up, then I relaxed...then Pow! you caught me in the gut. I was so hoping this was not going to be the case. Great writing. Enjoyed every word.
Thank you so much for your feedback.ellakiteNovember 20 2010, 01:50:15 UTC
I tried to drop a couple of subtle hints regarding Richard's true nature during his conversation with Sara, but at the same time I didn't want it to be a dead-giveaway. From your reaction it sounds like I struck just the right balance.
I beg to differ...ellakiteNovember 20 2010, 01:57:18 UTC
Hanging is an ancient, out-dated form of punishment, and really has no place in our modern civilized society.
Besides, it's far too quick & painless.
I'd use a cattle prod instead, repeatedly applied to the body part that the offender used to torment their victim. Of course, the voltage and amperage of the device would slowly be increased over time (several hours at least) until "nature takes its course"...
Re: I beg to differ...basricNovember 20 2010, 06:15:48 UTC
Actually if the neck doesn't snap immediately its a long torturous death. But your right--too tame. Naked tied to a red ant hill genitals covered in honey, hmmm.
Now you're getting the idea.ellakiteNovember 20 2010, 09:51:35 UTC
Because I'm a precision freak, I'd define "hanging" as a process where the neck is supposed to snap immediately; if the neck doesn't snap then you're talking about "strangulation". While the latter method can last a long time, it wouldn't necessarily be torturous -- you ever heard of "auto-erotic asphyxiation"? I don't want these monsters to have even the slightest chance of enjoying the process.
However, the "honey & anthill" thing? Now *THAT* has possibilities!
My own entry - similar subject matter (you'd have to read it)...but usually reading this doesn't make me this uncomfortable - but it's been on my mind a lot lately...
And This is a great entry - if you were trying to make readers feel a bit uncomfortable - you've achieved it...
I just read your entry. Interesting approach; The story is definitely engaging despite my having a hard time sympathizing with the narrator (or any other character, for that matter). Extremely well written.
I wouldn't say I was deliberately trying to make my readers uncomfortable; rather, I wanted to surprise/shock them. Granted, the nature of the surprise is one of the truly great "taboos"... but I figured if I was going to write a story like this, I may as well "go big". After all, why just hit the reader with a sledgehammer if you've got a wrecking ball and know how to use it?
Comments 52
The third would be if it wasn't the husband that started the fire..
Horrible.
But I love your writing.
Reply
For the record: Frank did set the fire, though I suppose I could have made that more explicit.
And Richard may be a sociopathic pederast, but he'd NEVER do anything that would put little Johnny's life at risk. He loves the little guy too much to take that chance...
hopefully, you'll still vote for me despite my "telling" you all this.
Reply
Reply
Reply
(The comment has been removed)
Reply
I only made my previous comment because I am insecure about my work. It was not meant to be any sort of criticism against you or your reaction to the piece.
And I do thank you for commenting and letting me know how the piece affected you.
Reply
Reply
Reply
Reply
Reply
Besides, it's far too quick & painless.
I'd use a cattle prod instead, repeatedly applied to the body part that the offender used to torment their victim. Of course, the voltage and amperage of the device would slowly be increased over time (several hours at least) until "nature takes its course"...
Reply
Reply
However, the "honey & anthill" thing? Now *THAT* has possibilities!
Reply
what a nice guy...Interesting twist at the end...
*there's more I wanted to type but I'll leave it as it is*
Reply
Reply
My own entry - similar subject matter (you'd have to read it)...but usually reading this doesn't make me this uncomfortable - but it's been on my mind a lot lately...
And This is a great entry - if you were trying to make readers feel a bit uncomfortable - you've achieved it...
Reply
I wouldn't say I was deliberately trying to make my readers uncomfortable; rather, I wanted to surprise/shock them. Granted, the nature of the surprise is one of the truly great "taboos"... but I figured if I was going to write a story like this, I may as well "go big". After all, why just hit the reader with a sledgehammer if you've got a wrecking ball and know how to use it?
Reply
Leave a comment